It's Our Last Chance to Feel Again

"So dad. I was on the phone with mom today," I casually said once my father was done laughing.

"And?" He wheezed, obviously out of breath from laughing too hard.

Taking a deep breath, I mustered the courage to ask him about a certain someone, before deciding to go the long way around the topic. "Why did you and mom marry?"

"Uhh," My father started, leaving that one word in the air for a few seconds before continuing, "Okay, your mom and I were really close friends, and something happened, and another thing happened, and those things led to even bigger things, and well, those bigger things eventually led to our marriage."

I remained silent, my eyebrows furrowed, before I erupted into a fit of outrage, much like the pounding rain outside. "That doesn't answer anything!"

"Katherine, don't yell. The rain's bad enough as it is. Now, if you think about it, carefully, I answered many things," My dad replied, his voice light.

"Dad, I'm serious, okay?" I sighed, "I really need to know."

My father sighed, and then said, "Okay so, your mom and I were really close friends, when one day something happened-"

"Dad!" I cut him off with a harsh whisper, wishing that he was in my room just so I could glare at him. But because he wasn't, I settled with glaring at the wall.

"Oh. Sorry," My father chuckled, "Right, okay. One day, I fell sick, kind of like you did last night, and then this thing happened and-"

I rolled my eyes and cut him off, burning holes through the wall, "Dad, honestly. Can you just- Oh, forget it. If you don't want to ans-"

"No, no! It's not that I don't want to. I just... I'm not allowed to say some things, so I'm trying to give you the best answer that I can give," My father interrupted me, his voice holding a rather desperate tone.

Exhaling noisily through my nose, I cursed La Push. Why did everything have to be so secretive around here? Why couldn't I just have the answers given to me? I already knew half the population of the boys in La Push were werewolves. What more could...

And then it clicked.

"Um, dad? Was the thing that happened after you got sick you becoming a werewolf?" I asked slowly.

"Wha- How did you know?"

His shocked tone insulted me. Honestly. Did my mom and him both think I was incapable of doing the math? "Dad, you're huge. The boys in La Push who are werewolves are huge. Do you really think I'm that dumb?" I asked him, annoyed that both my parents underestimated my ability to observe.

"But how did you know about the were- Oh, right. Jacob," He mumbled to himself, dragging the word 'Jacob'.

"Is something wrong with Jacob?" I asked, getting defensive.

My father snorted, "No. Nothing's wrong with him. Except that he's a werewolf. Get it? A werewolf? Wrong? Huh?"

And at that, he burst out into a huge fit of laughter once again. I groaned. I didn't want to have to wait ages for him to calm down. I wanted him to answer me now. So I did the only thing I could think of.

"Why did you marry mom when you had Julia?"

The laughter immediately stopped, and an eerie silence took its place. It was quiet for so long that at one point, I had to make sure he was still on the phone.

Of course, I never got a reply, and I was about to put down the phone when I heard my father's pained voice, "How do you know about Julia?"

I felt my stomach turn from the evident hurt in my father's voice. "Mom told me about her this morning," I gently whispered, as if the volume of my voice would affect my father's life.

"Oh."

That was all he said. That one word. And even though I wanted to know why my father did what he did, I remained silent. This wasn't a time to be selfish. My father was in grief, and I couldn't just ignore that fact for my wants.

It was a few minutes of silence later when my father finally spoke. "I really should be over it by now. It's... I've had more than enough time. This isn't supposed to be hard at all," He croaked, and I mentally beat myself up.

Why hadn't I just let my father laugh to his hearts' content? Why did I have to bring in Julia? Of course, I had no idea what it was about Julia that brought my father so much pain, but I let the mental beating continue. I just hurt my very own father. Intentionally.

"I just... Oh, for shit's sake. Death is natural. It's all just a part of life. You live, and then you die," He continued, and though I could clearly hear him, he was obviously talking to himself.

It was right then that I wished I hadn't been able to hear him. Something in his speech made me freeze. Death? Julia was... Dead.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I never knew that Julia was... I'm such an idiot! Ugh, I'm... I'm really really sorry," I apologised, wishing I could just shoot myself.

The horror I had felt in the woods when I was convinced I was going to die was nothing compared to what I felt now. I had brought my father's dead lover into a conversation just because I was annoyed with him laughing. God, I was so stupid!

