Dakota, Are You in Love With Me Too?

Sitting under a large tree at a park, I was watching my boyfriend intently as he strummed his guitar and sang a song that I didn’t know but with all honesty his voice sounded like heaven to me. I may not like his band as a whole and I may not like the music that they make but there is no denying that John does have a good singing voice. Sighing softly to myself, I looked down at my hand that just had surgery this morning and made a face as pain shot through it.

“Are you ready?” John asked softly.

I looked at him and shook my head, “Not yet,” I whispered tiredly. I’m leaving tomorrow for LA and for the last few days I’ve been in the hospital, John and I haven’t really had any alone time so I’m trying to spend every last minute I can alone with him.

He leaned over and gently pressed his lips to mine before pulling away and going back to strumming his guitar. I felt my heart race as he did that and it continued to race as he pulled away from me and went back to his music almost like he didn’t just kiss me. I eyed the guitar, “Can you teach me?”

He smiled and nodded, “Yeah, after your hand is better,” He pointed to my plain white cast that already had names scribbled across it, “You can’t play guitar with that,”

I blushed then I looked away from him and my eyes focused on the tire swing where two teenagers were slowly swinging around staring into each others eyes and it was obvious that they were madly in love. Frowning deeply, I turned away and just spaced out, wondering if people could tell that John and I were madly in love just by looking at us like that. No we’re not really lovey dovey and I don’t really like holding his hand, hell I don’t really like to cuddle unless I’m sleepy and or in pain, but could people tell that I’m head over heels for the boy and vice versa?

“Johno?” I whispered as I turned my head to him.

He looked at me, raising his eyebrows but he didn’t stop playing his guitar.

“Are you sure you love me?” I questioned.

He laughed then smiled cutely, “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Ok,” I nodded slowly then I looked away from him once more but this time my attention turned to the parking lot. There was now a dark blue SUV parked next to John’s car but the people were still in it. I made a face but chose to ignore the people and to turn my attention at John once again but as I turned my head to look at him again, John must’ve been thinking about the same thing as me because before I had time to think his lips were pressed to mine once again.

I smiled against his lips as I kissed back softly then I pulled away, cutting the kiss short, “Stop it,” I demanded.

John shook his head in protest before he stole another kiss, making me laugh as he did so. He smirked that smile that completely melts my heart then he turned back to his guitar, “Has anyone ever told you, you have the cutest smirk?” I questioned.

His body seemed to tense ever so slightly and he nodded, “Yeah, a lot of people have told me.” He looked up, “I guess that I have a ‘smirk’ that I smile at the girls I like,” He made a face, “I don’t think I have one but everyone around me says I do and I guess no one gets the ‘smirk’ unless I’m like in love with them or have a huge crush on them … I don’t know, it’s weird and I still don’t believe it, but my close friends swear I have one.”

I wrinkled my nose then laughed, “Well, whatever … it’s cute.” I said simply, “Let’s go, I’m getting sleepy and I need to put my hand up.” I mumbled.

“Alright,” He said as he stood up then helped me to my feet.

Once I was on my feet, I looked at my hand then I lifted it, “Look Johno, my fingers are swollen,” I whined, I really am a completely pansy when it comes to any sort of physical damage to myself.

John looked at my fingers then gently kissed them before giving me a sad face, “You need to go lay down with your arm up,” He pointed out the obvious, “You shouldn’t even be out with me,” He added.

“Whatever,” I muttered back then the blue SUV caught my eye again, this time the family was outside of it, gathering their things for the back. I narrowed my eyes on the family then frowned deeply when I saw the couple’s son lock his eyes on John like he knew him.

“Johno!?” The little boy wailed out happily.

John lifted his head and looked towards the little boy, “Oh no,” He said, slightly in shock.

“Who is that?” I questioned, as I gently took John’s hand into mine.

John looked at me, “Hold on a minute,” He muttered then he let my hand go before walking away from me, leaving me alone. As he approached the boy, he held out his free arm then hugged the boy before he turned his attention to the boys’ parents. I bit my lip as I continued to stare at them and it didn’t take too long for me to piece it together.

No, they weren’t John’s family but they might as well be. They were Peyton’s family. John pointed over to me then I saw him nod a bit before waving slightly and walking away, “Sorry about that,” He muttered as he came up towards me.

“They knew you were here,” I whispered, “Look, they parked right next to your car,” I pointed out.

“Yeah,” He nodded then leaned over and kissed my temple, “C’mon let’s get you to your Dad’s,” He insisted.

As I followed him to his car, I could feel the little boys eyes glued to us, probably wondering why his sisters boyfriend was kissing another girl that wasn’t his sister. I lowered my head then got into John’s car without another word. On the ride across town to my Fathers, I stayed silent over half way there until John started questioning me.

“You ok?” He muttered for the third time in a row because I keep ignoring him.

“Yeah,” I insisted, “I’m never coming back to Tempe,” I said softly.

“What? Why not?” He asked like a wounded little kid.

“Because, it seems like I can’t have a fair shot at a relationship with you here.” I pointed out, “I know I’m dragging all this out way too far, and it’s not like me to act like this but it’s like every time we turn around there’s something that has to do with Peyton. I’m sure she was absolutely amazing seeing as everyone holds her up on some sort of pedestal, but it’s getting old fast.”

John glanced at me before looking back at the road. I’m not sure if I just offended him or not, it’s hard to read his face when he’s driving for some reason. He let out a loud sigh, “I’m sorry,” He apologized.

“For what?” I frowned.

