Lonely, I Believe That You Will Find Me

Lunch. Definitely any teenager’s favourite part of the school day. Why? Well for one I loved it because I didn’t have to try to think and didn’t have nagging teachers in my ear, also it means I can either find someone with weed and satisfy my need or find someone with the alcohol, which just satisfy’s my need as well. Either way lunch was just satisfying.

At lunch I sat with my best friend Rhi and her bunch ofsluts friends, who I didn’t know from a bar of soap and couldn’t be bothered to strain my brain for their names. I knew people only pretended to like me, and hell as odd as it sounded I was okay with it. I was rarely involved in their conversation only perking up to listen to party, weed and booze details, hell I used my friends well.

“Poor Joey Jonas,” I heard being said from over at the jocks table, they must have been having another go at him. One of the footy jocks, Rick stood up and slammed Joe’s food onto the ground, something which actually was quite common, but today I couldn’t help but notice how it bothered me. Why did them making fun of Joe suddenly bother me? It’s not like I knew the kid well, hell I’d barely talked to him and the last time he talked to me he snapped at me for no reason.

I watched as Joe sighed and took all their lousy name calling, he picked up his tray and most of the contents that were on it, walked to the closest bin and threw all the contents from his tray into the awaiting trash. I watched as he walked out of the cafeteria doors and back into the halls. I slowly started to stand up wanting to follow him, ask him if he was okay. And why was I doing this? I had no idea.

“Where are you going?” asked Rhi as her friends stared at me as I stood up from the table.

“Nature calls,” I said making up a quick lie, gathering my belongings and leaving the cafeteria on Joe’s tail, knowing he’d be heading towards his locker. I pushed through the doors and walked out through the deserted halls till I reached my destination. Joe had his head on his locker and was impatiently tapping against it with his fingers.

“Are you okay?” I asked, and his snapped quickly turned to face me. The look on his face pure shock, I very rarely care about others and their feelings. He opened his locker hurriedly, and started moving things around on the inside. “I asked if you were okay?”

“Whatever, why in the hell would you give a shit?” he spat back, pulling out random books from his locker.

“Look you shouldn’t let them bother you, those guys are such dicks, as if their opinion even matters,” I said, trying to make him feel better.

“You can stop with the fake act okay. I don’t need your sympathy. Your opinion doesn’t matter to me, who are you? A nobody, you get yourself trashed every weekend with your fake friends, fuck random guys and get baked on drugs, and you’re asking me if I’m okay? I think you’re the one with the problems,” he said, slamming his locker shut and walking down the hall.

Did he seriously just say that to me? Where the hell did the quiet Joe I know go? I stood there in utter shock as the words he said sunk in, and they actually hurt. Am I okay? Like honestly I’m not normal, and I knew that, but maybe he was right, maybe I’m the one with more problems.

“Dude you totally bailed at the lunch table, I tried to find you. Chris has some fresh weed out the back of school, you up for some?” said my drugged up friend Hannah. If you ever wanted drugs, Hannah always knew.

“Yeah sure got nothing better to do, and plus I wouldn’t mind missing a few classes,” I mumbled in reply following Hannah to the back of the school. On the way there I couldn’t help get Joe’s words out of my head, and it didn’t make matters worse when I passed him. From the look in his eyes he could tell where I was headed, and he almost looked disappointed? Why on earth would he be disappointed? This is what everyone expected from me, I was the party animal, I was the girl with the bad ass attitude, I was the girl who had problems.