I Smoked Pot And Nobody Died

''Thanks for dinner Michael.'' I said as I put my plate in the sink. I wrapped my arms around him. ''I'm sorry I've been such a burden these part two days.'' He hugged me back.

''You're my best friend Jules; you couldn't be a burden if you tried.'' Michael replied with a smile.

''Thanks. I just need to move on. Two days of sulking is enough.'' I said, attempted confidence in my voice.

I still felt like shit, but I was tired of it. If I hated anything more than a broken heart, it was feeling unstable. I was a levelheaded person, emotional distress made me uncomfortable.

''I'm proud of you, but I also need to hit the head.'' Michael said and I laughed. ''There she is.'' He smiled.

When Michael went to the bathroom, I started to wash the dishes.
I had just put some soap in the water when there was a knock at the door.

I quickly dried my hands and went to answer it.

I was in no way prepared for what was on the other side.

''Tom?'' the second I saw him, my eyes started to well up with tears. The tears spilled over and I started to cry helplessly. A mixed look of hurt and guilt flashed through his eyes before he pulled me tight against him, wrapping his arms around me.

''I'm so sorry Jules.'' Tom said into my hair. His voice was pained.

''It's my fault,'' I sobbed. ''I should have just told you from the start.''

''I shouldn't have reacted the way I did,'' he said. ''I just didn't know I could hurt so bad and my first reaction was to get angry and try to block it out.''

I looked up at him. His eyes were glistening with tears that he kept blinking back.

''I do love you, I promise.'' I said.

''I love you too.'' He replied.

Tom pressed his lips to mine in what was the softest yet most passion filled kiss we had ever shared. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself as close as I could.

I heard the bathroom door open and close behind me. I turned to see Michael standing by the door with his hands in his pockets, looking at the ceiling.

''Michael.'' I said and he looked at us.

''I was waiting until you guys were finished.'' He said and I smiled. ''Ouch, if looks could kill.''

I looked at Tom who was giving Michael the dirtiest look there ever was. I brushed his cheek with my hand.

''Hey.'' I whispered. He looked away from Michael and turned to me.

''I know who he is now, I can't not hate him.'' Tom said quietly enough that only I could hear it.

''I have to talk to you about that.'' I told him.

''You guys clearly still have a lot of stuff to take care of and from what I've heard, that could take all night.'' Michael smiled at me and I smirked. ''So I'll go, Jeremy's been bugging me to go over there anyway.''

''Thanks.'' I said.

Michael grabbed his jacket and left our apartment, being careful not to get too close to Tom on his way out. I think he thought Tom was going to punch him. It wouldn't have surprised me if he did.

When Tom looked back at me, his expression softened from the look of pure hate he had been giving Michael, into one much more loving.

''It would help a lot if you started talking now.'' He said.

I took his hand and lead him to my bedroom. I sat on my bed with my legs folded and patted the space beside me. Tom sat down.

''I never lied to you Tom,'' I said and he raised his eyebrows as if to challenge that fact. ''I just never told you the truth.''

He sat quietly as I explained everything to him. I told him about my parents and Michael's, I told him that Michael really was only my best friend. I told him that I was only engaged out of a moral obligation to my family, that my engagement was a way to make up for the career I had chosen. I told him that I hated my engagement because it kept me from being completely honest with him. I told him how every day that passed and brought my wedding closer, was heartbreaking because it was a constant reminder of how little time I had left with him.

When I finally stopped talking, Tom had a look on his face like he was trying to process everything. His eyes lifted from the spot on the bed he'd been looking at and met mine.

''I still don't know why you didn't just tell me. If you don't love him- you could have explained.'' Tom said. His tone wasn't harsh, but reeked with a hurt curiosity.

I put both of my hands over one of his. Two days of crying and being alone had given me time to think about the answer to this question.

''Because I was too selfish to risk loosing you. I was worried that either you would get angry and send me off before I had a chance to explain, or once I had explained, knowing that you were with someone engaged to be married would weigh too heavily on your conscience and you would end it. Either way, I was going to loose you, and I didn't want to.''

Tom squeezed both of my hands with his. He lifted one to his lips and kissed the back of it. Then he pulled me into his lap.
He put one hand on the back of my neck and brought my lips to his in a soft kiss.

''I'm so sorry Jules.'' He said softly.

''We're both sorry.'' I replied, brushing his cheek with my thumb.

''I never want to be without you again.'' it was a bittersweet sentiment and it pained me to know so; but all the same, I gave an equally bittersweet reply.

''Me too.''