Remember this Face, Baby.

Running seemed like a logical thing to do at the time and disappearing from Deryk’s site was the exact thing I wanted to do. My legs carried me towards the other side of the school and once they felt I was far enough, they came to a halt and the ground caught me with a cold embrace. I didn’t struggle or try to catch myself, as I fell. The ground held me tightly against its hard surface and shivers ran down my body from the coldness.

For what seemed like hours, I laid on the floor, motionless and limp. I didn’t think, and I didn’t cry like I wanted to. My mind was blank and my eyes held no emotion behind them. I just laid there, on the floor, waiting for someone or something to pass by and say something to me. Everything felt surreal and for some odd reason, I felt numb. Unnaturally numb.

My eyes ran across the ceiling and as the minutes ticked by, my mind began slowly moving. I began taken notice of the colourful surroundings around me. Slowly, I lifted myself from the floor and glanced around, breathing heavily. I knew the time, before I even looked at the clock hanging above a set of lockers to my right. I had been out of class longer than my teacher allowed me and without caring, I stood up and fell against a locker, as my head spun.

“Karissa,” I recognized the voice and glancing over my shoulder, I saw Kayla standing a few feet away from me, giving me a stern stare.

“Karissa, what are you doing out of class? Wait, is something wrong?” Kayla continued and rushed over to my side. Her hands ran over my face and she laid a perfect hand over my forehead, feeling for what I assumed was a fever. She removed her hand from my forehead and grabbed my hands, pulling me away from the locker. I let her lead me and when I looked up, we were heading towards the café.

Few people sat scattered across the cafeteria, once we entered. Kayla pulled me to the nearest table and she sat me down, before she retreated to the café. I watched her grab a bottle of water from the fridge and purchase it. She walked towards me, already unscrewing the tap off the bottle and when she reached the table, she handed me the bottle and sat down.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, after I took a large swig of water.

“Yeah, don’t mention it,” she said, and tilted her head, examining me, “What’s wrong? Do you feel sick or something?”

“No, I feel fine,” I stated, and gave a small shrug. Kayla didn’t look to convinced, as I stared at her and she narrowed her eyes at me.

“Karissa, don’t lie to me. I know something’s wrong. You look paler than a ghost and you’re shaking,” Kayla explained, and patted my shaking hand.

Sighing, defeatedly, I hung my head, “Honestly, it’s a stupid reason. It isn’t worth hearing,” I whispered.

“Stupid or not, I want to know the reason behind you acting like this. I’ve known you most of my life and whenever you act like this; it’s because of something big. Remember when you tried hiding your break up with David from me? How’d I find out?” Kayla asked, patiently and lifted my head up.

Nodding, I replied, “Yes, I remember. You said I was acting like I was sick.”

“Exactly, now tell me. What’s going on? Is it David?” Kayla asked.

“No. Dj doesn’t have this effect on me anymore. It’s – its Deryk,” I answered. Kayla nodded, with an understanding expression. She tilted her head and told me to go on. Without further hesitation, I explained the whole situation and once I was done, she nodded and sighed.

“What’s the problem then?” Kayla asked, and arched an eyebrow.

“What’s the problem? Well, the problem is I don’t want to start liking this guy, if it’s going to end up like David, again. I don’t want to end up hurt again. I’m so afraid he’ll be exactly like David,” I stated, honestly. I could feel my cheeks dampen, as tears rolled down my skin and landed on the palm of my hand.

“You know, Karissa. You can’t live in fear that you’re going to get hurt, because you are going to get hurt and everyone will. That’s just life. You need to start taking risks and start taking chances. We’re always going to end up getting hurt, but we have to move on and continue living life. You’ve been in the same position since two years ago and I think you need to start moving. David has and you should, too. Do it for your little girl and do it for you. Life isn’t going to be waiting for you.” I couldn’t believe such words had come out from the lips of Kayla, but they were true. I needed to move on, because David had and he hadn’t cared about what had happened to me. It was finally time I moved on and everyone knew about it.

I watched Kayla glance up from her lap and stare at the clock just above us. She sighed and ran her fingers threw her hair, pushing herself up from her spot in front of me. “Alright, Karissa, I need to get to class and I think you should, too. I’ll be waiting for you after school, okay?” Kayla said, gently and I wondered if she had forgiven me.

Nodding my head, Kayla smiled and started to walk past me, when I reached out and grabbed her arm. She glanced over her shoulder and I could see the concern written on her face. “I’m sorry, Kayla, for everything I put you through on a daily basis and thank you for being there. I must sound like a broken record, but I mean it everyday. I’m an idiot and I do agree, I need to move on because it’s been too long,” I said.

“Good,” Kayla answered, gently and smiled. I let her arm go and I watched her disappear down the hall.

It was time. I needed to move on because I couldn’t keep living in fear that I was going to get hurt. Kayla was right; everyone got hurt, but people had to pick themselves up and move. It was part of life and no one said coming into this world would be easy. I had been hiding for too long and it was my time to finally move on, after so long of living in fear.

It was just the beginning and the end was far from it.