Goodbye Blues

Joy took her rightful seat behind the mirror and looked at her red nose, her rosy cheeks, and her chapped lips; bitterly, she thanked the horrible weather as she ran her fingers through her frizzy hair.

How eloquent she looked at PF Changs even though she barely tried. Years ago, Joy never would have thought she'd spend her senior years thinking about all the damage that was done to her image. But now that she was in the position of a horrid old lady, she couldn't think of anything else to do.

So she sat, grieved and thought about happier past times that seemed not too distant, but just out of reach.

___________________

When all nineteen musicians and Joy, the girl William forgot to count when he had asked for a table, were finally seated, Joy found herself between Dan Young and Ryan Ross, sitting across from Sisky. She was happy she wasn't seated next to anyone she was peeved with, but at the same time, she didn't know the boys around her very well.

But that didn't stop them from talking to her.

"So Joy, do you like Chinese food?" Dan asked, on her left. Joy looked at his handsome features, his Australian accent ringing in her ears, and shrugged a bit, looking down at her utensils and glass of water.

"It's alright, I guess. I don't mind it," Joy said honestly. The truth of the matter was, Joy never minded food. Whatever it was, as long as it wasn't an animal, it would probably merrily go into her mouth without a second thought of whether or not she was going to like it.

"Really? Oh my gosh, I love Chinese food," Ryan shared from her right, jumping into the conversation. Joy glanced at him, smiling a little at the enthusiasm in his voice. He was as thin as a stick, but Joy had a feeling he was one of those skinny people who ate more than a pig.

"I'm all for the Peetz, man," Sisky said coolly, joining the conversation without being hesitant. Ryan and Dan laughed at his terminology and Joy cracked a smile to help with the happy mood that was trying to be set, but it was hard when her mind was so caught up with William's warning.

Out of no where, two waitresses, one who looked ecstatic, the other, bored, came to the table with their notepads out. One of them asked, her voice filled with excitement, "We're here to take your order if you're ready."

"I knew what I wanted from the moment I walked in," Ryan said and a chorus of laughter and agreements came from each person seated. The waitress smiled wide and took her pencil from behind her ear into her hand, readying herself. She started with Pete, who sat at one end of the table, closest to her.

Joy tuned out everyone's order, not caring at all for whatever was going to put in each person's stomach, and wondered about her feelings on Brendon. Did she like him? She couldn't. She barely knew him. Yet, what she did know of him intrigued her tremendously, and she was dying to know more. If that counted, then she could say she liked him.

Joy glanced up from the table to all the faces around her, straining her neck a little to see the other people at the ends of the tables. When she finally caught sight of Brendon, she slumped her shoulders and rested back against her chair. His flawless face and body didn't help her dilemma and all she wanted was to be uninterested in every boy on the tour - but she knew that would be impossible.

"Joy, she's asking you what you want to eat," Dan muttered, gently shoving her arm with his elbow. Joy looked up suddenly to see the impatient, once happy waitress glaring at her.

Muttering, Joy looked at the menu, apologizing, then shrugged and said, "I'll just have a veggie roll."

The waitress scribbled down the order and went onwards until she had all twenty plates, a couple appetizers, and everybody's drink. Quickly, she walked away with the other waitress, whispering insanity as they walked into the kitchen.

"You seem really out of it, Joy," Ryan said in a low voice, catching Joy's very small attention span. Joy looked up at the innocent looking boy and shrugged, looking back down at the table with a little shrug. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

Joy paused for a moment, as if considering the idea of pouring out all her thoughts and confessions about the kiss to Ryan, until realizing that he was Brendon's best friend. Deciding, she voted against it and groaned, "There's not much to say."

"You know I know, right?" Ryan quickly replied with. After a moment's pause, as Joy processed what Ryan had spilled, she rolled her eyes and snickered. She muttered, "I figured since you're his best friend and all."

"Yeah, well, he's not the best at keeping secrets," Ryan said, his light brown eyes glancing towards his handsome best friend and the lead singer of his band, who was talking to Joe and Jon about something he couldn't make out.

"If you're going to tell me he's bad news, just drop it," Joy growled, her lips pursed, "William already gave me the warning. I get it."

Ryan didn't say anything for a long moment as he stared at the pretty girl beside him. But finally, he sighed and mumbled, almost to himself, "You think you get it now. But you'll see."

