Lyrical Love Letter

“I want to know who this Jonnie character is!”

“What the hell does it matter?!” Juliette shot back. Alex yelled out of curiosity and frustration, Juliette yelled out of defensiveness and fear.
They were in Zack’s garage, supposedly for band practice but within five minutes Alex and Juliette were at each others throats. Rian, Kara, Zack, Jack, Missy, and Matt, stood side by side, huddled in a small cluster against the back wall of the garage while the angry couple stood at its mouth. It was with good reason that their friends kept their distance, the last fight the couple had gotten into their friends had been hit with ‘friendly fire’—though there was nothing friendly about the last fight they got into.

“You’re my girlfriend, Starbuck, but you’ve acted nothing short of how you used to be since Jonnie arrived!”

“You mean I’ve acted nothing short of who I really am!” Juliette snarled back. “I’ve been ashamed of who I am ever since I arrived here, Skinny Jeans. I shouldn’t have to be embarrassed by who I am! I’m not embarrassed when I’m with Jonnie! I can just be me.”

“So what has all this been,” Alex demanded darkly. “Some kind of fucking charade?”

“No!” Juliette cried, “Of course not!”

“Who is Jonnie, Sunny?” Rian spoke up and her head snapped in his direction. Rian held up his hands defensively. “I’m your cousin; I have a right to know. Not to mention that Declan has been a bigger ass then usual since Jonnie has arrived.”

“And Jonnie is staying at my cousin’s fucking house!” Alex added.

“Don’t drag me into this.” Missy grunted, but her words fell on deaf ears. It had been quietly decided that because Jonnie had put up shop in Missy’s house there was no need going to Uncle Ben and Aunt Karen.

“You want to know who Jonnie is?!” Juliette screamed taking a step toward Alex, her eyes dark and dangerous. “Jonnie is my best friend, has been since pre-k.”

“Why is Declan so bent out of shape?”

“Because Jonnie reminds Declan of everything he used to be.” Juliette snarled, her lips flying faster than her mind could comprehend the words she spoke—the meaning behind them. “Declan hates Jonnie because she represents what Declan used to be--what I used to be. There was a time when Declan, Jonnie, and I did everything together. We were notorious back home. It was part of the reason my fucking mother dragged us to some small ass town in the middle of nowhere Maryland. She thought she could get us away from all the shit we got caught up in, in New York.”

“What kind of shit?” Alex voice was softer now, but curiosity and wariness laced his every word.

“The rave,” The words had not come from Juliette’s lips but from Missy. Missy never knew exactly what happened at the rave only that it had resulted in bad things for her new friends.

“Yeah,” Juliette nodded somberly. “the rave. Jonnie is a walking reminder about what happened that night, as am I. Declan blames himself for what happened, but Jonnie has made him bitter about it.”

“What happened?” Jack piped up.

It was quiet for a long time as Juliette swallowed hard, her mind conjuring a memory of nightmares. “We were big on defiance back then. We resented our parents for never really caring about what we did. Jonnie’s mother was gone all the time and her father owns a record label out in L.A, she was raised by seven different nannies. She just wanted their attention. She believed her parents cared more about their jobs than her. She had her own issued from being tossed around between Manhattan and Los Angeles. It made her angry, bitter. Declan and I, we were just angry. I mean, to our parents and their high class friends we were the picture perfect teenagers. But when we went out—boy that was another story entirely. Declan and I were always to chicken to openly defy our parents and do something stupid but never Jonnie. The three of us together quickly became a nightmare. We went to this rave…” Juliette trailed off suddenly self conscious and unsure. What was the point of retelling stories of how she used to be? What did matter? She wasn’t that girl anymore… “There were a lot of drugs, a lot of booze—the best money could buy. Jonnie knew this guy—a dealer. Declan set up the meeting. The three of us had had a terrible night. Jonnie’s father refused to take her calls, saying he didn’t have time to talk and that he was too busy. Her mother just ignored her completely, handed her a credit card and walked out, not to mention she fired the woman that basically raised Jonnie. Plus, her mother’s boyfriend was being a particular douchebag. I’d gotten into a fight with my mother and when Declan got involved it got messy.

