I Smoked Pot And Nobody Died

I was up before Tom, which gave me some time to think about what had happened last night.

I was lying with my head on his chest and my fingers traced lightly on his stomach as my mind began to wander.

Prior to the skinny-dipping a bit of lake sex that had happened last night, Tom had told me that he loved me. Tom Kaulitz loved me.

Hearing him say that made me feel a million different emotions that I was only getting a chance to process now. I couldn't think about them last night because I had to concentrate on getting out of that situation with minimal emotional scarring.

When Tom said that he loved me, my heart began to race and butterflies erupted into my stomach. I felt floaty and nervous and ecstatic, like I was thirteen and he was the first boy to ever tell me he loved me.

When Tom said that he loved me, I was excited because I knew that I loved him too, loved him with everything I had. But at the same time I was disappointed and terrified.

I was disappointed because I knew that no matter how I felt, how he felt, we couldn't be together for so many reasons.

Since I'd been engaged to my best friend Michael, I didn't think that I would ever feel so strongly about anyone, let alone that anyone would ever feel that strongly about me. Hearing Tom say that he loved me terrified me because now that I knew those feelings were there, I didn't know how I was going to be joined in holy matrimony with my best friend knowing that Tom loved me and if I couldn't marry Michael, there was so much at stake.

I didn't realize Tom was awake until I felt his hand brush quickly through my hair. When I looked up at him, he was staring at the ceiling, completely unaware that I was awake.

''I didn't know you were up.'' I said softly.

''Only for a while, you?'' he replied.

''A few minutes.'' I moved up so that our faces were level and pressed my lips to his. ''Good morning.''

''Morning.'' Tom said.

''What were you thinking about?'' I asked, idly tracing the dip in his collarbone.

''Last night.'' He told me.

''Me too.'' I admitted.

''I'm sorry if it felt like I was trying to rush you or anything. I-'' he started to apologize again but I cut him off. I hated that he was apologizing for saying what I didn't have the balls to.

''Stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong.'' I assured him.

''But the way you reacted, it seemed like you thought-''

''You did nothing wrong. I promise.''

''You're sure I didn't-''

''If anyone should be sorry it's me.''

''Why?''

Because I love you and wont say it. ''Because I care so much about you and I have you worrying for no reason. Why don't we agree to drop it altogether?''

''Sounds good to me.'' Tom said with a smile.

I returned his smile and then gently kissed his neck. I continued to kiss up and down his neck until I found a spot I became intent on leaving a hickey on. He groaned a little and I smirked.

''I love you.'' He sighed lightly and I bit him pretty hard. ''Ow! What I'm not allowed to say it?'' he asked with a bit of a laugh as he rubbed his neck.

''No.'' I replied, unable to fight a smile.

''Fine then.'' Tom said as I rested my forehead against his. ''I'll just think it.''

''You're a tool.'' I laughed.

''Yet you're still here.'' he wrapped his arms around me.

''I could go if you want.'' I said, starting to get up. Tom's arms tightened, pulling me back to him.

''No, no stay.'' He whined.

''That's what I thought.'' I giggled.

We laid in bed forever, just cuddling. Every so often Tom would kiss my neck or tickle me or make a playful pass at me. I would giggle or shy away or return his pass, but it never got past a little bit of touching or French kissing.
Once I accidentally bit his tongue when his hand was suddenly somewhere doing something not very PG if you catch my drift. No blood no foul though.

I had to be the one to spoil the moment though when I remembered that we were leaving the next morning and were supposed to pack.

''We have to get up.'' I told Tom reluctantly.

''But I'm still tired.'' He insisted, closing his eyes like a little kid.

''Liar.'' I laughed.

''Am not.''

''Are so. We're leaving tomorrow; we have to pack.''

''I don’t want it to be over.'' He said.

''You think I do?''

''Jules?''

''Hm?''

''No matter what happens to us, I'll never forget this weekend. It was one of the best in my life.'' Tom pressed his lips against mine in a kiss that was so pure and innocent that had I been standing I would have fallen over.

I stood by what I said before. I wasn't going to risk loosing so much over him, but with the way he was going, I was seriously considering telling my parents to suck it.