Dakota, Are You in Love With Me Too?

“So, you’re having a girl, right Tori?” Michelle asked my Step-Mother just to make small talk and be polite.

“Yeah, she’s going to be so amazing,” Tori gushed like any first time Mother would, “I just hope that her Daddy gave her those infamous Jensen eyes like the rest of his kids have.” She said, as if Nathaniel and I weren’t at the table.

I shifted my eyes over towards my Brother and shook my head, in return Nathaniel rolled his eyes while shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head, unimpressed by Tori.

“Dad,” I spoke up softly, “Ma sent me an e-mail a sketch of what my Wedding dress is going to look like so I can Ok it and the guy can get to work on making it,”

My Dad gazed over the table at me with a proud look in his eye, “Oh, do you love it?”

I nodded simply, “Love it,” I confirmed.

Tori cleared her throat, “We’ll have to get the baby a little dress too, she’ll be attending the Wedding as well.” She said to my Father as she reached over and gently touched his arm to completely gain his attention.

“Well,” My Dad made a face, “She’s just a baby, she’s going to grow out of it.” He mumbled, “She doesn’t need top designer names when everything is just going to end up at Good Will in the end.” He pointed out then sighed, “I’ve had four babies, I know a thing or two Tori.”

I hid a smile as my Father told that to Tori.

“Well she’s my first kid, and I want to go all out seeing as she might be my last kid as well as my first.”

“What are we?” Nathaniel questioned, “Just people hanging out in your house?” He went on, “Technically we’re sorta like your kids too, seeing as you married our Father and all.”

Tori looked over at Nathaniel with a blank expression before she turned back to my Dad, “We’re gonna get the baby anything and everything she’s wants, you spoil all of your kids, especially Dakota.”

“Hey now,” I spoke up, “Don’t drag me into this, it’s not like I asked to be spoiled.” I mumbled.

“And we all know the reason why Dad spoils her,” Nathaniel pointed out.

“To make up for losing Delilah, yeah I know … but now that we have our little girl on the way, you’ll have two daughters again, instead of just one.”

“Whoa,” Nathaniel mumbled as he pushed himself away from the table, “This is getting heated, I’m gonna go eat out back,” I insisted as he grabbed his plate and drink before heading towards the back yard.

“Tori,” My Dad said sternly as he looked at her, “That’s enough,” He demanded, “We’ll talk about this later … Nathaniel, sit your ass back down, this is a family dinner we’ll all enjoy it.”

Nathaniel made a face then came back to the table, like a scolded child. I looked over at Michelle sitting next to me. She gave me a wide eyed look then shook her head a bit. I made a face in return then pushed my food around on my plate, not really feeling like eating because I went to a late lunch with John and his family.

“All of you are leaving tomorrow?” My Dad questioned as he scanned through Michelle, myself, Lilly and Nathaniel.

“Yeah,” Lilly answered for all of us, “You should really move back to LA, Dad, the beach house is always off limits since Kyle moved into it,” She pouted, “Plus, you’re the best Dad in the world, we like having you around” She laughed.

He smiled then nodded. Lilly, Michelle and I all grew up together, we’ve been best friends since preschool, they both even knew Delilah and helped me through my tough time, and despite how young we were they knew they needed to be there for me. They’ve always called my Dad, Dad. Especially Lilly seeing as her own Father died before she even turned one, so my Father has been a Father to her as well.

“Seriously though, Pops.” Michelle said simply, “You, LA, beach house, good times.”

“Well, who would run the bowling alley if I were to leave?”

I smiled, “Tori,” I answered in a smart ass tone that only earned me a dirty look from my Step-Mother, “Just sayin’,” I mumbled simply.

“Dakota Mae,” My Father said sternly, “Enough,” He ordered.

I let out an annoyed sigh, “John and I are driving over to San Diego in his car with Bentley tomorrow, we’re gonna wake up early and head out …”

“… Annie and I are taking your car and following the two of you,” Nathaniel butted in as he pointed to me with his fork as he talked with his mouth full of mashed potatoes.

I made a face of disgust towards him then looked at my Dad, “Daddy, you’ll need to give Lilly and Michelle a ride to the airport … they already have their tickets and they’re nonrefundable, otherwise we’d all road trip home together.” I pointed out.

“Ok,” He agreed then looked over at Nathaniel, “You’re living with your sister now?”

“For the time being,” Nathaniel mumbled, “Half of my shit is over there in her spare room anyway, and Annie should be around people she’s familiar with until she gets used to it over there.”

“Mom is thinking about moving to San Diego,” I informed my Dad, “Just to be closer to Nathaniel and I … Kyle is fine on his own.”

