I Smoked Pot And Nobody Died

''The ring Michael! Where's my ring?'' I asked frantically as I tore apart my room in search of my engagement ring.

''What do you mean where's my ring?'' Michael called back.

''I mean I can't find it!'' I yelled.

''My mother would have a cow if she saw you without this.'' She said, suddenly in my doorway. He had the ring in his hand. ''It was in the bathroom.''

''You're a dick.'' I laughed as I took it from him and placed it on my finger.

''Come on, we've got to be there in an hour.'' Michael said.

''Coming!'' I sang as I followed him to the door.

We took my SUV and I drove. Our parents lived about half an hour away in the same place they had since Michael and I were born.

When we were about halfway there, Michael's mom called to make sure we were on our way.

Her call reminded me of the call I had gotten from my mom earlier today and, by association, Tom and the rest of my day at work.

After I had flashed everyone and Tom had so generously donated his shirt, the rest of the photo shoot had continued.

I had tucked in Tom's huge shirt as best as I could and put Owen's suit jacket on. I was already wearing a shirt seven sizes too big, why not a jacket too?

The rest of the shoot went as planned though. The photographer got through Bill, Georg, and Gustav's individual pictures before running out of time. They had planned on that though and had the studio tomorrow as well.

Tom had hung around me for most of the day. We actually managed to have an actual conversation about something other than the fact that I worked for him as he liked to put it. It was absolutely packed with sexual innuendos, but all the same, it was nice to see that more casual, less sexual side of Tom.

''Jules! Right!'' Michael shouted, pulling me from my train of thought and I made a hard right.

''Sorry.'' I apologized when I had the car straightened out.

''What were you thinking about so intensely?'' Michael asked.

''My mom called earlier wanting to make sure I wasn't sleeping with Tom.'' I lied. Michael knew most of the details about Tom and me, but not all of them.

It was still only Tom and I who knew we'd made out those two times. I'm sure he'd told the band that he got lucky behind the club that night, but they didn't know it was me.

''My mom was trying to 'break the news' to me earlier.'' Michael laughed. ''I told her the rumors weren't true and she calmed down.''

''My mom told me to 'make him sure I wasn't going to sleep with him'.'' I said, imitating my mother's accent.

I turned off of the road and into my parents' driveway where we would all be having dinner tonight.

''Kline birne! Sie sind hier!'' My dad said happily when Michael and I got inside. Yep, kline birne, little pear, that was me. Don't ask where it came from because I couldn't tell you if I wanted to.

''Hi dad.'' I replied as he hugged me.

After the many greetings that took place between the sic people at the door, my mother ushered us into the sitting room and then she and Michael's mother disappeared into the kitchen.

''So what is this that I'm seeing everywhere? Who is this boy?'' my father asked, magically producing a copy of a magazine Tom and I had made the cover of. His English was far better than my mom's.

''He's the guy I work for, nothing is going on. Surely mum told you.''

''She did but I wanted to hear it from you. Die birne kann nicht zum baum liegen!'' my father laughed. ''The pear cannot lie to the tree'' it was another of those things I couldn't explain but still made me smile.

''Now that that's done, how are you Michael?'' my dad changed topics about as smoothly as a bull in a china shop.

A thousand other small talk questions later and we were seated at the table and me mom was off again.

''So what are you thinking to name your children?'' she asked.

Michael and I both started to choke on the food in our mouths at my mother's question.

''What?'' Michael gasped out as I continued to choke.

''You act as though you've never seen her naked!'' Michael's mother Clarice laughed.

''Mom, we're still working on getting married. We'll worry about baby names when we have the same last name.'' I said, stomping on that conversation.

''Fine, fine. But you have to start before your eggs dry up.'' my mom said and Michael began to choke again.

''I'm only twenty, they're not going to dry up.'' I rolled my eyes. ''Can we change the topic? This is hardly dinner conversation.''

''Sure sure.'' My mom said quickly. Her statement was followed with silence until she broke it.

''Just a few names, to be ready!''

''Mom!''

Got to love my family.