It's Our Last Chance to Feel Again
twenty-nine.
I laid on the couch later on in the morning, haunted by the fresh memory of my father sitting on a stool, hunched over and heaving as he cried. I hadn't done anything then- I simply remained seated on the couch, wrapped up in the blanket that was slowly suffocating me with too much heat, staring at the floor.
I felt incredibly selfish, but the same instinct that had led me to my father's house had kept my butt rooted down.
My father had eventually regained his composure, and offered to sleep on the couch, which I had politely declined. After the exchange of pleasantries, he had gone to sleep and left me to the dark and my own thoughts.
My father's words hadn't soothed me as much as I had hoped they would have been able to, but they had helped me discover the reason I had unknowingly made my way over to his house. It was just like in the woods, when I had been stuck in the middle of the flawless hikers and the pack: I wanted my father, because even though he had left, he was still my father- He was still the person I looked to first when I needed someone to be there for me. He was still the person who could make me feel on top of the world with a simple hug. Still the person I knew (or hoped) would be there for me when I needed a boost in confidence.
I felt bitter about him leaving, of course. I still felt bitter about it even though I knew he had only done it for my safety. But I had never thought about how hard it was for my father to leave. Granted, I never knew why he had left in the first place, but I had always assumed that his departure was a one-sided thing, with me missing him and him moving on to a new future.
But the new perspective didn’t change anything. I still wanted to see Jacob. I still needed to at least speak to him. While it had stopped me from running out the moment my father had left me alone on the couch, it was no longer holding me back. The one thing I got out from my father’s experience was that I had to do things immediately because who knew when they’d be taken away from me.
I turned onto my side impatiently, waiting for the dark room to be illuminated by the sun.
I felt incredibly selfish, but the same instinct that had led me to my father's house had kept my butt rooted down.
My father had eventually regained his composure, and offered to sleep on the couch, which I had politely declined. After the exchange of pleasantries, he had gone to sleep and left me to the dark and my own thoughts.
My father's words hadn't soothed me as much as I had hoped they would have been able to, but they had helped me discover the reason I had unknowingly made my way over to his house. It was just like in the woods, when I had been stuck in the middle of the flawless hikers and the pack: I wanted my father, because even though he had left, he was still my father- He was still the person I looked to first when I needed someone to be there for me. He was still the person who could make me feel on top of the world with a simple hug. Still the person I knew (or hoped) would be there for me when I needed a boost in confidence.
I felt bitter about him leaving, of course. I still felt bitter about it even though I knew he had only done it for my safety. But I had never thought about how hard it was for my father to leave. Granted, I never knew why he had left in the first place, but I had always assumed that his departure was a one-sided thing, with me missing him and him moving on to a new future.
But the new perspective didn’t change anything. I still wanted to see Jacob. I still needed to at least speak to him. While it had stopped me from running out the moment my father had left me alone on the couch, it was no longer holding me back. The one thing I got out from my father’s experience was that I had to do things immediately because who knew when they’d be taken away from me.
I turned onto my side impatiently, waiting for the dark room to be illuminated by the sun.
♠ ♠ ♠
This is unbelievably short for any reason you can come up with. But the main reason is for suspense.The next chapter will be somewhat short too. It'll most likely be longer than this, but not by much I think.
And it will be posted soon. :]