These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me

“How in the fucking hell are we going to find her when we have no idea where the fuck she is?!” Max asked as we stood around Ronnie’s old apartment building. He sighed in frustration and said, “This is freaking impossible. I don’t even remember Ronnie’s old apartment number. I know he used to hide a key outside his apartment, but I have no clue where it is.”

I sighed. “Max, we’ll find her,” I said.

“How do you know Tom? It would be a miracle if we did. And if so, she could be beaten badly, or worse she could be--” Max started to say.

“Say it and I swear I will fucking break your face,” Frank said violently.

I looked over to see Frank looked stressed beyond belief. “Frank, Max, we’ll find her. I know it. I can feel it,” I said.

Frank shook his head. “Max, you’re speaking as if Chelsea’s doomed. But she isn’t doomed. We’ll find her. You should believe that as well Max. You’re her boyfriend. You should be bound and determined to find her. You love her enough to find her and not stop, right?” he asked.

“Yes Frank. Of course I love her! You have no idea how much I love her. It’s killing me to know that the guy who promised me he would take care of her was and is now hurting her,” Max said before pacing.

Well, I guess he does love her. She probably loves him back as well. I guess there goes my chance.

I started pacing when my phone started ringing. I looked to see that it was Kat. Ugh. I don’t feel like dealing with her right now. But if I don’t answer, she’ll assume I’m cheating on her.

I grabbed my phone and flipped it open. “Hello?” I asked.

“Where are you?” she asked.

“Out with the guys. Why?” I asked.

“I was just hoping we could hang out,” she replied.

I shook my head. That’s code for she wants to screw. “Kat, I’m kind of busy right now,” I said.

“Oh come on Tom. You’re always busy nowadays. When are you going to come over?” she asked, “My folks won’t be home for a week.”

I sighed. “Kat, I’m busy right now. I’ll call you later.”

“Well, you better not be with that Chelsea bitch. I swear if you’re screwing her I’m going to--”

“Kat, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“How do I know that? She’s a slut anyway.”

I sighed before hanging up. I started pacing, trying to think of a way to find Chelsea when my phone rang again. I looked at the caller I.D. and sighed in frustration. I flipped it open and asked, “What do you want?”

“Why did you hang up on me? Is it because I called that little emo bitch a slut?” she asked.

“She’s not a slut.”

“And you would know this how?”

“I just know these things Kat. I’m good at reading people.”

“Then you should know she’s a fucking slut!”

“Don’t talk about her like that.”

“Why shouldn’t I? What are you going to do? Talk to her? Because you know what happens if you talk to her.”

Yeah, I think I can go fine without getting laid. “I know exactly what I am going to do. I should have done this sooner, seeing as doing this over the phone is low and cowardly, but we’re through.”

“Wha-what? Why?”

“Because she’s my friend and no one talks crap about my friends like that. Sorry hun.”

“Fine. See if I care. I could get any guy I want.”

“Good luck.”

I hung up the phone and sighed in frustration. “What is it Tom?” Mikey asked. He and Gerard and joined up with us earlier and Craig was watching Ali.

“I broke up with Kat. She was getting on my last nerve saying shit about Chelsea,” I replied.

“Good Tom. Someone’s finally got some sense,” Gerard said.

I nodded. “Come on. I think if we split up, we could find Chelsea easier,” I said.

All eleven of us, counting Georg and Gustav since they met up with us over here, gathered around and split into groups of three, Max and I in a group together.

“Alright. Call everyone whose number you have if you find her, got it?” Frank asked, “Especially me, seeing as she’s my little sister.”

We nodded and Max and I headed towards the elevator. He pushed the up button and said, “Let’s start with the top floor and work our way down. We’ll eventually find her. I hope.”

The elevator door opened and we walked into it. The doors closed and Max pushed the highest numbered button before we started climbing upward. We were quiet for a moment when Max asked, “Are you scared?”

“Of what?” I asked confused.

“Of not finding her. Because I’m petrified of it. That, or finding her and it being too late,” he replied.

I nodded. “More than you know.”

“It’s weird. I’ve never been like this except when we found out what Ronnie was doing to her. And now he has her again and I’m terrified that he’s going to hurt her. Or more.”

“I know what you mean.”

“And just look at you. You look like a guy who’s indifferent about things, no offence or anything. But here you are, just as scared as I am.”

“Got that right. I wish Bill was with us. For his sake anyway. He’s a confusing person if you don’t know him. And I’ve known him my entire life. We’re twins. We share a connection. Bill’s probably panicking right now and that’s not good for him.”

Max nodded as we reached the top floor. The door opened and Max said, “You go left and I’ll go right.”

I nodded and we both got out of the elevator, walking in opposite directions. I really wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going. I just let my feet carry me to wherever.

I’ve come to terms with myself. As much as I want her, I know I can’t have her. She’s with Max and I just have to accept that she wants to be just friends. This sucks. I haven’t gotten the chance to tell her how I feel about her and now I may not even get the chance. I’m petrified that we’ll find her and she’ll be…

Stop Tom. She’ll be fine. Well, not fine fine. But she’ll be alive. She has to be. Just has to.

I kept walking until I reached the stairs when I heard a thump and a whimper from behind one of the doors. I stopped walking and listened. There was a bang against the door next to me on my right. I quietly walked over to it and listened.

“Please Ronnie. Not again,” I heard Chelsea beg.

I quickly grabbed my phone, my back to the door, and pulled it out of my pocket. I flipped it open and started dialing Bill’s number, since he’s in Frank’s group, when I felt a sudden pain erupt in the back of my head and everything went black.