"What?" My father suddenly spoke, as if he had forgotten I was on the phone, "Why are you apologising?"

"I didn't mean to bring her up. I mean I did, but I never knew what happened to her. All I knew was that she was your... I'm so sorry. I really, really didn't mean for you to feel bad or anything. I just... I really wanted to know what happened, and- I'm so selfish!"

My father sighed, "Katherine, I'm not blaming you for anything. You're not even to blame. Julia died because of my carelessness. And of course those damn vampires had something to do with it."

"Wait, wait. Vampires?"

"Well, yeah," My father replied with a tone that made me feel like a three year-old, "You can't possibly expect werewolves to exist without having vampires around. Weren't you listening to Billy last night?"

"Of course I was. He didn't say anything about vampires," I grumbled, offended at how stupid my father was making me out to be.

"He didn't say vampires, but he did mention them. The Cold Ones? Ring any bells?"

Fustrated, I huffed, "How on earth was I supposed to make that connection? I've never met a vampire in my life."

"Common sense," My father quipped, and I could've sworn I heard a laugh in his tone.

It was rare when my mouth was actually able to convey the message in my head, but at that moment, I had so many things to say to my father, most of them containing expletives. Instead of letting them out however, I bit my tongue. It was my fault my father was bitter, and it was only fair I let him revel in my misery.

Noticing I wasn't going to say anything, my father sighed, "I know I shouldn't still be upset over Julia... Leaving, but I have every damn right to be. Of course nothing's stronger than imprinting. But you can't ever fight death, can you? Imprinting is just a whole load of bullshit, if you ask me. You love her, do everything physically possible just for her, to make sure she's safe. And she puts up with so much shit and risks her safety to be around you. And for what? Love? And to die? That seems like a fucking shit deal to me."

My eyes widened. This wasn't the father who had carried me back to his house when I was sick, or the father who had left me years ago. This was a man; A wolf who had lost his love. And if I had to be completely honest, I was a little scared. A part of me wished that I had just let him laugh to his hearts' content.

I awkwardly laid back on my bed, listening as my father continued reminiscing out loud.

"It's my fault for bringing her to Italy. Man, of all the places in the world, she had to choose Italy. Italy! I warned her about it, I did, but she was always so stubborn, and she knew how to work that sweet face of hers to make me agree. I should've gone with my instinct; we should've gone to Hawaii. I mean, she didn't even like pizza, but I couldn't say no to her and kill her joy. Imprinting bullshit.

"I let her plan the trip, obviously, because I was stupid and because I didn't know a thing about Italy to even bother. I told her to stay away from Tuscany, away from that stupid Vol-shit I'd heard about from Old Quil, but she insisted we visited the Leaning Tower of Pisa, so I thought it'd be fine, because the Leaning Tower of Pisa was in Pisa, and not anywhere near Volterra.

"If I had actually bothered to find out more about Italy, I'd have known that Volterra was just a two-hour drive away from Pisa, and Julia, the historical nerd that she was, would have wanted to visit the shit load of museums there. And- God, I should have known she'd do something like that. It was Italy, for God's sake.

"By the time I realised where she had brought me, I could already smell that sickeningly sweet smell of that fuc- damn bloodsucker. Piece of shit was wearing some ridiculous hooker outfit, told us to follow her into another museum. I probably should've said something to Julia, but a huge ego just comes with being a werewolf, and I thought that I'd be able to take down that bitch if she even tried anything.

"We went to the museum, and when I saw the look on Julia's face, I was glad that I didn't say anything. She looked so happy that the thought of telling her that we had to leave just disappeared. But as we walked further in, the stench just got worse and worse, and by the time I realised that there were more of them, Julia was already... She had already seen them and was trying to get everyone to leave.

"Of course, no one believed her when she shouted that there were vampires, and that stupid girl should've just left with me when I told her to. But she had to be a hero, had to stay there with everyone. I-I tried getting her to leave, I even phased to at least try and buy Julia some time, but- Why did she have to be so stubborn?! She refused to leave still, and eventually...

