It's Our Last Chance to Feel Again

Sometimes, acting on impulse isn't the smartest thing to do. Sure, you're fueled and really going at it initially, but halfway through, you begin to see that a failure to think ahead really slows you down.

The moral of that short, useless story? The next time you want an explanation out of a boy you think you love, think ahead.

I had barely been running for half a minute when the adrenaline began to wear off. And with my bare feet repeatedly pounding on the rough ground, my run was slowly reduced to a walk. I craned my neck and stood on my toes, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jacob or someone who was equally huge.

When all I could see was a lady who was yelling at her son, I sighed and continued on my walk. You'd think that with their abnormal size, finding the psychotic giants would be incredibly easy. Of course, they have to be everywhere when I'm trying to ignore them, and they have to pretty much disappear from the face of this earth when I'm looking for them.

I was about to give up on my fruitless search when I saw the door of the house not too far away from me open. I squinted my eyes, trying hard to find out whose house it was. When a tall man who stood at the doorway came into view, my eyes widened, and the corners of my mouth tugged up into a smile. I began picking up my pace which quickly turned into a run, all the while ignoring the sharp irregular edge of the road poking at my feet.

I kept my sight on the tall man, watching as he turned around to talk to another man who was sitting on a wheelchair, and as he slowly walked to his car. I kept at my run, trying my hardest to reach him before he drove off.

As I got closer, the man's face was slowly becoming a solid image and not just a blur of copper. My smile turned into a huge grin when I realised that I could stop him before he even got in his car. But when the fog was lifted off my mind, my run came to an immediate halt.

I stayed frozen on the spot although my mind told me to hide. While my mind continued to scream at me, my eyes continued to follow the tall man. He couldn't be in La Push. There just wasn't a reasonable explanation as to why he'd be here.

I watched as he got in his car, as he fumbled around with his keys and as he drove away. My eyes followed the car, watching as it grew smaller and smaller until it turned the corner, no longer in my vision. With determined strides, I made my way over to the house the man had just left. With a tightly clenched fist, I knocked three times before waiting for the man who had been on the wheelchair to answer the door. When he finally did, I smiled, "Hi, I'm Katherine Hithe."

"Oh, hi. Would you like me to get Jacob?" The man asked as he made to turn his wheelchair around before adding, "I'm Billy by the way- Jacob's father."

"Uh no, no that really won't be necessary. I just needed to know. Who was that man who just left your house?" I asked him politely, pushing the new known fact that Jacob lived here to the back of my mind.

His eyebrows tugged downward in a slight frown as he uncertainly replied, "Ryan Cox. Why?"

My eyes drifted from Billy's face to the spot where that man had driven away, and distantly replied, "That was my dad."

-

I sat on the hard wooden floor, rubbing my extremely sore feet while keeping my eyes on the delicate patterns on the sofa, and trying my best to ignore the glances Billy constantly threw at me.

After the tiny confession, Billy scrutinized me with wide eyes and a slightly ajar mouth as I stood out in the cold. Finally, with a shocked, "You do look like him", I was invited into the house where he continued to soak the new information in while I sat with brains that couldn't comprehend what was going on.

My dad was in La Push. The very father who left me when I was two. The very man who never called once, who completely absented himself from my life. And here he was. Was I supposed to act as if I had never seen him? But what if Billy told him about me? Would I then have to face him? And what, then, would I say to him? Was I supposed to pretend that he had never left me, or was I expected to play the role of the selfish teenager?

Exasperated, I let go of my foot and ran my hand through my hair. I squeezed my eyelids shut and exhaled deeply in a vain attempt to clear my mind. As usual though, it was completely pointless and my brain remained filled with thoughts that had no benefit on my current predicament.

Well, it was filled with thoughts until I heard a familiar voice. "Morning, dad."

My eyelids immediately flew open and my breaths became irregular. Feeling incredibly self-conscious, I looked down at my jeans and smoothened out the creases in my tank top, and at that moment, the only thing that was on my mind was Jacob. Strange how simply hearing his voice managed to completely clear my mind.

"Kat? You're... Here."

I smiled at the uncertainty his voice held, and turned to greet him, "Yeah, I am."

His head was cocked to the side slightly, his eyes were narrowed and his gaze on me was unmoving. Because staring at me would help him understand what was going on. He seemed to understand what I was thinking because at that moment, his lips parted. "Not that I mind it, but why exactly are you here?" He enquired.

I took a breath, ready to launch into my reply but Billy beat me to it. "Ryan Cox is her father."

Jacob looked at Billy blankly as if trying to comprehend if he was telling the truth, before turning to look at me, "So?"

"My dad le-" I started, but once again, Billy decided to respond on my behalf.

"Ryan's been living here since you were two, Jake," Billy pointed out, hoping to spark the reaction he had originally been hoping for in Jacob.

Jacob continued to look at Billy with a blank expression and when Billy realised that Jacob didn't find that piece of information significant, he sighed, his facial expression falling slightly. All of a sudden, Jacob declared, "But that was fourteen years ago!"

