I Smoked Pot And Nobody Died

''Michael? Michael?'' I called playfully in my best troll voice as I entered my apartment.

''In hea-yuh!'' my roommate called back from his bedroom.

''Hellooo.'' I said, switching to an English accent as I entered the room.

''Hellooo.'' Michael replied in the same voice. He was lying on his bed with an open book in his hands. I jumped on the bed beside him and folded my legs underneath me. I was still buzzing a bit from that joint earlier.

''How was the party?'' Michael asked, marking his page and putting his book down.

''It was good, I'm still buzzin'.'' I told him.

''I figured as much when I was greeted by the Gremlin Princess.'' He laughed.

''I do say my crown is a little twisted tonight.'' I reverted to the British accent.

''How are the guys?''

''They're good. Paul was quite proud for getting us in. They missed you though.'' I said, watching intently as I wiggled my fingers.

''I would have come but my mom invited me over for dinner and then I came back here and fell into that book.'' He explained.

You're probably wondering what kind of pansy skips a party to go to his mom's for dinner, but you don't know Michael's mom. She defines crazy-old-lady-who-will-hit-you-with-a-pan. I mean, she was nice enough, but she was definitely off her rocker.

''Oh man, I meant to tell you, you left your ring in the bathroom this morning.'' Michael said, pulling my ring from his pocket.

''Shit, thanks. I'm always forgetting this stupid thing.'' I said, slipping the ring onto my finger.

''I was thinking of getting you a chain for it so you could wear it around your neck. I know you don't like jewelry but my mom would shit if she saw you without it.'' he said and I chuckled a bit.

''Mine too. She's been going crazy with the wedding plans lately; it's driving me nuts. I told her I wouldn't mind getting married at city hall and she hit me with the wedding planner book!''

Did I mention Michael and I are engaged?

I've known Michael all my life. We grew up across the street from each other and were the only kids on the block. Naturally we became best friends. Because we were so close our parents became close too.

You're probably thinking how wonderfully fairy-tale like all of this sounds, growing up to fall in love and marry your best friend, but that's where you'd be wrong, very wrong.

You see, Michael and I never chose to get married. In fact, we probably would have ended up marrying other people way later in life rather than when we'd both turned twenty if it wasn't for our parents.
One of the biggest reasons our parents got on so well was the fact that they were all insanely old fashioned. Old fashioned to the point that if you weren't married by the age of twenty-one you were considered an old maid.

It was through our teenage years that our parents decided that Michael and I were going to be married. We spent so much time together and they assumed that if they kept it up we'd eventually fall in love. In their eyes, they were just speeding up the inevitable.

Now the though running through your head is ''Why would you agree to that? You crazy!'' but I have an answer to that one too.

I was at a concert with Michael one day when I decided that I wanted to be a bodyguard. There was something about the way they kept their cool despite the screaming fans and the fact that some nut-job could shoot at them at any minute. But there was also the fact that they got to know the band. They saw a side of the band that no one else got to see.

When I started at H&J, my parents were horrified. Even though I told them that I was trained and could take care of myself, that I didn't even have any really serious assignments yet, they still freaked out. My mom constantly reamed me about how 'at risk' I was because not only did I have a 'dangerous job' but I wasn't married or engaged either. My dad was more worried that I was a lesbian because of my 'manly' job.

The last thing anybody wants to do is be the reason their parents stay up worrying, so when our parents sat Michael and I down and suggested that we get married, I accepted the idea for their sake.

I was happy to have my parents off my back. I think Michael was just afraid of his mom.

So Michael bought a cute little diamond ring and in a week we were engaged. Our parents were ecstatic and we were just…ok.

Michael and I had never been romantic with each other, we were just friends. The closest we'd ever come to a romantic relationship was when we 'deflowered' each other when we were sixteen. We'd only done it because both of us were curious and only trusted each other to answer the dumb pre, post, and during sex questions without laughing. It had hurt like a bitch and I was glad it was Michael there to see me freak out instead of some other guy.

I loved Michael with all my heart, and he loved me, we just weren't in love.