Remember this Face, Baby.

3:24 PM.

One more minute, Karissa, just one more minute, I thought, anxiously, watching the clock tick, slowly. Our Math teacher, Mr. Greener, dragged on about the new lesson. The whole board was covered in long equations, under the big letters BEDMAS. The minute left for class seemed to take longer than this actual class and it made my anxiety go through the roof.

" . . . using BEDMAS decreases the use of having to solve a long equation as one. For example, this equation has brackets, exponents, division and addition. First in BEDMAS, we'd do the brackets. We'd solve them and then, leave it once it was done. We'd continue this routine, until we finally discovered what the answer for this equation is. Now, can someone come up and do - " Mr. Greener stared at the clock and sighed, once the bell went off signaling the end of the day. He closed his textbook and nodded his head towards the door. Students sprang up from their seats and rushed out the door, me being one of them.

I pushed through the thick crowd of students, walking to and fro. Groups of people huddled around lockers, laughing and talking amongst friends. As always, when I arrived at my locker after class, precious Kayla was leaned against my locker, picking at her nails. A group of guys surrounded her, but she paid no attention to them. She looked up from her nails and smiled, as she watched me approach. With a grimace on her face and two flicks of her wrists, the boys disappeared, letting me get to my locker.

"They never seem to leave me the hell alone," she scowled, rolling her eyes.

"Don't scowl. Wrinkles," I reminded her, swinging my locker opened and sticking my books inside. I closed the locker once I grabbed most of my stuff and slung my bag over my shoulder, walking alongside Kayla as she led me outside.

"I won't get wrinkles. I'm eighteen. People wish they had this body and face. Especially this skin, no one but you and me seem to have. We're gorgeous," she said, smugly, giving me a sideways glance.

"If you say so, Kayla," I chuckled, pushing past a few people infront of me. They scowled at me and glared after me, burning holes in my back.

"I do say so. Whatever Kayla says, goes. Isn't that right, boys?" Kayla said, smiling playfully at a group of sophomores, as she stepped down the stairs, gracefully. They looked dazed as they watched her and nodded, slowly. "Awh, you guys are so cute! How old are you? Five?" Kayla asked, running her fingers threw the teenager's hair, closer to her and then, ruffled it.

"No, I - I'm sixteen," he stammered, nervously, with a soft smile.

"Awh, cute," she said, puckering her lips and turning around, scrunching her nose as she stared at me. She outstretched her hand, making me grab her hands. She laced her fingers with mine and pulled me towards her, somehow hooking arms with me. Her eyes sparkled as she stared at me and she looked down at the boys, "Do you think my friend Karissa here is pretty?" she asked.

"Y - yeah. Are, uhm, are those rumours real, though?" one of the brunette boys asked, gently staring up at me. He didn't look like he meant any harm and I smiled, making him flush.

"What have you heard?" I asked, softly.

"Well, uhm, that you got knock - I mean, pregnant at sixteen and that you cheated and slept around. That popular guy, DJ said it," he replied, looking down at his pale hands and looking back up.

"I did get pregnant at sixteen, but I know who the father is. Don't believe everything you hear, okay? Especially from him, he's an idiot," I replied, then smiled.

"We gotta go now, boys. Nice talking to you guys," Kayla pulled me down the stairs with her, ignoring the boys soft good-byes. I looked over my shoulder and waved at them, ignoring the glares freshmen and sophomore girls sent me. I rolled my eyes at them and shook my head, unhooking arms with Kayla as we approached her car. She unlocked the doors and climbed inside, already starting the engine.

"Everyone knows about me," I stated, as I climbed into the car and pulled the seatbelt across my body.

"Falsely know you," Kayla hissed, shaking her head, angrily. She put the car into reverse and pulled out of the parking lot, ignoring the bunch of people who waved, as she passed them. She put her sunglasses on and turned onto the road, pressing her foot down on the gas.

"Even the new kids know me and I haven't even saw them once this year. I never knew those kids went to our school for Christ's sake," I stated, frustratedly.

