Some Peope Would Love To Have A Rockstar As A Brother

“No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late" -Three Days Grace

That night I actually worried about my appearance for the first time in the few days I had been with the boys. They had taken a few days off from performing because of my little escapade but tonight was their last day off and the boys were going clubbing. Except for my brother who was going out to dinner with me. Alone. And I had nothing to wear.

We had stopped at a mall the day after I had joined the guys for some clothes for me; clothes that my brother refused to pay for so Jimmy and Brian had to step up to the plate. But I had only gotten a few jeans and T’s because I had not wanted to spend their money and now I had nothing nice to wear tonight.

“shit.” At this rate I would be going in my birthday suit. Carefully assessing my options I got up off of my protesting knees and walked to the back room where Zackary and Jimmy were killing Nazi zombies on the TV. “uh,” they didn’t even twitch an eye.

“umm, could one of you take me shopping?” eyes still glued to the TV, thumbs and forefingers still pushing buttons madly, neither of them noticed me. So I sat down and watched them, not really wanting to go shopping either and so very willing to procrastinate. Someone had changed the setting so that when a zombie died, instead of blood being everywhere and just collapsing, they turned into a bunch of tires that spun off in every-which-direction.

Finally Jimmy went to lean back against the couch I was sitting on and hit my legs instead.

“what the-?” he whirled around to see me sitting there staring at the screen. “uh, shouldn’t you be off with your brother by now?” I looked at the clock and realized that I only had an hour to get ready.

“shit! Jimmy I need you to go last minute shopping with me for a dress before I go!” wow, I think that I just won the international prize for procrastination. What a lifetime achievement.

“yeah, just a little last minute, there.” thanks for stating the obvious Zachary.

“yeah lets go, wow girl you really don’t want to do this do you?” I shrugged.

“I’m not looking forward to the awkward tension, but I do want to get this over with. And I get some good food in the deal- or at least I hope I do.” Johnny still hadn’t told me where we were going.

Grabbing his keys and cell Jimmy led the way out of the bus and into the evening cool air. Taking a deep breath I followed him to the car parked a little ways off that the guy’s had rented for their time off.

Thirty minutes and about that many dress changes later I finally had one that I would wear tonight. Without bothering with anything but a quick swip of mascara we were on our way to the restaurant that my brother had told Jimmy to take me too. I think I must have been a horrible passenger because I was too nervous thinking about what I would say to Johnny to have anything better than a scattered conversation.

Jimmy dropped me off in front of a small but classy restaurant at the edge of town with a beautiful view of a little creek behind it. Hastily smoothing my dress I tried to make my deep breaths inconspicuous. The door was opened for me by a doorman and I thanked him shakily as I walked towards the manager’s podium just inside.

“I’m here for Seward, Johnny Seward.” Looking me up in his book he then smiled at me and asked me to follow him to my seat.

Johnny was seated at a nicely secluded table in a cozy sunroom overlooking the river. He already had two empty glasses of wine in front of him and he jerked his head to look at me when the manager pulled my seat for me.

“Thank you.” I murmured and sat down across from my brother who was now openly staring at me.

“your waiter will be here momentarily to fetch your drink miss.” Oh, so the manager hadn’t left. I glanced at him and flashed what must have been a weak smile before turning back to my brother.

The awkward silence that I knew would be a large part of this evening engulfed us and seemed to stem from every possible pore, making me physically choke on my words. Finally the waitress arrived and asked me for my choice of drink this evening.

“oh, um, an iced tea would be nice thank you.” She smiled and turned to go get me my drink.

This time I knew I had to break the unbearable tension even if I thought it might spark World War three.

“I came here tonight to get the air cleared around this whole mess, whether you choose to forgive me or not in the end.” Maybe a bit too strong to start off with? Well the atmosphere was dulling my sensitivity, and considering I thought it was a rather true statement, maybe it wasn’t half bad.

“okay then. Let’s hear it.” I blinked, and I thought I was being blunt; But I suppose this would get us off to an even start, with him getting to know my side of the story.

“It started on your eighteenth birthday.” I blurted, then blushed and gulped some of the water on the table. How was I going to get through this? “I wasn’t allowed at your party because I was too young, remember?” I glanced hopefully at him but he just continued to stare at me.
“I went to Auntie’s for the night, but around nine I went for a walk down to the pier. It was around Ninth street that I saw them. Three figures dragging one guy who obviously didn’t want to go wherever they were going. I was going to just head in the other direction so they wouldn’t come after me when I heard the struggling guy speak. ‘come on guys,’ he said, and I recognized his voice as one of your friends. My interest was piqued. ‘can’t we just give him a little bit longer to give me the money and that way none of us has to do anything we’ll regret?’ at this one of them snarled something about excuses and…” I glanced at him, he was sitting with his eyes boring into me, only blinking when he realized that I had stopped. “…and that ‘this Johnny person better have my fucking money tonight, or your both dead.’”

Here I stopped to take a drink of water and observe my brother. To most I suppose it would have looked like he was furious, but I could see some fear and an overwhelming curiosity behind his tense figure.

“so I fallowed them, and you know where they were headed?” it was a rhetorical question so I forged on ahead without pause. “down to our street, and it was around then that I realized where they were headed.

“I couldn’t just let them walk up to our door with Jimmy in hand like the did-“

“who said anything about Jimmy? What the hell is his part in all this?” I feared for the safety of the table if my brother became any more agitated than he already was.

“do you want to go for a walk?” I asked, knowing that we were probably better off out of this frilly restaurant with its wineglasses and fragile décor. He nodded and left a substantial roll of money as we left the table (isnt that what that just what my whole life comes down too: money?to head down the street towards the park that I passed on the way here.

We got to the neglected playground that seemed too empty to be a place of play for children and I sat on the swing nearest me, pumping my legs slowly.

“I’d like to hear it all.” Johnny seemed shy and uncertain as he asked me to continue. My smile was only for the moon above but I know he saw it, but did he know that it was he who put it there by merely caring for the first time since my trial?

So I told him. Not sparing my dignity nor making it any worse than it needed to be.

Confronting Jimmy while he was still in the hands of his debt holders, them dragging me back to their house in the dark, Him making the offer for my services in return for Johnny’s life…

I was not crying at the end of it. I had had plenty of time to feel sorry for myself before this and I didn’t need to make this any harder on Johnny than it probably already was. So I spared him the details of those sordid weeks, the first time he brought me to his bed, all the times he threatened me with death, not my own, but the death of those I left behind.

I told him everything he needed to know up until the night before I tried to escape.