“I don’t know, but I feel guilty, I feel like this is all my fault for some reason.”

“It is your fault,” I laughed, “You decided to show up at my Dad’s bowling alley, there’s like three other ones and you just had to choose my Dad’s.” I smirked.

He shrugged his shoulders, “Do you think this is all worth it?” He whispered, “I mean, all the shit everyone is putting us through?”

I shifted in my seat so I was fully turned to him, “Yes,” I answered truthfully, “I’m not big on expressing my feelings, you know that. I’m a huge bitch over half the time but I think once we get away from Tempe everything will be better.”

“We?” He whispered.

I smiled, “Yes, we … whenever you’re in LA or San Diego, you have a place to stay.” I assured my boyfriend.

He turned his head to me then looked back at the road, “I don’t think I could ever move out of Arizona completely.” He whispered.

“I never asked you to move …” I trailed off slowly.

“But eventually we’re going to get to that point in our relationship where we’ll want to move in together. You’re not moving to Tempe, so that leaves me moving to California.”

“We’re not even at the point yet,” I assured him, “I’m not even sure if I want to have sex with you yet,” I laughed.

His face went blank before he frowned, “We’re not having sex … ever?”

I laughed loudly at John then shook my head, “No! I didn’t say that, I just said that right now, no … I don’t think I’d have sex with you right now.”

“Oh,” He muttered, “But sooner or later?”

“Sooner or later, yeah.” I smiled, “You’re a pervert, O’Callaghan. All you care about is pussy.”

He frowned, “Fine, if you don’t ever want to have sex, we won’t ever have sex.” He shrugged, “I don’t care, I got hand …” He mumbled.

I smirked then I moved around in the seat so I was sitting properly, “I will say this and this will be the last time I say something like this …” I whispered, “I can definitely see why Peyton wanted to take you off the Market so quickly.” I mumbled, “You really are one of a kind, O’Callaghan.” I looked out of my window, “I haven’t ever met another boy like you before,”

After I said those words I felt John place his hand on my thigh and gently squeeze, “Well, I’ve never met another girl like you before,” He insisted, “You’re like some sort of emotional hurricane.” He laughed, “One minute you’re an angel the next you’re the bitch from hell, I love it.”

“The fact that I don’t like to hold your hand doesn’t bother you?” I questioned.

“If it did, I would’ve said something by now.” He pointed out.

I turned my head towards him, “Are you going to miss me?” I whispered.

“Yes, I’m going to miss you.”

“When will you come out to see me?”

“Soon,” He assured me, “If not next weekend, it’ll be the weekend after that.” He nodded, “And I know that we’ll be recording our full length CD in LA, so I’ll be living there for like a month or two, you can show me around.”

“Ugh,” I muttered, “They’re actually going to waste studio time on you guys?” I joked.

“Better believe it, Babe.” John laughed.

“I want you to write me a song, so I know that I’ll like at least one song on the CD.” I smirked.

“I still think you secretly love my band,”

“I hate it,” I made a face, “Seriously; you’re a bunch of emo bitches.” I insisted, “You’re all a bunch of pussies. Do any of the others guys have girlfriends?”

“Actually …” John laughed, “Now that I have you, none of us are single.”

I made a face, “Ew,” I rolled my eyes, “Who in their right mind would date boys like you guys?”

“You,”

“If I knew you were in such a shitty band, I would’ve left you alone.” I joked.

“It’s like that, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s like that.” I smirked.

“Well, I’m never going to put you on a guest list, when I get famous I’ll never introduce you to anyone.”

As John stopped at a red light he looked over at me, “So there,” He said immaturely.

I smiled, “If you ever do get famous, don’t change.” I insisted, “Because, you’re pretty badass,”

“Really?”

“In a pansy kinda way, yeah.”

He laughed, “Aw, was that a compliment, babe?”

“Maybe,”

He leaned over and kissed me softly before he looked back up at the red light waiting for it to turn green.

“Wanna spend the night tonight?” I questioned softly, “Curl up in my bed and watch a movie with me?” I mumbled.

John smiled softly then he nodded, “Sure,” He agreed, “I don’t have any plans, I was just gonna go home and bug my little brother, or maybe go to a party.”

“A party?”

“Yeah,” He nodded, “I was invited to a party, but I wasn’t sure if I was going to go or not. I really only wanna go to drink.” He insisted, blushing, “I haven’t gotten drunk in a while.”

I narrowed my eyes on him then frowned, “Oh, well you can go to the party instead, you don’t need to stay with me.” I assured him.

“There will be other parties, this is your last night in town, I’d rather spend it with you then getting wasted out in the desert.”

Nodding softly, I said nothing more on the subject. When we got to my Dad’s house, we said hello to everyone and I introduced John to Tori, my Step Mom, then we went into what would be my room for the night. Settling on ‘Without a Paddle’ for our movie, I curled up in bed with John after taking a pain pill then relaxed.

With my head against his bare chest, I listened to his heart beat within his chest to a steady, comforting rhythm. His heart mixed with the sound of his breathing somehow washed away all of my doubts and my fears for the time being, and everything was perfect laying here with his arms wrapped around me securely.

I’ll admit that leaving Tempe isn’t going to be easy but it’s going to be a hell of a lot easier leaving than staying and having to deal with all the bullshit. As I lay here I suddenly remember why I’ve always hated relationships … it makes me feel vulnerable. Like I’m dependant on my significant other and as much as I like the feeling of not having to be alone, it frustrates be because I’ve never needed anyone before and now all of that has changed. I need John whether I like to admit it or not and going home is going to be hell.