"I left, of course, had to get away from all those bodies, but I saw her... I saw her die and- Oh for fuck's sake. Old Quil blamed me, naturally, for not having been more alert, and... And I had already told my mother about the wedding that was supposed to take place a month after we returned from Italy. I couldn't let her know that my fiance died under my care, nor could I tell her that I was a werewolf.

"So I did the only thing I could think of– I got your mother to marry me. She had already figured out what I was; She'd seen me phase once and got scared beyond her mind, running to Jack and scaring him too. I thought that since I could tell her the truth, she could play along and maybe, we could try and fall in love.

"But we'd been best friends for too long, I suppose, and everything was just so uncomfortable. So we decided when you were two, that I'd leave and let you live a life without all the knowledge of mythical creatures existing.

"That meant that you would never know me, either, and it did hurt, but after what had happened to Julia, I decided that I wouldn't let another person I loved die because of what I was."

"It's not your fault that she, uh, that she... Y'know," I whispered gently, awkwardly trying to console him.

"If I wasn't a werewolf, she would never have imprinted on me, and everything would never have happened," My father cursed, his voice cracking ever so slightly.

Nervously, I replied, "I-I know, but it was her choice to stay. You didn't ask her to try and save everyone."

My father remained silent and I chewed on my lip. My lips were chapped from the cold, and even though it hurt everytime I bit on the torn skin, I didn't stop biting. I was under the silly impression that the least I could do for my father was to feel his hurt physically.

"That still doesn't take away the fact that she's dead," My father snorted.

"Dad, nothing's going to take that fact away. She's gone, and no amount of regret is going to change that. That doesn't mean you have to be so bitter about everything."

My father sighed, "Look, Kat, I mean this in the nicest possible way. You really don't know how I feel."

"Well I mean this in the nicest possible way. I had to live for fourteen years without a father, not knowing if he was dead or if he had simply left," I shot back, and even though I instantly regretted that low blow, I smirked. Score.

Who knew I could be so quick?

It was silent for a while, and I was about to apologise to my dad for having been such a bitch when he suddenly said, "Hey Kat. What is long, brown, and runs around the garden?"

I frowned, completely lost. "Huh? What are you–"

My father didn't seem to care for my confusion because he interrupted me with a snort, "A fence!"

And with that, he erupted into laughter once again.

---

Even though the rain was still pounding loudly against the roof, I could hear the door to my room creak. I didn't bother looking up. I already knew who it was. Uncle Jack had taken it upon himself to check on me every five minutes to make sure that I was still in the house and wasn't trying to freeze myself by sitting on the floor.

"For the sixth time in fifteen minutes Uncle Jack, I'm still here and lying on my bed," I mumbled, taking my eyes off the plain ceiling to look at Uncle Jack.

"I know. I'm not checking on you," He defended, and I snorted before letting him continue, "I was just going to ask you. What did you and Ryan talk about?"

I frowned, "Uh, no offence, but why would you want to know?"

Uncle Jack shrugged, "I'm just curious. Everytime you pick up the phone, something dramatic happens."

I rolled my eyes at that. Dramatic. Yeah right. I stuck by what I told my father earlier that morning. Nothing dramatic ever happened in my life.

Although, knowing a bunch of teenage guys who also happened to be huge furry monsters might count as dramatic.

"We just... We talked about stuff," I replied, returning my gaze to the ceiling.

"Right. Of course. Girls just call their fathers when it's raining after finding out that he's a werewolf to talk about stuff," Uncle Jack quipped, crossing his arms over his round belly.

I smiled at Uncle Jack's insistence. "I just... I dug deeper about his marriage to mom," I started, and when I looked over at Uncle Jack, I noticed his eyes widen slightly, "I brought Julia up too."

Uncle Jack exhaled noisily, squeezing his eyes shut as he tilted his head back. "How did he take it?"

"Badly," I replied sullenly, "He stopped laughing immediately, and I'm pretty sure he was nearly in tears. His voice cracked a couple of times, and I kind of told him off."

"What? Why?" Uncle Jack asked, horrified.

"I had to get him to stop feeling sorry for himself. It was way too pitiful," I answered, picking at the loose thread on the blanket that I was lying on.

"He isn't going to try and kill himself now, is he?" He asked, a worried frown creasing his brow.

I rolled my eyes, "Honestly, would he even do that? He told me one of his dumb riddles and had a good laugh before we had some meaningless talk. Then he thanked me and we both hung up."

