Status: Done!
Love Hides (in the Strangest Places)
Epilogue - Love Me Two Times
“Jann, I’m not going out with you.” I said for the millionth time to my producer, Jann Wenner.
“Why not? He’s gone anyway.” Jann replied.
“You bastard, how can you say that to me?”
“With great ease.”
“It doesn’t matter what you say, I will never love you over him, I will never love anyone over him.”
“Fine.”
“Are you going to fire me now?”
“No, but you can get out of my office now, good day, Elanor.”
I left Jann’s office and tried to pull myself together as I went to my desk, grabbed my bag, and drove home. The second I closed that front door behind me I collapsed and began crying.
“That ass hole! I cried.
After a few minutes I calmed myself down and slowly picked myself up off the floor and whispered,
“Why’d you have to go, James?”
A tape recorder plopped on to my desk and I jumped, turning around finding Jann standing behind me with a smirk on his face.
“Guess what I found in your collection of tape recordings?” Jann said amusingly.
“What?” I said annoyed.
Jann pressed the play button and the sounds of Jim and I having sex came out of the speaker. I remember exactly when that had happened. It was when I was with the Doors, getting interviews with them as they recorded their last album, L.A. Woman. I had forgotten to shut the tape recorder off and it had caught one of Jim and mine’s most intimate times together. I took a deep breath.
“What about it?” I asked slowly.
Jann fast forwarded a bit and now it was Jim and I talking.
"How did I get so lucky as to have you?" Jim's beautiful voice came out of the speaker.
"I'm the lucky one." my voice said now, fully stubborn.
"Seriously, how did this even happen?"
"Well, it was April 8, 1969, and it was my first Doors concert. And you were eyeing me from the stage all night long." I began.
"I was not!"
"You were too! So I decided to go back stage just to see you."
"But you didn't."
"I got scared! You were just so sexy! And I thought that if I met you I'd turn into another one of your God damned groupies."
I could feel my eyes watering and I fought so hard to not have any tears escape. I remember every word of our conversation that night, I remember all of our talks.
“What do you want Jann?” I said my breath heavy, and my voice shaky.
“I want you to write your story.”
“My story?” I asked.
“All about you and dear James.” Jann whispered in my ear.
Jann turned to leave and I whirled around saying,
“You really are an ass hole, you know that?”
“Only when I don’t get what I want.” Jann smirked evilly.
Jann left and I fought the urge to cry. I was doing too much of that lately. That’ll do nothing, I told myself. Instead I decided that this was my chance to show people who the real James was. I faced my type writer and typed out,
As I stood in the crowd I watched Jim Morisson writhing on stage as he yelled "Fuck you!" in the song The End.
Ray held me as I cried mercilessly into his shoulder, and then watched as Jim’s coffin was lowered in to the ground in the Père La Chaise cemetery in Paris.
It’s been two weeks and I finally finished the story. Jann constantly gave me stories to do that had something concerning Jim; I even had to cover his death. He made my life miserable but I couldn’t give in to him.
Three months later I was on paternity leave, with nothing to do during the day. My mind was constantly swamped with thoughts of Jim, all the time we’d spent together. But Robby, Ray and John were always there to keep me company. At least one of them would come by and see me each day to make sure I was okay, and they would take me out to restaurants. They were such a help to me during the pregnancy.
Close to 5 months later, March 19, 1972 I gave birth to two twin babies. One boy, and one girl.
What are you going to name them, Elanor?” John asked as I lay in bed with my two beautiful babies.
“James Douglas Morrison Junior and Jamie Elanor Morrison.”
“Are you sure you can handle that?”
"Why couldn't I?"
"Well, wouldn't it be hard, having their names like that?" Ray asked.
"I can handle it." I said determinedly.
"Can I hold one?" Robby asked, timidly.
"Oh, of course."
I gently handed him Jamie, saying to my baby, "Go see uncle Robby."
"Uncle?" Robby said surprised.
"Of course, all of you are going to be uncles to them. I want them to know you, I want them to know their father."
"Are you sure that's smart?"
"I don't want them thinking that their father is some crazed, drunken rock star, I want them to know what James was really like."
"Of course."
John was right, it was really hard to live, knowing those kids would never know their father. I wish I could say that he would be happy and if he were alive he would love them, but I'll never know. I never asked Jim about what he thought when it came to children. And it didn't matter how many times the guys told me he loved me, I still lived in doubt. If he had loved me, then why did he leave me for Pamela, moving across the world from me? Did he hate me that much?
Over the many years I became depressed and I would sleep with most of the rock stars I interviewed. Except one. Jeff Healey.
Jeff Healey came out of Toronto, in Canada. He was blind but he could play the guitar as good as if he could see. He ended up being one of my closest friends, and someone I'll miss forever. He was the only person who ever truly made me happy in the absence of Jim. But my life drastically changed one day, when someone else reappeared in my life.
"Mom, are you okay?" James, my son asked me.
I was at the funeral of my dear friend, Jeff Healey, my son and daughter beside me.
"Yes," I said sadly, "I'm fine."
"Do you want us to drive you home?" Jamie, my daughter offered.
"No, I'm fine, I have to pick up a few things on the way." I brushed them off.
"We'll see you tomorrow then, for your birthday." James said, hugging me tightly.
"Of course dear, for my birthday."
How can I be 60 already? It seems only yesterday I was at another man's funeral. I had been 22 at the time. Time goes by fast when you're sad. I got into my car, a '59 Cadillac, it used to be Jim's, and drove to the grocery store. I needed to pick up a few things for dinner tomorrow night. I slowly and absentmindedly wheeled my cart down the many aisles of packaged food and watched as the name brands of food went by, all that I never knew in my youth. I looked up from the colorful packages and processed food and my eyes landed on a man, at the end of the aisle, he was young and his hair thick and dark, his body tall. He looked like James. I quickly turned away and moved to the next aisle. I picked up what I needed and quickly made my way to the check-out counter.
"$15.24." the teenage girl behind the counter said while chewing her gum like a cow.
"Can you please close your mouth while you speak to me." I demanded.