Anyway, none of us cared about what it was that the dealer gave us. We took it and we smiled about it. Jonnie and Declan had been dating at the time, they were like a teenage Bonnie and Clyde, constantly pushing the envelope, always taking things that much farther.

The cliff notes version is this: We had an act now worry later mindset. When that druggie handed us his shit, we didn’t ask what it was.” She took a step away from the people she loved. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked away, “Blow is nothing to be taken lightly, but when the rest of kids are on E and heroine it doesn’t seem as bad.

Things went bad fast. Fights broke out everywhere, chairs went through the windows, the bartender over run, and the dealer ended up dead.

As it turns out, the guy Jonnie knew wasn’t a dealer, just some guy that had a shit load of drugs. I don’t know what he OD’d on only that he did. Apparently I was farther gone than my brother, a fact I am not sure is true or not to this day. Anyway, the minute the shit hit his system he died. He just couldn’t handle it. He died at that rave. Declan told me to run and never look back. I don’t know why but I listened. Jonnie was screaming at the top of her lungs. I remember grabbing her hand and dragging her from the room. When we got onto the main floor of the rave I lost her in the crowd. I tried to find her, but you have to remember I was high out of my mind and drunk off my ass. I remember grabbing some guy and begging him to help me find her. I was so sure something bad had happened to her, I just kept rambling as this guy led me down a hallway looking for Jonnie. At least I thought he was looking for Jonnie…” Juliette trialed off and adverted everyone’s gaze. She swallowed hard as she stared at her Coach sneakers. “He pushed me into this room. It was so dark.” Juliette's stomach flopped, sickened.

“That’s why you’re afraid of the dark,” Alex murmured suddenly feeling sick while taking an unconscious step toward her as though to protector her from her memories.

Juliette nodded, “I was so out of it but I knew that it was wrong. I started screaming and kicking. Eventually Declan found me, he nearly killed the guy who touched me. They hauled them both off to jail and everything. Mom had to bail Declan out. Anyway, after that Declan and I never spoke about what happened. I always knew Declan blamed himself. He’s my older brother so he feels responsible. He thinks that he should have been the one to say ‘this isn’t a good idea’ with the drugs. He thinks if he never made me leave the room with the druggie I never would have ended up with a molester. The cops arrested 45 people that night, all of them under the age of 23. 19 people were hospitalized and one was taken away in a body bag. You’ll have to excuse me if I have a bond with Jonnie that can’t be easily understood nor explained.”

“Your mother called my dad when it happened,” Rian spoke up softly and all eyes turned to him. “She failed to mention the fact that you were attacked.”

“No one knew, it was Jonnie, Declan, and mine’s dirty little secret.”

“You knew about the rave?” Alex questioned suddenly as realization dawned on him, “That’s what you’ve been hiding isn’t it.” Rian opened his mouth to speak but Juliette beat him to it.

“Everyone, even Chelsea, knows about what happened. At least bits and pieces of what happened,” Juliette said. “But it’s an unspoken truce to never speak about it…ever.”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you, Alex.” Rian added.

“Finish the story, Juliette.” Missy urged.

“Anyway we changed,” Juliette continued, “Declan and I, we straightened ourselves out even though our mother never believed it. Jonnie never did though. It sobered her up some, she wasn’t as adventurous but she still had a hunger for the wild side. She can party like it’s nobody’s business, beat any guy in a street race, shop lift and never get caught, fight a biker in a back ally, but Jonnie Posen will not touch drugs. That’s a fact. But Jonnie freaks Declan out, he worries about me. He thinks I’ll become what I used to be. The fact that we changed and Jonnie didn’t—she’s a living, breathing representation of what we used to be.”

