It's Our Last Chance to Feel Again

JACOB

I've never given it much thought, but the past few days it's just been swimming around in my head: Why me?

Why, above everyone else, did my mom have to die? Why me who turns into a wolf? Why me who loves cars? Why me who has a dad who needs to get around by a wheelchair? Why me who had to be born? Why me who had to imprint? Why me who has to follow two of his pack members to the grocery store at 7 in the morning just because they spotted me? Harmless questions, but questions that I thought about nonetheless.

"Hey. Jake, look," Embry nudged me, and I turned to see him poking his head in the direction of the beach. "Your girl's there."

Looking at the beach, I saw Katherine sitting on the shore. On the exact spot we had been sitting two nights ago. Of course she goes there now. Of course it's never when I'm around. Of course I just have to love the girls that always want something better. I scoffed. My girl? Hardly.

Whatever. It's not as if I care.

"Jake? Jacob! Why aren't you going to say hi?" Seth asked from beside Embry. His voice sounded so confused, so naïve. But of course he's innocent. He doesn't have an imprint. Lucky him.

"Jake, what the hell's wrong with you? Yesterday you were so close to peeing in your pants from all that wonderful shit that happened with you and your girl and now you're so-"

I turned around sharply to face Embry, cutting him off with a snap. "Don't."

And then acting as if nothing ever happened, I continued on our walk. Why was I even out with them? All I wanted to do was just go back to my home and get a nice rest. The nice rest I didn't get last night because of my own stupidity. Well, that taught me a lesson. People disappoint, and life goes on. No point in moping. The disappointment, it's never going away. Everyone's going to disappoint someone. Hell, I've been a disappointment to so many. Maybe this was karma. Retribution for my disappearing act. Well, life's harsh. And unfair. Again, whatever. Not as if I care.

I could hear the exchange of confused and worried whispers behind me. Of course I could. Stupid werewolf shit. If this whole werewolf thing never existed, I'd be able to fall in love like a normal person. Or I wouldn't fall in love. Whichever. Either way, it'd be my decision. I wouldn't need to feel all crazy about some girl that I met barely more than a week ago.

Embry and Seth's words glazed over me. I tried to ignore it, but I kept hearing her name. The name I wanted to forget. The name that made my heart stop beating. The name that made my shivers uncontrollable. The name that made me feel so much in so many different ways.

Katherine.

Why her? Why not someone else who wouldn't be so hard to understand, so hard to read through? But fate just has to be a bitch. Fate just has to kick you right in your crotch, and spit in your face when you're kneeling over because fate gets kicks out of seeing you in pain. Fate loves it.

Of course Sam gets Emily, the perfect understanding girl who doesn't even care that he practically mauled her. Of course Paul gets Rachel. My own bloody sister who manages to calm him down, who puts everything aside just to be with him. Of course Quil gets a two-year old who doesn't even know what's going on, who'll accept the news as she grows older because it's what she wants. Of course they all get girls who actually reciprocate their feelings, who don't just toy around with you. I, on the other hand, get someone that fucks me over.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe fate just loved screwing around with me.

"Jacob?"

I blinked. Has Embry's voice always been so high pitched? I turned around, spotting a nervous looking Katherine standing in front of a grinning Seth and an impressed Embry.

"I was hoping you were still stalking me," She joked, her voice shaking slightly from nervousness.

Embry howled with laughter, slapping his thigh while spitting out words like, "Stalking" and "Got him good". A shiver ran through my spine, and immediately Embry shut up.

"Did... Did you just... There was fur..." Katherine sputtered, and I immediately turned my back on her, stalking off.

Thankfully, that made her forget about my convulsion and ignore Embry's useless attempts at trying to make her think she was just seeing things. I heard her footsteps. Quick and soft repeated pounds on the ground. Slowing down my walk slightly, she scurried in front of me and blocked me in my path.

"Look, I know you're pissed and I'm really really so-"

"Pissed? No, I'm not pissed. Just deluded. Fooled myself into thinking someone actually cared." A look of sympathy crossed her features, Embry gave an awkward cough, and Seth let out a slow patronizing release of his breath.

Great. Now they pitied me.

She bit her lip, shifted her weight and then raised her gaze so that she was looking directly in my eye, "I'm sorry."

I stood motionless, figuring that staying still was probably better than doing something that might end up making everything a whole lot worse. I wanted to reach over, to hug her, to pull her into a kiss but I had to remind myself that the last time I did something impulsive, she ended up being stuck in a situation that caused everything to be so hard.

So basically, all this is pretty much your fault. I heard my brain tell me, but pushed it away. Epiphany that I didn't want to acknowledge.

She seemed to mistake my lack of movement or words for anger, because she took continued, "It's just... Uncle Jack grounded me a few days back, and I forgot about it and so when he caught me sneaking back into my room after you dropped me off, he just blew up and he walked off in this fit, and then I saw you with that sign and I figured that Uncle Jack would probably be off steaming or sleeping so I'd be able to go so I agreed, and I swear I would've gone, but Uncle Jack decided to camp outside my room and I didn't think I would have been able to sneak out that quietly and I'm pretty sure he'd wake up cos he's surprisingly a really light sleeper and-"

"You're ranting," I mused, smiling slightly.

She took a deep breath, gave a small smile to Embry and Seth who were looking at her with astonishment written all over their face, and then gave a simple, "I know."

We stood still for a while, just looking at each other, before Embry broke the comfortable silence by asking, "So why were you at the beach if you were grounded?"

Even though I wanted to physically harm Embry for being such an idiot, I had to admit: That idiot did have a point. Katherine looked over at Embry, and for the period of time where she continued to look at him, my heart sunk. Was that whole rant just an excuse to make me feel better? Had she been lying?

She blinked, and my heart seemed to stop beating for a while. So she really had been lying? Then her lips parted. "I'm sorry, could you repeat what you said? I didn't exactly catch it."

My heart began beating normally again, and I released the breath I didn't know I had been holding in. Seth gave an amused grin, and repeated the question for Katherine who immediately replied, "I heard the sunrise is amazing."

She returned her gaze to me and gave a small smile before clapping her hands together. "Right. Uncle Jack's probably going to be waking up from his little camp-out so I better head back. It was nice meeting you guys," She nodded to Embry and Seth who gave a wave, and it suddenly struck me that she didn't even know their names. She turned back to look at me. "I'll um, I'll see you around?"

I nodded my answer, and smiled as I watched her walk back to Uncle Jack's house.

"She seems nice," Seth spoke up, suddenly beside me.

Before I could even respond, Embry asked, "I still don't get it. Why were you so pissed off?"

Suddenly remembering all the bitter thoughts I had about Katherine, I couldn't help but feel extremely stupid. What was it about her that made me overreact to everything? Deciding to live in denial, I gave Embry a frown, "Pissed? When?"

I mentally nodded my approval at my acting skills, but groaned when Embry sang, "I'll find out anyway. I'm patrolling with you later."

Giving in, I muttered a certain expletive before launching into the full story of how I had written on a huge piece of paper, asking Katherine to meet me on the beach in the middle of the night, and how she had eagerly accepted from the safety of Uncle Jack's living room. At that point, Embry gave me an approving clap on the back, and I continued onto how I had waited like an idiot the whole night, only to realise a little too late that she wasn't going to come, which was when I left the beach to clear my thoughts in the woods, and was returning home after the run when I ran into Seth and Embry.

Embry laughed, "So she stood you up?"

Once again, why me?