The girl quickly shut her mouth and gave me a very disrespectful look. I shot a glare back at her. I dug through my purse, retrieving my wallet, but someone caught my eye. This time it was a man about my age, his dark brown hair had a few streaks of grey. He looks like what I'd imagine James to look like if he had grown this old.
"Are you going to pay or not?" the rude girl said.
I took my eyes off the man and handed the girl my money, taking my bag of provisions and heading out the door. I sat in my car and took a few deep breaths of air to calm myself. I turned the car on and made my way home. I walked up to my house, with the dark brown door and the vines climbing up the wall on either side. I unlocked the door and walked in, setting my keys in the dish on the table to the side of the door. I moved into the kitchen, putting away all my groceries. I had my dress from the funeral off and I now wore my red, silk bathrobe. My hair was now down instead of up. I paused in the mirror in the living room, looking at my few wrinkles thanks to my greasy skin, my only slightly greyed hair, and my still healthy figure. If only I still had someone to show it off to. There was a knock at the door and quickly fixing myself so there wasn't anything revealed I made my way to the door and opened it. There stood the man from the grocery store. He was wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses, the same kind James used to wear, I thought.
"Hello, Elanor." the man said in an oh-so familiar voice.
"How do you know my name?" I asked, shaking inside.
That voice, it's his voice. Those lips are his. He removed his sunglasses, those are his eyes. I shook on the outside now.
"It's impossible." I said, my breath becoming uneven.
I've dreamed of this day ever since he died.
"You're dead."
"I know." he said compassionately.
"How--?" my breath stopped short in my throat.
I collapsed and my back hit the door, James walked in and held me and I began to cry. Then, suddenly, I became angry. I pushed him away.
"How dare you!" I yelled, "It's been almost 40 years!"
James looked at me with tears in his eyes, "I know, I just didn't want to scare you."
"And you thought that now wouldn't scare me either?"
I walked away and up the stairs into my bedroom, slamming the door, hearing James running after me.
"Elanor!" he banged on the door, "Elanor I came back because I couldn't stand being away from you anymore. That was me in the grocery store, I've been following you all week. I know you've seen me. I love you!"
I threw the door open, my face was covered in tears and I yelled, "How could you do this to me, James? I have been slowly dying inside because of you. How do you think I felt all week, thinking I was going crazy?! Why did you have to wait so long?"
"Because I was getting clean. I don't drink anymore, Elanor, because of you."
"I've missed you so much!" I yelled, "I never knew if you really actually loved me. I have nightmares every night because of you!"
I slammed the door in his face again.
"Elanor!" James yelled.
"What?" I ripped the door open again.
James quickly took me in his arms, kissing me fiercly and I couldn't deny anymore that I've been wanting this ever since he left. He lifted me with ease, as if we were in our 20's again, and I wrapped my legs around him as he pushed me against the wall. My hands found his still thick and wavy hair, as if they'd never left it. I tore at his shirt and revealed the now grey chest hair I'd come to love so long ago. My bathrobe slowly slipped off my shoulders and James kissed my neck as I fumbled with his jeans. Once his jeans were shed he carried me over to my bed and we landed on it with a thud. James slid my bathrobe off me and threw it across the room then smiled as he began to remove my undergarments. It was the same smile he always gave when he was undressing me, as if there had never been an absence of it. Finally we were both naked and I paused, asking,
"Do you need to take anything?" I asked timidly.
"Are you implying that I cannot 'keep it up' anymore?" James asked, taken aback.
"Well we are both getting old." I said as an apology.
"Baby, I can still fuck your brains out as I always did before."
James smiled and he kissed me again and our hips moved in easy synchronization. It may have happened a little more quickly then it used to, but it still held all the same satifaction as our cries came out simultaneuosly and our climaxes rose together.
"You lied to me." James said sadly as he held me after we woke up the next day.
"When?"
"When you said you would only ever love me."
"How did I lie?"
"I saw your son, at the funeral."
"Well, I have to love him, he's my son."
"And you have a daughter."
"And?"
"You had to have loved someone to have them."
I smiled, "I did love someone, I love him more than anyone else on this earth."
"Who is he?"
"James, they're twins, and they are both 36 years old."
"Ya, they were born in 1972, you got over me pretty quick."
"James, their names are James Douglas Morrison Jr and Jamie Elanor Morrison."
"What?" he asked, surprised, sitting up.
"They're yours, James."
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"It happened when you came to me in Paris. You died the next day, James. I never found out until a month after the funeral."
"I, I'm a father?" he said, tears coming to his eyes.
"Are you mad? I couldn't give them up James, I couldn't."
James turned so he was facing me and took my face between his warm hands.
"Elanor, you have just made me the happiest man alive. I have you back, and I have children." he laughed, taking me in his arms.
"I'm so glad you're happy. You know they'll be here soon."
"Oh, right, your birthday."
I nodded and grimaced, "I'll be 60."
"You know, I've never missed one of your birthdays, and every year I deliberated whether to go see you or not. Finally I couldn't take it, especially after seeing you today, you looked so beautiful. Everytime I saw you I waited to see if you were going to look old and stuff but you've always stayed absolutely beautiful, the only thing thats changed is your hair and you have a few wrinkles."
"Hey, so do you buddy." I laughed.
"God, I've missed you." James kissed me.
I slowly climbed out of bed and held my hand out for James, "Come on, we have to get ready for our children."
We went into the bathroom to take a shower and I remembered something.
"Have you seen the guys yet?" I asked slowly.
"No. I'm not sure how they'll take it."
"They'll be here today. They always come to my birthday."
"You know, I half expected you to be married to one of them." James smirked, doing one if his regular stretches.
"Why?" I asked, astonished.
"Well, you and Robby seemed to get along all the time."
"I would never marry anyone if it wasn't you." I said seriously.
James smiled wickedly at me then became serious again. He cleared his throat.
"Actually, that was something I wanted to talk to you about." he said.
"What?" I asked, not understanding.
Jim slowly got down to one knee and held my hand,
"Elanor, will you make this old man even more happy then you already have?"