Billy smiled, a triumphant look on his face somewhat evident. He was about to say something, but this time, I got my revenge. "Wait, you're sixteen?" When Jacob nodded, I can honestly say I was taken aback. "You don't look like you are," I mused, studying him.

With chiseled angular features, defined cheekbones and a strong jaw, his face held no trace of a sixteen year old. He looked like he was about to say something else, but then brushed it off as he said, "I still don't get it, though. What does this mean?"

His last sentence seemed to trigger something in me, and immediately my brain was swarmed with the various thoughts I had entertained previously, before Jacob had conveniently made me forget everything. This meant that the man I once considered dead, the one man I wanted so much to see but never thought I actually would, was in my life. This meant that I could get questions that I've had answered. This meant that I could actually have a father. A real father.

I whipped my head around to face Billy and disregarding the fact that he might have been in a conversation with Jacob, I asked (or more like demanded), "Did he say why he decided to move to La Push?"

Billy looked at me strangely and for a second, I thought it was because I had rudely interrupted him. But when he said, "You mean return to La Push. He grew up here," I understood why he had looked at me with such disbelief- I didn't even know where my father had been born.

"So did he say anything? Explain why he came back?" I asked, determined to understand why my father did what he did.

Billy squinted his eyes in deep concentration, trying his best to remember what my father had said. He eventually shrugged and replied with a simple tone, "All he really said was that he had to come back and that his previous uh... Social engagement had been taken care of."

Not believing what I heard, I raised my eyebrows, "What?"

Billy looked over at Jacob at a lost, trying to decipher whether I had asked him to repeat what he had said, or if I had been too angry to think of a better word. Deciding to answer it for him, I exploded, "So my mom and I... We were just some stupid social engagement that he had to take care of?! What- I mean... What kind of a father would even say that?!"

Billy looked shocked at my sudden outburst and sat around awkwardly while Jacob was over at my side in a blink of an eye. "Do you wanna go outside and talk about it?" He asked me, his voice soothing and calm.

"No. I don't even want to think about that bastard," I snarled, and then apologised to Billy who had coughed at my choice of word.

Jacob placed his blazing hands on my arm and gently hoisted me up before slowly guiding me out the door. With Jacob's strong arms to support me through my anger, I made it to the beach even before I was fully aware that I was no longer in the Blacks' residence.

Once I felt the strong wind on my skin, and smelt the familiar smell of the salty water, I let myself let go. A droplet of water made it's way down my cheek, and soon, more followed. I couldn't bother with brushing it off. My own father didn't even care for me. Sure, I knew that fourteen years ago, when he walked out of my life without so much as an explanation. But to have someone else say it to you, spell the fact out right in your face, it hurt so much more.

"I shouldn't have asked that stupid question," I mumbled, scolding myself for having to be so damn meddlesome.

A pair of arms wrapped around me from behind, and I was suddenly engulfed in an envelope of warmth. "It's not your fault that your father is an ass."

Loving the feeling of his arms around me, I leaned back and sighed, "I know. But it doesn't change the fact that my own father didn't even want me."

"I'm sure he had a reason for leaving," Jacob breathed, and I shivered as his breath hit my bare shoulder.

His grip around me tightened, pulling me in closer to him. Clearly he mistook the reason for my shiver, but I wasn't complaining. Not when being in his arms felt so good and natural. I shook my head and mumbled, "He did. He took care of everything, apparently. My mom and I were just some stupid job he needed to get done."

Jacob was silent for a while, before he pointed out, "Actually, I was referring to a better reason."

I remained quiet. I didn't want to think of that possibility. I had built hope up for myself. A hope that I could actually have a father in my life. A hope that I wouldn't have to resort to Daniel, a second best stranger, to be my fatherly figure. And I had watched that hope crash right in front of my eyes. There was no way I was building up a sense of hope just to be disappointed once again.

My tears were still making their way down my cheeks, the tracks in which they flowed down prominent and still, I made no move to brush them off. Who even cared that I was crying?

I heard a sigh emit from Jacob and closed my eyes. Maybe this was where he left me. I felt his grip loosen, and soon the harsh wind was once again scratching at me. I opened my eyes so that I could watch him walk away, even though my mind told me not to. However instead of him walking back to his house, he moved so that he was in front of me and pulled me into a hug. I let myself sink into him, enjoying the warmth that I was feeling. It wasn't just the physical warmth that I loved, but the warmth that was currently spreading through my body. Simply because he hadn't left me. Not even after this meltdown.

He pulled away for a second and using his thumb, delicately brushed away the tears that I had not been bothered to care for before pulling me back into his arms. Despite myself, I smiled and whispered, "Thanks."

"For?" His voice held confusion, and it made me happy to think that this wasn't something he considered as a hassle.

"Everything," I replied, looking up at him. Everything from making me feel better to letting me feel loved.