"Karissa, if you don't talk to DJ about all this, I will. He's telling people who don't need to know about your shit," Kayla said, sternly, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel.

The rest of the ride home was in complete silence. Kayla was breathing heavily, though, as she clicked her tongue and sighed every so often. I sent her sideway glances, she ignored and watched her, carefully. Her knuckles were turning white, from her gripping onto the steering wheel with a deathgrip. Her body was tensed and every so often, she moved with such abruptness, it made me jump. She'd groan, suddenly as one of her body parts would twitch from her body being so tensed and stiff.

Kayla was agitated, I thought, that was for a certain.

We were a few blocks away from my house and that's when I saw him. It didn't matter that he had his hood over his raven hair, that seemed to disobey him everytime he brushed his bangs away, they'd just fall back as if that was their place. No matter how far I was, I could still see his sky-blue eyes that captured me, even as I remembered him. His skin was flawless as always and more beautiful in the spec of light coming from the grey clouds. He carried a red and black checkered bag on his back, as he held onto the straps and stared at the ground. His pink lips were set in a tight line and his eyes were narrowed, slightly. No matter how he looked, he was still the most beautiful person I've ever saw.

Deryk.

"Kayla, look, look!" I paused to point out the window, frantically. Kayla turned her head, quickly and raised an eyebrow, giving me a questioning look, "It's Deryk! The guy I met at the store!" I exclaimed, still pointing like a curious five year old.

"What? He's the one who fucking helped you today! And yes, that was his name! Deryk!" She nodded, frantically, before switching her eyes on the road and stopping at a stop sign. She looked over her shoulder and tossed her glasses in the backseat, squinting her eyes as though that would help to see him, clearly.

"He helped me? He goes to our school?" I demanded, quickly, trying to comprehend what she was saying.

"Yes, that was him! I remember him! He had the most prettiest eyes I've ever saw on a guy! Get on that, Karissa!" She screamed, loudly, slapping my shoulder.

"I - I don't know, Kayla! I know you got a good look at him and look at me; would he really go for someone like me? But - but, he helped me! I never thought I would see him, again," I replied, flabbergasted.

Kayla stuck her hand out and flipped the people honking behind her, the middle finger. "Stick a fucking sock in it!" Kayla exclaimed out the window. Angrily, the car behind us went around us, screaming at how rude teenagers were and hopefully, we got a fine for something drastic. Kayla rolled her eyes and looked over at me, with a different expression.

"He's in my class, Karissa. I can talk to him for you," she answered, with a large smile.

"Mhm, you'll do that," I nodded, "and he'll fall head over heels for you," I mumbled under my breathe.

"Okay! Tomorrow I'll talk to him," she replied, thankfully not hearing the last little bit.

Of course, I knew not to get my hopes up. Once Deryk heard all those rumours, no matter what he had said when he helped me from everyone earlier, he'd turn into a jerk, just like everyone else. He'd be introduced to DJ and soon after, he'd become like everyone else; a follower. DJ led them, told them everything, made them do anything. He was the Rierson King and whatever he said, was done or heard. No one ever tried to disobey him because there were consequences. Shunning was the worst consequence, something I learned much too quickly. Once you were shunned, you were no one. You were a nobody and nobody wanted to be a nobody.

I looked over at my house, standing proudly. My mom's car wasn't in the parking lot and I was guessing, she had already went to get Alexis from daycare. Kayla turned the engine off and stepped out of the car, walking around and heading towards my house, as if she owned it, too. She walked up the steps and stopped, turning on her heel and flopping down on the first step on the top. She had already heard the door close, as I stepped out and walked towards her. She lifted her head up and smiled up at me; a genuine smile.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you? About tomorrow," Kayla said, suddenly. Her question caught me off guard; thinking about who? Tomorrow?

Of course, I didn't want to admit that I was thinking about all thehorrible possible scenarios that might happen tomorrow. Every scenario started with Kayla walking into her classroom, always graceful, always beautiful. She'd sit down and somehow, Deryk and Kayla would begin talking. Every scenario ended with Kayla walking out with Deryk, with his number for herself and another heart sealed just for her. And again, I told myself, I couldn't let my hopes up. They needed to stay under control.