"What?" I asked, scared.
"Will you marry me?"
I came to kneel down with James and I looked into his eyes. I'd never seen him so honest before and tears came to my eyes. This was one of my dreams. I nodded my head furiously and threw my arms around James' neck, kissing him happily.
"I would give you the ring," he smirked, "But it's in my pants, and we're about to take a shower."
I laughed and then James and I took a good, long shower. We washed each other and I've never seen him so caring before in my life. He held me as if I was a porcelain doll and he kissed the top of my head over and over again.
We went into my room again and James quickly got his pants, fishing through his pockets, finally coming up with a little scarlet box. My eyes began to water as he opened the box and revealed a beautiful diamond engagement ring.
"Oh, my God, James, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
James got down on one knee, "I'd like to do this a little better instead of naked on your bathroom floor. So, Elanor Rosser, will you marry me?"
"Yes." I yelled, throwing my arms around him again, kissing him hungrily.
After hugging and kissing for a good 5 minutes we slowly got up and I went to get dressed. I put on my favorite pair of faded jeans along with a comfortable black sweater.
"I'm just going to get the newspaper out front, and maybe have a little smoke." I yelled to Jim.
I stepped out on to my front step and for once I was truly happy. I pulled out a joint and lit it up as I picked up the newspaper and began reading the front page. Hey, I lived in the 60's after all! I looked to my right and noticed a U-Haul truck and many buff men moving to and fro with heavy furniture. A teenage girl noticed me and walked over.
"Hi, I'm moving in next door." she said when she got to my steps, "My name is Julie Harris."
I shook her hand, "Hi, I'm Elanor Rosser."
Her eyes went wide and I looked at her warily, "Oh, my God! You're Elanor Rosser?"
"That's what I said."
"Didn't you date Jim Morrison?" she asked, with a huge smile on her face.
I smiled widely and nodded my head.
"So, I've always wondered, what's he like in bed?" she said with an embarassed smirk.
I didn't get a chance to say anything when James came out of the house, kissed me on the cheek and stole my joint. I cringed inside as I saw Julie's eyes go even more wide then when I told her who I was.
"Oh, my God! You're Jim Morrison." she whispered.
Jim took a long drag and said, "What if I am?"
Julie started jumping up and down and held in a scream then pointed at Jim saying, "I told people, I told everyone you were still alive, but no one believed me! I knew it!"
A car pulled up to my house and I started to panic, I grabbed Jim's hand and whispered, "God, he's here."
"What's wrong Elanor?"
"That is your daughter."
"Oh, my God! You have kids?!" Julie freaked out.
"Will you please settle down?" I scolded her.
My heart slowed as I watched Jamie climb out of the passenger side and run to my side, envelopping me in a hug. But it was the other car that my heart stopped for. I watched as James, my son, sauntered out of his car, wearing aviator sunglasses, and in that moment he looked like he could be Jim's twin. Jim was standing off to the side, out of view and I saw his face harden as he watched one, two, three, four kids climb out of his daughters car, and then one, two, three more kids out of his sons.
"Hi, guys." I said happily as one by one my 7 grandchildren came to great me.
I saw Julie becoming more and more excited in my peripheral vision and so I introduced her and then shooed her off as I ushered my family inside the house. Before I went inside Jim grabbed my arm and flung me around and I saw fear in his eyes.
"What if they hate me?" he asked me quickly.
"They won't hate you, they'll love you."
"But-."
I placed a finger on his lips and hushed him, "They'll love you, you're their father."
"You never told me I had seven grandchildren!"
I smiled, kissed him and led him inside.
I walked into my living room to face my two children and seven grandchildren. I took a deep breath before beginning.
"James, Jamie, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, motioning to the kitchen.
I watched as Jim stiffened when they came close and then I followed them into the kitchen.
"Um, mom, who's he?" Jamie asked.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." I took a deep breath, then hit my head against the wall.
"Mom?" James said, confused.
"Okay, I can do this." I turned to look at my kids and blurted out, "He's your father."
There was a long and awkward silence until James rushed at Jim, shoving him against the wall.
"How dare you! Do you know how much grief she has had because of you? Do you know how many times I have said I hated you all because my mother was depressed as I was a child? How dare you come back here and ask for our forgiveness!"
"James!" I yelled, pulling my son off Jim.
"Let him tell you why he was gone for so long." I urged.
I pushed James back beside his sister and held Jim's hand as he tried to find the words to say.
"For a long time, I was not in a position to make your mother truly happy. I could not function as a normal person and I drank way too much. I know your mother loved me no matter what, but I felt I couldn't fulfill her life if I was the way I was."
"Why did you have to fake your death?" Jamie asked quietly.
"Honestly, I would still be that fucked up man if I hadn't done that. I couldn't take it anymore, having people follow me all the time, and having cameras in my face. I wasn't happy with myself. And I swear, had I known your mother was pregnant when I did what I did then I would have told her my plan, but I didn't know. And I had to get away from it all, I got clean. I don't drink anymore. I wish I hadn't gone away from your mother, but I felt, in order for me to get clean, I had to break all my ties to my old life for a while. I feel horrible for what I did your mother but now I feel I am finally good enough for your mother. Because she is so much better than me."
Jim was crying, I never knew he felt that way. I always thought he was too good for me.
"James, I always thought you were the most amazing man in the world." I said, tears in my eyes.
"I know." he said, wrapping his arms around me.
Jim and I stood there holding each other. Slowly Jamie came over and I opened my arms to include her. Then I left daughter and father together. Jim stroked Jamie's hair and kissed her head. Jim held her at arm's length.
"You're so beautiful." he wiped his eyes, "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, "she paused, "Daddy."
Jim laughed and embraced his daughter once again, holding her tightly to him. Then he turned to James. James stood there for a minute, looking at his feet awkwardly, then he slowly looked up, walked towards Jim and held out his hand. Jim took it reluctantly.
"James." I scolded, and they both looked at me, "Kay, this wasn't a problem before."
Both the boys laughed and with much coaxing from me they embraced each other. I took James off to the side.
