Book That Ends With No Last Page
05
I decided to skip Merch for a day. I had no idea where Kyle was, or where I was for that matter.
I was just aimlessly wondering around the venue we were at. Its been 2 days since my Little breakdown over overhearing John.
Kyle, along with Jonathan, have been very supportive. I loved getting to know Jonathan better. He could easily make me smile.
It was like he was the only one who really knew what I was going through. I mean there was Kyle, but Kyle kept feeding me bullshit telling me how John still loved me and I should talk to him. Blah blah blah.
Jonathan was straight forward and didn't sugar coat anything.
He straight up told me maybe John's feelings towards me have changed and I have to accept it. He also said stuff like John was a jackass and being a baby. He said what was on his mind. It made me happy to hear him say stuff like John had some growing up to do.
All this time I thought I was the baby crying constantly over him, but like Jonathan said, John was acting like a fucking child not wanting to hear what happened, and getting a girlfriend was a low blow.
He made me feel better, even though he was trashing John, it was what I needed to hear, not the whole he still loves you crap.
I walked down a empty hallway that had a grand staircase leading upstairs. I just looked at the design on the carpet as I walked.
I heard footsteps so I looked up to see John walking down the hall towards my direction.
Automatically my heart started beating faster.
As soon as he was close enough to me I stuttered "John, w-w-we n-n-need to t-t-talk" I said mustering up courage as I stopped walking but he continued as he advanced towards me.
"Not now Addison"He said with a sigh as he walked right past me. I turned and looked after him. He just kept walking.
There goes another piece of my heart.
*******3 Days Later**************
"Are you sure you'll be okay alone back here?"Kyle asked as we walked into a little lounge room at the club they were about to play at.
"Ill be perfectly fine, and the couch looks super comfy"I said with a light laugh as I walked over to the couch and layed down.
"Well call me if you need me or something, have a great nap"he said with a chuckle.
"Will do"I said with a yawn.
I closed my eyes as I heard Kyle close the door behind him. Man was I tired, I hadn't gotten a decent amount of sleep since the tour started. I was either to shaken up about John, I had nightmares and couldn't go back to sleep once I woke, or the guys just kept me up.
I drifted into sleep in a matter of seconds.
~
"Addison, wake up"He said, and I thought I was dreaming about John again.Him telling me to wake up constantly and then I felt like I was being shaken gently.
I didn't know whether I was dreaming or not, but I opened my eyes slowly to come face to face with John.
I instantly sat up.
"Sorry"He mumbled"I just walked in and you were talking and stirring"
I didn't say anything. I was pretty much surprised.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you or anything, but you didn't look to happy with whatever you where dreaming about"He said quietly.
"Your talking to me"I said just as quietly.
"Yea...I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I was just grabbing a bottle of water, I didn't know you were in here"
"Do you still care about me?"I asked in thought. It seemed like it, but you could never be to sure....
"Ill always care about you"He said in the duh tone.
"You made a mistake you know"I said as I stood up.
"You honestly think I don't regret divorcing you?"He asked as he raised his voice a tad.
"Do you?"I asked completely confused.
"Addison, you don't know anything"he said shaking his head.
"I know one thing. You don't love me"
"And again, you don't know anything"
"Don't lie John"I said getting mad"I heard you talking to your-your- your girlfriend, you swore up and down to her you didn't love me at all anymore"I squeaked a little at the end. I felt like I wanted to cry again .Go figure.
"Well I'm obviously not going to tell my girlfriend I still having feelings for my ex wife!"
"Kyle was right"I said with a laugh as I shook my head.
"Why the fuck does everything have to go back to Kyle?! Not to mention your here with him! Are you fucking dating or what?!"He basically screamed.
"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"I screamed back "I DIDN'T INTENTIONALLY CHEAT ON YOU!"
"Yea, well I knew that"He said his voice back to normal
"What? You knew that?"I asked looking at him like he was insane.
"Addison look"He said with a sigh"I saw what happened, I know someone called his name and he turned and you didn't mean to kiss him on the lips"
"Then why did you divorce me?"I asked as I started breathing heavily.
"You knew how I felt about you and Kyle, and you were gonna kiss him. I don't give a fuck if it was going to be the cheek. You should limit yourself with him. Like no kisses, intentual or not. You knew how jealous I would get over you two, and now your on tour with him. Are you trying to kill me?"
