Tennessee

A pair of lips pressing against my forehead woke me. Ben. Oh, no.

"Ben?" I whispered and squinted into the sunny light.

I was sprawled against his chest and our bodies were entangled along with blankets. I looked up to meet his face. He was vibrant, and I couldn't help but smile as I recognized the true face of the person I had fallen in love with so long ago. His brown eyes found my frightened hazel ones and all of my horror melted. Memories stabbed my conscience. Him holding me, me kissing his neck, it was all so... vivid.

I let out a long sigh and dug my face into his chest. He laughed lightly and I felt my lips tug up as my eyes caught a very new addition to his body art. There in elegant cursive script was my name, right over his chest. I gasped and propped myself up on an elbow to trace the word on his skin.

"I love you, Tenny, and when I said forever, I meant it," Ben murmured, watching me as I marveled at the tattoo.

I glanced back at his chocolate eyes and then to my clothes on the dark wooden floor, and then reality hit my brain. Then I felt the train wreck of my actions hit me.

"Oh!" I gasped and pulled away, grabbing the bed sheet to cover myself with.

Ben sat up quickly and watched me carefully, his gaze strangely alert. I bent down to pick up my dress hurriedly and I walked out of the room. My eyes adjusted to the apartment. It was so Ben. The furniture was contemporary and lustrous and I was lost. I had no idea where the exit was. My eyes shot around as I tried to find a door to go through, really, I wanted to find a solution to my mess.

"Tennessee," Ben came out of his bedroom and it looked like he had managed to find his boxers.

"What, Ben, what?" I asked curtly.

I felt the warmth of his hand touch my back and I turned around to give his shoulder a hard shove.

"You, conniving jerk!" I screeched, "Don't touch me!"

"Tenny, stop," Ben said sternly.

"No! I –I'm a-," I stuttered to find a word, "slut! Oh my gosh, I'm a cheating slut!" I cried, looking at the floor as I hit my terrible realization.

Ben chuckled and said, "Tenny, you are not a slut."

"You think this is funny? I cheated on my boyfriend!" I cried, pulling the ends of my hair.

Ben's laughter wore off and he placed his hands on face, pulling me in. His eyes found mine and I was startled at the ardent seriousness of his gaze.

"No, Tenny, you're cheating on me with him."

I closed my eyes and sighed as he kissed my lids. We stood there for an immeasurable amount of time before I pulled away. I stepped back into the bedroom and Ben waited outside so I could dress. When I stepped back out, I didn't look at his eyes as I said, "I have to go."

Ben nodded curtly and led me to the exit. It was through a kitchen and down a hall. I would have never made it out of there on my own.



I tried to wash off the memory as soon as I got home. Tears and sobs found their way as I scrubbed my skin raw, trying to distance myself from Ben Sydney. He had ruined everything, and the sick thing was that I had allowed it. I had said yes. I had welcomed this into my life. And for what? So I could hurt Paul?

Another howl broke through as I thought of Paul. My sweet, understanding Paul. I felt like my entire life had swirled into nothing. I had nowhere to go and nothing to turn to. How could I go on with such a blotch on my conscience?

I stepped out of the bathroom to find Mary and her boyfriend just coming in.

"Oh, hey, Tenn," Mary chirped and I smiled robotically.

Mary's boyfriend, Tommy, was a music producer. He was a tall, muscular black guy with amazing cerulean eyes and creamy skin. Mary was head over heels for him and I couldn't blame her. He went perfectly with her. Tommy smiled at me and murmured a greeting and I nodded awkwardly before stepping back to my room.

I stared at the wall for a long time, still in only a towel and dripping in shame. I was a horrid, despicable person who didn't deserve anyone. I was not the person I thought I was.



"Why aren't you eating?" Paul asked.

I was at his apartment, trying to scrounge up the courage to tell him the truth. The only thing worse than telling was to not do it at all. And that sucked, frankly.

I picked at my plate of tortellini. Paul looked worried and I couldn't form the words on my tongue, I slept with Ben last night was almost like confessing to murder. I hated it. I wanted to turn back time.

"Tenn, what's wrong?" Paul asked, leaning forward, across the table to grab my hand.
I watched his deep blue orbs and felt myself blink back the tears and smile.

"Nothing, nothing is wrong."



"Your dresses are freaking amaaaazing," Mary sang and looked impressed as she fingered a red cocktail gown.

"I hope so. I've been slaving away at them for weeks."

It had been a little over two days after my night with Ben and I was set on making it disappear. Ben Sydney had ruined me long ago and I would not let it happen again. My life made sense and when Ben was in it, it didn't –it was a mess.

"You should market your line!" Mary cried excitedly.

"Mary, I can't," I said quietly as I sewed the collar of another shirt.

"C'mon! We'll talk to some people, get some investors?" she mused.

I could already see the wheels in her head turning and I shook my head.

"No," I said with a laugh and pushed my glasses up on my nose.

"Please? I'll do it! Don't worry about a thing! Just work your pretty little fingers to the bone and sew your clothes," she pleaded.

I stared at her huge green eyes and they were shiny with hope.

"Fine," I said dismally.

She jumped up and ran to the phone.

Paul's birthday was coming up and I ironically recalled that Ben's birthday was only a week away. I had sewn Paul a wool jacket, which I had been working on for almost two months. I crossed my fingers that it would fit right and that Paul would like it.

Paul was my boyfriend and it was going to stay that way.