“Kyle’s always been a bit more independent than the two of you,” Our Dad insisted.

“That and he won’t move out of that beach house,” Nathaniel pointed out, “He doesn’t even pay rent, you let him live there for free Dad.”

“Well, he’s more responsible than you Nathaniel, it’s no secret. You’d have the cops at that house every night if I let you live there because you’d be throwing parties.”

“The best parties,” Nathaniel mumbled to himself before falling quiet, pouting about the beach house.

The rest of the dinner consisted of small talk and nothing more, after dinner my Dad assigned Nathaniel to clean up the mess as punishment for his smart ass ways throughout dinner.

With a beer in my hand, I sipped it slowly, knowing that I swore to never drink again but one beer won’t do me any harm. Sitting at the patio table in the backyard with Lilly and Michelle, we were silent as the sun lit up the Arizona sky with pinks, reds and oranges as the sun slowly put itself to bed.

“I have a confession,” Michelle mumbled without looking away from the breath taking sunset, “You two can’t get mad at me, ok?” She insisted finally glancing at Lilly before at me, “Promise me,”

“Promise,” I whispered softly.

Lilly nodded her head in agreement, “Promise,” She mocked then we both fell silent, waiting for Michelle’s confession.

“I moved up to Los Angeles.” Michelle said slowly.

“We know that,” Lilly laughed, “It wasn’t a big secret … but you’ll be back to San Diego, you won’t like LA for much longer.” Lilly teased.

“There’s a reason why I moved up there,” Michelle pointed out before putting her beer down on the table, “It’s Kyle.”

“Kyle?” I spoke, “Kyle who?”

Michelle looked at me with a serious face, “You know who,” She said simply.

I stared back blankly at Michelle then quickly shifted my eyes from hers as I looked up at the sky once more, “Oh,” Was all I mumbled in response to that as I let it sink it.

“We’ve been quietly dating for a year now, and when he asked me to move in, I said yes but he made me promise not to tell you until the time was right.”

“Until the time was right?” I mocked then frowned, “We’re your best friends, why couldn’t you have just came out and told us?”

“Kyle thought that you’d be upset.”

I rolled my eyes, “You should’ve just told me, you’ve been seeing Kyle for a year?” I questioned, “So before I came out here for the summer, you two were sneaking around like a couple of teenage kids?”

“Dakota, don’t get mad, I love him.”

“I’m not mad that you two are together, I think it’s great that you two are together, you’ve had a crush on him forever … but not telling me sorta pisses me off. I knew that he had a secret girlfriend, but it would’ve been nice to know it was you for the last year.”

Michelle nodded but said nothing.

“I kinda figured it out,” Lilly mumbled, “Only because I was up in LA, at a party, I had no where else to go so I took a cab to the beach house, and when I got there I saw your purse in the kitchen,” She pointed out as she looked at Michelle, “But when I got up in the morning it was gone, I thought maybe I was seeing things because I was a little … drunk.”

I looked over at Lilly and smiled then shook my head, “You’re weird,” I smirked.

Lilly laughed then threw her bottle cap from the beer bottle at me, “Like you have a lot of room to talk!”

I laughed then sighed as I looked back at Michelle, “I want to give my brother hell for not letting you tell me,” I said simply.

“You’re not mad?”

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head and shrugged, “Not really,”

“It’s ‘cause of Johno,” Lilly teased, “That Johno has softened our Dakota Mae up, she’s not as bitchy as she once was.”

“I agree,” Michelle nodded her head, “Johno brings out a better you,” She told me.

“Whatever,” I mumbled then I frowned, “Like I said, I want to give my brother hell for not letting you tell me, so when we get home, I want to play a prank, ok?”

“Deal,” Michelle smiled.

“He’s gonna get so mad, Kyle isn’t one for practical jokes, well when they’re played on him at least.” Lilly pointed out.

“Then that’s tough shit,” I frowned before looking around the backyard, “I miss my Bentley.” I muttered.

“Why did Johno take him?” Michelle questioned.

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t even know where John went to, he dropped me off after we went and had lunch with his family, saying he’d be back later and that he was taking my Bentley.”

“Technically, it’s his Bentley too,” Lilly pointed out.

“So?” I mumbled.

“Well, it’s his last night in town, maybe his friends are throwing him another party.” Lilly insisted.

“No,” I shook my head, “A lot of them have class tomorrow,”

“And that’s going to stop them?” Michelle laughed, “These Arizona kids can party like no one else I know, I highly doubt that having class tomorrow will stop them.”

