Sequel: Déjà vu ›
My Unintended
Books, smiles and birthday voices
After my little breakdown, it took me another week for it to sink in that this wasn’t a dream.
Michaela was mine and she needed me.
I poured my heart and soul into looking after her and decided that to give her the best life, I needed a job.
It was nothing special.
I worked in a book store with Mikey. He was friends with the manager, so he fixed it that we got alternate shifts.
I stayed at home and looked after Michaela in the morning and I worked in the afternoon while Mikey watched Michaela.
I finally felt like I had a purpose in life, rather than just sitting at home watching TV and waiting for my daughter to demand another bottle.
Life flashed by so fast I barely realised it was my birthday. 9th April 2000 rolled around and the most exciting thing that had happened since January was the fact that Michaela had smiled. A proper smile.
*Flashback*
It was about 8am on a Saturday in March and I had stayed at my parents’ house.
Michaela had woken up demanding a bottle, which I happily gave to her.
I was getting the hang of the father thing and getting up early was one thing I was beginning to mind less and less. I always spoke to Michaela while I fed her, it kept her alert and I had read somewhere it helps the baby to bond with you and recognise you.
Anyway, that morning was pretty much the same as usual; I woke up, picked Michaela up, took her down to the kitchen, heated up a bottle and mooched back upstairs to feed her.
As I laid her back down in her crib afterwards, I started to grin to myself and spoke to her.
“You really love getting daddy up at these unearthly hours don’t you Kayla?” I asked softly, looking into her eyes. The exact double of mine.
She opened her mouth wide and smiled. It was as if she understood me and smiled along with me.
That was it, I melted.
She had the most gorgeous smile and it stayed on her face for a moment, before she yawned and her eyes began to droop. I couldn’t look away from her, she had hypnotised me and I stayed there until I heard my parents get up.
I went around for hours afterwards telling everyone my daughter had smiled at me for the first time. I was so proud of her. The guys laughed at me, saying I was obsessed and that I had become a bit of a pansy. At that point, Frank had jumped on Ray as he said that and yelled that there was only room for one pansy in our gang and that was Frank.
*End Flashback*
All in all, life was fast and uneventful until my birthday. I wanted to go out and get wasted, like any other person would on their 23rd birthday but the guys insisted that they would come to me and we could hang out at home watching movies.
It wasn’t anything special from what we had done before, but I really enjoyed it because I missed being able to just drop everything, call the guys round and sit up all night watching movies.
The one thing I remember most about that night was that we were eating pizza and were arguing about what movie to watch when Mikey suggested that on the count of 3 we all would shout a movie and whichever one was chosen more than once we would watch. Just as he got to 3, Michaela started to cry.
I sighed and got up, casually picking up the baby monitor with me as I left the room with a slice of pizza half eaten in my hand.
When I got to my room, I discovered the window had blown wide open and the noise of it banging the outside wall was what had disturbed Michaela. I threw my half eaten slice of pizza onto my bed side table and closed the window.
“It’s alright, Kayla, it was only the window.” I said, pulling her blanket over her and sitting on my bed. She quietened down a bit, but she still continued to cry. After 5 minutes I gave in and picked her up, flicking on the lamp that lived next to my bed and sitting back against the headboard. I spoke softly to her and started to sing.
(A/N: Couldn't resist adding this in somewhere...)
"Hand in mine into your icy blues..." I sang softly.
Working in a book store as small as the one I did was pretty boring most of the time, so I had taken to writing lyrics and thinking of a tune to go with it. My latest creation was a song called ‘Demolition Lovers’ and Michaela always calmed down when I sang it.
“Gee?” Mikey called quietly from the doorway. I looked at Mikey and held up a hand to silence him and pointed at Michaela. She was almost asleep so I picked her up and placed her in her crib, still singing.
As soon as I knew she was asleep, I looked away from her, picked up the baby monitor and my slice of pizza and walked out of my room and back downstairs, with Mikey in tow.
“Gee, that was amazing!” Mikey said as I flopped down on the sofa beside Frank. I looked up as he sat in a chair on the other side of the room and they all looked from him to me.
“What’s going on?” Ray asked. He, Matt and Bob were sprawled on the floor.
“Gerard can sing that’s what’s going on.” Mikey said, telling them about how he discovered me singing my daughter to sleep. They all looked at me like they wanted me to break into a song and dance routine.
“What was it like?” Frank asked Mikey. Mikey looked at me with a huge grin on his face.
“It was fucking brilliant!” He exclaimed. “Can we get him to play with us?” He added, looking round at the other guys.
I leant off Frank’s arm and swung my legs off the arm of the sofa, sitting up.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, as the guys all looked from me to Mikey and then back at me again.
“Didn’t Mikey tell you? We’ve been thinking about putting a band together.” Matt said.
“No, he didn’t.” I said, grinning at Mikey.
“So, you going to join us?” Matt asked.
“No.” I replied lying back down with my head on Frank’s arm.
“Why not?!” They asked. I shrugged and looked round at them.
“I just don’t think my voice is that good. I don’t like the idea of singing in front of complete strangers.” I said truthfully. They kept bugging me for about 20 minutes while we finished our pizza.
“Guys, I am not joining your band. Not today, not next week, not even next year. Not ever.” I stated. “So can you all drop it and stick a movie on, anything.” I added, and watched as they all looked at each other rolling their eyes.
