Dakota, Are You in Love With Me Too?

Losing the love of ones life puts a lot of things in prospective for someone. Things that weren’t important such as telling your parents that you love them every time you leave, even if you are just heading down to the store for a gallon of milk or never telling anyone goodbye unless you know it’s forever. You learn to never go to bed anger with anyone, for fear you’d never get the chance to apologize for whatever you were fighting about. You also learn to live your life to the fullest and doing anything and everything yet being cautious about it.

It’s been a year and a half since I lost Peyton and for the first few months life sucked. I didn’t go fill up my car with gas; I had other people do it for me. I fell into somewhat of a depression; I didn’t close people out of my life I just rolled with the punches to make people happy. I became a people pleaser, I stopped talking back and I apologized a lot for things that I probably shouldn’t have apologized for.

I didn’t attend Peyton’s funeral, I couldn’t I didn’t have it in me so I took a drive to Lake Havasu went to ‘our spot’ and just sat there for hours thinking about her, saying good bye to her in my own way. I still haven’t been to her grave, it’s too hard and I can’t gather the strength to do so.

Since her death, I got rid of my ‘casual friends’ and opened myself up more to my close friends. I had to learn to live by myself; I had no one I could vent to about anything and everything. With Peyton I could speak freely without worrying about offending her because she understood that I didn’t mean half the shit I said no matter how convincing my voice sounded. My bed suddenly became too big and the sheets have constantly been colder than they used to be.

Right after she died I couldn’t wait to get to sleep because I could see her, touch her, talk to her in my dreams nowadays I almost hate going to sleep because I know that I’ll end up dreaming about her. Dreaming about her now just reopens old wounds; it makes me think ‘What if’ and thinking ‘What if’ is never a good thing when you’re trying to push forward with your life.

I haven’t been single this entire time. I recently started ‘dating’ again. Just girls that my friends set me up with, no one ever lasts after the second or third date because in my mind I’m comparing them to Peyton, and I need to stop that but I was with her for so long it’s hard not to. The girls that my friends set me up with are girls that they like so they assume that I’d like them. They’re all very pretty but they never really clicked with me.

Along with starting to date again, I’m in a band, my first band ever. We just got back from a summer tour, it was small but it got us out there and we now have an EP that we’ll be releasing soon, we need to record it but we have the songs to put on it already. We’re home until the New Year because some of our band members are still in high school and they’re both graduating in December, so until they graduate we won’t be touring. We’ll play local shows or shows that we can drive to on weekends and be home again before Monday.

Things are looking up for me and I thank the heavens above for it because as much as I love being home, I need to get away and do my own thing, being in the band has given me that opportunity.

“Are you ready yet?” Delaney snapped as she came into my room.

I looked at her blankly as I zipped up my pants, “I just got out of the shower, I can’t move at lightening speed.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, “We’re going to be late, and you’re going to look like a jackass.”

“Why am I gonna look like a Jackass? I didn’t agree to this date, you did.”

“You like her, promise.”

“That’s what you said about lazy eye Katie, I didn’t like her.”

Delaney picked up a pen from my desk and threw it at me, “Don’t make fun of her lazy eye!” She wailed.

I laughed as I tried to dodge the pen but it hit me nonetheless, “Well,” Was my only defense.

“Throw a shirt on, it’s a bowling alley you don’t need to get all fancy.” She said simply then left my room, leaving my door open. I flipped her off after she left my room then I grabbed a shirt from my dresser, tugging it on before I put a pair of shoes on.

“Where are you going?” I heard my Mom ask as she passed my door.

I looked up, “On a date with a chick that Delaney set me up with,” I mumbled, “I’m almost scared to see what sort of circus freak she set me up with this time.”

“Johno,” My Mom laughed softly, trying to hide it, “Your cousin is just trying to help you, you’re young and good looking, you need to be out and make yourself available for the ladies.”

I made a face as I grabbed my wallet, “Well, sometimes I’d rather not make myself available.” I whispered before leaving my room.

My Mom grabbed my arm softly then looked in my eyes, “I thought we were over the ‘feel sorry for me’ stage.”

“We are,” I agreed, “I just … it’s hard.”

She nodded, “Have fun tonight, please.”

“Of course,” I whispered then I walked away from her and went downstairs to see that Delaney was waiting for me with a mean look upon her face. She shot me a dirty look before walking into the garage. I followed suit and went into the garage before getting into my car where Delaney was already bucked in.

The drive to the bowling alley was quick as Delaney gave me the rundown on this girl that goes by the name Lacey. Supposedly Lacey just got out of a serious relationship after her boyfriend of ten months cheated on her; that’s exactly what I need. A girl who is paranoid about a boy cheating on her so she’ll be extra clingy, perfect.

