These Bright Lights Have Always Blinded Me

I was sitting up in my hospital bed again thinking about what the doctor told me. I could just kill Ronnie. Well, it’s not like he’ll ever know about it. I’m more afraid about telling everyone though. I was told that Ali and Haley know, but no one else. Ali had been in here earlier and told me Tom and Bill were here and that Tom knew. Great. Now just how am I going to tell my brother, friends, and boyfriend that I was pregnant for two months and that I didn’t even know about it without telling them about Ronnie raping me? I can’t.

I was looking through one of my Joker comics Frank brought for me, since he knows I love the Joker, when Max walked into the room. And boy did he look ready to kill. “Max? Are you okay babe?” I asked.

His jaw clenched when I said ‘babe’ and he shook his head. “What did I do to deserve it? Just tell me and I’ll change whatever it is,” he said.

I looked at him confused. “Euhm, what are you talking about?” I asked honestly confused.

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t act all innocent with me. What did I do to make you cheat on me?” he asked.

Okay. Now I’m double confused. “Maxi, I didn’t cheat on you. Why would you think that?” I asked.

“Don’t lie to me. I know about the thing. The doctor told me about it. Now who did you cheat on me with?” he asked.

Thing? I sat there thinking, confused as hell, when it clicked. “Max, I didn’t cheat on you. I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to do so,” I told him.

“Oh, so it just magically appeared out of nowhere?!” he asked/yelled.

I cringed away at the yelling. “I didn’t do anything,” I told him.

“You didn’t do anything my ass. I find out from the doctor that you lost the baby in the wreck. We both know we didn’t do it, so I demand you to tell me who you screwed!”

“I didn’t screw anyone damn it!!”

“Just tell me who the father is!”

“I didn’t screw anyone or cheat on you! I’m not a heartless bitch!”

“Ha. Could’ve fooled me.”

I felt my eyes water up. “I couldn’t or wouldn’t cheat on you. I love you Max. I wouldn’t stab you in the heart like that!”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. You already did. We’re done. I knew this was too good to be true. It’s over. Don‘t talk to me,” he said before leaving the room.

I felt one tear fall, followed by several more until there was a waterfall of tears falling. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my pain-filled arms around them, burying my face in them.

It was a while later when I heard someone walk into the room. I looked up to see a confused Frank. “What?” I asked coldly, a tear falling as I asked.

“We were just told that you lost a baby in the wreck. And we all know you never slept with Max. We just want to know who the father is, or whether, was,” he replied calmly, although I could tell he was pissed.

“You know, I couldn’t exactly keep my legs closed while I was getting raped repeatedly by my ex thank you,” I blurted before covering my mouth. Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. I wasn’t supposed to say that. Ah fuck.

He quickly shook his head. “Repeat that again?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I wasn’t supposed to say that,” I said uncovering my mouth before covering it again.

He looked like he was thinking when his eyes widened. Ah fuck he figured it out. Damn me and my big mouth. Now he’s going to get pissed and get himself put in jail for offing Ronnie. Just fucking perfect.

“He did WHAT?!” he asked/yelled.

I cringed away, a few more lingering tears falling. I felt my body shake and heard my heart racing on the monitor. Ah fuck me! Now the nurse is going to be coming in here and I don’t want to have to deal with her!

Frank heard the rate my heart was going and said, “Oh fuck. Chelsea I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell like that. Just calm down, okay sis? For me?”

I calmed myself down to where my heart was beating like normal. I looked over to see that Frank looked pissed/shocked. I few straggling tears were falling down my face and Frank asked, “Why didn’t you say anything before? We could have had him locked up longer than he was.”

I shook my head. “I’d rather have him hurt me like he did than have him hurt you guys,” I replied quietly, “But can I be alone for a bit please? Just a little bit.”

He nodded and kissed my forehead. “I’ll be back later sis. If you need or want anyone, just call, okay?” he asked.