"Thank you." I said honestly.
James kissed me on the cheek, then hugged me tightly, "As long as he makes you happy."
"He does."
We went back into the living room and Jim seemed even more awkward now as he looked at his seven grandchildren. They all came up one by one to give me a hug, but when my oldest grandchild came up he was busy listening to iPod or whatever the kids listen to these days. I ripped out one of his ear buds, putting a hand on my hip, scolding him.
"Jordan Iles, you turn off your music when you're visiting your grandmother."
The boy looked down but then I smiled, and he responded with a smile. I opened my arms and he hugged me. He looks a lot like his grandfather.
"Who's he, Grams?" my granddaughter Rebecca asked, pointing at Jim.
"Um, well, he's your grandfather." I said, pushing Jim so they could all see him.
A little boy came up and wrapped his arms around Jim's legs. I laughed and relief washed over me. I picked the boy up and held him for Jim to take. Jim took him awkwardly but the little boy hugged him and Jim's eyes began to water again.
"James, this is Connor, he's James' youngest son, he's 6."
"You're my grandpa?" Connor asked, and Jim nodded his head. Connor smiled and pecked Jim lightly on the lips. I laughed and Connor got down, running to his mother.
"So, James, this is your daughter-in-law, Emily."
"Nice to meet you." Jim said awkwardly, shaking her hand.
"And this is Kelly, their oldest, she's 12." Kelly came up and hugged Jim.
"This is Max, he's 10." Max hugged Jim.
"Umm, this is your son-in-law, Rick Iles." I think Rick was even more awkward then Jim, possibly thinking that Jim would beat on him for screwing his daughter.
"This is Jordan, their oldest, he's 16, and still not turning off his music." I scolded.
Jim laughed and asked to see Jordan's iPod. Jordan reluctantly handed him the iPod.
"What are you listening to?" Jim asked curiously, looking at the skinny piece of electronic in his hands.
Jordan blushed severely and scratched his head, saying, "Actually, I was kinda listening to you."
Jim looked up, surprised. "No way." he looked back at me, "What do you know."
"Smart kid." he handed back the iPod, "Geez, we listened to records on huge record players, you couldn't walk around with those."
Jordan smiled and Jim hugged him becoming more at ease.
"This is Rebecca. she's 14. And this is Katie, she's 12. And this, is Justin, 10 years old."
Jim hugged all of them then said, "Geez, you guys gotta having kids."
"Actually," Jamie said, "There was something I wanted to tell you guys today, think of it as a birthday present."
"What is it?" I asked, excited.
"I'm pregant!" she yelled happily.
"Oh my God!" I yelled, hugging her as we jumped up and down.
There came a knock at the door and my heart jumped. Jim looked at me and I said, "The guys." Jim took a deep breath and nodded his head. I went to the door and opened it and all three of the guys, Robby, Ray, and John. James and Jamie ran up to them, giving them tight hugs.
"Robby, Ray, John , I have a surprise for you, can you come into the kitchen, please?" Jim walked into the kitchen ahead of us, unnoticed.
When we went into the kitchen Jim was standing with his back to us, his hands on the counter.
"Who's he, Elanor?" Ray asked.
Jim turned around and the four men stood there, looking at each other.
"Wow, you guys have sure changed since the 60's."
One more moment of silence and then Ray charged at Jim, tackling him in a hug. Before I knew it, there were 4 old men, hugging and crying in my kitchen.
"Are you babies done yet or should I leave, maybe get you some ice cream?"
"Shut up." Robby laughed.
"You boys look so funny."
The rest of the day was spent reminiscing about the old days. Finally I was able to tell my children and grandchildren all these stories about the 60's and my life without getting sad. I was finally happy. Later on there came a knock at the door and I became confused, there's no one else that's supposed to come. I went to the door and opened it and there was Julie.
"Oh, hi Julie." I decided to be nice, "Would you like to come in? You can meet my family and friends."
"Oh, my gosh, yes." she said coming inside.
"Everyone, this is my new next door neighbour, Julie. Julie, this is my son James and his 3 kids: Connor, Max, and Kelly. This is my daughter Jamie and her 4 children: Justin, Katie, Rebecca, and Jordan. And this is Jim, you met him earlier, and this is-."
Julie cut me off, "Ray Manzarek, Robby Krieger, and John Densmore. Hi, so nice to meet you."
"How old are you?" Jim asked her.
"I'm 16." Julie said happily.
"How is it that both of you know who we are, when you are only 16?" Jim asked, pointing to Jordan and Julie.
"James, obviously you haven't noticed that there are still teenagers everywhere who walk around with Doors t-shirts. There a billion kids everywhere who still know who you are, babe."
"But we were only famous for 4 years."
"We're in music history, dude." John said, smirking.
We allowed Julie to stay for a while and I easily noticed that Julie and Jordan were getting along quite well. They thought they were being sneaky but I saw them exchanging phone numbers when Julie had to leave. Later, after everyone left, Jim and I were cleaning up the kitchen. I was doing dishes when Jim came up behind me and snaked his arms around my waist and he proceeded to kiss my neck.
"Happy Birthday." Jim whispered in my ear.
I turned around, drying my hands, Jim, this has been the greatest birthday ever."
"I know." he kissed me.
"As much as you've changed, you're still as cocky as a son of a bitch."
"Oh am I?" he laughed, tickling me.
"James?"
"Yeah?"
"If you're going to be getting married, wouldn't that mean you'd have to come out about your fake death?"
"Yeah, I'm still not sure how I'm going to do that."
"It's okay, James, we don't have to get married. I'd be happy just to be with you."
"I know. But I want you to have as happy a life as you possibly can."
"It will happy, as long as I have you."
"We can get a secret marriage."
"It's okay James." I kissed him again.
Jim and I did get married. He came clean about his fake death and then right away he began planning the wedding. The wedding was on April 8, in honor of the first day we'd met. Jamie had the baby, a beautiful baby girl named Christine. Julie and Jordan got married and Jim and James became normal together. Jim and I had 21 greatgrandchildren. And when we did die, I at 93, Jim at 97, Jim was now really buried in Pere La Chaise cemetary in Paris, with me beside him.