I smiled but shook my head again, “No, he would’ve told me if it was a party and he wouldn’t have taken Bentley.” I shrugged my shoulders, “I’ll just ask him when he gets back … if he gets back.”

“Hey now,” I heard John say simply, “If he gets back?” He mocked me, “What kinda fucking saying was that?” He questioned before I felt his lips on my cheek.

“I don’t know,” I answered, “Where’s my puppy?”

“Eating inside at his dish,” John answered.

I looked up at him, “Where’d you go?”

“To the park,”

“By yourself,”

“No, with Ted and Jake.” He answered, speaking of his little brother and Peyton’s little brother.

“Oh,” I mumbled.

“It was sorta guys only outing,” John mumbled as he ran his fingers through my hair slowly, “I owed it to him …” John insisted, “To Peyton,” He added in a soft whisper, “Ted’s been through a lot more than any little kid his age should have to go through,” He said simply.

I turned around in my seat to look at my Fiancé better. Scanning his somewhat depressed looking face, I could tell that Ted meant a lot to him.

“Peyton,” Lilly mumbled softly, “Was that your girlfriend who was shot?” She asked cautiously as she looked at John, then over at me before back up at John.

John nodded his head, “Yeah, she was shot and killed at a Gas Station when it was being robbed, a little over a year ago.”

“Wow,” Michelle whispered quietly, “I bet that was hard huh?”

“Yeah, it was.” John said simply, answering their questions just to satisfy their curiosity.

“She was pregnant wasn’t she?” Lilly went on.

John’s eyes suddenly became even more sad than they were a mere second ago, it was like he had forgotten that when Peyton died, he lost an unborn child as well, “Yeah, we were gonna have a Daughter.”

Michelle and Lilly widened their eyes then they both looked at me. It was then Michelle fell quiet noticing it’s uncomfortable for me to hear about this stuff, it makes me insecure about whether or not John is really over Peyton or if he’s just putting on a front.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Lilly said, “Losing a girlfriend and an unborn kid can never be easy.”

“Fiancé,” I corrected Lilly without even thinking about it.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” John nodded then he cleared his throat before gently rubbed my shoulders, “I’m gonna go with Nathaniel to pick up Annie, I’ll be back in a bit, ok?”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

John leaned down and kissed my cheek before moving his lips to my ear, “Love you,”

I nodded.

“Cross my heart and hope to die … believe me?” He asked.

I stayed silent as I just sat there, thinking about whether or not I believe him at this very moment.

“Dakota Mae … do you believe me?” He asked again after a moment had passed.

“I believe you,” I finally whispered.

He pulled away and gazed into my eyes with nothing but love showing through, “We’ll talk later,” He insisted then he stood up straight, walking away without another word, or a good bye.

I watched as he disappeared into the house then I slouched in my seat then Michelle reached over and smacked Lilly in the shoulder, “Way to go, dumbass.”

“What!?” Lilly exclaimed, “I was just asking questions!”

Michelle narrowed her eyes on her then motioned her head towards me with wide eyes. Lilly looked over at me, “Oh,” She whispered then made a face, “Sorry,”

“It’s fine,” I lied, “Peyton was apart of his life for so long, it’s only natural for people to ask questions about her to him.”

“Sweetie,” Michelle started, “He loves you now … just look at the way he looks at you,” She insisted, “And he’s leaving everything behind just to move to San Diego with you. So he spent the afternoon with this Ted kid …”

“Ted grew up and John was always a constant in his life, like the other brother he never had.” I insisted.

“See, John was just saying good bye.” Michelle insisted.

“Yeah,” I agreed then I stood up slowly, “I’m gonna go pack,” I said simply before heading into the house, leaving my best friends and my half of beer, sitting at the patio table.

Once I got into the house, I heard John talking with my Dad. Frowning to myself, I tip toed around the corner to the living room and listened in.

“Don’t worry about it, Johno.” My Dad assured my fiancé, “She’s dramatic, you know that. She understands that Ted is like a little brother to you.”

“I know,” John mumbled with a stressful sigh, “It’s just that she gets so upset, so quickly over anything that has to do with my past, before I met her … it’s like she wants me to forget about everything I had before her.”

“No,” My Dad said, “John you have to understand that Dakota is … very sensitive, she puts on a pretty damn good front but she gets hurt easily. She put all of her faith and love into you and when she hears you or other people talking about Peyton, it just makes her insecure, that’s all … she can be a moody bitch,” My Dad laughed.

John forced a laugh but it didn’t sound like he was anymore at ease with everything.

“The question is … are you truly over Peyton the way you say you are?” My Dad went on.

“Yes,” John answered with nothing but truth dripping from his answer.

