I Smoked Pot And Nobody Died

The moment was so perfect. We were staring affectionately into each other's eyes, the fire was crackling softly in the background, even the stars seemed to be shining brighter.

So why did he have to ruin it?

''I love you.'' The second the words were out of Tom's mouth, I wanted to shove them back in.

I wished he hadn't said it because it made my heart soar, my stomach knot, and the rest of my insides turn to goo. In a normal situation, those things would have merited a return of the sentiment and a deep, passionate kiss; but our situation wasn't exactly 'normal'.

I had long gotten over the fact that because I was employed by Tom, we couldn't be together; I would have risked my entire career to spend forever in his arms.

I more than returned his feelings, I doubled them, but I couldn't say that. There was still the barrier that was my impending wedding.

I was set to be married to Michael whether I liked it or not. Even thinking about calling off the wedding would have resulted in my family disowning me and I couldn't take that. I loved Tom with all of my heart but my family was everything to me.

Could I even say that I loved Tom with all my heart when I hadn't even told him about Michael and our arranged marriage? Could I say that I loved Tom with all my heart when I wouldn't risk loosing my family over him?

For that I had no answer. It felt like I loved Tom with everything I had, but the points I presented pointed to the contrary. The thought of being without him made me feel sick, but the thought of loosing my family made me sicker.

So I said what any confused girl in my position would have said.

''Thank you.''

*~Tom's Point of View~*

The second the words were out of my mouth I knew I'd made a mistake. The smile on her lips faltered and her eyes left mine as a million emotions flashed across her face.

Finally her face set on an emotion, disappointment. Her smile was forced, her tone meek.

''Thank you.''

Though it was a tiny phrase, it ripped through me like a thousand shards of glass going a hundred miles an hour.

Normally, when a guy's ego is smashed like that, he closes up, shuts everything off until the feelings that were just rejected disappear. But mine weren't even in remission.

The way I felt about Jules was crazier than anything I'd ever felt before. Yes, crazier.

She made me want to do things I never would have even considered before. She made me want to be another person. She made me want to stay in love forever. She made me want to do all of those things because I felt like, when she was by my side, I could do anything and never fail.

Jules made me feel like I was flying, falling, landing, and crashing all at once and I was loving every minute of it.
That's why my feelings never faltered, because I couldn't loose her, I couldn't stop loving her, even if I wanted to.

So I said the only thing I could think of to recover.

''I'm sorry; I shouldn’t have said that.''

*~Jules' Point of View~*

The look on his face fell as soon as I spoke and his expression was one that poured salt on my already torn open heart, but at the same time, the light in his eyes said that he hadn't given up hope.

''I'm sorry; I shouldn’t have said that.'' He apologized and I could have cried I felt so bad.

I wanted nothing more than to take back my thank you and replace it with an I love you, but I couldn't. If I did, if I made the feelings tangible by speaking of them, there was no way I was going to be able to walk down the aisle if anyone other than Tom was waiting for me at the end.

''Don't worry about it, please.'' I said quickly.

''No, I shouldn't have, it's too soon.''

''Not it's not that, it's- me.'' I stumbled over my words.

''I'm the one who said it. How's it your fault?'' Tom asked, clearly wanting all the blame for this mucked up moment. I sat on my knees between his legs and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him as close as humanly possible.

''I care about you so much.'' I told him, my voice a choked whisper. ''It's just- it's just-'' he wrapped his arms around me.

''It's ok, that's alright.'' Why was he being so forgiving when I was just a lying snake? I couldn't hold the tears back anymore and I started to cry softly on his shoulder. ''Give it time, I can wait for you, I will wait for you.''

I cried until my tears dried up and Tom simply held me close, uttering the occasional ''shh''.

I wanted to make up for the moment I'd ruined. I pressed my lips against Tom's in a deep kiss that he eagerly returned.

''Do you want to go swimming?'' I asked softly.

''Isn't it a little late?'' he replied.

''Naked?'' Though he'd just bared his souland had it crushed, he was still a guy.

''Definitely.''

See?