"Am I trying to kill you? You have a fucking girlfriend!"
"You knew how jealous I get over him"He aid shaking his head ignoring my comment.
"I also knew, that I was in love with you."
"Was?"
"Am"I said with a sigh. No point in lying, he read me like a book anyway.
"Thats what I thought"He said as he walked away from me to the little mini fridge in the lounge
"Thats what you have to say?"I asked astonished as I walked after him.
"Yes"He said as he took out a bottle of water and then faced me.
I shook my head praying to god I wouldn't cry again and bit down on my lips.
"Addison, look, I'm sorry, but I don't want you anymore. I may still love you and care about you, but we're over"
"John"I said quietly and softly as a tear escaped and slid down my cheek.
"I'm not ready to be with you again. Even if I was, I don't think I would. You drove me crazy. In good ways and bad. I'm sick of you testing my patience. After you kissed Kyle, I snapped."
"Please don't do this to me"I said with a sniffle.
He actually came over and wrapped me in a hug. I didn't push him away. I loved his hugs. I missed them and longed for them.
"I'm dating Megan"He whispered in my ear. And that was enough for me to push away from him
"Why?"I asked as I wiped the tears on my face forcefully and glared at him.
"To get over you"He said softly.
"I don't want you to get over me, don't you understand John? I love you"I said completely heart broken.
"There's no way I could even go back to you. Megan hasn't done anything wrong, shes amazing and I don't want to hurt her."He said as he started to walk towards the door.
"John"I said as I grabbed his hand and stopped him from walking.
"I want to kiss you so badly, but I cant, I'm not a cheater" He said quietly.
"Please, break up with her"I cried.
"No"He said shaking his head and I let go of his hand as I continued to cry.
He looked into my eyes for a few seconds then turned around and walked out of the lounge.
I exploded. I cried and screamed so loud. I ran back to the couch, jumped onto it and buried my head in a cushion.
Why did he have to do this to me? Was he playing a game? Trying to make me jealous? No that cant be it. He knows I'm jealous.
He knows he has me in the palm of his hand.
He knows how weak I am,
He knows hes breaking my heart.
I know that he doesn't care.
I know that I should move on
I know that I cant.
I was just aimlessly wondering around the venue we were at. Its been 2 days since my Little breakdown over overhearing John.
Kyle, along with Jonathan, have been very supportive. I loved getting to know Jonathan better. He could easily make me smile.
It was like he was the only one who really knew what I was going through. I mean there was Kyle, but Kyle kept feeding me bullshit telling me how John still loved me and I should talk to him. Blah blah blah.
Jonathan was straight forward and didn't sugar coat anything.
He straight up told me maybe John's feelings towards me have changed and I have to accept it. He also said stuff like John was a jackass and being a baby. He said what was on his mind. It made me happy to hear him say stuff like John had some growing up to do.
All this time I thought I was the baby crying constantly over him, but like Jonathan said, John was acting like a fucking child not wanting to hear what happened, and getting a girlfriend was a low blow.
He made me feel better, even though he was trashing John, it was what I needed to hear, not the whole he still loves you crap.
I walked down a empty hallway that had a grand staircase leading upstairs. I just looked at the design on the carpet as I walked.
I heard footsteps so I looked up to see John walking down the hall towards my direction.
Automatically my heart started beating faster.
As soon as he was close enough to me I stuttered "John, w-w-we n-n-need to t-t-talk" I said mustering up courage as I stopped walking but he continued as he advanced towards me.
"Not now Addison"He said with a sigh as he walked right past me. I turned and looked after him. He just kept walking.
There goes another piece of my heart.
*******3 Days Later**************
"Are you sure you'll be okay alone back here?"Kyle asked as we walked into a little lounge room at the club they were about to play at.
"Ill be perfectly fine, and the couch looks super comfy"I said with a light laugh as I walked over to the couch and layed down.
"Well call me if you need me or something, have a great nap"he said with a chuckle.
"Will do"I said with a yawn.
I closed my eyes as I heard Kyle close the door behind him. Man was I tired, I hadn't gotten a decent amount of sleep since the tour started. I was either to shaken up about John, I had nightmares and couldn't go back to sleep once I woke, or the guys just kept me up.
I drifted into sleep in a matter of seconds.
