I Smoked Pot And Nobody Died

Before my mother could say another word against anything else to do with the wedding or my life in general, Paul opened the door.

''Jules?'' I turned towards him. ''It's time.''

I turned to my mother, all negative comments forgotten, and wrapped my arms around her. She could be a condescending bitch, but she was still my mother.

''Good luck my love. You're beautiful.'' She said, also seeming to forget all of her negative comments and opinions.

''Thanks mom.'' I replied. My mother left the room and I was left with Paul.

''You ready Twiggy?'' he asked.

''As I'll ever be.'' I said reluctantly.

Paul walked me to the doors I'd be entering through. My dad, Owen, and Tyler were already there.

''You look beautiful my pear.'' My dad said as he kissed my head.

''Thanks dad.''

''You know Twigs, this is your last chance.'' Owen said and my eyes shot to him. What was he talking about? Did he somehow know about Tom and me?

''Last chance for what?'' I asked, trying to hide my sudden nervousness.

''To get a piece of this,'' Owen gestured up and down his body. ''You're about to get married; we could have a quickie in the closet right now.'' I laughed.

''Dude! Her dad is right there!'' Tyler punched him in the ribs. I laughed harder when I saw the look on my dad's face.

''He knows I'm just kidding, right Mr. R?'' my dad's face was stone and I continued to laugh.

''I'm going to have to pass.'' I laughed.

The temporary enjoyment that had blocked all of the dread out of my mind for the moment was slapped away when that sentiment left my mouth.

'I'm going to have to pass.' It was the same thing Tom had said to me the night when I'd dressed up like a blonde bimbo and tried to pick him up. She was everything he wanted, but he said he had to pass because I meant too much to him.

My heart had been aching all day, but it had kicked into overdrive when I thought of all of this.

Since I had put on my dress, I had been wondering if I was doing the right thing by marrying Michael.
In the beginning, it had been, simply, the way things were. Michael and I were getting married so that our parents would be happy, so that they would keep off our backs about everything they loved to nag us about.

But then I had met Tom.
He had changed everything. Suddenly, the way things were, weren't the way they should be. Suddenly, there was more out there than just marrying my best friend. I wanted Tom with a passion that I could never want Michael with, and Tom wanted me too.

That want, the pure desire we felt, became more though; it became so much more.
What had started out as extreme lust, evolved into extreme love. I loved him with a passion that I could never love Michael with, and Tom loved me too.

Tom made me feel a million different things that I never though I would feel going down the path that I was on. He made me feel pleasure so powerful it could make my head explode. He made me feel heartbreak so strong I thought I was going to die. Most of all though, he made me feel like I was falling, flying, crashing, and landing all at the same time.

Being married to Michael was easily predictable. We would live together the same way we had been until our parents nagged us enough about having kids. At that point we'd pop one out, raise it, grow old, etcetera.
We'd live in a happy little house with happy little lives.
We would be content and it would be boring.

But I didn't want that. I didn't want boring, I wanted to feel everything.
I wanted to feel passion so intense it made my head spin.
I wanted to feel anger and get in huge, apartment-wrecking fights.
I wanted to feel forbidden love at its best.
Most of all, I wanted to feel the unpredictability that was only there when I was with Tom.
I didn't want to know if we would be together forever.
I didn't want to know whether or not I was going to be attacked by a crazy, jealous fangirl when I left my apartment one morning.

I didn't want to know my whole future before it happened.
I didn't want to know the end before I got there.
I wanted Tom.

On the other side of the doors, music started to play. Paul, Owen, and Tyler, made a line and started to walk.

When the wedding march started and I heard everyone stand, I suppose my heart rate should have picked up and butterflies should have erupted in my stomach. Instead, my heart ached and my stomach turned.

There were no jitters, the same way there were no jitters when Michael asked me to marry him, the same way there were no butterflies when I looked at him or fireworks when I kissed him.

My dad walked me down the aisle. The whole time, my mind was with Tom.
In my head, it was him at the alter.
In reality, it wasn't.

My dad gave me away and my mother teared up. The priest thanked everyone for being there and spoke about how beautiful love was. I turned to Michael and took his hands.

''Do you, Michael take Julia, to be your wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?''

''I do.''

''Do you, Julia take Michael, to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?''

I took a breath. ''I do.''

''If anyone has any reason why these two should not be married, please speak now or forever hold your peace.''

I looked around the church.
No one stood.
Tom didn't come bursting through the doors and voice his objection.
Michael didn't tell me that I shouldn't do this and to go be with the man I loved.
My lips stayed shut and I stayed at the alter.

''I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.''

I guess some things just weren't meant to be.