These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me

“Why can’t you trust me Ali?” Ronnie said hugging me.

“You have hurt me to much,” I said beginning to cry. He walked off to the kitchen and I went to the living room. I turned on the TV and watched Ren and Stimpy, at the end of the show I heard crying in the kitchen. I walked over to check it out, biggest mistake of my life, “Ronnie are you okay?” I asked rounding the corner.

“You can’t fucking trust me anymore, Ali. Do you think I am okay?!” he yelled at me.

“That is your fault I can’t trust you,” I said rolling my eyes.

“You are just a stupid bitch!” he yelled walking up to me.

“Fuck you!” I screamed before noticing the beer bottle on the table. I began to turn in run when he grabbed me by the hair.

“What did you say to me?” He demanded. I stood there silenced, “Fucking answer me.”

“Ronnie, I think its time you go home,” I said calmly.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he said yanking on my hair. Next thing I knew I was pinned on the ground, “You need to learn not to be so smart ass-ish,” he said before punching me in the face.

I screamed waking myself out of my sleep and clinging to the closest person to me, Mikey. I started crying.

“What happened?” he said wrapping his arms around me.

“You know that night Ronnie punched me and I was so hurt,” I said digging my face in his chest.

“Yeah what about it? I thought you were over it,” he said rubbing his hand up and down my spine.

“I just had a dream about it. I am scared what if they don’t find Chelsea?” I said pulling back from him.

“They will,” he said smiling.

“I want out of here! I am not doing anything to help!” I said taking the tape off of my arm.

“Ali stop you need to stay here or you won’t get better,” Mikey said stopping me.

“I don’t fucking care! I want to find Chelsea!” I screamed in his face, “I want my best friend, now!” I said beginning to cry.

“You can’t help her like this,” Mikey said hugging me.

“I can still try,” I said crying more.

“You will be in pain the whole time,” he said pulling back to see my face. I saw his eyes water up and I melted, “You know I hate seeing you like this,” he said looking me straight in the face, “I miss you being mine,” he said out of nowhere, “I miss you because you were a girl who knew what she wanted in life and knew how to get it with out appearing slutty,” he said sighing, “But most of all I miss this,” he said cupping my face and leaning in to kiss me. He did lightly before the door began to open.

“Um thanks,” I said as Leila and Gerard walked in.

“And Mommy is really nice, not my mommy but daddy’s girly friend,” she laughed, “She is pretty. My daddy is lucky to have her,” she finished before seeing me, “Mommy! You are awake,” she said as Gerard set her on the bed with me.

“She talks an awful lot,” Gerard said before kissing me on the cheek.

Leila gasped before saying, “He kissed you,” she said covering her mouth.

“Daddy won’t mind,” I laughed.

“Yeah uh,” she said nodding her head.

“Says who?” I said bending over at the stomach to get to her level, which cause pain in my chest. I hissed in pain for a second.

“Mommy you okay?” Leila asked putting a tiny hand on my face.

“Yeah baby I’m fine,” I said sitting up straight.

“You sure babe,” Mikey said.

“Yeah I am sure,” I said before my phone rang, “Hello?” I said answering it quickly.

“I’m sorry Ali,” I heard a guy crying on the phone.

“Who is this?” I said sitting up straight.

“I’m sorry I put you in the hospital,” then I knew it was Ronnie.

“You sick son of a bitch,” I said into the phone and Leila covered her ears, “What the hell is wrong with you!?”

“I’m sorry,” he said crying.

“Fuck you Ronald Joseph Radke,” I said getting ready to hang up the phone.

“Ali don’t say that. I have screwed up so many times you are the only person that trusts me,” he said and I could tell he was sober, “Ali please don’t leave me like this.”

“You threw me into a door and kicked me repeatedly. Why the fuck shouldn’t I leave you?” he sobbed into the phone for a bit, “Well fucking answer me? Do you even know half the shit you said to me?”

“No Ali I was fucking drunk,” he screamed.

“You said you were trying to change you fucking liar. I can never trust you again, Never!” I yelled hanging up the phone. I felt the necklace he gave me around my neck. I gripped it tight before ripping it off, “I want the fuck out of here, NOW!” I screamed at Gerard and Mikey.

“Mommy,” Leila said beginning to cry.

“Oh my god,” I said hugging her, “I can’t believe what I just did,” I said holding her and she pushed away from me and went to Gerard, “I think you guys should take her home with you,” I said crawling under the sheets and crying.

I was so pissed at Ronnie at that time I didn’t care what I said or who was around me and I went off. Now, Leila doesn’t even want me to touch her. I heard the door open expecting the guys were leaving when I hear Craig's voice.

“Ali what the fuck did you do to Leila?” he yelled.

“Don’t talk to me,” I said pulling the sheets tighter on me.

“Are you crying?” I hear him say and his footsteps walking around the bed.

“No,” I said pushing my face in my pillow.

“Yes she is,” I heard Mikey say.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Craig said trying to pick up the sheet.

“I don’t want to talk about it. But, Leila hates me know so I don’t know what to do,” I said letting him pick up the sheet.

“What did you do?” he asked sitting on the bed with me.

“I went off on Ronnie while she was with me,” I said sitting up trying to get Leila to come to me. I failed.

“When did you see him?” he asked wiping my face of tears.

“He called saying sorry,” I said hugging Craig.

“No,” Leila said pushing me away from Craig, “You can’t touch him.”

“Leila I am sorry,” I said moving her hair out of her face, “I got mad at the person on the phone not you. He hurt me a lot,” I said realizing everything he did to me.

“He hurt you?” she said looking up at me. I shook my head and she said, “I going to cut him.”

Craig and I laughed but it starting hurting my chest, “Babe you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said taking Leila in my lap, “So Baby doll you forgive me?” she shook her head before hugging me tightly. I looked up at Craig who kissed me the first chance he got.

“How are things finding Chelsea?” Mikey asked.

“Well the other guys are going to check his old apartment and you two get a break,” he said looking at me, “I am going to take the night shift,” he said smiling.

“Night,” Gerard said kissing my cheek.

“Bye,” Mikey said just walking out.

“Night,” I said to Gerard, “I hope they find Chelsea,” I said turning to Craig after the guys left.

“Chessy is missing?” Leila asked.

“Yeah and the guy that called me that I yelled at took her,” I sad kissing her nose.

“He is a jerk,” she said putting her hands on her hips.

“Time for bed munchkin,” Craig said picking her up and putting her on the cot the nurses brought for Mikey.

“Craig,” I said as he walked back over to my bed.

“What?”

“Don’t leave me in the morning till you know I am awake. I have been having nightmares,” I said looking down ashamed.

“I understand Babe,” he said kissing my forehead.

“I love you,” I said kissing him on the lips.

“I love you too,” he said deepening the kiss. He was on top of me in the hospital bed kissing me. I felt his hand on the back of my neck and I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck.

“We can’t do this here,” I said pulling back.

“I know,” he laughed, “Your heart rate will race and the nurses will be here in seconds,” he said laughing again.

“We will soon I promise,” I said running my hand down his face.

“No not till I know you are completely ready and out of stress,” he said laying down in the bed with me, “Now go to sleep,” he said kissing my nose.

I knew it wouldn’t be a good sleep but I am glad the guys were there attempting to keep my mind off of Chelsea and Ronnie. But I just wanted all this to end so our lives could go to normal, whatever that is.