“Why not? He’s gone anyway.” Jann replied.
“You bastard, how can you say that to me?”
“With great ease.”
“It doesn’t matter what you say, I will never love you over him, I will never love anyone over him.”
“Fine.”
“Are you going to fire me now?”
“No, but you can get out of my office now, good day, Elanor.”
I left Jann’s office and tried to pull myself together as I went to my desk, grabbed my bag, and drove home. The second I closed that front door behind me I collapsed and began crying.
“That ass hole! I cried.
After a few minutes I calmed myself down and slowly picked myself up off the floor and whispered,
“Why’d you have to go, James?”
A tape recorder plopped on to my desk and I jumped, turning around finding Jann standing behind me with a smirk on his face.
“Guess what I found in your collection of tape recordings?” Jann said amusingly.
“What?” I said annoyed.
Jann pressed the play button and the sounds of Jim and I having sex came out of the speaker. I remember exactly when that had happened. It was when I was with the Doors, getting interviews with them as they recorded their last album, L.A. Woman. I had forgotten to shut the tape recorder off and it had caught one of Jim and mine’s most intimate times together. I took a deep breath.
“What about it?” I asked slowly.
Jann fast forwarded a bit and now it was Jim and I talking.
"How did I get so lucky as to have you?" Jim's beautiful voice came out of the speaker.
"I'm the lucky one." my voice said now, fully stubborn.
"Seriously, how did this even happen?"
"Well, it was April 8, 1969, and it was my first Doors concert. And you were eyeing me from the stage all night long." I began.
"I was not!"
"You were too! So I decided to go back stage just to see you."
"But you didn't."
"I got scared! You were just so sexy! And I thought that if I met you I'd turn into another one of your God damned groupies."
I could feel my eyes watering and I fought so hard to not have any tears escape. I remember every word of our conversation that night, I remember all of our talks.
“What do you want Jann?” I said my breath heavy, and my voice shaky.
“I want you to write your story.”
“My story?” I asked.
“All about you and dear James.” Jann whispered in my ear.
Jann turned to leave and I whirled around saying,
“You really are an ass hole, you know that?”
“Only when I don’t get what I want.” Jann smirked evilly.
Jann left and I fought the urge to cry. I was doing too much of that lately. That’ll do nothing, I told myself. Instead I decided that this was my chance to show people who the real James was. I faced my type writer and typed out,
As I stood in the crowd I watched Jim Morisson writhing on stage as he yelled "Fuck you!" in the song The End.
Ray held me as I cried mercilessly into his shoulder, and then watched as Jim’s coffin was lowered in to the ground in the Père La Chaise cemetery in Paris.
It’s been two weeks and I finally finished the story. Jann constantly gave me stories to do that had something concerning Jim; I even had to cover his death. He made my life miserable but I couldn’t give in to him.
Three months later I was on paternity leave, with nothing to do during the day. My mind was constantly swamped with thoughts of Jim, all the time we’d spent together. But Robby, Ray and John were always there to keep me company. At least one of them would come by and see me each day to make sure I was okay, and they would take me out to restaurants. They were such a help to me during the pregnancy.
Close to 5 months later, March 19, 1972 I gave birth to two twin babies. One boy, and one girl.
What are you going to name them, Elanor?” John asked as I lay in bed with my two beautiful babies.
“James Douglas Morrison Junior and Jamie Elanor Morrison.”
“Are you sure you can handle that?”
"Why couldn't I?"
"Well, wouldn't it be hard, having their names like that?" Ray asked.
"I can handle it." I said determinedly.
"Can I hold one?" Robby asked, timidly.
"Oh, of course."
I gently handed him Jamie, saying to my baby, "Go see uncle Robby."
"Uncle?" Robby said surprised.
"Of course, all of you are going to be uncles to them. I want them to know you, I want them to know their father."
"Are you sure that's smart?"
"I don't want them thinking that their father is some crazed, drunken rock star, I want them to know what James was really like."
"Of course."
John was right, it was really hard to live, knowing those kids would never know their father. I wish I could say that he would be happy and if he were alive he would love them, but I'll never know. I never asked Jim about what he thought when it came to children. And it didn't matter how many times the guys told me he loved me, I still lived in doubt. If he had loved me, then why did he leave me for Pamela, moving across the world from me? Did he hate me that much?
Over the many years I became depressed and I would sleep with most of the rock stars I interviewed. Except one. Jeff Healey.
Jeff Healey came out of Toronto, in Canada. He was blind but he could play the guitar as good as if he could see. He ended up being one of my closest friends, and someone I'll miss forever. He was the only person who ever truly made me happy in the absence of Jim. But my life drastically changed one day, when someone else reappeared in my life.
"Mom, are you okay?" James, my son asked me.
I was at the funeral of my dear friend, Jeff Healey, my son and daughter beside me.
"Yes," I said sadly, "I'm fine."
"Do you want us to drive you home?" Jamie, my daughter offered.
"No, I'm fine, I have to pick up a few things on the way." I brushed them off.
"We'll see you tomorrow then, for your birthday." James said, hugging me tightly.
"Of course dear, for my birthday."
How can I be 60 already? It seems only yesterday I was at another man's funeral. I had been 22 at the time. Time goes by fast when you're sad. I got into my car, a '59 Cadillac, it used to be Jim's, and drove to the grocery store. I needed to pick up a few things for dinner tomorrow night. I slowly and absentmindedly wheeled my cart down the many aisles of packaged food and watched as the name brands of food went by, all that I never knew in my youth. I looked up from the colorful packages and processed food and my eyes landed on a man, at the end of the aisle, he was young and his hair thick and dark, his body tall. He looked like James. I quickly turned away and moved to the next aisle. I picked up what I needed and quickly made my way to the check-out counter.
"$15.24." the teenage girl behind the counter said while chewing her gum like a cow.
"Can you please close your mouth while you speak to me." I demanded.