"What's happening tomorrow?" I asked.

Sure enough, Kayla caught onto the hesitation and the moment it took to give her a reply. "Deryk. I know you're thinking about him," she chuckled, shaking her head. Her locks tossed and bounced against her shoulders, giving her a childish look.

"Maybe," I whispered.

"I'm happy you aren't thinking about the other douche bag. 'Cause if you were, so help me Jebus, I was going to kick the shit out of you," Kayla said, fiercely.

"Kayla, you have to understand DJ was my first love. I won't be able to get over him, not as much as I try. He's still going to be there, in a space in my heart for as long as I live. I may not love him or feel anything towards him, but it's still going to be a sensitive thing to talk about," I answered, truthfully. I realized then that, no matter how much I tried to forget him I wouldn't be able, too. He was the father of my daughter, the one who I had given my virginity to, the first person to steal my heart. There was always going to be a hole that would be just for him.

"I know, but why did it have to be him, of all the people? He's always going to be your first, just like Timmy is going to be for me. But, that doesn't mean you can't move on. You've been in the same spot since you were done with him. Since you found out that a baby was coming. It's been a long time. You need to take a chance and let everyone know you're going to do it," my best friend looked at me with so much compassion, it hurt. I knew she was right and I knew that day was coming. But how would I show that I'm so sick of this bull crap? Would they even listen? Even care to listen to what I had to say?

"I just need time. That's all I'm asking for. I know the day is coming where finally I'm gonna get so sick and angry that it's all going to come out, but until then, just be my best friend. Okay?" Kayla looked as if she wanted to disagree with what I was saying, but instead, she nodded and forced a smile. Her eyes flicked past me, as a car rolled into the driveway. I glanced to the side and smiled, as my mom stepped out the car and waved at both of us. She walked around the car and pulled the door opened, bending inside to unbuckle Alexis. Seconds later, my mom pulled out my daughter and closed the door, walking towards us.

"Hello, ladies," she greeted, gently, walking up the steps and patting Kayla on the head.

"Are you going to come in, Kayla?" I asked.

"No, no. I need to head home. Mom wants to talk to me about something," she replied, nonchalantly. She stood up from the step and dusted her bottom off, before heading down the stairs and hugging me. She looked over her shoulder and called over to my mom.

"Bye, Kayla," my mom said, gently, letting her face glow.

"Bye guys! Bye Lexi!" Kayla looked over at the little girl, watching her with her head laid on her grandmother's shoulder. She moved her small fingers and smiled, before turning hiding her face in the crook of her grandma's neck and locking her small arms around her.

"I'll call you tonight," I called over my shoulder. Kayla was already folding into her car, nodding her head. The passenger window rolled down and I could see Kayla bent over the seats, as she held onto the ledge.

"Definitely! We need to plan for tomorrow, but call me around seven. I know the talk with mother dearest is going to be long," Kayla stated, rolling her eyes and tossing her hair over her shoulders.

Kayla's car sped down the street and with a sharp turn around the corner, she was gone. I let my mom pass me my daughter and I place her on my hip, wrapping an arm around her small body as I carried my bag with the other. Alexis looked tired and I assumed she must have been playing and doing a lot at the daycare. As on cue, she yawned, rubbing her small eyes with her hand and laid her head on my shoulder.

"They were taken to the park for a field trip today. There was a little river there and there were lots of newts and fish, Alexis was very fascinated and thought it'd be a good idea to step into the small river and get herself all wet and dirty," as my mom told me this, I looked down at Alexis and finally noticed grass stains and mud all over her new white shoes and pants.

"Lexi, Lexi, Lexi," I chanted, softly. I pecked her forehead and dropped my bag on the floor beside the couch. I sat down on the couch and pulled Alexis onto my lap, smiling down at her. With a hand on her back, I held her up, picking at her clothes and shaking my head, as I took off her dirty shoes and tossed them on the floor. "What were you doing today? Look at you, you're all muddy," I chuckled, leaning down towards her face and putting my forehead against hers. She cupped my cheeks and smiled, pushing her forehead closer to mine.

