I Smoked Pot And Nobody Died

''Hey is that a real gumball machine? You never see those anymore. Can I have a quarter?'' Tom asked as we walked towards the shop to which we were headed.

''You are asking me for money?'' I replied, raising one eyebrow.

''I don't carry change. Can I?''

''Absolutely not.'' I said. Tom laughed and I couldn't help but join him.

When we got to the shop, there were maybe three other people in there, including the cashier.

''I don't know why you need a security detail for shopping.'' I said as Tom began to poke around some of the racks.

''In case the crazies get me.''

It was early afternoon and Tom had called me about an hour ago to tell me that he required my services this afternoon. I figured he wanted to go somewhere there would be a lot of people, but instead we ended up at this practically empty clothing on a street where there had been maybe ten other people and five other cars. He told me as we drove that he needed a new outfit for a club night he and the boys were planning in the next few days.

''And I need a girl's opinion.'' Tom added.

''Face it, you just like having me around.'' I said teasingly.

''Yea, that too.'' He laughed.

He pulled something off of a rack and turned to hand it to me. I looked at the shirt and then at him.

''Absolutely not.'' I said and he chuckled.

''Sorry, habit.''

''Yea, it must be so hard for you to shop on your own. How will you ever survive without six people to hold your apparel selections?'' I asked with a bit of a laugh.

''You should be a comedian.'' Tom replied sarcastically.

''So I've been told.''

''Honestly, people assume that just because you have money and you're famous that you can no longer live any life but the high life but that's not the case. Yea it's nice to have someone to carry my stuff and do my laundry, but I'm just a regular guy underneath it all.''

''Yep, garden variety has-sex-every-other-night guy.'' I said and he rolled his eyes.

''A perk of the job. But I sleep in, I get hung over, I eat cereal in the morning, I play video games, I fall too hard and get hurt just like every other guy out there.''

''When was the last time that last one happened?'' I asked, trying not to let my curiosity show too much.

''Not recently.'' He mumbled, flicking through some shirts on a rack. ''But it has.''

''Why not recently?'' I pried.

Sure I was Tom's security guardand fuck buddy and probably had zero right to know why it was that he hadn't had his heart shattered into a million pieces recently, but I had to know. Bill had once told me that there was a far softer, teddy bear side to Tom and it seemed as though I'd just found the key that unlocked that treasure chest.

''I don't know.'' He said and I waited. ''I guess I just haven't fallen hard enough lately.''

''Why?'' I would have thought he was going to snap at me and shut down this invasive line of questioning, but he didn't, he kept answering.

''I don't know, I meet girls and we talk and then we, you know, but that's as far as it goes. I guess I just can't put that wall down because I know they're seeing Tom Kaulitz from Tokio Hotel and not just Tom and I don't want to end up falling for someone who's not falling for the real me.''

''You're pretty deep Kaulitz.'' I said lightly and Tom smiled.

''And people think it's just Bill.''

''How are you going to know though, when a girl is falling for just Tom?'' I asked.

''The way she looks at me? The way she feels in my arms? I don't know. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.'' He told me.

it never occurred to me just how much there was that Tom was unsure of. On the outside he was the embodiment of all that was self-confident but when you got past that, he was just another guy who had no clue when his princess charming was going to show up and sweep him off his feet. He was just as unsure as any other teenage boy that ever was.

And now that I'd seen this side of him, witnessed the real Tom Kaulitz first hand, I wanted that for him. I wanted him to find that girl who was going to fall for the real him, the girl he could fall hard for,especially if it was me no matter who she was.

We made our way towards the dressing rooms and I sat down on the couch outside of the stall Tom was going into. He could only have a few things in at a time so he left some clothes with me.

At the last second he turned around.

''Actually, I want that one instead.'' He said, pointing to a shirt beside me.

Without thinking about it, I got up and started to walk it over to him.

Despite my usual innate coordination, out of nowhere, I found my face headed toward the floor when I tripped over nothing.
Tom was right there though and caught me.

''Falling for me are you?'' he asked teasingly.

''It's hard not to.'' I replied lightly.

Tom was still holding me against him, just looking at me until I cleared my throat.

''This shirt?'' I asked when I was upright again.

''Yea, that one.''

Tom went back to his stall and closed the door. I looked at myself in the mirror on it and buried my face in my hands. My face was beet red.

What was happening to me?