The girl quickly shut her mouth and gave me a very disrespectful look. I shot a glare back at her. I dug through my purse, retrieving my wallet, but someone caught my eye. This time it was a man about my age, his dark brown hair had a few streaks of grey. He looks like what I'd imagine James to look like if he had grown this old.
"Are you going to pay or not?" the rude girl said.
I took my eyes off the man and handed the girl my money, taking my bag of provisions and heading out the door. I sat in my car and took a few deep breaths of air to calm myself. I turned the car on and made my way home. I walked up to my house, with the dark brown door and the vines climbing up the wall on either side. I unlocked the door and walked in, setting my keys in the dish on the table to the side of the door. I moved into the kitchen, putting away all my groceries. I had my dress from the funeral off and I now wore my red, silk bathrobe. My hair was now down instead of up. I paused in the mirror in the living room, looking at my few wrinkles thanks to my greasy skin, my only slightly greyed hair, and my still healthy figure. If only I still had someone to show it off to. There was a knock at the door and quickly fixing myself so there wasn't anything revealed I made my way to the door and opened it. There stood the man from the grocery store. He was wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses, the same kind James used to wear, I thought.
"Hello, Elanor." the man said in an oh-so familiar voice.
"How do you know my name?" I asked, shaking inside.
That voice, it's his voice. Those lips are his. He removed his sunglasses, those are his eyes. I shook on the outside now.
"It's impossible." I said, my breath becoming uneven.
I've dreamed of this day ever since he died.
"You're dead."
"I know." he said compassionately.
"How--?" my breath stopped short in my throat.
I collapsed and my back hit the door, James walked in and held me and I began to cry. Then, suddenly, I became angry. I pushed him away.
"How dare you!" I yelled, "It's been almost 40 years!"
James looked at me with tears in his eyes, "I know, I just didn't want to scare you."
"And you thought that now wouldn't scare me either?"
I walked away and up the stairs into my bedroom, slamming the door, hearing James running after me.
"Elanor!" he banged on the door, "Elanor I came back because I couldn't stand being away from you anymore. That was me in the grocery store, I've been following you all week. I know you've seen me. I love you!"
I threw the door open, my face was covered in tears and I yelled, "How could you do this to me, James? I have been slowly dying inside because of you. How do you think I felt all week, thinking I was going crazy?! Why did you have to wait so long?"
"Because I was getting clean. I don't drink anymore, Elanor, because of you."
"I've missed you so much!" I yelled, "I never knew if you really actually loved me. I have nightmares every night because of you!"
I slammed the door in his face again.
"Elanor!" James yelled.
"What?" I ripped the door open again.
James quickly took me in his arms, kissing me fiercly and I couldn't deny anymore that I've been wanting this ever since he left. He lifted me with ease, as if we were in our 20's again, and I wrapped my legs around him as he pushed me against the wall. My hands found his still thick and wavy hair, as if they'd never left it. I tore at his shirt and revealed the now grey chest hair I'd come to love so long ago. My bathrobe slowly slipped off my shoulders and James kissed my neck as I fumbled with his jeans. Once his jeans were shed he carried me over to my bed and we landed on it with a thud. James slid my bathrobe off me and threw it across the room then smiled as he began to remove my undergarments. It was the same smile he always gave when he was undressing me, as if there had never been an absence of it. Finally we were both naked and I paused, asking,
"Do you need to take anything?" I asked timidly.
"Are you implying that I cannot 'keep it up' anymore?" James asked, taken aback.
"Well we are both getting old." I said as an apology.
"Baby, I can still fuck your brains out as I always did before."
James smiled and he kissed me again and our hips moved in easy synchronization. It may have happened a little more quickly then it used to, but it still held all the same satifaction as our cries came out simultaneuosly and our climaxes rose together.
"You lied to me." James said sadly as he held me after we woke up the next day.
"When?"
"When you said you would only ever love me."
"How did I lie?"
"I saw your son, at the funeral."
"Well, I have to love him, he's my son."
"And you have a daughter."
"And?"
"You had to have loved someone to have them."
I smiled, "I did love someone, I love him more than anyone else on this earth."
"Who is he?"
"James, they're twins, and they are both 36 years old."
"Ya, they were born in 1972, you got over me pretty quick."
"James, their names are James Douglas Morrison Jr and Jamie Elanor Morrison."
"What?" he asked, surprised, sitting up.
"They're yours, James."
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"It happened when you came to me in Paris. You died the next day, James. I never found out until a month after the funeral."
"I, I'm a father?" he said, tears coming to his eyes.
"Are you mad? I couldn't give them up James, I couldn't."
James turned so he was facing me and took my face between his warm hands.
"Elanor, you have just made me the happiest man alive. I have you back, and I have children." he laughed, taking me in his arms.
"I'm so glad you're happy. You know they'll be here soon."
"Oh, right, your birthday."
I nodded and grimaced, "I'll be 60."
"You know, I've never missed one of your birthdays, and every year I deliberated whether to go see you or not. Finally I couldn't take it, especially after seeing you today, you looked so beautiful. Everytime I saw you I waited to see if you were going to look old and stuff but you've always stayed absolutely beautiful, the only thing thats changed is your hair and you have a few wrinkles."
"Hey, so do you buddy." I laughed.
"God, I've missed you." James kissed me.
I slowly climbed out of bed and held my hand out for James, "Come on, we have to get ready for our children."
We went into the bathroom to take a shower and I remembered something.
"Have you seen the guys yet?" I asked slowly.
"No. I'm not sure how they'll take it."
"They'll be here today. They always come to my birthday."
"You know, I half expected you to be married to one of them." James smirked, doing one if his regular stretches.
"Why?" I asked, astonished.
"Well, you and Robby seemed to get along all the time."
"I would never marry anyone if it wasn't you." I said seriously.
James smiled wickedly at me then became serious again. He cleared his throat.
"Actually, that was something I wanted to talk to you about." he said.
"What?" I asked, not understanding.
Jim slowly got down to one knee and held my hand,
"Elanor, will you make this old man even more happy then you already have?"
"What?" I asked, scared.
"Will you marry me?"