(A/N: Sorry about the update...I just needed a filler chapter to get the story moving further along... Big things to come soon, I promise!)
Michaela was mine and she needed me.
I poured my heart and soul into looking after her and decided that to give her the best life, I needed a job.
It was nothing special.
I worked in a book store with Mikey. He was friends with the manager, so he fixed it that we got alternate shifts.
I stayed at home and looked after Michaela in the morning and I worked in the afternoon while Mikey watched Michaela.
I finally felt like I had a purpose in life, rather than just sitting at home watching TV and waiting for my daughter to demand another bottle.
Life flashed by so fast I barely realised it was my birthday. 9th April 2000 rolled around and the most exciting thing that had happened since January was the fact that Michaela had smiled. A proper smile.
*Flashback*
It was about 8am on a Saturday in March and I had stayed at my parents’ house.
Michaela had woken up demanding a bottle, which I happily gave to her.
I was getting the hang of the father thing and getting up early was one thing I was beginning to mind less and less. I always spoke to Michaela while I fed her, it kept her alert and I had read somewhere it helps the baby to bond with you and recognise you.
Anyway, that morning was pretty much the same as usual; I woke up, picked Michaela up, took her down to the kitchen, heated up a bottle and mooched back upstairs to feed her.
As I laid her back down in her crib afterwards, I started to grin to myself and spoke to her.
“You really love getting daddy up at these unearthly hours don’t you Kayla?” I asked softly, looking into her eyes. The exact double of mine.
She opened her mouth wide and smiled. It was as if she understood me and smiled along with me.
That was it, I melted.
She had the most gorgeous smile and it stayed on her face for a moment, before she yawned and her eyes began to droop. I couldn’t look away from her, she had hypnotised me and I stayed there until I heard my parents get up.
I went around for hours afterwards telling everyone my daughter had smiled at me for the first time. I was so proud of her. The guys laughed at me, saying I was obsessed and that I had become a bit of a pansy. At that point, Frank had jumped on Ray as he said that and yelled that there was only room for one pansy in our gang and that was Frank.
*End Flashback*
All in all, life was fast and uneventful until my birthday. I wanted to go out and get wasted, like any other person would on their 23rd birthday but the guys insisted that they would come to me and we could hang out at home watching movies.
It wasn’t anything special from what we had done before, but I really enjoyed it because I missed being able to just drop everything, call the guys round and sit up all night watching movies.
The one thing I remember most about that night was that we were eating pizza and were arguing about what movie to watch when Mikey suggested that on the count of 3 we all would shout a movie and whichever one was chosen more than once we would watch. Just as he got to 3, Michaela started to cry.
I sighed and got up, casually picking up the baby monitor with me as I left the room with a slice of pizza half eaten in my hand.
When I got to my room, I discovered the window had blown wide open and the noise of it banging the outside wall was what had disturbed Michaela. I threw my half eaten slice of pizza onto my bed side table and closed the window.
“It’s alright, Kayla, it was only the window.” I said, pulling her blanket over her and sitting on my bed. She quietened down a bit, but she still continued to cry. After 5 minutes I gave in and picked her up, flicking on the lamp that lived next to my bed and sitting back against the headboard. I spoke softly to her and started to sing.
(A/N: Couldn't resist adding this in somewhere...)
"Hand in mine into your icy blues..." I sang softly.
Working in a book store as small as the one I did was pretty boring most of the time, so I had taken to writing lyrics and thinking of a tune to go with it. My latest creation was a song called ‘Demolition Lovers’ and Michaela always calmed down when I sang it.
“Gee?” Mikey called quietly from the doorway. I looked at Mikey and held up a hand to silence him and pointed at Michaela. She was almost asleep so I picked her up and placed her in her crib, still singing.
As soon as I knew she was asleep, I looked away from her, picked up the baby monitor and my slice of pizza and walked out of my room and back downstairs, with Mikey in tow.
“Gee, that was amazing!” Mikey said as I flopped down on the sofa beside Frank. I looked up as he sat in a chair on the other side of the room and they all looked from him to me.
“What’s going on?” Ray asked. He, Matt and Bob were sprawled on the floor.
“Gerard can sing that’s what’s going on.” Mikey said, telling them about how he discovered me singing my daughter to sleep. They all looked at me like they wanted me to break into a song and dance routine.
“What was it like?” Frank asked Mikey. Mikey looked at me with a huge grin on his face.
“It was fucking brilliant!” He exclaimed. “Can we get him to play with us?” He added, looking round at the other guys.
I leant off Frank’s arm and swung my legs off the arm of the sofa, sitting up.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, as the guys all looked from me to Mikey and then back at me again.
“Didn’t Mikey tell you? We’ve been thinking about putting a band together.” Matt said.
“No, he didn’t.” I said, grinning at Mikey.
“So, you going to join us?” Matt asked.
“No.” I replied lying back down with my head on Frank’s arm.
“Why not?!” They asked. I shrugged and looked round at them.
“I just don’t think my voice is that good. I don’t like the idea of singing in front of complete strangers.” I said truthfully. They kept bugging me for about 20 minutes while we finished our pizza.
“Guys, I am not joining your band. Not today, not next week, not even next year. Not ever.” I stated. “So can you all drop it and stick a movie on, anything.” I added, and watched as they all looked at each other rolling their eyes.
(A/N: Sorry about the update...I just needed a filler chapter to get the story moving further along... Big things to come soon, I promise!)