He smiled and then asked, "You feeling better?"

I gave a small nod, before turning my view to the sea. I looked out into the horizon, where everything just became one. Where the distinction between the water and the sky was blurred, and where everything disappeared. Sitting down on the sand, I looked over at Jacob, "You ever wished things were like a horizon?"

Jacob, after sitting down beside me, raised an eyebrow. "Explain?"

"I dunno. Everything just... It's all gone, you know? Like, after all that water, everything just disappears. After everything you go through, you finally reach a point where things don't really matter."

Jacob looked out at the horizon, and I did the same. For a while, we sat in a comfortable silence before he broke it. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I don't ever see that happening."

I sighed, "Me neither. God, this sucks. I feel like I just lost a family member."

Jacob's smile was strange. It was pained and sympathetic. Forced and unnatural. Turning my body so that I was facing him, I asked the only thing I could think of. "What's wrong?"

He looked startled. "Huh?"

"Weeeell. Considering the fact that you look like something's troubling you, I asked you what's wrong?" I repeated with a small smile on my face.

"Nothing, really. I'm just... What you said just reminded me of my mom," He confessed.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked gently.

He shrugged, "There's not much to talk about, actually."

This time, it was my turn to raise an eyebrow at him, "Explain?"

He took a breath and then said, "She died when I was really young. In a car crash. So I don't really have much memories of her."

I exhaled through my nose, and said, "I'm sorry."

He looked at me with a frown on his face. "Why? It's not like you were the one who killed her."

I shrugged and chose to remain silent. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say to him; I had loads of things I wanted to ask. But this was just one of those times where the silence seemed to speak up for both of us.

Eventually, I decided to break the silence by asking, "So it's just you and your dad now?"

After looking at me, he turned his body so that we were both facing each other and replied, "Well, kind of. I've got two older sisters, but one of them's too busy avoiding La Push in Hawaii, and the other is... Protective."

I raised my eyebrows, "Should I be worried?"

He laughed and shaking his head, explained, "It's not me she's protective over. Well, not as much as this other guy, at least."

"Other guy? Shouldn't she be more worried about her baby brother?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light but the frown on my face gave away how serious I was.

Jacob smiled, "It's hard to understand. It's not really like she can help it, so I just go along with it. Anyway, I'm beginning to understand how she feels about Paul."

My eyes widened, "The other guy is Paul? Huh. Never would've guessed. He seems like the type of guy that can defend himself."

Jacob burst into a belly laugh, "He can, trust me. It's just Rachel being paranoid."

I nodded, taking it in. So Paul and Jacob's sister were an item. Eager to know more, I leaned forward and hugging my knees, asked, "So what about your other sister?"

"Rebecca?" He asked, and when I nodded, he continued, "She's married to some guy in Hawaii. Left La Push as soon as she could. I'm guessing it was so that she could get away from the memory of my mother."

All the time, while he spoke of his sister, I had noticed a certain look in his eye. "You miss her, don't you?"

He shrugged, "It's been a long time since I've seen her. She was always the one who took care of me. Stupid Rachel." He kept quiet while I laughed, and then proceeded to asking me about my family.

"You pretty much know most of it. Well, kind of. My dad left when I was two, my mom married a guy called Daniel last year, and I'm an only child," I stated.

He had an eyebrow raised. "There's got to be more than that."

Shrugging, I replied, "I'm a pretty boring person."

And as sad as it was to admit that, it was true. I'm a sixteen year old who doesn't have much friends, who's never had a boyfriend, and is always ahead of her class in school work because she doesn't have anything else to do.

Jacob gave me a skeptical look before disagreeing, "You don't seem like a boring person."

I was about to say something when Jacob's eyes widened, "Shit. Do you know what time it is?"

I looked down at my wrist that had no watch and shook my head. "Why?"

"I've uh, I've got to meet my friends soon." was his hasty reply as he got to his feet. "I'm really really sorry, but I've got to go. Sam's going to kill me for being late, I bet."

"Wait, Sam?" I asked, with a somewhat incredulous tone in my voice. Jacob nodded slowly, not quite understanding what I had against him and I sighed, "I don't like him."

Jacob looked at me with amusement and enunciated, "Why?'

I shrugged. "He started it."

"I'd ask how, but I really have to go. I'm really sorry. I'd blow it off if I could, but this is pretty high priority and-"

"Jake, it's fine. Go have fun with your friends. I really don't mind," I smiled and looked at him dead in the eye.

He grinned and began walking away but stopped to turn around. "I'll see you soon!"

And with that, he took off in a sprint towards the woods. I smiled at his retreating form, and then blushed when I took notice of his bare back. Had he been shirtless all this while?

As the bitter cold wind blew and everything from my eventful morning came back to mind, I groaned and fell back onto the sand. After all that running and pain in my feet, I hadn't even gotten a proper explanation out of him!

I hit my forehead with my palm. Note to self: Never fly out of a house and into the blistering cold just for an explanation.