“Okay bubby. I love you,” I said.

“I love you, too sis,” he said before leaving.

I lied down on my back and laid there when I heard little foot steps. I looked up to see that it was Leila. I sat up in the bed and said, “Hey Leila.”

She little-kid ran over to my bed and said, “Hi Chessy. Why are you crying? Did the mean guy who tooked you hurt you again?”

I shook my head. “Max is mad at me and we’re not together anymore,” I somberly replied, a tear falling as I replied.

Leila’s mouth fell open before she little-kid ran over to the door. She ran out into the hallway and yelled, “Max, I’m gonna cut you!”

She ran back in and asked, “All better?”

I shook my head. “Thanks for trying though Munchkin,” I replied.

She nodded and tried to jump onto my bed. Ali and Haley walked into my room as Leila attempted to jump onto my bed. Leila saw Ali and said, “Mommy, up!”

Ali nodded and walked over to me before hoisting Leila up into my bed, careful not to set her on my broken leg. “Thank you Mommy,” Leila said.

“I am so not going to get used to that,” Haley said from the door.

Ali kissed Leila’s cheek. “You’re welcome baby girl,” she said. She looked at me and asked, “Do you need anything?”

I shook my head. “Not at the moment Alikina. But thanks anyway,” I replied.

She nodded. “We’ll be out in the waiting room if you need us, okay? Just send Leila,” she said.

“Iight,” I said.

She and Haley left the room and I sat there with the little girl when she said, “I’ll be back Chessy. I forgot something from Daddy.” She stood up, stepped over my broken leg, and hopped off the bed before little-kid running out of my room. I sat there in the quiet and waiting when Leila ran back in with a blanket and a stuffed penguin with a bow tie and something tied around it. Leila sat the stuff down by the bed before pulling the chair next to the bed. She grabbed her things and climbed onto the chair. She sat the stuff on my bed before climbing on as well, remembering not to sit on my left leg. She wrapped her blanket around her shoulders and gave me the penguin. “It’s for you,” she said, “He said you gots to read the card on it.”

I looked to see a card tied around the penguin’s neck with my name on it. I opened the little card and read it.

Chelsea, can I come in? Tom. the card said. I giggled at it and looked at Leila. “Tell Tom he can come in,” I told her.

She nodded and hopped off the bed. She little-kid ran out of my room and down the hallway. A couple minutes later, she came back, dragging Tom by the hand behind her. She let go of his hand and little-kid ran over to the chair next to my bed. She climbed onto it and climbed into my bed. Tom stood by the door hesitantly before walking over to me and sitting on what space was left on the bed.

I smiled at him and we were silent for a bit when the awkward silence was broken by a little kid sneeze. You know, the adorable ones.

“Bless you,” I said.

“Gesundheit,” Tom said.

Leila looked at him and asked, “What does that mean?”

“It means ‘bless you’ in German,” he replied.

She nodded before looking at his hair. She stared at it for a moment before hiding behind me. “Chessy?” she asked.

“Yeah Leila?” I asked.

“His hair’s scary. It’s not like Daddy’s or Mommy’s or yours,” she replied.

I chuckled. “She’s afraid of your hair Tom,” I told him.

“Why’s that?” he asked.

“It looks like a bunch of snakes. I don’t like snakes,” she replied.

“Leila,” I said setting her on the right side of my lap, “They’re not snakes honey. That’s just how Tom likes his hair. And besides, if his hair was like Mommy’s or Daddy’s or mine, you wouldn’t be able to do this.”

I started batting at one of Tom’s dreads like a cat would bat at a toy or yarn. Hehe. It’s fun. “See Leila? It’s fun. It’s harder than most, but still fun,” I said.

I looked over to see Tom smirking. Ah fuck. That didn’t sound right. Damn me and my mouth. “Harder than most?” he asked.

I face-palmed myself. “You know what I mean,” I said.

He nodded. “I know. Just giving you a hard time,” he said.

