These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me
Chappy 53
After what seemed like an eternity, I’m finally out of the hospital. Yay home. Mikey’s PMS-ing again. I mean, damn it! Just because Ali likes fucking Craig more and thinks he’s better at it doesn’t mean Mikey can act all PMSy. I swear if he doesn’t put on his big girl panties and deal with it I’m going to kick him in the ass. Fuck.
We were sitting in the den, all fucking fifteen of us. It’s insane! I didn’t even know we could fit this many people in here! I was shocked myself. Of course, some of us (Ali and I) are sitting on laps (Craig and Max) and others (Bill, Tom, Frank, and Monte) are sitting on the floor. But that’s not the point.
Anyways, we were watching Transformers. I like this movie. Very cool. Plus certain people of the German persuasion haven’t seen it yet. They’re missing out.
After the movie ended, I stood up. “I’m getting more snackage. I’ll be back,” I said walked towards the stairs.
A round of “okays” and “that’s fines” were heard as I walked up the stairs. Well, slowly anyway. I was still in pain. Fucking bastard.
I walked into the kitchen and looked around for food. Let’s see. We have oranges, apples (Bill can‘t have those. He‘s allergic. Which is crazy in my opinion), pretzels, grapes, gum, pop tarts, Skittles, pine--
Wait a minute! Skittles! Fuck yeah! I grabbed the bag and started to dance my happy dance. “I have a bag of Skittles. I have a bag of Skittles,” I said in a sing-song voice.
“That you are sharing whether you like it or not,” Tom added in the same sing-song voice.
I looked over at him and shook my head. “I found them first therefore they are mine German boy with the awesome dreads. So suck it,” I said.
He rolled his eyes and said, “Frank’s wanting me to ask you what movie we should watch next.”
“Ehm,” I said thinking, “I am thinking Full Metal Jacket. That movie is amazing.”
Tom nodded before going back to the den. I followed shortly after him with my bag of Skittles.
****************
“How tall are you, Private?” I asked, quoting the movie.
“Sir, five foot nine, sir!” Frank replied.
“Five foot nine! I didn’t know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you’ve been cheated! Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?”
“Sir, Texas, sir!”
“Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don’t look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Are you a peter-puffer?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“I’ll bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I’ll be watching you!”
Frank and I looked at each other as serious as possible before busting out laughing. I was laughing so hard that my chest hurt more than usual and I started having a coughing fit.
“Are you okay Chelsea?” Max asked.
I nodded. “Good. Because that was amusing as hell. I say we go somewhere public and do that. How about the mall?” he asked.
“Hell yeah. Come on Private Cowboy. Let’s go!” I said linking arms with my brother.
Frank shook his head. “You are so lucky I consider you my sister,” he said.
“Awe. Danke Frankie. Ich liebe dich,” I said.
****************
We were in the food court when I looked at Frank. “How tall are you, Private?” I asked suddenly.
“Sir, five foot nine, sir!” Frank replied, everyone watching.
“Five foot nine! I didn’t know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you’ve been cheated! Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?”
“Sir, Texas, sir!”
“Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don’t look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Are you a peter-puffer?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“I’ll bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I’ll be watching you!”
Everyone who was in the food court had been watching and stated laughing. I high-fived Frank and said, “I should so be a freaking comedian.”
“Not without me!” he said.
“No way. You’re going to become famous playing guitar and I’ll be the comedian. If I’m ever in the same town as you are, I’ll call you up and you can be part of my gig, kay?”
“Fine.”
I linked arms with Frank and said, “Let’s go to Hot Topic. Anyone wanna come with?”
“Ich ich ich!” Bill replied excitedly.
I laughed at his enthusiasm. “Come on Billa,” I said linking arms with him as well, “Let’s go.”
“Hey! Wait for me!” Max yelled as we started walking.
We stopped. “Stop. Collaborate and listen,” I said.
Frank rolled his eyes at me. “Wow sis. Wow,” he said.
“No, it’s “mom sis mom!” You just had the word upside down silly Frankie!” I said.