I came to kneel down with James and I looked into his eyes. I'd never seen him so honest before and tears came to my eyes. This was one of my dreams. I nodded my head furiously and threw my arms around James' neck, kissing him happily.
"I would give you the ring," he smirked, "But it's in my pants, and we're about to take a shower."
I laughed and then James and I took a good, long shower. We washed each other and I've never seen him so caring before in my life. He held me as if I was a porcelain doll and he kissed the top of my head over and over again.
We went into my room again and James quickly got his pants, fishing through his pockets, finally coming up with a little scarlet box. My eyes began to water as he opened the box and revealed a beautiful diamond engagement ring.
"Oh, my God, James, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
James got down on one knee, "I'd like to do this a little better instead of naked on your bathroom floor. So, Elanor Rosser, will you marry me?"
"Yes." I yelled, throwing my arms around him again, kissing him hungrily.
After hugging and kissing for a good 5 minutes we slowly got up and I went to get dressed. I put on my favorite pair of faded jeans along with a comfortable black sweater.
"I'm just going to get the newspaper out front, and maybe have a little smoke." I yelled to Jim.
I stepped out on to my front step and for once I was truly happy. I pulled out a joint and lit it up as I picked up the newspaper and began reading the front page. Hey, I lived in the 60's after all! I looked to my right and noticed a U-Haul truck and many buff men moving to and fro with heavy furniture. A teenage girl noticed me and walked over.
"Hi, I'm moving in next door." she said when she got to my steps, "My name is Julie Harris."
I shook her hand, "Hi, I'm Elanor Rosser."
Her eyes went wide and I looked at her warily, "Oh, my God! You're Elanor Rosser?"
"That's what I said."
"Didn't you date Jim Morrison?" she asked, with a huge smile on her face.
I smiled widely and nodded my head.
"So, I've always wondered, what's he like in bed?" she said with an embarassed smirk.
I didn't get a chance to say anything when James came out of the house, kissed me on the cheek and stole my joint. I cringed inside as I saw Julie's eyes go even more wide then when I told her who I was.
"Oh, my God! You're Jim Morrison." she whispered.
Jim took a long drag and said, "What if I am?"
Julie started jumping up and down and held in a scream then pointed at Jim saying, "I told people, I told everyone you were still alive, but no one believed me! I knew it!"
A car pulled up to my house and I started to panic, I grabbed Jim's hand and whispered, "God, he's here."
"What's wrong Elanor?"
"That is your daughter."
"Oh, my God! You have kids?!" Julie freaked out.
"Will you please settle down?" I scolded her.
My heart slowed as I watched Jamie climb out of the passenger side and run to my side, envelopping me in a hug. But it was the other car that my heart stopped for. I watched as James, my son, sauntered out of his car, wearing aviator sunglasses, and in that moment he looked like he could be Jim's twin. Jim was standing off to the side, out of view and I saw his face harden as he watched one, two, three, four kids climb out of his daughters car, and then one, two, three more kids out of his sons.
"Hi, guys." I said happily as one by one my 7 grandchildren came to great me.
I saw Julie becoming more and more excited in my peripheral vision and so I introduced her and then shooed her off as I ushered my family inside the house. Before I went inside Jim grabbed my arm and flung me around and I saw fear in his eyes.
"What if they hate me?" he asked me quickly.
"They won't hate you, they'll love you."
"But-."
I placed a finger on his lips and hushed him, "They'll love you, you're their father."
"You never told me I had seven grandchildren!"
I smiled, kissed him and led him inside.
I walked into my living room to face my two children and seven grandchildren. I took a deep breath before beginning.
"James, Jamie, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked, motioning to the kitchen.
I watched as Jim stiffened when they came close and then I followed them into the kitchen.
"Um, mom, who's he?" Jamie asked.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." I took a deep breath, then hit my head against the wall.
"Mom?" James said, confused.
"Okay, I can do this." I turned to look at my kids and blurted out, "He's your father."
There was a long and awkward silence until James rushed at Jim, shoving him against the wall.
"How dare you! Do you know how much grief she has had because of you? Do you know how many times I have said I hated you all because my mother was depressed as I was a child? How dare you come back here and ask for our forgiveness!"
"James!" I yelled, pulling my son off Jim.
"Let him tell you why he was gone for so long." I urged.
I pushed James back beside his sister and held Jim's hand as he tried to find the words to say.
"For a long time, I was not in a position to make your mother truly happy. I could not function as a normal person and I drank way too much. I know your mother loved me no matter what, but I felt I couldn't fulfill her life if I was the way I was."
"Why did you have to fake your death?" Jamie asked quietly.
"Honestly, I would still be that fucked up man if I hadn't done that. I couldn't take it anymore, having people follow me all the time, and having cameras in my face. I wasn't happy with myself. And I swear, had I known your mother was pregnant when I did what I did then I would have told her my plan, but I didn't know. And I had to get away from it all, I got clean. I don't drink anymore. I wish I hadn't gone away from your mother, but I felt, in order for me to get clean, I had to break all my ties to my old life for a while. I feel horrible for what I did your mother but now I feel I am finally good enough for your mother. Because she is so much better than me."
Jim was crying, I never knew he felt that way. I always thought he was too good for me.
"James, I always thought you were the most amazing man in the world." I said, tears in my eyes.
"I know." he said, wrapping his arms around me.
Jim and I stood there holding each other. Slowly Jamie came over and I opened my arms to include her. Then I left daughter and father together. Jim stroked Jamie's hair and kissed her head. Jim held her at arm's length.
"You're so beautiful." he wiped his eyes, "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, "she paused, "Daddy."
Jim laughed and embraced his daughter once again, holding her tightly to him. Then he turned to James. James stood there for a minute, looking at his feet awkwardly, then he slowly looked up, walked towards Jim and held out his hand. Jim took it reluctantly.
"James." I scolded, and they both looked at me, "Kay, this wasn't a problem before."
Both the boys laughed and with much coaxing from me they embraced each other. I took James off to the side.
"Thank you." I said honestly.
James kissed me on the cheek, then hugged me tightly, "As long as he makes you happy."