~
"Addison, wake up"He said, and I thought I was dreaming about John again.Him telling me to wake up constantly and then I felt like I was being shaken gently.
I didn't know whether I was dreaming or not, but I opened my eyes slowly to come face to face with John.
I instantly sat up.
"Sorry"He mumbled"I just walked in and you were talking and stirring"
I didn't say anything. I was pretty much surprised.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you or anything, but you didn't look to happy with whatever you where dreaming about"He said quietly.
"Your talking to me"I said just as quietly.
"Yea...I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I was just grabbing a bottle of water, I didn't know you were in here"
"Do you still care about me?"I asked in thought. It seemed like it, but you could never be to sure....
"Ill always care about you"He said in the duh tone.
"You made a mistake you know"I said as I stood up.
"You honestly think I don't regret divorcing you?"He asked as he raised his voice a tad.
"Do you?"I asked completely confused.
"Addison, you don't know anything"he said shaking his head.
"I know one thing. You don't love me"
"And again, you don't know anything"
"Don't lie John"I said getting mad"I heard you talking to your-your- your girlfriend, you swore up and down to her you didn't love me at all anymore"I squeaked a little at the end. I felt like I wanted to cry again .Go figure.
"Well I'm obviously not going to tell my girlfriend I still having feelings for my ex wife!"
"Kyle was right"I said with a laugh as I shook my head.
"Why the fuck does everything have to go back to Kyle?! Not to mention your here with him! Are you fucking dating or what?!"He basically screamed.
"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"I screamed back "I DIDN'T INTENTIONALLY CHEAT ON YOU!"
"Yea, well I knew that"He said his voice back to normal
"What? You knew that?"I asked looking at him like he was insane.
"Addison look"He said with a sigh"I saw what happened, I know someone called his name and he turned and you didn't mean to kiss him on the lips"
"Then why did you divorce me?"I asked as I started breathing heavily.
"You knew how I felt about you and Kyle, and you were gonna kiss him. I don't give a fuck if it was going to be the cheek. You should limit yourself with him. Like no kisses, intentual or not. You knew how jealous I would get over you two, and now your on tour with him. Are you trying to kill me?"
"Am I trying to kill you? You have a fucking girlfriend!"
"You knew how jealous I get over him"He aid shaking his head ignoring my comment.
"I also knew, that I was in love with you."
"Was?"
"Am"I said with a sigh. No point in lying, he read me like a book anyway.
"Thats what I thought"He said as he walked away from me to the little mini fridge in the lounge
"Thats what you have to say?"I asked astonished as I walked after him.
"Yes"He said as he took out a bottle of water and then faced me.
I shook my head praying to god I wouldn't cry again and bit down on my lips.
"Addison, look, I'm sorry, but I don't want you anymore. I may still love you and care about you, but we're over"
"John"I said quietly and softly as a tear escaped and slid down my cheek.
"I'm not ready to be with you again. Even if I was, I don't think I would. You drove me crazy. In good ways and bad. I'm sick of you testing my patience. After you kissed Kyle, I snapped."
"Please don't do this to me"I said with a sniffle.
He actually came over and wrapped me in a hug. I didn't push him away. I loved his hugs. I missed them and longed for them.
"I'm dating Megan"He whispered in my ear. And that was enough for me to push away from him
"Why?"I asked as I wiped the tears on my face forcefully and glared at him.
"To get over you"He said softly.
"I don't want you to get over me, don't you understand John? I love you"I said completely heart broken.
"There's no way I could even go back to you. Megan hasn't done anything wrong, shes amazing and I don't want to hurt her."He said as he started to walk towards the door.
"John"I said as I grabbed his hand and stopped him from walking.
"I want to kiss you so badly, but I cant, I'm not a cheater" He said quietly.
"Please, break up with her"I cried.
"No"He said shaking his head and I let go of his hand as I continued to cry.
He looked into my eyes for a few seconds then turned around and walked out of the lounge.
I exploded. I cried and screamed so loud. I ran back to the couch, jumped onto it and buried my head in a cushion.
Why did he have to do this to me? Was he playing a game? Trying to make me jealous? No that cant be it. He knows I'm jealous.
He knows he has me in the palm of his hand.
He knows how weak I am,
He knows hes breaking my heart.
I know that he doesn't care.
I know that I should move on
I know that I cant.
♠ ♠ ♠
eh.....