“Remember,” Delaney whispered to me as we entered the bowling alley, “Be nice, and try not to speak about Peyton … I told her what happened but we’re moving on, remember that.”

“Sure,” I said simply as I continued to walk next to my short cousin.

“Delaney!” I heard a girl call out, “Over here!”

I turned my head in the direction the voice came and I saw a pretty girl wearing a jean skirt and a tank top. I made a face not knowing why she would pick that outfit to go bowling in, but you know it’s not my body; I’m not wearing those clothes so I guess it really should matter to me.

“Be nice,” Delaney mumbled under her breath as she pinched my side to enforce that demand. I took a step away from her and growled lowly, “Stop it,” I ordered just before we reached the girl.

“Lacey this is John, but we call him Johno … Johno this is Lacey, now that you two know each others names, I need to go get shoes.” She looked at me then at my feet before back up into my eyes, “What size?”

“Eleven,”

“Alright, I’ll be back.” She assured then walked away, taking her time.

I turned to Lacey and forced a small smile, “Nice to meet you,” I said shyly. I’m shy by default, I usually hate meeting new people, I’m soft spoken unless I’m around my friends or family, or if I’ve had a few drinks then I’m friends with everyone.

“Nice to meet you too, Delaney didn’t tell me you were this tall.”

I made a face, “Is that bad?”

“No, my ex was about the same height as you,” She whispered, “I like tall guys,”

I forced a smile then I looked around a bit before looking back at her, “Want something to drink?” I asked.

She nodded, “Sure,”

“What do you want?”

“A water is fine,”

I made a face, “Ok, one water it is, I’ll be right back.” I insisted then I walked away to the snack bar. Standing at the counter, I let out a sigh not caring that the girl who worked there was currently ignoring me while she finished texting or reading a text; I wasn’t in a hurry.

“What can I get you?” She questioned as she looked up. As she looked up at me, the bright blue of her eyes took my breath away, literally, I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds.

I cleared my throat, “A bottle of water and a coke,” I answered.

She eyed me, “What size of coke?”

“Medium,” I mumbled as I grabbed my wallet.

She eyed me a bit before turning to get my drinks that I ordered. With her back turned towards me, I let my eyes wander her body. She was wearing a white t-shirt that had the name of the bowling alley written on it in black lettering, and a pair of … blue plaid PJ pants and Dino slippers. I smiled softly and I couldn’t help but laugh because I know if I showed up to work looking like that I’d get my ass fired.

The girl turned her head towards me and smiled, “Are you laughing at my slippers?” She smirked.

“Yeah,” I admitted with a nod, “They’re nice.”

She nodded, “I know, and really comfy.” She paused for a moment, “Dino is badass, I wish I had a pet dinosaur just like him.”

I laughed again as she brought me my soda, and then grabbed a bottle of water for me, “four bucks even.”

I took a five out of my wallet and handed it to her. I eyed her name tag and it told me her name was Dakota. As she punched a bunch of buttons on the register, I took this time to let my eyes wander her features once again. Her hair was blonde, not dyed blonde but naturally blonde. It was pulled back into a pony tail, and her bangs were tucked away neatly behind her ears but they seemed to keep falling into her eyes because she kept pushing them back into place without giving it much thought.

“Fuck me!” She screamed with frustration that brought me out of my thoughts.

I frowned deeply as she hit the register violently, “You fucking piece of shitty machinery!” She wailed with anger, “God damn you, you fucking asshole!” She went on cursing like a sailor that has been out at sea for years.

“Dakota!” I heard a man snap, “This is a family place, watch your mouth,” The man went on as he came behind the counter. He was tall and had the same blonde hair and blue eyes that she had, but his hair was a little darker than hers.

“Well, it’s being a cunt and wont open, the piece of shit.”

I made my eyes wide, taken aback by her mouth yet it wasn’t a turn off because with all honesty, I’m just as bad.

The man pursed his lips as he eyed my items then effortlessly pushed maybe four buttons at most and the drawer opened. He placed the five inside then grabbed a one before handing it to me and shutting the drawer.

“Thanks,” I forced a smile as I put my dollar into my wallet and put my wallet back in my pocket. I then took my time at getting a lid and a straw for my drink while I listened in.

“Was that really that hard?” He questioned the girl, “And how many times do I have to tell you to not wear your PJ’s to work?” He sighed, “I swear, you are your Mother’s daughter.” He shook his head then kissed her temple before walking away; I’m just assuming that they’re father and daughter.