"He does."
We went back into the living room and Jim seemed even more awkward now as he looked at his seven grandchildren. They all came up one by one to give me a hug, but when my oldest grandchild came up he was busy listening to iPod or whatever the kids listen to these days. I ripped out one of his ear buds, putting a hand on my hip, scolding him.
"Jordan Iles, you turn off your music when you're visiting your grandmother."
The boy looked down but then I smiled, and he responded with a smile. I opened my arms and he hugged me. He looks a lot like his grandfather.
"Who's he, Grams?" my granddaughter Rebecca asked, pointing at Jim.
"Um, well, he's your grandfather." I said, pushing Jim so they could all see him.
A little boy came up and wrapped his arms around Jim's legs. I laughed and relief washed over me. I picked the boy up and held him for Jim to take. Jim took him awkwardly but the little boy hugged him and Jim's eyes began to water again.
"James, this is Connor, he's James' youngest son, he's 6."
"You're my grandpa?" Connor asked, and Jim nodded his head. Connor smiled and pecked Jim lightly on the lips. I laughed and Connor got down, running to his mother.
"So, James, this is your daughter-in-law, Emily."
"Nice to meet you." Jim said awkwardly, shaking her hand.
"And this is Kelly, their oldest, she's 12." Kelly came up and hugged Jim.
"This is Max, he's 10." Max hugged Jim.
"Umm, this is your son-in-law, Rick Iles." I think Rick was even more awkward then Jim, possibly thinking that Jim would beat on him for screwing his daughter.
"This is Jordan, their oldest, he's 16, and still not turning off his music." I scolded.
Jim laughed and asked to see Jordan's iPod. Jordan reluctantly handed him the iPod.
"What are you listening to?" Jim asked curiously, looking at the skinny piece of electronic in his hands.
Jordan blushed severely and scratched his head, saying, "Actually, I was kinda listening to you."
Jim looked up, surprised. "No way." he looked back at me, "What do you know."
"Smart kid." he handed back the iPod, "Geez, we listened to records on huge record players, you couldn't walk around with those."
Jordan smiled and Jim hugged him becoming more at ease.
"This is Rebecca. she's 14. And this is Katie, she's 12. And this, is Justin, 10 years old."
Jim hugged all of them then said, "Geez, you guys gotta having kids."
"Actually," Jamie said, "There was something I wanted to tell you guys today, think of it as a birthday present."
"What is it?" I asked, excited.
"I'm pregant!" she yelled happily.
"Oh my God!" I yelled, hugging her as we jumped up and down.
There came a knock at the door and my heart jumped. Jim looked at me and I said, "The guys." Jim took a deep breath and nodded his head. I went to the door and opened it and all three of the guys, Robby, Ray, and John. James and Jamie ran up to them, giving them tight hugs.
"Robby, Ray, John , I have a surprise for you, can you come into the kitchen, please?" Jim walked into the kitchen ahead of us, unnoticed.
When we went into the kitchen Jim was standing with his back to us, his hands on the counter.
"Who's he, Elanor?" Ray asked.
Jim turned around and the four men stood there, looking at each other.
"Wow, you guys have sure changed since the 60's."
One more moment of silence and then Ray charged at Jim, tackling him in a hug. Before I knew it, there were 4 old men, hugging and crying in my kitchen.
"Are you babies done yet or should I leave, maybe get you some ice cream?"
"Shut up." Robby laughed.
"You boys look so funny."
The rest of the day was spent reminiscing about the old days. Finally I was able to tell my children and grandchildren all these stories about the 60's and my life without getting sad. I was finally happy. Later on there came a knock at the door and I became confused, there's no one else that's supposed to come. I went to the door and opened it and there was Julie.
"Oh, hi Julie." I decided to be nice, "Would you like to come in? You can meet my family and friends."
"Oh, my gosh, yes." she said coming inside.
"Everyone, this is my new next door neighbour, Julie. Julie, this is my son James and his 3 kids: Connor, Max, and Kelly. This is my daughter Jamie and her 4 children: Justin, Katie, Rebecca, and Jordan. And this is Jim, you met him earlier, and this is-."
Julie cut me off, "Ray Manzarek, Robby Krieger, and John Densmore. Hi, so nice to meet you."
"How old are you?" Jim asked her.
"I'm 16." Julie said happily.
"How is it that both of you know who we are, when you are only 16?" Jim asked, pointing to Jordan and Julie.
"James, obviously you haven't noticed that there are still teenagers everywhere who walk around with Doors t-shirts. There a billion kids everywhere who still know who you are, babe."
"But we were only famous for 4 years."
"We're in music history, dude." John said, smirking.
We allowed Julie to stay for a while and I easily noticed that Julie and Jordan were getting along quite well. They thought they were being sneaky but I saw them exchanging phone numbers when Julie had to leave. Later, after everyone left, Jim and I were cleaning up the kitchen. I was doing dishes when Jim came up behind me and snaked his arms around my waist and he proceeded to kiss my neck.
"Happy Birthday." Jim whispered in my ear.
I turned around, drying my hands, Jim, this has been the greatest birthday ever."
"I know." he kissed me.
"As much as you've changed, you're still as cocky as a son of a bitch."
"Oh am I?" he laughed, tickling me.
"James?"
"Yeah?"
"If you're going to be getting married, wouldn't that mean you'd have to come out about your fake death?"
"Yeah, I'm still not sure how I'm going to do that."
"It's okay, James, we don't have to get married. I'd be happy just to be with you."
"I know. But I want you to have as happy a life as you possibly can."
"It will happy, as long as I have you."
"We can get a secret marriage."
"It's okay James." I kissed him again.
Jim and I did get married. He came clean about his fake death and then right away he began planning the wedding. The wedding was on April 8, in honor of the first day we'd met. Jamie had the baby, a beautiful baby girl named Christine. Julie and Jordan got married and Jim and James became normal together. Jim and I had 21 greatgrandchildren. And when we did die, I at 93, Jim at 97, Jim was now really buried in Pere La Chaise cemetary in Paris, with me beside him.