“Will you? Become what you used to be, I mean.” Alex questioned uneasily

“I don’t know,” Juliette shrugged weakly. “I’m not a psychic and Jonnie always could find the hottest parties.” A memory flashed across Juliette’s mind as her eyes met Alex’s. “You remember that night at the party? When I got into it with Logan.”

“Yeah,” he nodded quietly.

“I don’t know how—honestly I don’t want to know how, but Logan heard rumors about what happened at the rave, only he thinks I whored myself out that night.”

Realization flashed across his face, “I’ll kill him,” Alex seethed.

“No you won’t.” Missy and Juliette replied in unison. A mixture of confusion, annoyance, and anger flickered across his face.

“Why won’t I?”

“Because what happened was a very long time ago,” Juliette spoke up, taking a step forward with her arms crossed over her chest. Whether she loved Alex or not had yet to be decided but she’d be damned if Alex screwed up the life she’d built for herself by bringing up old reputations. “I’m not the same person I was back then. None of you,” She turned her gaze on each person in the room in turn. “will ever utter this again, do you understand me? The last thing I need is a bunch of Baltimore natives knowing about my not so squeaky clean Manhattan life. The last thing I need is for my brother to completely loose it because suddenly that shared past is being brought up again.” She gave Alex a pointed look. “My brother doesn’t mess with you because you are my boyfriend but don’t think for two seconds that if you so much as utter anything associating with the rave that I can help you when Declan shows up to pound you.”

“And he will.” A lazy voice replied coolly. Juliette spun on her heels to see Jonnie in the mouth of the garage. She was dressed in an old faded Amber Pacific tee with a pair of loose fitting jeans—she was loosing weight at an alarming rate and Juliette knew she would have to talk to Jonnie about it eventually. “Oh don’t let me stop you,” She smirked at Juliette, a cigarette dangling from between her fingers. “You lay down the law.” She smacked the back of her right hand against the palm of her left for emphasis. She flicked the Menthol's ashes to the ground then held it to her lips.

“Shut up, Jonnie.” Juliette grumbled, the ranting energy in her body quickly leaving her.

“So you’re Jonnie,” It surprised Juliette that it had been Zack who spoke up.

“I am,” She replied evenly, “and you are?”

“Zack Merrick, I play bass in-“ but Juliette watched the defensive wall go up around Jonnie as she tuned out Zack and shot Juliette a look.

“What did you expect, J.” Juliette gestured around the garage. “This is supposed to be band practice.”

“Hence supposedly,” Alex grunted but Juliette ignored him. Jonnie just shrugged weakly in response as she stared reproachfully at the boys that made up All Time Low.

“This may be nothing like your old life, Sunny, but this is too much like mine.” Jonnie took an uneasy step backward before turning and fleeing the scene. Missy ran after her, crossing the garage in a few steps, only to stop at the mouth of the garage to glance over her shoulder at Juliette unsure.

“Damn it.” Juliette hissed as she took long strides to where Missy stood.

“Where are you going?” Alex demanded of them both. Missy just glanced at Juliette for an answer.

“After Jonnie.”

“Let us come with you,” Jack spoke up quickly moving forward from the back of the garage.

“You can’t come,” Missy told him gently.

“Why not?” Alex questioned suddenly angry. “I’m so tired of being left out of the loop in the mysteries of your old life, I don’t care about the things you’ve done—the things you are hiding.”

“Alex is right,” Rian second. Juliette glared at them both with angry eyes.

“This has nothing to do with me or my past.” She snapped. “But it has everything to do with Jonnie and her past. The only reason Missy is coming is because she’s gotten close to Jonnie, they are friends. You don’t have anything to worry about; I’m not reverting to some shallow bitch I promise.”

“It’s you I worry about, Juliette, not Jonnie.” Alex stated evenly. Juliette stared at him mutely before turning on her heels and running down the driveway with Missy in toe.