Once the man was out of sight, Dakota looked down at her clothes examining them before she lifted her head suddenly, not seeing anything wrong with wear them. Her blue eyes then shifted to me, when she caught my gaze I expected her to blush at the scene she had just made but instead she grinned like a little kid up to no good. I laughed at her but said nothing as I shook my head.

She walked over and leaned into the counter, “What’s your name?” She questioned.

“John, but you can call me Johno, everyone does.”

“Johno,” She muttered then raised her eyebrows, “Do you want a job?”

I laughed, “What? Working here?”

She nodded, “I need someone to help me out back here, I’m obviously not … smart enough to work that piece of fucking shit,” She paused, “It doesn’t pay much but it’s fun … I sit back here and make fun of people.”

I laughed again, “I have a job already,”

She rolled her eyes, “Fine, whatever work your dumb lousy job, pass on this great opportunity to work at a bowling alley with awesome nacho cheese to put on our stale tortilla chips.” She shrugged, “I don’t give a fuck, go away.”

I made a face as I listened to her demand. As I grabbed my things and started to walk away she called out after me, “Johno!” She snapped.

I turned around and looked at her, “What?”

“I’m Dakota,”

“I know.” I pointed to her name tag, “It says so on your shirt.”

She looked down and laughed before looking at me again, “Seriously, it’s so boring here, you’ll be doing me a favor … I’ll owe you one, big time.” She frowned, “Do you want tickets to a Cardinals game?” She asked, “I can get you in for free, my Dad has season tickets that he can’t use this season so he gave them to me. I haven’t been to any of the games yet so they’re just going to waste.”

I frowned, “I’m not really into football, I’m more of a baseball person.” I insisted, “But I already have a job, thank you for the offer though.”

“Fucking pussy,” She hissed as she threw a plastic spoon at me, “Go away,” She demanded again.

Shaking my head, I walked away but she called out to me once more, “Johno?”

I stopped and I don’t know why I stopped, but I did. Turning back around, I walked back to the counter, “What?”

“Please?” She whispered, “Don’t make me stand here by myself every day until the end of time.”

I smiled, “Fine,” I gave in and I didn’t know why I did because I really don’t want to work here, “Only weekends,” I said, “Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, I can’t quit my other job Mondays through Thursdays.”

“Deal,” She smiled, “I’ll go get an application from my Dad really fast, don’t go anywhere.”

I pointed over towards Delaney and Lacey, “I’m sorta on a date,”

She looked towards Lacey and made a face, “Eh, they can wait … hold on.” She demanded then disappeared.

I stood there waiting for a few minutes before she returned and handed me a application, “You’re hired, just fill this out.”

“I’m hired?” I asked.

She nodded, “My Dad has trouble finding people who want to work with me,”

“I wonder why,” I laughed then I took the paper, “I’ll get it done by the end of the night,” I assured, “I have to go now.”

“Ok,” She nodded, “Go away,” She said once more.

Finally turning away from her and walked back to my date and Delaney. I handed Lacey her water then I sat down next to my cousin. She glared at me then punched me, “You’re flirting?”

“I was not!” I defended.

“You were,”

“No, I wasn’t.” I snapped, “I don’t want to flirt.”

She smirked at me, “You thought she was hot, didn’t you?”

“What!?”

“Admit it, Lacey isn’t listening,” She whispered.

“I’m not admitting to anything.” I assured her as I kicked my shoes off and put the bowling shoes on.

“Then why do you have an application?”

“Because,”

She raised her eyebrow but said nothing more on the subject. She got up and started to talk to Lacey about how every time she comes here with me, she beats me which is a total lie because I let her beat me … honestly.

Once the shoes were on my feet securely, I looked at the application then I glanced back at Dakota who was helping a little girl now. I made a face as I looked back at the paper, not knowing why I accepted a shitty job from a potty mouthed blue eyed girl but I couldn’t stop myself no matter how much I wanted to stop.

I know nothing about Dakota and for all I know she’s some insane, stalker bitch that’ll rip my throat out if I ever say the wrong thing. Yet, there’s a feeling I have that I can’t explain, it’s curiosity maybe. One thing is for sure, I’m going to be working here whether I like it or not. I couldn’t say no to those blue eyes, I just couldn’t.

“Johno, Lacey needs you to help her pick out a ball,” Delaney smiled over at me.

Standing to my feet, I walked over to Lacey to help her out all while making small talk with her but I couldn’t get my mind off of Dakota.

This can’t be too healthy or safe for my emotional well being but at this moment I don’t really seem to care. Everyone is telling me to live … well, I’m living.