Hush

“Hush, little baby, don’t say a word,” Gerard sang softly, a melancholy undertone evident in his voice as he looked at the tiny frame in his arms. Biting his lip, he started to gently rock in his chair. “Daddy’s gonna buy you a mockingbird.”
The apartment was silent; the only sounds being the song echoing off the empty walls of the nursery and the occasional creak of the floor beneath him. The quiet tenor of his voice was interrupted by familiar music blaring from the apartment across the hall.

“Shh, shh,” he murmured, “Daddy will make everything all better.”

Placing the still form in the crib, he headed for the door. As he stepped into the hall, he realized what was so familiar about the music. He had been interrupted by his own voice. Although he only caught parts of the lyrics through the door, he knew every word. Gerard stood in the hallway as the lyrics drifted through the closed door.

He walked towards apartment 304 and knocked loudly. The music quickly went down to a reasonable volume, and an anonymous twenty-something opened the door. If Gerard had been in a better mood, the sudden change from annoyance to adoration on his neighbor’s face might have been comical.

“Y-you’re, you’re Gerard Way!” she squealed, her jaw immediately dropping. He nodded curtly.

“I’d appreciate it if you turned your music down a bit. I’ve got a baby sleeping in the next room,” he said mechanically.

“…baby? But there couldn’t be! I saw the news features and everything! I’m so sorry for your lo-”

Gerard cut her off. “Keep it down. Please.” He turned tersely on his heels and hurried back to his apartment.

The twenty-something watched his retreating back solemnly and headed into her apartment. The music stayed down. Approximately an hour later, she heard banging across the hall, accompanied by yelling. She stuck her head out into the hall.

“Gee, open the door. I know you’re here, you barely leave.”

“Be quiet. God, Mikey, there’s a baby sleeping in here.” Gerard said through the door.

“Gee, if you don’t open the fucking door, I’m going to break it down! I swear I will.”

“Mikes, you couldn’t.” Nevertheless, Gerard opened the door and let his brother in.

Mikey rolled his eyes at his brother. “You are in no position to tell anyone what they can and cannot do, Gee. It’s not like you listen to any of our advice.” Mikey collapsed onto the couch. “We’re all really worried Gee. You never leave the apartment; no one ever hears from you, and you’re not eating. It’s been almost six months. You have to start getting back to reality. You can’t live your whole life hiding in this apartment.”

“For one, you don’t have to be worried. I’m fine. Second, I see the three of you at least once a week. Third, I do leave the apartment. I was visiting my neighbor across the hall not an hour before you showed up.” Gerard argued.

“Gee, you see us this often because we come over here, not because you call or come see us. Do you really think it’s a coincidence?” Mikey asked. “Gee, we come here to make sure you’re okay, we all had a hard time last year, but we’re functioning in society, not playing hermit.”

Mikey stood and strode out the door, leaving Gerard aghast in his wake.

On the way to his car Mikey pulled out his phone and dialed from memory.

“Mikes, you really shouldn’t have sprung that on him like that. You know how he is right now.”

“Yeah, I know, but he needs to get back to reality.” Mikey sighed into the phone. “And I don’t think he will if we don’t push, Frank.”

“It isn’t shock therapy. You can’t force him to face facts. I’ll stop by and talk to him in about it in an hour or so, he’ll have calmed down by then.”

“Thanks Frank. Tell him I’m sorry, will you? I can’t go in there again.”

“Sure Mikes, I will.”

“Thanks again. Bye.” Mikey snapped the phone shut and climbed into his rented hybrid.

As he drove the familiar route to his downtown apartment, Mikey thought about the events that sent his older brother over the edge.

He could all too well remember the midnight call from Gerard ‘Meet us at the hospital! The baby’s coming!’ That was the last time his brother truly seemed happy. However, of all the memories he had of that night, the most vivid was the way his Gee’s face died when the doctor came out of the delivery room, and broke the news to the mass of people crowding the South Jersey hospital waiting room. Mikey could remember the infliction the doctor had put on every syllable of the sentence, the I’m-so-sorry-for-your-loss look that barely concealed his indifferent thoughts.

“Mr. Way,” the doctor said. “I’m so sorry to tell you this on what should have been a day for celebration, but your – the child was a stillborn. And your – your wife, she didn’t make it through the labor, she lost too much blood it was unpreventable.”

Mikey shuddered at the memory as tears stung his eyes. He blinked them away and pulled into the multi-story parking complex next to his building. As he parked in the spot designated for his apartment, he saw that his visitor’s spot was also full. He thought he recognized the car and, sure enough, when he got to his apartment Bob was leaning casually against the wall next to the door.

“Hey, thought you might be upset.”

“How long have you been waiting here?” Mikey asked.

“About three minutes. I was gonna see if you still hid your key in the same place, but Frank said you were on your way home, so I waited.”

“Oh, I thought you’d been waiting a while…” Mikey trailed off and sniffled a little.

“You were thinking about the doctor again, weren’t you?”

Mikey nodded and sniffled again. “C’mon, let’s go inside and talk. I’m glad you’re here.”

He unlocked the door and Bob followed him in.

"He just drives me crazy. Always pent up in that nursery, talking to the ultra-sound. He needs help. The kind that you, me and Frank can't give him. Ray was right to give up on him."

"You know you don't believe that Mikey. You wouldn't have stayed around so long. You wouldn't have put up with all the weird shit."

"I do. I do believe it." Mikey mumbled stubbornly

Bob continued as if he hadn't heard the denial. "What about the time Frank found him re-hanging the pictures from when she was pregnant? Or when we found out he wasn't eating? You said he was just trying to remember better times, and that starvation is a common grief mechanism."

"Yes, but....." Mikey trailed off, tears threatening to spill from his red-rimmed eyes. "But that was a year ago, not now. I know Frank thinks he's getting better, but he isn't. He's become an empty shell. I don't even recognize him anymore."

Just as Bob began to answer, his phone went off.

"That was Frank. He said we should get over there, fast. He sounded really upset." Bob said after hanging up.

They pulled up in front of Gerard's apartment building, where Frank was waiting, tears pouring down his face. He motioned them over and handed a Mikey an envelope.

The front was addressed 'To Mikey' in Gerard's slanted handwriting. He opened it and read, 'You were right, I'm pathetic. I'm sorry I haven't been much of a brother lately. But you won't have to put up with me anymore.' It was signed, 'Love, Gee.'

Mikey handed the letter off to Frank and sprinted into the building and up the three flights of stairs. The door to his brother's apartment stood open. As he got through the entrance he knew what had happened. He could hear the other two coming up behind him, but they didn't matter. Nothing mattered now. The usually pale interior of his brother's living room was covered in red.