Goodbye Blues

A knock came from Joy's bedroom door, startling her behind her mirror. Through the glass, Joy's reflection turned their head towards the door as it slowly opened to reveal Joy's nurse.

A smile rested on her red painted lips as she walked in, softly closing the door behind her. She didn't explain why she was visiting until she was seated comfortably on Joy's bed, each hand on each thigh. "Hello Joy. I was uh, hoping you'd go on with the story. For me."

Joy stared at her nurse oddly. She had never talked to her one on one before about anything; never shared her stories, never even said a thank you for taking care of her. But slowly, a smile formed on her wrinkled lips, and Joy nodded. She turned, facing the nurse before starting.

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Joy awoke, just like the day before, with a massive headache. She put a hand to her forehead before she heard someone yelling while shaking her arm roughly, "Joy, are you awake yet? Joy?"

The truth of the matter was that the person was actually whispering very lowly and shaking her rather gently. But Joy's hangover was so horrible, even the slightest noise was like thunder and the little movement was an earthquake.

"Stop yelling," Joy groaned, slurring a bit, her eyes shut tight. Her head was spinning and aching, her body felt heavy and her mind was a blank. She was a mess. But the person didn't stop.

"Come on, Joy, get up. It's noon," They grumbled. Joy opened her eyes, her hand still on her head and looked to the familiar face of Ryan Ross. She stared at him for a long moment before furrowing her brow.

"What are you doing on The Hush Sound's bus?" She asked ignorantly. Ryan sighed and looked over his shoulder then back to Joy. She looked around the bunk, twisted in sheets that were unfamiliar. Thinking out loud, she muttered, "This isn't The Hush Sound's bus."

"No, this is Panic at the Disco's bus. And you're in Brendon's bed," Ryan stated. Joy stared at him, the night before coming back to her harshly like a slap in the face. Loudly, she groaned, put her hands over her face.

"Joy, do you remember what you did last night?" Ryan asked softly, yet letting his tone of voice go hard. Joy bit the inside of her cheek as she thought. She remembered meeting Oliver, getting drunk, then going to a bus with him. But everything after that was - in the best description possible - a blur.

"No," She whimpered, removing her hands and looking at Ryan with big, sad eyes. Shame spread across her face and Ryan saw. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and looked at the ground.

Muttering, he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets, "Do you want to know?"

"No," She whispered, pulling the sheets off her still-clothed body. Ryan looked up at her and she looked back at him. Then she sighed, "Yes."

"Well," Ryan said, taking a deep breath of air then looking back over his shoulder again, "You, uh, you - well, you - "

"Oh just spit it out, Ross," A deep voice came. Footsteps were rang loudly in Joy's ears until the figure stood in front of her, an angered face appearing. Brendon's. "You gave Oliver Sykes head in my fucking bunk, Joy."

Joy mouth opened a little as she stared at Brendon then looked to Ryan. Quickly, she put a hand over her mouth, got out of the bunk, pushed past her audience and ran into the bathroom, letting out everything from the night before. As she let her insides pour into the small toilet, she heard Ryan and Brendon arguing where she had left them.

"Could you be anymore of an ass, Brendon?" Ryan asked, his voice loud with anger. It didn't help Joy's head much, but it made it easier to hear over the sound of her own gagging.

"Actually, yes, I could," Was his witty response. After a very small pause, he resumed onwards in defense now. "She gave Oliver fucking Sykes head in my bunk, Ryan. Then slept in it, leaving me on the couch. I think I'm allowed to be a little bit of an ass."

"Give her a fucking break, man. She was drunk," Ryan said, backing Joy up. At this point, Joy was done vomiting, so she flushed the toilet, stood up and went to the sink to rinse out her mouth. The running water was louder than the boys so Joy didn't hear the ending of the fight or Ryan's footsteps before he entered the bathroom. "You alright?"

Joy finished rinsing her mouth, grabbed a towel and wiped her lips dry. She looked in the mirror at her pale face and frizzy hair. Shrugging with a disappointed sigh, she looked down at the sink and mumbled, "I will be eventually."

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Joy spent an hour sitting on the couch that Brendon had slept on the night before, being stared down by the rest of Panic, until the buses stopped. As quickly as she could, she grabbed her things and rushed off the bus. She pushed past the people asking to talk to her and stared at her feet until she was in The Hush Sound's bus.

She thought the place was empty as she dumped her things onto her cold bunk and leaned against the bunks behind her, closing her eyes. But a cough ripped her from her thoughts and she opened her eyes again to see Greta.

"So I heard," Greta said slowly. Joy glanced at her best friend before looking at her bunk. She didn't want to talk about it - at all. All she wanted to do was to shower and brush her teeth. Unfortunately, shower day wasn't until tomorrow and Greta was in the way of the bathroom entrance. "Oliver Sykes, aye?"

"I was drunk and he was the one who offered to get me the drinks," Joy said lowly, not looking towards Greta. She was ashamed of the words that slipped, but it was the truth. Out of the corner of Joy's eye, she saw Greta shaking her head.

"A lot of guys would have offered to get you a drink, Joy. Most of them aren't sleazes like Oliver too and wouldn't have taken advantage of your pretty mouth," Greta said, sneering the last part in the most sincere way a best friend could.

A moment of silence passed between the girls before Joy's eyebrows slowly knit together, her lips turning into a frown and tears stung her eyes before sliding down her cheeks. "I didn't want to do it. I remember refusing the first time but giving in quickly after. I - It's just I saw Brendon with some girl and I just got all jealous. I don't know what came over me."

