It's Our Last Chance to Feel Again

JACOB

I growled softly as I heard yet another laugh erupt from the happy couple inside the tent. You'd think that couples who were truly happy wouldn't need to flaunt their annoyingly cheerful relationship at the poor, unsuspecting lone victims.

Show-offs.

"I see someone's jealous," I heard the bloodsucker patronise, and I growled louder. Damn leech.

Of course I was fucking jealous. That could've been Katherine and I. That should've been Katherine and I. But things never went my way, did they? No, life just had to be a constant bitch to me.

God, Jacob. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself, I heard Leah think, and saw her roll her eyes, which earned yet another growl from me.

Couldn't everyone just leave me alone? If I wanted to drown myself in a pool of sorrow, I should have every damn right to be able to do so without anyone telling me I couldn't. But of course I had to be a wolf. Had to have every single thought that ran through my mind read. Had to be away from the one person I never wanted to let out of my sight.

When was this stupid fight going to end?

Oh geez, Sam. He's thinking about Katherine again. Man, can't we just leave him on that hill? I don't think he'd be much help during the fight, anyway.

Shut up, Paul. I can still fight better than you even when I'm asleep.

Yeah, of course you can. And you're the one on the hill far away, while I'm in the clearing waiting for the bloodsuckers.

Asshole. It wasn't as if I chose to be on the stupid hill. If I had it my way, I'd be down at the clearing fighting.

Yeah, right. You'd be following Katherine around like a puppy if you could. Embry laughed, and I had to keep every strand of fibre in every muscle strained to prevent me from running down to the clearing.

Quil, did you hear that man? Every strand of fibre in every single muscle. Strained, Embry taunted.

Yeah, I heard it. He's not fooling around, huh. We've gotta be careful, Quil snickered, and I saw the familiar surroundings of La Push as he patrolled the area, Quit being such a drama queen, Jake.

Some friends I've got.

"Jacob, I know that the pack is helping us, and in no way do I doubt your ability, but I'd feel a lot more confident if the pack could keep their concentration on the fight, and not on other trivial affairs. Bella's life is in danger, and I think that's the more important task at hand," I heard the annoying mind-reading freak whisper from beside me, and I snarled.

I stood up so that I towered over him and looked him straight in the eye. "Trivial affairs"? Katherine was no "trivial affair". Sure, I was here to help Bella and all, but Katherine was still my first prority. Katherine's safety was the main reason I'd demanded the pack get involved in the fight. Katherine's safety was the main reason I hadn't tried to sneak her out in the middle of the night like I'd done before. Katherine's safety was the most important thing at that moment, and I was going to do anything to make sure that she stayed alive.

Who the fuck was he to tell us wolves what we should be doing, anyway?

Apparently, the rest of the pack thought the same thing because my mind was immediately flooded with angry voices from the rest of the wolves.

Damn bloodsucker.

Tell him to mind his own business, Jake! Wait, he can read minds, can't he? Mind your own business, leech! was Jared's thought, which earned a temporary silence as every wolf took their time to roll their eyes at his stupidity.

However, once everyone was done, the clamor immediately continued, and even though I hated him, I kind of pitied the bloodsucker. Wasn't his fault he was madly in love with someone whose life was in danger.

I sat back down on the ground and watched in both sympathy and pride as he retreated back into the tent, reading every curse the wolves were directing towards him.

Shut up, stupid vampire. We know what we're doing, yeah?

You know, you're supposed to be grateful we're even helping out, leech. We could very well be back at home enjoying our life.

Oh, of course. Bella's the only one in danger, isn't she? The rest of the people in La Push who are in as much danger as she is don't matter, huh?

Everything was permanently silenced the moment Sam's authoritative voice boomed through every wolf's mind. Guys. Stop it. He's right. We need to focus on the shit-load of newborns that will be here soon, and nothing else, He ordered, before adopting a softer tone.

Jacob, try to stop thinking about Katherine. We know- she's your imprint, you want to be with her, she misunderstood you. We got all that, and we sympathised with you the first few times you brooded about it. Now it's just getting plain annoying and pathetic. So if you're going to continue to feel bad for yourself, then I think you should phase back to human form so that we don't have to deal with your distractions. And I mean it, Jake. I'm not going to order you to stop, but I promise you that if you start your rant on how everything and everyone in the world is against you, I will order you to phase back and stay on that hill.

I whined at Sam's words. It wasn't my fault I had imprinted on-

Jacob, Sam warned.

How was I supposed to stop thinking about my imprint altogether? Now that I had found my soulmate, and was so close to finally having a relationship that was actually reciprocated, how was I supposed to just let it go?

Okay, let me make it easier on you. Jake, stop thinking about Katherine, Sam bossed, and I felt the invisible bonds tighten themselves around my mental image of Katherine, strangling it so that both imaginary Katherine and I were suffocating.

I struggled against it. Fought the bonds that unsparingly continued to wrap themselves around my mind, but eventually I had to let go. The strings were too hard, too rough, and I couldn't hang on any longer without wincing at both the pain that I was feeling and the pain that I was putting imaginary Katherine through.