“Then reassure Dakota that you are,” He said simply.

“Easier said than done,” John grumbled and just as he grumbled that Bentley barked loudly.

Turning my head down to my feet, I saw Bentley wiggling about wanting my attention, “Shhh…” I demanded as I reached down and picked the puppy up, “Quiet,” I whispered.

“Dakota Mae,” I heard John say simply before he came around the corner and looked at me.

I stared at him but said nothing.

He made a face, “Come take a walk with me,” He demanded.

Rolling my eyes out of habit, I put Bentley down then let John take my hand in his. Walking to the door, he stopped momentarily to hook Bentley’s leash onto his collar before opening the door.

Once outside and walking along the sidewalk with my hand in John’s tightly, we stayed silent as John stared out over the sidewalk ahead of us and I watched Bentley with fixed eyes as he walked proudly with his head held high.

“Wanna talk?” John finally said.

“What about?” I answered.

He sighed, “About what happened in the backyard,”

I wrinkled my nose, “Not really,”

“Well, I do.” He insisted, “Dakota Mae, I don’t understand why you get so upset … Lilly and Michelle were curious and I know that you weren’t ever gonna talk to them about it.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Yeah, you get upset,” He said, “Not mad but just … upset,” He mumbled, “Do you not believe me when I say that I love you,”

“I believe you,” I assured him.

“Then why get so upset?”

“Because,” I answered, “You get this look in your eyes when you talk about Peyton … and look that you never get when you talk about me.”

John stopped walking and looked at me, “A look?” He asked, “She’s dead Dakota, of course I’m going to get some look … if you were dead too I’d probably get the same look.” He pointed out, “I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t madly in love with her,” He insisted, “I’m not going to pretend that none of it ever happened, I understand that it makes you uncomfortable which is why I don’t talk about it, but it’s bullshit that you expect me to just forget about everything.”

“I don’t expect you to forget about everything,” I assured him, “I just can’t explain it John,” I shook my head.

“Well try to, Dakota Mae … please, for my sake just try to explain it so I can understand,” He sighed as he let my hand go and ran his fingers through my short brown hair, “Because I don’t get it, I love you and no one else, I have never compared you to Peyton like everyone else has.”

“I just feel like, I’m second best,” I admitted, “If she were still alive and you still met me, you wouldn’t have taken a second glance.”

“How do you know?” He asked.

“Because,” I whispered, “You would’ve been a married father.”

He shrugged his shoulders, “So, there’s a such thing as a divorce,” He pointed out, “And the fact that I would’ve been a Father means nothing to my personal, intimate relationships.” He insisted, “How do you know that I wouldn’t have taken a second glance at you or even fell for you?” He paused, “Dakota, if we were meant to be, then we were meant to be, whether or not Peyton was dead or alive … it was gonna happen.” He assured me, “Fate, Dakota Mae … something I strongly believe in.”

I bit down on my lip then licked my lips before I looked up into his eyes, staying silent.

John leaned down and kissed me lovingly, “I love you,” He said simply, “Stop being such a little pansy,” he teased.

I forced a smile but that was it.

“If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t put up with your shit,” He insisted, “Believe me when I say, you’re a bitch.”

“I know I am,” I admitted.

“A bitch that I love,” He laughed then caressed my face slowly, “Wanna go swimming with me?” He asked.

“No,” I answered.

“C’mon, let’s go to town lake, just the two of us, we’ll get someone to watch Bentley for us,” He smiled a bit, “It’s my last night here, let me live it up a little bit with you.” He insisted, “Let’s go skinny dipping in the lake.”

“No!” I laughed as I pushed him from me playfully.

“C’mon, it wont be so bad.” He assured before taking me hand and leading me back to my Dad’s, “We’ll go skinny dipping then we’ll have sex in the back seat of my car before laying on the hood and counting stars.”

“John, I’m not swimming,”

“Don’t you trust me?” He asked, “I won’t anything happen to you,”

“It’s dark!”

“I know that lake like the back of my hand, you’ll be fine.”

“John,”

“Dakota,”

“No,”

“I’m not taking no for an answer,” He said to me then he looked down at Bentley, “Bentley, tell Mama to stop being such a fucking pussy.”

Bentley just looked up at John when he heard his name then went back to looking around our surroundings as we walked briskly.

“Well, he’s thinking it,” John laughed.

I just smiled but said nothing as John tugged me along. If it’s one thing I know, it’s that John does in fact love me, he’s right; if he didn’t he wouldn’t have stuck around for this long and he sure as hell wouldn’t be putting up with my shit.

I guess it was fate.