Greta walked over to Joy, hugging her tightly. Her hand rubbed her friend's back softly as she whispered things like, "I know, it's okay. Let it out."

When Joy finally pulled away from the warm embrace, she wiped her eyes and told Greta what had happened on Panic's bus. Her last statement, whimpered out, "What hurt me the most though was seeing how angry Brendon was. Ryan was too nice to say what I had done so Brendon barged in and said it so viciously - almost as if he wanted to see me in pain."

Greta nodded slowly, looking into Joy's blurred, deep hazel eyes, before whispering, "Well, I mean, you did it in the guy's bunk."

Joy didn't respond. Instead, she stared down at her feet and cursed inwardly at alcohol, the skank Brendon was with and Oliver Sykes.

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"Wow," The nurse said as Joy finished. Softly, Joy smiled at her. "So was that the last time you met Oliver?"

Joy shook her head. Later on in the tour, she realized Andy Hurley was really good friends with Oliver's drummer. Every party she was invited to, Oliver was as well. "Oh. So do you have any photographs of the people in the story?"

Joy pressed her lips together as she stared at the shoe box in her closet. In her mind, she knew it was a bad idea to bring the box back down - to bring back the sour feelings. But she thought it'd be a little nice to open up just once to the woman she was with everyday.

So hesitantly, Joy's finger pointed to the shoe box. The nurse looked to it and nodded. She walked over to it eagerly, grabbing it without worrying about pain in her limbs and brought it to Joy. Setting it on her lap, Joy took the top of the box off, revealing the stacks of pictures.

"Can I see one of Oliver?" The nurse asked. Joy's fingers instantly shuffled through the pictures before she saw a familiar one. Pulling it out, she didn't look at it before giving it to the nurse. She took it from Joy, staring at it for a while.

The picture was dark. All you could see was Oliver and the back of Joy. It was night time, explaining why the picture was so dark, and Oliver was in the middle of a sentence, his mouth opened into a wide 'O.' Dressed from head to toe in black - black beanie, black v-neck with Drop Dead written in gold on it, black skinny jeans and black vans - one of Oliver's sleeve tattooed arms was raised in the air. Beside him, in a yellow sundress, Joy stood, her dark hair hitting her back.

"He has a very handsome face," The nurse observed. Joy could tell she wasn't a fan of tattoos and probably wasn't even when she was a teenager. But she smiled anyways and put the picture back when the nurse was through looking at it.

"Do you have one of William?" She asked cautiously. Joy smiled a bit to herself. She had several of William. It didn't take her long at all to find one and hand it to the nurse who studied it intensely.

It was a picture of William at a Starbucks. He was seated in a chair, a fedora upon his head in a blue v-neck, gray skinny jeans, and awkward black shoes. He was wearing his glasses, looking like quite the intellect, as one of his hands held his coffee, the other holding his phone.

"Now he's very handsome," The nurse said, nodding her head as she stared at the picture. The smile on Joy's face grew. "He has nice features and you can tell by his face that he's genuinely a nice guy."

Joy nodded. Her mouth opened before she had time to stop it and the words on her tongue escaped through her lips, "He really was a nice guy with true intentions."

Joy's nurse looked at the old lady with wide eyes. That was the most Joy had ever said to her about a personal subject. But Joy's eyes stayed calm as she took the picture from the nurse and put it back into the box.

"Well," The nurse, who's name Joy knew - Donna, said softly, "I bet that's true. Can I see a picture of The Hush Sound?"

Joy nodded and pulled the picture she knew so well of the band she loved dearly out. Handing it to the nurse, she pulled a different picture out but kept it in her hands as Donna stared into the faces of Greta, Darren, Bob and Chris.

"Greta's really beautiful," She said, handing the picture back to Joy. Joy nodded softly before handing her the picture in her hands. Donna took it and looked over it before Joy told her who it was.

"That's Ryan," Joy whispered softly, almost embarrassed to speak now. The nurse nodded as she looked over the picture.

Ryan was leaning against a tour bus, laughing. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his black skinny jeans that his black dress shoes almost blended with. He wore a simple black shirt underneath with a yellow and baby blue striped hoodie.

"So far the cutest," The nurse said, "I can see what Greta was so interested in now."

"It didn't hurt that he was a total sweetheart, too," Joy responded as she put the picture back. She grabbed the lid of the shoe box, thinking she was finished but Donna stopped her.

"What about Brendon?"

The name stopped Joy's heart. The thought of flipping through photos to find one of a forbidden face frightened her and Joy almost shook her head vigorously. But after a long pause, she put the lid back, flipped through the pictures and quickly found a very, very familiar, worn out picture.

The picture was one of Brendon and only him. He was wearing a red sweater with black skinny jeans and white vans. He was looking at the camera, pursing his lips in a comedic way, smiling with his eyes. His pale skin shone bright because of the flash, his dark hair looking soft and smooth. His dark eyes now were a light brown - only in this picture - and it made Joy smile.

Donna gasped. She stared at the picture, holding it just like Joy did, adoring it. She stared for a long period of time, before shaking her head and muttering things Joy couldn't make out. Finally, she said, "He's gorgeous."

Joy merely nodded before putting the picture back in it's rightful place. She shut the box and put it on the table in front of her mirror, turning her back to Donna. She had opened up enough.

"Thank you, Joy," Donna whispered. She walked over to the door and put her hand on the knob but turned as she opened the door, facing Joy's profile, "I honestly think that you are the nicest, prettiest, most interesting person in this center, Joy. You just need to open up so everyone can see your bright smile."

And with that, Donna left to let Joy look at herself in a new light.