I Smoked Pot And Nobody Died

I was right behind Tom when we left the club and got to his apartment building only seconds after he did.
He took the stairs up and I followed him.

''Tom!'' I called desperately. ''Tom! Please!''

I was only a few feet behind him in the hall. He was walking fast and I couldn't keep up with him in the stupid heels I had on.

When he stopped to unlock his door, I gained some ground and was right behind him.
He tried to slam the door when he was inside but I was too close and it bounced off of my extended arms.

''Tom, please just let me explain!'' I begged. I could feel the angry hurt radiating off of him.

''You lied!'' he yelled and I stepped back as though he'd slapped me. I'd never heard him use that tone. ''How could you do this to me?''

''I didn't want you to find out like this, I didn't mean to hurt you!'' tears were flowing down my face.

''Then why didn't you tell me?'' he demanded.

''I-I-'' I stammered. My thoughts were scattered; I couldn't concentrate.

I'd had a beautifully put together explanation that I had planned on delivering when Tom snapped, but it was gone. The anger in his voice and the hurt in his eyes had purged my mind of all excuses.

''You don't even have a reason! Do you just get off on breaking people into a million pieces?''

''No! I didn't mean to!'' I cried.

''Then what did you mean to do?''

''I was going to tell you I swear! I just didn't want-'' I searched for the words.

''Didn't want what?'' Tom demanded.

''I didn't want to upset you!'' I screamed through my tears. ''What we have…I've never loved anyone like this, I've never felt this way.''

''Liar!'' he pounded his fist on the table and everything on it jumped.

''I'm not!''

''You are! If you've never felt this way then why are you engaged? Explain that one!''

''Michael's my best friend, w-''

''Best friend! Ha! I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe that one!''

''If you would just listen!''

''You know what? I don't want to listen to you! Everything you've ever said to me was a lie! You probably don't even love me!''

''It wasn't! I do love you! Please! Let me explain!'' I was fighting the sobs that threatened to rip from my throat as I felt my heart getting ready to break. I couldn't take this. I wasn't prepared for this kind of rage on his part. What had I done?

''If you love me then why did you lie?'' Tom yelled and I felt my heart finally snap in two.

''Because, because-'' why did I lie?

The whole time, I'd been so fixed on why I couldn't tell Tom that I loved him because of the complications it would cause me. I had never really thought deeply about why I hadn't told him about Michael.

As I reflected on it, I really had no solid reason for not telling him.
I decided to grasp at straws.

''Because I thought it would hurt you too much to find out so soon. I was waiting for the right time to tell you.''

''Yea, cause being dragged through the dirt for a while hurts so much less than an up front confession.'' Tom said sarcastically. ''Were you waiting until you were sure I was head over heels for you? Waiting until it would hurt the most?''

''Tom I'm sorry! I never wanted to hurt you!'' I put my hands on his arm and he shrugged me off.

''Well you did!'' he snapped. ''God! I can't believe I was so stupid!''

''Tom I'm sorry!'' he'd had his back to me most of the time and I tried to get around to see his face when suddenly, he turned around.

''How could you lie to me like that? I honestly believed in you, believed that you loved me! I let myself fall for you and you just- you just-'' he'd turned around again.

''I didn't-''

''You lied!'' he yelled as he turned to face me. I could see tears filling his eyes and one rolled down his cheek. It was like having someone stomp on my already broken heart.

''Just get out.'' His voice lowered as he wiped away the renegade tear.

''Tom I-''

''Get out!'' he yelled and I flinched backwards.

I hurried for the door. The second I was in the hall, the door was slammed behind me. I heard a choked sob from behind it and it squeezed painfully on my heart.

I let out the sobs I'd been fighting as I walked down the hall to the elevator. When I was inside, I took off my stupid heels. The only real reason I'd dressed up like this was for him and now he couldn't even look at me.

I couldn't believe how badly this had blown up. I knew Tom was going to be upset, but I'd never imagined this.
More over, I couldn't believe how utterly stupid I was. I should have told him right from the start; he shouldn't have had to find out like that.

When the elevator doors opened, Bill was standing there. He looked at me, his expression of one of utter disgust. It put a crowbar between the already broken pieces of my heart and wrenched them further apart.

''This was never supposed to happen.'' I sobbed. ''I'm so sorry.''

I hurried past him. I had to get out of there.

A part of me had died when I saw the look on Tom's face as he was introduced to Michael. After hearing that sob from the other side of the door, I wished the rest of me had died with it.

Isn't it funny how you only realize how much of a mess you've made when you're trying to clean it up?