"I'd get her out of those clothes before she puts prints all over the house. Those people don't know how to take care of children. Look what they let them get into," my mom rolled her eyes, shaking her head and puffed her cheeks in frustration. She continued, "The girl said she didn't even know Alexis was dirty. Is she blind?" Again, she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Mom, calm down. They're babies, what do you expect? She's going to want to know what everything does," I replied, nonchalantly.

"No, I'm not blaming my granddaughter. It's the people in-charged of her! If I was in that daycare, I'd set them straight!" She said, firmly, tapping her fingers against her hip. I knew not to argue with her, so I picked Alexis up from my lap and wrapped my arm around her, setting my other arm under her bottom. Alexis tucked her arms towards her chest and laid her head on my shoulder, watching her grandmother fume.

"I'm going to give Alexis a bath," I said, walking towards the stairs.

"Yes, do that. Ugh, but what do you want for dinner? I could make steak with mashed potatoes or pasta or - " she'd continue on and on, and really, I didn't quite care what she made for dinner unless if she got to doing it.

"Mom, whatever you want," I mused, then smiled as she narrowed her eyes at me, but nodded and turned towards the kitchen. I smiled and started up the stairs, stepping on the landing and heading towards my room. Alexis lifted her head from my shoulder and looked around, tilting her head as she realized where she was. I pushed my bedroom door opened and stepped inside, turning the light on and moving towards my bed.

As soon as Alexis' eyes spotted the bed, she started struggling against me, nearly making me drop here. Thankfully, I had already reached the bed when she finally kicked one last time and I let go from the sudden pain. She dropped onto the bed and giggled, clapping her hands together and kicking her feet. I rubbed at the spot on my hip where she had kicked and looked down at her, sternly.

"Why did you do that, Alexis? It's not nice to hurt mommy or anyone. You understand me?" my voice immediately stopped her small giggling and instead of clapping, she held her hands together looking up at me with tears glistening in her eyes. Her small chin trembled and her lip pushed out. Then, the waterworks started. She looked down at the bed, as she cried, loudly, her whole body shaking with each sob. This was one of things I despised the most; I hated seeing my daughter cry for any reason, but sometimes, I had to be firm with her.

Quickly, I pulled her into my arms and hugged her close to me, cradling her and hushing her. She hid her face in the crook of my neck, crying loudly and clutching my shirt. I walked back and forth in my room, bouncing her gently in my arms to try and soothe her crying. I knew that in a few minutes, she'd stop crying and all this, never happened in her mind. But she'd remember that she got yelled at for a certain reason and it wouldn't happen, again.

"Boo, it's okay. Stop crying now, but kicking mommy wasn't right. You shouldn't hurt her, it's not nice," I whispered against her ear. Soon the sobs racking her body stopped and only sniffles moved her. She leaned away from me and rubbed her eyes, wiping the last of her tears away. I kissed her forehead and placed her back on the bed, laying pillows around the bed.

After dressing Alexis in her pink onesie, we went downstairs and sat in the living room. I placed her in the play pen with a small blanket and her favourite toys, knowing she'd be fine on her own and in a few hours, she'd be fast asleep. I watched her for a long moment, pondering. My daughter was just like her father; his eyes, his nose, his hair, his face. He was here, always in my arms, enjoying my kisses and enjoying my company. Even though he didn't care about me anymore, I still had her. She could show me the real meaning of love, the way it should be. She'd make me forget his hurtful love and show me that no matter what, love wasn't always like that. Just watching her, though, seeing her smile and giggle, reminded me of him.

A hand rested on my shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze. The owner of the hand sat down beside me and pulled me into them, giving me a waft of vanilla and pasta. Their fingers trailed into my hair, playing gently with strands as they tangled their fingers and massaged my scalp. I closed my eyes, leaning closer into them and slowly, memories of my childhood days flashed past my eyes. A small smile rose, as I remembered always staying my mother's arms, feeling her clever fingers run threw my hair and drive me into a deep slumber. I could feel my eyes getting heavier and heavier by the minute, as she ran her fingers through every spot in my head.