"Which riddle did he tell you?"

"The one about the fence," I replied, raising an eyebrow at the same time.

Uncle Jack shook his head as he left the room, "That's the worst one."

---

Grumbling, I got off my bed and slowly walked to the door. There was nothing to do here. Uncle Jack was watching some strange soap on TV, and I couldn't even walk out the door with the unforgiving rain, much less go to the beach.

I had the intention of persuading Uncle Jack to change the channel so that I could watch something that actually entertained me, but when I was walking down the hallway, I completely forgot about the TV.

"Aw, come on. I just need to talk to her," I heard a voice plead, and I choked on my breath.

Jacob was looking for me. My mouth curved upwards into a huge grin. My sitting on the floor had worked.

"Oh for the love of– To think I was so worried about Katherine doing something rash to prove a point. For the last time Jacob, no. She just needs time to let everything sink in," Uncle Jack grunted, annoyance clear in his voice.

How long had Jacob been persisting for?

"Jack, please, I just... At least let me see her," Jacob begged quite desperately, and my heart melted.

Who cared if he was a monster, or about that girl whose life was always in danger? He wanted to see me!

Uncle Jack didn't seem to feel the way I did because he stood his ground. "I'm sorry, but she's just found some things out, and I'm sure that her seeing you won't help her already frenzied mood."

"Fuck! Just... I need to warn her about something. I swear, it's crucial and–"

"And it's nothing I can't help you convey," Uncle Jack interrupted, and I groaned mentally.

As I heard Jacob's cursing, it registered in my mind that I could confront him about the imprinting business and demand what he wanted from me. But even though my mind was screaming at my legs to move, my muscles didn't so much as twitch, and my feet remained glued to the floor, even though I had stuck my head forward in an attempt to get myself to move.

After a few seconds of my swinging my arms back and forth like a jogger, I gave up with a defeated sigh. What was with my body? Why did it insist on keeping me away from Jacob?

Jacob eventually stopped cursing (I had to admit, I was quite impressed with his vocabulary). "Tell her to stay home in the next few days. We're expecting some unwanted visitors, and I don't want them near her."

Uncle Jack grunted an acknowledgement, which didn't seem to be enough for Jacob because he desperately pressed, "Tell her. I don't care if you have to chain her to her bed, just make sure she doesn't leave the house. I'll be doing rounds, probably, and I'll definitely be fighting those damn thugs– I'd kill myself if I had to miss it– but in the case that they do make it here, you have to keep her here."

Whatever Uncle Jack said or did in response didn't reach me, because my mind had shut itself off from the rest of the world.

All I could think about was what my dad had said. "You love her, do everything physically possible just for her, to make sure she's safe."

The words ran through my mind, faster and faster, until they became blurred and mashed and didn't make sense anymore. It was only then that my utter stupidity hit me.

Jacob had imprinted on me. Oh God, oh God, oh God. How had I been so dumb? I should've known that no boy would have been that friendly for no apparent reason. No boy would have followed me into the restroom for whatever reason. No boy would have been so worried about me becoming a werewolf. No boy would have stayed with me even while I cried, with both snot and tears running down my face.

This time, my mind didn't even need to tell my legs anything. I had bolted straight to the door that was, unfortunately, shut.

I was about to open the door and search for Jacob who couldn't have gotten that far when Uncle Jack stopped me. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going to find Jacob. I need– I just found out that– DId you know? Oh God, did you know that he imprinted on me?" I rattled, everything seemingly too slow for my liking.

"Everyone did, Kat, and you aren't going anywhere. The last time you ran out on me, you came back four hours later. You must be out of your mind if you think I'm going to let you run out in this rain."

"But... But Jacob's running in the rain now!" I protested, my bottom lip sticking out like a five year-old child who had just been denied her favourite sweet.

"Jacob happens to be a werewolf who doesn't have food poisoning. Now go back to your room and wrap yourself in a blanket. And if I find you missing Katherine, so help me, I will–"

I ignored Uncle Jack's warnings, grumbling as I shut the door loudly enough so that Uncle Jack could hear how upset I was. Despite all that however, I had to admit that I was secretly glad.

The last time I had ran out of the house on impulse, things didn't exactly go according to plan.