“Alright. Can we go?” Max asked.
I nodded. “Let’s go!” I said pointing in the general direction of Hot Topic the best I could.
We were sitting in the den, all fucking fifteen of us. It’s insane! I didn’t even know we could fit this many people in here! I was shocked myself. Of course, some of us (Ali and I) are sitting on laps (Craig and Max) and others (Bill, Tom, Frank, and Monte) are sitting on the floor. But that’s not the point.
Anyways, we were watching Transformers. I like this movie. Very cool. Plus certain people of the German persuasion haven’t seen it yet. They’re missing out.
After the movie ended, I stood up. “I’m getting more snackage. I’ll be back,” I said walked towards the stairs.
A round of “okays” and “that’s fines” were heard as I walked up the stairs. Well, slowly anyway. I was still in pain. Fucking bastard.
I walked into the kitchen and looked around for food. Let’s see. We have oranges, apples (Bill can‘t have those. He‘s allergic. Which is crazy in my opinion), pretzels, grapes, gum, pop tarts, Skittles, pine--
Wait a minute! Skittles! Fuck yeah! I grabbed the bag and started to dance my happy dance. “I have a bag of Skittles. I have a bag of Skittles,” I said in a sing-song voice.
“That you are sharing whether you like it or not,” Tom added in the same sing-song voice.
I looked over at him and shook my head. “I found them first therefore they are mine German boy with the awesome dreads. So suck it,” I said.
He rolled his eyes and said, “Frank’s wanting me to ask you what movie we should watch next.”
“Ehm,” I said thinking, “I am thinking Full Metal Jacket. That movie is amazing.”
Tom nodded before going back to the den. I followed shortly after him with my bag of Skittles.
****************
“How tall are you, Private?” I asked, quoting the movie.
“Sir, five foot nine, sir!” Frank replied.
“Five foot nine! I didn’t know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you’ve been cheated! Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?”
“Sir, Texas, sir!”
“Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don’t look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Are you a peter-puffer?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“I’ll bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I’ll be watching you!”
Frank and I looked at each other as serious as possible before busting out laughing. I was laughing so hard that my chest hurt more than usual and I started having a coughing fit.
“Are you okay Chelsea?” Max asked.
I nodded. “Good. Because that was amusing as hell. I say we go somewhere public and do that. How about the mall?” he asked.
“Hell yeah. Come on Private Cowboy. Let’s go!” I said linking arms with my brother.
Frank shook his head. “You are so lucky I consider you my sister,” he said.
“Awe. Danke Frankie. Ich liebe dich,” I said.
****************
We were in the food court when I looked at Frank. “How tall are you, Private?” I asked suddenly.
“Sir, five foot nine, sir!” Frank replied, everyone watching.
“Five foot nine! I didn’t know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress! I think you’ve been cheated! Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?”
“Sir, Texas, sir!”
“Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don’t look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“Are you a peter-puffer?”
“Sir, no, sir!”
“I’ll bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around! I’ll be watching you!”
Everyone who was in the food court had been watching and stated laughing. I high-fived Frank and said, “I should so be a freaking comedian.”
“Not without me!” he said.
“No way. You’re going to become famous playing guitar and I’ll be the comedian. If I’m ever in the same town as you are, I’ll call you up and you can be part of my gig, kay?”
“Fine.”
I linked arms with Frank and said, “Let’s go to Hot Topic. Anyone wanna come with?”
“Ich ich ich!” Bill replied excitedly.
I laughed at his enthusiasm. “Come on Billa,” I said linking arms with him as well, “Let’s go.”
“Hey! Wait for me!” Max yelled as we started walking.
We stopped. “Stop. Collaborate and listen,” I said.
Frank rolled his eyes at me. “Wow sis. Wow,” he said.
“No, it’s “mom sis mom!” You just had the word upside down silly Frankie!” I said.
“Alright. Can we go?” Max asked.
I nodded. “Let’s go!” I said pointing in the general direction of Hot Topic the best I could.