"How was school, sweetheart?" she asked, softly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and kissing my forehead.

"It was fine," I murmured, hearing my voice slur, slightly.

"No trouble?" she asked, with much gentleness as she continued to ran her fingers threw my hair.

I restrained my body from tensing at the mention of trouble, hearing all their voices scream in my ears. "No, none at all. I spent most of day with Kayla," I replied, half-truthfully.

"Good. It's about time they stopped being little jerks," I winced at her statement, clenching my fists, tightly. I hated lying to my mom, but sometimes, it was necessary seeing as my mom had already gone through so much with me.

"Yeah, about time," I mumbled in return, hoping she hadn't already heard the lie in my voice.

"You got any homework?" She asked, removing her hands from my hair and pushing herself up from the couch. I nodded, sleepily, hearing her chuckle and walk back into the kitchen. Now, I could smell the sweet aroma of tomato sauce and my mom's delicious garlic bread, baking in the stove.

"After dinner, I want you to start. I know you have a lot from missing a whole week. Alexis will be asleep for the whole night, after she'd been well-fed. You won't have to worry about her until tomorrow," my mom called from the kitchen. Again, I nodded, but did nothing to fetch my books and place them on the coffee table.

Half an hour later, we were sitting at the kitchen table, eating pasta and meatballs. As always, Alexis was doing her own thing, smearing pasta sauce all over her face and somehow, getting it in her hair. She'd finger at the food, then shove her hand into the pasta and stuff her hand full of pasta into her mouth. My mom would roll her eyes and I knew for certain, she was thinking she would be the one to clean the mess left behind by the crazy pasta baby.

Forking the last of the pasta into my mouth, I stood up from the table and retrieved my plate, along with Alexis' and put them in the sink. I walked into the living room, searching for the baby wipes and finally, spotted them laying by the play pen. As I bent down, something caught my eye. Instead of reaching for the baby wipes, I reached for a piece of paper laying by the television. Lifting myself off of my knees, I turned the paper over and I felt my whole body go rigid.

Hadn't I thrown everything out that reminded me of DJ?

My hands were ready, holding the piece of paper tightly, just to rip it into thousands of pieces. But, I didn't. Instead, I folded it and slid it inside my jean's pocket. For a long minute, I stood there, staring at the wall ahead of me, wondering how no one had seen the picture laying on the floor until I found it? I refrained from screaming and shrieking, letting the traitor tears fighting against my will to fall. I ran a shaky hand threw my disheveled hair and grabbed the baby wipes, returning back inside the kitchen with a fake and forced smile on my face. My mom didn't seem to notice anything strange and continued eating the last of her pasta.

"I don't understand how one little girl can make such a mess," my mom mumbled, looking at the pasta sauce plastered all over my daughter's face and on the surface of the high chair. She shook her head and pushed the chair back, standing away from the table and walking towards the sink filled with plates.

Pulling a baby wipe out, I started wiping all the sauce off of Alexis' face and grabbed one of her reddened hands, starting to clean all the sauce off. Alexis looked disgruntled as she watched me, clean the mess off of her hands and start on her other dirty hand. She tried pulling away from my grip, trying to wiggle out of the chair, but before she could actually fall, I picked her up from the chair and carried her upstairs. I passed my bedroom and turned into the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind me and setting Alexis down on the floor.

"A dirty little girl is gonna take a long bath," I said, staring down at Alexis. Apparently, listening to mommy wasn't important, as she paid attention to playing her pink rubber duck and giggled when it squeaked.

I turned the faucets and ran my hand underneath, smiling at the warm temperature and walked over to retrieve Alexis from the floor. Placing her down on the bathroom counter, I quickly unbuttoned her outfit and tossed it on the floor, removing her diaper as well. I rolled it into a ball and threw in the garbage, picking up a naked Alexis and walking towards the bathtub. I placed her inside with her rubber duckies and shut the water off, hearing Alexis splashing around and giggling. I removed my socks and stepped in, sighing at the warmth seeping threw the soles of my feet and up my body. I sat on the ledge of the bathtub, pulling Alexis closer towards me and cupping water with my hands. I poured water over the back of her head, before smoothing her wet hair back and smiling as she giggled.

