Tennessee

Paul was not very pleased to see me when I met up with him in his apartment later that night. His blue eyes were dull and he watched me carefully. His arms crossed as he said, "You went out with Ben Sydney, didn't you?"

I looked down at the white linoleum floor of the kitchen and muttered, "Yeah. But it wasn’t bad or anything. It was just lunch. If anything, it was awkward."

Paul lifted a hand to my chin and pushed my eyes to his.

"You don't have to explain. I love you, Tenny."

Tenny was Ben's nickname. It didn't sound right when Paul said it.

I hesitated as I said, "I love you, too."



The next morning, I woke up early and my thoughts consumed me. I heard Ben's words and Paul's words echo in my head. My messy auburn hair soon was clipped in a barrette, my thick black frames were perched on my nose, and a cup of steaming coffee was gripped in my left hand.

For the first time in nearly two years, I was making another dress.



The next few weeks were a bit of a blur. Rolls of fabric meshed with paperwork at Birds. The store had finally opened and I was pretty much a mess, running around constantly, trying to be a competent leader. My staff was sweet.

There was Charlotte, the blond who picked things up quickly. There was Kenia, whose mane of curly brown hair and contagious laugh kept everyone sane. And then there was Charlie. Charlie wasn't gay, I was pretty sure. He was analytical and smart, which made me question what he was doing working at a fashion boutique. I thought it was the fact that Kenia was his best friend.

My dress from a couple weeks before had transformed into dresses and the excitement of having multiple pieces made me nearly dance in delight. But it was a secret, only Mary knew and that was because she lived with me. I was somehow embarrassed that I spent so, so much of my time slaving over these silk and chiffon creations considering the amount of work already established on my plate.

"This girl wants these flats in pink, size 7. Go check out the back, yeah?" I asked Charlotte who was already skipping to the back room.

People filled the store and I was eternally grateful for the air conditioner that pounded the boutique. The blazing hot July sun made me feel a light coating of sweat build all over my skin. By the end of the day, I was ready for a long shower and some comfy sweats.
However, after bidding my staff goodbye and stepping out into the warm, orange night, I realized it would be impossible.

"Ben. What are you doing here?" I sighed heavily.

I felt terrible. My hair felt heavy and my skin felt waxy. Ben's smile only shined brightly and made me feel more insecure. His parted and polished hair seemed to be getting a little long in the back, and he wore his usual jeans and airy band tee. He looked fresh as a daisy. I... did not.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight... with me," he said quietly, a small smile on the corner of his lips.

"I... um. I don't know," I murmured, looking up and down the street. I nearly laughed because now I expected Paul to come running down the lane begging me to not go. Ben watched my smirk curiously.

"Fuck it," I mumbled, "Let’s go. As friends, though, Sydney."

"Friends," Ben mused aloud and smiled wistfully.

I let a beam fall on my lips. Ben stuck out his arm and I rolled my eyes as I entwined my arm under it and we walked down the street.

"Oh, Ben, you sure made a mess of things," I whispered as we walked.

"I know," he said, looking at the ground.

I watched the vivid colors of his arms clash with my pale skin in the yellow lights of the city and I missed it. I missed him, I realized and with that sheer revelation I felt myself want to run away and find Paul. I wanted to know Paul could make me feel as desperate for him as I did for Ben Sydney at that moment.

My battled thoughts and strained expression echoed on Ben's perfect features and at that very moment I knew I had a true dilemma.

"We can go watch a movie at my place," I whispered.

Ben looked up quickly, "Okay."

Before you get the wrong impression of my intentions, know that they were completely innocent.

I wanted him to see my work. I hadn't even shown Paul, but I knew Ben would appreciate it more than anyone. Ben had succeeded in his plans. All of the dreams and hopes we had discussed when we were together seemed to be realized on his part and I wanted him to see that I was just as capable. Frankly, I wanted him to be proud of me.

We walked quietly in the night and as we caught the subway and walked off the platform and onto the city pavement, I found myself steadily leaning on his shoulder and his hand moved to the back of my waist. It was much, much too easy to fall into it.

We walked up the old building's steps and the doorman let us in. The doorman's name was Billy and he seemed stunned to see Ben's familiar face trailing behind mine. I sighed. Let the talk begin.

All of this was done in silence, complete and utter quiet. That may sound odd and uncomfortable but it wasn't. It was nice and almost calming.

Ben began singing a familiar Smiths song we both liked and I hummed along as I got out my keys and unlocked the door of my apartment. I was actually rather content that Mary was spending the night with her boyfriend.

"Ah, sorry about the mess," I murmured, trying to tidy up the chaotic disarray of my apartment. Fabrics, needles and my sewing machine filled the living room. I tried to order stuff around and placed things back into their correct drawers.

Ben frowned at the pile of Paul's clothes in the hallway and I kicked them towards my bedroom as I carried a huge pile of gold fabric in my arms, which I unceremoniously dumped on my bed.

"Wooh," I muttered and wiped at the dampness of my forehead. I walked over to the thermostat in the hallway and clicked on the trusty air conditioning.

"You've been working again?" Ben murmured, eyeing the mannequins wearing my clothes.

"Yes. This is what I wanted to show you," I murmured and grabbed his hand and led him over. My skin sparked and I felt his eyes on my face. I led him to my favorite, a crème dress with a silky black collar. He smiled and said, "I don't know much about girl clothes but it's nice."

I laughed a little.

"Do you want something to drink?" I asked.

"Beer?" his raspy voice said.

"Um, let me see," I murmured and hoped that some of my boyfriend's beer was still in the fridge.

I smiled as I got out two cold beverages and handed one to Ben.

We eyed each other as we took a long gulp and I smiled.

"I'm gonna go clean up. Settle yourself in," I murmured and walked back into my room.

I took a quick shower and changed into a comfy black dress. My wet hair smelled of gardenias when I walked back into the living room, where Ben was seated on the tweed couch, reading one of the books laid on the coffee table.

I plopped beside him and smiled hugely.

"You look fresh," he commented and rubbed the top of my damp head.

"What do you want to watch?" I asked, heading over to Mary's and my extensive DVD collection.

We settled on an old Clark Gable movie. We gravitated on opposite sides of the couch and the airy breath of the air conditioning and the smells of the apple cinnamon candles burning made my eyes sleepy and tired. Soon, Ben was shaking me awake and he whispered, "It's late."

I faintly opened my eyes to see the credits of the movie rolling on the television. I nodded faintly and turned on my side.

Ben laughed under his breath as his hands scooped me up and I felt myself being carried. I was settled onto my bed and could feel Ben's lips brush against my forehead.

"Goodnight, Tenny."

"Goodnight, Ben," I whispered.

I could hear Ben's footsteps move out of the bedroom when I said, "Ben?"

"Yeah?" his voice answered.

My eyes remained closed as I said, "I'll see you tomorrow."