Tennessee

I threw my keys on the kitchen counter when I arrived home.

Paul and I had been hanging out for a couple weeks but not much kissing had gone on. I wanted to wait a while and test the waters. My lips still yearned for someone else's and I hated that I was taking Paul's kindness for granted. But I really couldn't do much except take it one day at a time. As much as I liked Paul, I needed to work myself out first.

Mary was seated at the breakfast nook. She was knitting a beret and smiled at me as I sat down at the table and carefully took off my red peep toe pumps.

"How was your day?" Mary asked.

"It was great," I said, "I found these really beautiful dresses to sell at Birds."

Mary's smile was off. It was all wrong actually.

"What's wrong?" I asked feebly.

"Nothing. I just wanted to find out more about... you know, you and Ben..." she muttered shyly.

I didn't know why but I felt tears sting my eyes as the words left my mouth again.


Ben's fingers traced patterns on my shoulder and I could feel the goose bumps form. I was working on a dress for a class and he was distracting me. I sat at my small work table in my even smaller kitchen while Ben stood hovering over me and kissing my neck.

"Stop," I said with a half hearted swat to him.

I sewed the hem of the patterned dress before me.

"Fine," Ben drawled and went to sit down on the couch in the living room, only two feet away from me.

I tried not to feel bad as I slaved away at my work. My thick black glasses skewed off my nose and I pushed them off. I was pretty surprised, Ben and I had been together for three months and we were really getting to the nitty gritty of relationships. My obsession with looking perfect for him had waned and it was real life. I wore no makeup whatsoever and a ratty pair of basketball shorts along with a huge white tee to go along with it. Ben seemed to not mind, although I did see his eyes widen a bit when I opened the door for him that morning. Did I mention my hair was tangled and in a messy ponytail also? I looked fucking divine.

I did feel awful, though. Ben had barely any time to hang out with me, he was so busy with work and a project he had for a major band. And the one time he did have time off, I had a huge assignment due for class. Yeah, I felt bad. Ben settled on the couch and began to flip through the channels of my small and ancient television.

"I think your TV is older than me. It's an antique," Ben murmured as he left the channel on a very dramatic talk show.

"Shut up, I bought that from this old guy across the street," I said, laughing a little.

"Right," Ben said with a smile.

"Ugh," I sighed as I took off my glasses and rubbed my tired eyes, "I think that's enough for today. What do you think?" I asked and held out my masterpiece for him. It was nearly finished but a few strands poked out.

"I think it's great," Ben said, glancing at the dress with little interest.

"Why did I ask you? You're a boy," I muttered as I set the fruit of my labor gently on my mannequin.

"Tenny, come here," Ben said and patted his lap for me.

I put my glasses back on and smiled as I went over to sit with him.

Ben stroked my messy hair and kissed my cheek as I settled on his lap. I laughed aloud at the ridiculous program he watched. It was among the paternity scandal category. I grinned at a couple on the show and was so into it I was caught off guard at Ben's next words.

"I love you."

The whisper shocked me and I turned my head slowly to meet his gaze. I was amazed. He looked at me as if I was the most beautiful thing in the world; even though I was pretty sure I looked like I belonged on the streets at that moment.

My voice caught and Ben's expectant and anxious gaze made me struggle to get my own words out.

"Iloveyoutoo," I said, slurring the words together.

Ben smiled and breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned forward to press his forehead against my cheek.



Mary was smiling as I finished and I couldn't help but smile back. I said nothing as I got up and went to my room. I wanted to leave it at that for the night.

"Oh, man," I muttered as the swarm of customers entered Birds. Although I was grateful for the service, I was exhausted with work. I really was. Time seemed to move and move and not care about my exhaustion. My hazel eyes had rings around them and I walked with my shoulders slumped as if I was about to fall asleep at any second.

I helped a customer find a pair of skinny jeans that were her size and then ran around the back room, scrambling for a white dress another lady wanted. I was going insane, and Lydia knew I was being pressed hard. After work that day she gave me a pat on the back.

"Why don't you take tomorrow off, kid? Richie and I can handle it for a day," Lydia said with kind eyes, "You need to rest, seriously."

"I can't," I said, "I like coming here."

"I know. You just look fucking horrible. Sleep in, watch TV," she said.

"Lydia. You are way too cool," I murmured as I kissed her on the cheek and waved Richie goodbye. I felt the crisp night air wave across my face and I couldn't help but breathe in and soak up the night. My birthday was nearing I could tell Mary had something up her sleeve. I had caught her a couple times making mysterious phone calls and eyeing me like she felt guilty of something. I appreciated it.

I wrapped my arms around myself and continued my way to the subway. The whirring of the train helped me calm down and ingest my life for a second. It was a nice feeling, to know where everything was and how everything in my life worked. Have you ever had that happen to you?

Little did I know, my life would be turned upside down by the same person who had ruined it in the first place.