I let her play in the water, until she finally yawned and rubbed her eyes with the back of her wet hands. Quickly, I bathed her and reached down for her, holding her wet body against my clothed one. I reached for a towel and walked over to the counter, placing her on it and pulling her up, so she'd stand up and wrapped the towel around her small body. I lifted her up and carried her into my bedroom, feeling her lay her head on my shoulder. Once she started breathing heavily, she knew she had fallen asleep and the idea of sleep made me anxious.

Once I entered my room, I placed my daughter bundled in a towel, on my bed and rampaged threw a drawer, looking for her sleepwear. Pulling it out, I grabbed a diaper as well and walked over to my sleeping child, unwrapping her from the towel and tossing it on the bed. I grabbed both of her legs in one of my hands and gently, lifted her off of her bottom and placed the diaper underneath, placing her legs back down and pulling the diaper up. She stirred, only slightly, tangling her fingers in her hair and breathing, heavily. But as she stirred, she was already breathing at a steady pace and sucking at her thumb. I slipped her in the sleepwear and pulled her into my arms, giving her a soft kiss on the forehead.

As much as I wanted to put her down, my arms seemed to tighten around her frail body and pulled her close towards me. I bounced her, lightly in my arms and laid my head over hers, closing my eyes as I walked back and forth in front of her crib. My arms started to ache as I held her against my sleepy body, but I didn't want to let go. Until I heard a familiar call, I sighed heavily and placed my daughter inside her crib.

Walking out of my room, I closed my door and walked downstairs, where my mom was holding my backpack. Inwardly, I groaned and refrained from rolling my eyes, but walked towards her and grabbed my backpack. The kitchen table was already cleaned when I arrived in the kitchen and pulled out a chair. I tossed my bag on the table and unzipped it, pulling out my books and scattering them around the table. Most teenagers tried to avoid doing homework, and I was just like them. I didn't want to do this shit, especially not for those goddamned teachers.

I opened my English book and stared down at all the letters. I didn't want to think at this point, because of how exhausted I felt. Everything that happened today left me feeling completely numb. The morning did it, though. From the time I arrived at school, my body went into auto-mode. I wasn't there, if that makes any sense. I knew something like that would happen, and it'd happen at anytime of the day. I just hadn't expected it to come so soon. I hadn't expected to be hurt so early in the morning and I hadn't wanted to remember everything that was said or done to me.

I pushed the morning's events from my mind and reached into my pocket, pulling out the picture. I held it out infront of me, feeling my body shake just slightly. I stared at his disgusting, but beautiful face and I wanted to weep all my grief out. I stared at his eyes, then ran my eyes over his smiling and happy face. I realized now, I had been in denial for a while; I truly did love him. He had been my first fling, my first kiss, my first real relationship. He had been the one to take my virginity and I had become his, but never had he been mine to start with. It disgusted me to the core to know I had shared him with other girls I probably didn't even know and the same act that had given my complete body to him, had been shared with other girls, as well.

"Karissa, are you doing your work?" Quickly as I could, I slipped the photo under my book and grabbed a pen, bending over my work and nodding, just as she walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah. I'm doing my English homework," I replied, hoping she hadn't saw the picture I had been glaring at, intently.

"Alright. I'm going to watch Family Guy," my mom turned on her heel and disappeared into the living room.

When I heard the familiar voice of Peter Griffin, I knew my mom wouldn't be bothering me anytime soon. Pulling the picture from under my book, I looked down at the fallen-apart couple; DJ and me. His arms were around me, as I sat with my back facing his front, leaning into him, lovingly. My face was glowing with happiness and his seemed to glow, too. Our hands were laced on my lap and a ring that DJ had bought me, hugged my middle finger.

We were happy.