With a pitiful whine that provoked a concerned "What's wrong with Jake?" from Bella, I rested my head on my paws in defeat. There was no use fighting against Sam's orders, and every wolf knew that. Whatever the alpha said went, and so no matter how hard I tried to think of- Well, a certain someone, all that I got was a silence that was literally burning.

Embry immediately took it upon himself to bring noise to the newfound silence. When d'you think he's gonna stop trying?

I say never.

Jacob's not that stupid, is he?

The moment Embry thought that question, I snarled and made sure the whole pack knew that I had just done that. They weren't supposed to be questioning my stupidity or guessing when I'd stop thinking about... Someone. They were supposed to be supporting me, or at least show a bit of understanding.

My attempts to let them know I was pissed had gone to waste, however, because they either couldn't hear me, or chose to ignore me.

Naw, that's Jared- he's the stupid one. I say Jake's going to stop in a while, Paul guessed.

Jared huffed. I still say he's never going to give up. It's his imprint, for God's sake. And he's determined as hell to get her to understand him.

You guys are so immature, Leah thought with an air of supremacy, But I say never too. Jacob's way too stubborn.

Coming to a conclusion that they were simply being the unsympathetic tools society would class as 'friends', I decided to do the same and tried my best to ignore their useless shouts.

Well, I say he's going to give up once he realises he can't ever think about her unless Sam says he can, Quil retorted smartly, and even though I was trying to tune them out, I had to admit that he was pretty clever.

Embry, who obviously agreed with me, began yelling in his head. Dude! That's cheating! You've got to specify when!

I did! I specified that he'd stop when he realises it's useless, Quil snorted.

Which will be never, Leah remarked.

Wanna bet? Paul asked quickly, clearly unhappy that he was outnumbered.

Definitely, Jared agreed almost immediately, always happy to take on a challenge. Leah?

Yeah, okay. Why not? It's always nice to rub my victory in Paul's face.

Thanks for including me in, guys. And just to answer your questions, I'm in, Quil huffed.

Embry had gleefully begun to make sure that he had grouped the participants into the right category ("Paul: Soon. Leah and Jared: Never. Quil, you're not allowed to join unless you play fair.") when we felt another wolf join us in our shared thoughts.

I thought you promised me you weren't going to be involved in the fight, Leah fumed, nagging at her younger brother.

Relax, Leah. I'm going to the hill to meet Jacob. I'm sure he could use some company, Seth calmly replied.

At that, Paul, Embry and Quil burst into laughter, with Jared soon following after.

What's so funny?

Oh, Seth. Seth, Seth, Seth. You poor, naive little boy. Of course Jake needs company. He's alone, guarding a tent that's housing a giggling couple who are doing who-knows-what inside. He'd love company, but I don't think it's yours he wants, Paul taunted, and I felt Leah's disgust as she envisioned herself retching.

Um, that's not very funny, Seth bravely announced, pointing out the obvious thought every sane wolf had on their mind.

No, no. It is. Because Jacob can't think of Katherine, Embry sang, earning more mental laughter from Jared, Paul, Quil and himself, who obviously enjoyed seeing me suffer.

What? Wh- Oh. Sam? Seth guessed, which received nods from every wolf present.

Yeah, and we're betting how long it'll take him to give up trying. Jared and Leah say never, Paul says soon, and Quil's a cheater so he's not included, Embry scoffed, before asking, You want to join?

Not really. Is Quil done patrolling? Seth, who didn't seem to have any thoughts on the bet, changed the topic entirely, for which I was extremely grateful for. I hadn't exactly been doing a very good job at trying to ignore their thoughts.

Almost. I'm just covering the outside before I meet Eztli who's trying to get away from his parents, I think, and then we'll get to the clearing.

Hurry up, man. I can't wait to kick some pathetic vampire butt, Paul enthused, Seriously. I can't wait to win this thing!

I just can't wait for it to end, I mentally grumbled, receiving growls from every other wolf. Except Seth, of course. He was far too nice.

One more time, Jake, Sam warned, and I sighed.

Fine. I’ll stop. No point trying, anyway. I can’t even think about- Ah screw it. I give up.

The moment that thought crossed my mind, all hell broke loose- Leah and Jared began cursing at their loss with Leah stubbornly refusing her loss because, by extension of the fact that they hadn't gambled on anything, the bet was dysfunctional, Paul was gloating about his victory, yelling "I WON LEAH" over and over again, Quil was boasting about his incredible scope of knowledge on human behavior, and Embry was reminding Quil that he wasn't included in the bet.

I suppose in hindsight, it would’ve been obvious that admitting defeat in front of a group of people who were gambling on your misfortune was a terrible mistake. But I didn’t have the gift of foresight, nor did I have the ability to control every thought in my mind, and so Sam, Seth and I were left to wince at the chaos that ran through all our minds.

However, the one good thing that came out of all the noise than was going on in my mind was that I didn’t have the time or capacity to deal with the bloodsucker’s angry mumbles from inside the tent about how the wolves were too distracted. Personally, I’d much rather live with a noisy bunch of idiotic wolves than have to deal with a vampire who’s too busy invading someone’s personal space.