Joy didn't think much of the statement then, brushing it off her shoulders and focusing on whatever Sisky was ranting on about; but now, Joy regretted being so unreasonably stubborn then.

_____________________

After eating, it was a two hour drive to the very first venue that the tour began. When the buses filed into the parking lot, the bands were ten minutes late to sound check. The Hush Sound was the opening set and they flew about their bus in attempt to grab whatever they needed for the show and rush to their very first sound check.

As Darren, Chris and Bob all rushed out of the bus, Greta kissed Joy on the cheek, whispering a little, "Wish me luck," before following the boys out. Joy watched her best friend's sun-dress disappear behind her as she whispered to absolutely no one, "Good luck."

She sat in the dead silent bus before footsteps echoed from the kitchen and into the living room where Joy sat. She looked up to see Brendon, his hair a tousled mess, his black jeans on, along with his Nike shoes, but now shirtless. Instead, the piece of clothing was in his hand as he sat down next to her awkwardly.

"Hi," He said, his deep voice captivating her like it always did. She stared at his face, not daring to let her eyes wander south, before whispering a hello back. "So uh, about the kiss."

Instantly, Joy's eyes wandered away from Brendon and towards the table between the couches. A long pause passed between them before Joy decided to play a role that she never thought she would.

She stood up, looked Brendon dead in the eye and shrugged. Dryly and simply, she said, "It never happened," and walked into the bunks, leaving him in the living room. Or so she thought.

He never seemed like the one to follow when he was left hanging. But that's exactly what he did. He followed Joy to her bunk, talking as he did. "What? What do you mean by, it never happened? Of course it happened."

Joy turned around, nearly crashing into him, her cold gaze never warming up to his cold but nicely chiseled features. "No one else has to know that."

It seemed as if the cards had completely changed. Now Joy was playing the mysterious one and Brendon was the one begging for the attention he wanted from her. He looked at her and asked quickly, "What, are you ashamed?"

The question caught Joy off-guard. She wasn't sure what to say to him. She wasn't ashamed of the kiss, but she wasn't exactly proud. Her role-playing was caught and stripped away from her as she shrugged, her eyes averting down to her feet. She didn't want to see Brendon smirk his condescending smirk that she knew too well.

"Well, I'm not," He said after a moment. Joy couldn't help it, she had to - she looked up at him, his face almost expressionless. But his eyes seemed warm and inviting as she stared into them, almost being sucked in. And it happened again.

Their bodies collided, lips crashing onto one another. His arms found their way around her slim waist, pressing her against him, as she wrapped her own arms around his broad neck. Her fingers found themselves tangled in his dark brown locks, and his hands gently slid under her shirt, the warm skin tingling.

Their lips seemed just as in sync, slowly following each other's every move, eyes closed. Her body was quickly pressed against the bunks, one of her hands falling onto his cheek and down his chest, his hands still under her shirt, but running to her hip bones, guiding her body to the warmth of his bare body heat.

When Joy finally pulled away, determined to get her role of the mysterious girl back, they were both breathing unsteadily, looking at one another. The same question ran through each other's heads, Was this the start of something uncontrollable? Or were they just playing each other into this mind game?

From outside the tour bus, Panic's tour manager yelled into the bullhorn, "Panic sound check in five minutes!"

Brendon glanced away from Joy for a moment before looking back into her hazel eyes. For a second, he leaned into her, giving her a small kiss on her plump, bright red lips before disappearing out through the living room and kitchen and right on out the bus door, pulling his shirt finally over his head.

When the door shut behind him, Joy slumped against the bunks mellowly, her fingers clichely touching her tingling, sore lips. And in that moment, she decided that she wouldn't think too much about what she thought of Brendon; whatever was going on was just fine with her.

Or so she thought.

______________________

Joy's drifting mind ended her flashback, bringing her back to her room in the senior center. Her eyes wandered to her lips that after all these years, still had the pink color to them, plump as ever. They were the one thing that Joy was thankful for.

A small smile formed upon what she thought was her only nice feature and her long, unpolished nailed fingers gently touched them just as she did years ago after almost every kiss she shared with the man she loved.

But when she remembered he wasn't there anymore, her hand fell back into her lap and the negative things about her image fell back to her. Sourly, Joy turned her back on the mirror and closed her eyes in hopes that everything would be better when she opened them.

But it never was.