Saving Amy

Sirens. That was all I could hear. Screaming to a certain level, but those were partly only one word, mainly my own tormented throat splitting yells.
“AMY!?”
There was no answer. I knew there wouldn’t be. If she was still alive, she wouldn’t be awake.
Blood. The smell, the metallic taste. I rolled over and threw up violently as my whole body convulsed. Fear, pain, anger.
I was barely conscious. Very little was clear to me. The blurry outline of a fire truck, a police squad car, an ambulance, two cars, one of them wrapped around a tree. Amy’s car.
And in that instant I remembered why I was lying there underneath a blanket of rubble and stars. I remembered how Amy had said a tearful ‘Yes’ when I asked her to marry me. I remembered singing in the car as she held my hand. I remembered stealing a kiss and not caring who saw. I remembered the screeching of brakes, the blinding lights, Amy’s agonised scream as I was flung from the car. I remembered silence. Eerie, dead silence.
“We have a live one!” A voice, from somewhere. Incoherent almost. Arms prying me from the sheet of rock and metal and glass that enveloped me.
“Amy...” I gurgled, hot red running from my mouth.
“I.D on the other passenger!” the voice yelled. To me, it might have been a whisper.
I was supported by someone sturdy, my feet weren’t touching the ground. My eyes coming into focus, I smelled fire, I smelled gasoline.
“Your name honey?” asked a female voice. Cool, welcoming.
“Eliza.” I moaned through a searing pain that shook my body. “My girlfriend...”
“The other girl?” a hand on my forehead, soothing.
“Yes, Amy. Where is she? My girlfriend...where...” I was trying to stay awake.
One of the ambulance tech’s looked disapproving. Fucking homophobe.
I blacked out.

*************************************************************************************************

I woke to the bleep of a machine. A wire running through my arm. Lights surrounding me.
I screamed. I screamed bloody murder. I didn’t stop when the nurses held me down. I didn’t, I couldn’t. The knowledge that I was here, the knowledge that Amy was here, the thought that she might not even be alive. That I may have scarred her beautiful face. I would love her anyway. But would she forgive me?
“I want to see Amy!” was all I would scream. They tried to ignore it, shut my door. Muttered something about further hindering my condition. I wasn’t even allowed to know if the love of my life had died by my own hands.
A flash of white. Handsome doctor, maybe twenty five, my age. If I hadn’t been a lesbian, my mom would have loved me to take him home to her. Wavy brown tresses, hazel eyes, Doctor Morgan.
“Hello Eliza.”
I glared. Was, tempted to issue another screeching fit, but held back, curious to see what he’d say.
“You’re doing well. You’ve fractured your left tibia, cracked a few ribs, may have a slight concussion. But other than that and a few cuts and bruises, you’re fine.”
I couldn’t believe it. Fine I was certainly not.
“I want to see my girlfriend.”
“Your girlfriend?”
“Homophobe are you?” I hissed.
“ No” he answered “Was she the other girl in the crash?”
I nodded.
He looked pained. “I’ll just double check...”
Double check what!? I wanted to rip a .45 out and shoot everyone two leads in the face. I wanted to run around pulling out clips in peoples chests. But I couldn’t.
Dr. Morgan was back. Carrying a slip of white paper.
“Autopsy report: Amy Baker. Deceased. C.O.D: Blunt force trauma to the face, cranium and chest. Heart rupture... I’m so sorry Eliza.”
I shook my head over and over. It was a mistake. It was all a dream, and any minute I’d wake up next to Amy, and she’d kiss me and tell me it was all okay, just a nightmare.
Dr. Morgan produced a small brown bag. Amy’s engagement ring fell onto my locker.
I was inconsolable. I screamed in agony. She was gone. The love of my life, taken from me over one slip of an accelerator. Her beautiful face pounded by the windshield, her head caved in. The image flooded into my head and I screamed louder. I was never going to hold her, kiss her, feel her warm body curl up next to me at night again. I’d never hear her giggle when I’d kiss her neck. Never see her smile when I hugged her just because I could. My life was nothing. A spiral of blackness. Because my heart was down in the cold, gray, steel morgue, along with the only girl I’d ever love.
“We couldn’t save Amy.” He said. I was barely aware of his presence, didn’t miss it when he left the room.
I was ice cold. I wept and I shook. I moaned out for Amy, knowing that I’d never get an answer.

*************************************************************************************************

I knew what I was going to do.
Stole down the hallway in the shadows. Carefree snores behind the locked doors. Quite sickening.
A poor excuse for a hospital left their medicine store unlocked. A bright, grieving, young woman took advantage of that.
It didn’t take long to locate their colossal store of morphine. That wasn’t locked either, I wasn’t surprised.
I was crying. Partly from the fear of what I was about to do, but more so from the images of the crash, of my fatally injured angel.
Jammed a syringe through the plastic seal on a bottle of the putrid smelling liquid.
A swift stabbing motion to my chest.
I wheezed as I pumped the icy liquid into my cavity. It was taking over faster than I had expected. My insides freezing. My blood slowing.
I dropped to my knees, syringe still jutting from my ribs. I rid myself of the murder weapon, watched as my NHS gown was soaked in crimson.
I fell onto my back, wheezing, gasping for air. Tunnel vision was setting in.
“I love you Amy.”
And then the black took over, as my body jerked and my heart burst.
Funny the things human beings will do for love...