Evidently, Sam didn’t think the same. Quiet, he commanded, and the silence that was now inflicted in all our minds carried the alpha’s one word, bringing about an eerie echo and a constant reminder that Sam had all the power over us.

A peaceful yet painful silence hung over every wolf, and I could practically hear the bloodsucker’s satisfied grin. Stupid vampire.

Through Jared's mind, I watched as the rest of the leech's family walked into the clearing, their heads held high like as if they were capable of winning the fight without the wolves' help.

Oh good. The Cullens are finally here. You'd expect them to have been ready for the fight really early, wouldn't you, Paul thought with a roll of his eyes, Man, they seriously stink. I can’t... Don’t blame me if I kill one of them. I can’t stand their smell.

Like the rest of us can? Leah snorted, But of course, we have a lot more self-control and we can actually keep our emotions in check.

Wow, Leah. You ever try not to be a complete bitch to the only few people who—

Paul that is hilarious! Jared cut in, laughing like the idiot he was, You guys got it? Did you? See, Paul called Leah a bitch, right? So he means that she's being really nasty and mean, but technically, since Leah's a female wolf, she literally is a bitch!

Oh my God. When are the newborns coming?! Leah screeched, just as we felt someone join us in our state of connectedness.

Hey Eztli! Managed to get away from your family okay? Seth greeted, eager to lead the pack into forgetting the argument that involved his sister.

Hey, yeah. My mom's a little pissed because I promised her I'd clean my room, but whatever. I'll deal with it when this fight's done. Is the rest of the pack here yet?

No, Sam replied ever-knowingly, Colin and Brady are obviously not going to be involved, Matt, Walker and Steve are patrolling the area as humans so that they can watch out for hikers, and the rest of the pack are probably still trying to get away from whatever they've got going on right now. Jacob. When Seth reaches the hill, get down to the clearing as fast as you can. Quil, stop patrolling and meet Eztli. The Cullens are here, which probably means the newborns are coming, and we need everyone we can to finish the fight off as quickly as possible.

The moment Sam was done with his orders, a calm silence washed over us. Unlike the previous silences that had been bestowed upon us, this stillness didn't sting, nor was it forceful. It was simply the dawning realisation of the fact that the fight was drawing extremely near, and we were all taking our time to remember what we were fighting for.

It killed every wolf to just wait, but since nothing else could be done, we shared a moment of gratitude, simply being thankful that we had something worth defending back home.

As more members of the pack joined us, ready for the fight, it suddenly hit me that there was a possibility the farewell each wolf bade their family that day might very well be the last greeting shared.

Though every wolf was upset over my latest realisation, they couldn't help but feel the exasperation and grief I now felt. Of course we didn't want anyone to die. We were all expecting to come out of the fight alive and intact, but we had no idea what the outcome would be, and there was always that window of possibility that someone might die.

The negative thoughts manifested in our minds, slowly morphing into the monstrous teeth of doubt that began gnawing at our confidence. As our self-confidence slowly deteriorated, every member of the pack looked towards Sam to give us the assertiveness we desperately needed.

But even the greatest of leaders failed. Even the greatest of leaders fell prey to the all-encompassing self-doubt. Our minds were flooded with pictures of everyone each member of the pack loved, but it was, of course, missing a certain someone I couldn't think about.

Sam dwelled on Emily, each scar on her face more prominent as the seconds ticked by. Embry dwelled on his mother, the woman who had carried him for nine months and who was now unable to know her son's deepest secret because of an old tradition. Leah and Seth dwelled on their mom, a recently widowed woman who had tragically lost her husband because of that bitch Victoria, and as doubt began to take over their mind, they began wondering what either one would tell their mother should one of them not make it home. Eztli dwelled on his little sister who had recently learned her first word.

Shit, guys, Paul swore, my sister coming to his mind, We've got to stop thinking this.

And though every wolf agreed with him, no one stopped. No one could bear to leave their thoughts. Not when it meant giving up that image of their loved ones.

Quil, who had been thinking of Claire, slowed down to a stop, which brought Eztli to an abrupt halt too. Everyone could hear Quil's fears as they began swimming in his mind. What if I never get to see her graduate? What if I don't even get to see her attend preschool?

Hey, relax. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know that if we're going to fight with this depressed attitude, we're definitely going to lose. Let's just... Try to concentrate on the fight and nothing else. We're a huge pack, and we're pretty damn powerful. We'll be fine, Eztli reassured, but we could feel the waver in his tone as his fears mirrored Quil's, Come on, man. We're pretty close now— I've got the pack's scent. Let's just... Just focus on the fight.

Quil and Eztli took off, the wind blowing roughly against their bodies as they darted swiftly through the woods. Even though they were running, we all knew that their pace had slowed down considerably. The wind that had always been enjoyable to the werewolves now served as a huge hindrance. I looked at my paws with disbelief when I felt their struggle as they fought against the wind.

I watched the trees that surrounded them dissolved into green blurs that held no significance to any wolf, and I could've sworn I felt Quil shiver.