I shook my head at him. “Wow Tomi. Wow,” I said.

Leila was looking between the two of us. She looked at me and said, “You like Tom.”

I looked at her shocked. “And you say this why?” I asked.

“I don’t know. You look happier with Tom than with Max. You smile more,” she replied.

Geeze that girl’s good. And she’s like, what? Two? Three? I giggled and she looked at Tom. “You like Chessy a lot, too,” she said.

He looked at her surprise. “Wow Leila. How do you know?” he asked.

She smiled. “You smile at Chessy lots,” she replied.

“Yes I do,” Tom said.

I smiled at him. “Yay! Chessy’s smiling!” Leila said.

I giggled. “Hey Leila, can you leave Tom and I alone for a moment please?” I asked her.

She nodded and gave me a little-kid kiss on the cheek. She went over to Tom and gave him a little-kid kiss on the cheek before hopping off the bed and leaving the room. I sighed and looked at my feet. “Hey? Are you okay?” Tom asked.

I shook my head. “Max thought I was cheating on him. We’re not together anymore,” I replied.

I felt Tom grab my hand. “I’m sorry. But why didn’t you tell him you were raped?” he asked.

“Because I don’t want anyone put in jail because they offed Ronnie or dead,” I whispered.

He squeezed my hand in his. “You know, Ali called me right as I was getting ready for bed. She couldn’t even tell me what had happened to you. Haley had to end up telling me,” he said, “I was so worried about you Liebling. Bill ended up having to drive us here. And you know I never let anyone drive my car.”

I looked at Tom and saw worry etched into his eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m not in critical condition. Just my whole left side and my head are injured. And my car. I really liked that car, too,” I said.

Tom chuckled. “I’m just glad you’re awake and not in any serious condition. When do you think they’ll let you out?”

I shrugged. “Ich weiss nicht. Hopefully soon though. I hate hospitals. I really do.”

He nodded. “I know Liebling. I can tell.”

I looked over at him. “Hey Tomi?”

“Yeah?”

“Is there a reason you call me Liebling all the time? Just curious.”

“Well, Liebling means “favorite” or “darling.” I guess it’s second nature.”

I smiled. “Okay. Just wondering.”

“Why do you call me Tomi?”

“Second nature. It’s like calling Meckie by Billa or Meckie. Second nature.”

He smiled. We sat there for a while in a comfortable silence when I yawned. Damn it! “Sounds to me like you’re sleepy,” Tom said.

I nodded. “I hurt though,” I said.

“Too much to sleep?”

I nodded. “Well, I’ll find Frank or Mama Linda and have them bring your doctor, okay?”

I nodded. He stood up to leave and I grabbed his hand. “Don’t go. Call Frankie and have him get my doctor. I don’t want to be alone.”

He looked at me before sitting down and pulling out his phone. He flipped it open and dialed a number. “Frank? Hey. Yeah, can you send in Chelsea’s doctor? She wants to sleep but hurts too much. Okay. Yeah. She told me. Well, I’m going to go. Yeah. Later,” Tom said before hanging up his phone.

I relaxed in my bed when the same doctor I had last time walked in. “Hey JD. Guess who’s back?” I asked.

“Hey Chelsea. What happened this time?” he asked.

“Car wreck. Got hit by a drunk driver. Don’t even remember what the guy looked like,” I replied.

“Well, I take it you want something for the pain so you can sleep?” JD asked.

I nodded. JD handed me a cup with a couple little pills in it and a bottle of water. He looked at Tom and said, “Call for me if she needs anything, okay?”

Tom nodded. “Got it,” he said.

I took the pills as JD left the room. I relaxed in the bed and Tom asked, “Do you want me to leave and get anyone?”

I shook my head. “Stay,” I said.

He nodded and I snuggled into the bed. I felt Tom kiss the top of my head. “Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up, okay Liebling?”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“For what?” was all that I heard before falling asleep.