Sequel: Déjà vu ›
My Unintended
The letter
I dragged myself away from Michaela, who I had just laid down in her crib for the night, and walked downstairs.
The parcel that had been on the doorstep now had a new home on the floor in the living room. Frank smiled at me from the other end of the sofa and I sat down heavily beside the parcel.
The name tag on it was written in familiar handwriting and my heart lurched as I realised who it was from.
I opened the box cautiously and became aware Frank’s eyes were watching my every move. Inside were several things; a small box (which I guessed held some form of jewellery), a larger package wrapped in red paper decorated with snowmen and two envelopes.
I pulled out the two envelopes first and saw that one was addressed to me and the other to ‘Gerard’s child’. My heart sank as I saw this. She hadn’t even acknowledged that Michaela was her child too.
I pulled the small box out and shook it. It jingled and I realised I had guessed right. It, too, was wrapped in the red snowman paper so I shoved it on the middle sofa cushion and turned to the lumpy package still left inside the larger box. Upon inspection, it felt like an item of clothing. It felt soft through the paper.
I sighed loudly and ripped open my letter.
‘Gerard,
(the letter read)
I just wanted to say how sorry I am.
I shouldn’t have tried to kill myself that time when you found me in the bathroom. It was selfish of me to put you through so much stress. It was unfair that I put my body through so much stress, especially when I was carrying your child.’
At this point, tears started to fall down my cheeks and I felt Frank’s hand on my arm.
‘I have enclosed a present for her.
The small box has my fairy necklace in it. It was passed down to me from my own mother, so it’s only fair I pass it down to your daughter. Keep it safe for her please.
The other parcel is just something I found in my parent’s house that was never given to her. There’s also a letter for her. It explains everything about me and I just hope you see it in your heart to give it to her.
I’ve heard a rumour that you’ve found someone else. I just hope you’re happy where life has brought you.
I miss you loads, Gee and I know you won’t ever take me back; this letter isn’t about that. I just wanted to let you know that you didn’t (and still haven’t) failed in any way. You were always there for me no matter what and you showed me love. I’m just sorry I threw it all back in your face.
Please, try not to worry about me, I’m happy the way that I am. I’ve found someone who can meet my needs and we’re always partying together. He supplies me with whatever I ask him and I love it.
You probably hate me for choosing drink and drugs over you and your daughter but this is the life I’ve chosen. It takes away all the pain of letting you go.
Give her a kiss from me.
Love always,
Melissa
-x-x-x-‘
I threw the letter onto the floor and buried my face in my hands. This was all too much for me to handle.
I had thrown myself into looking after Michaela so I could forget about the hurt Melissa had caused me. Now, on my daughter’s first Christmas, Melissa had shoved a butcher’s knife into the old wounds and sliced me open.
The parcel that had been on the doorstep now had a new home on the floor in the living room. Frank smiled at me from the other end of the sofa and I sat down heavily beside the parcel.
The name tag on it was written in familiar handwriting and my heart lurched as I realised who it was from.
I opened the box cautiously and became aware Frank’s eyes were watching my every move. Inside were several things; a small box (which I guessed held some form of jewellery), a larger package wrapped in red paper decorated with snowmen and two envelopes.
I pulled out the two envelopes first and saw that one was addressed to me and the other to ‘Gerard’s child’. My heart sank as I saw this. She hadn’t even acknowledged that Michaela was her child too.
I pulled the small box out and shook it. It jingled and I realised I had guessed right. It, too, was wrapped in the red snowman paper so I shoved it on the middle sofa cushion and turned to the lumpy package still left inside the larger box. Upon inspection, it felt like an item of clothing. It felt soft through the paper.
I sighed loudly and ripped open my letter.
‘Gerard,
(the letter read)
I just wanted to say how sorry I am.
I shouldn’t have tried to kill myself that time when you found me in the bathroom. It was selfish of me to put you through so much stress. It was unfair that I put my body through so much stress, especially when I was carrying your child.’
At this point, tears started to fall down my cheeks and I felt Frank’s hand on my arm.
‘I have enclosed a present for her.
The small box has my fairy necklace in it. It was passed down to me from my own mother, so it’s only fair I pass it down to your daughter. Keep it safe for her please.
The other parcel is just something I found in my parent’s house that was never given to her. There’s also a letter for her. It explains everything about me and I just hope you see it in your heart to give it to her.
I’ve heard a rumour that you’ve found someone else. I just hope you’re happy where life has brought you.
I miss you loads, Gee and I know you won’t ever take me back; this letter isn’t about that. I just wanted to let you know that you didn’t (and still haven’t) failed in any way. You were always there for me no matter what and you showed me love. I’m just sorry I threw it all back in your face.
Please, try not to worry about me, I’m happy the way that I am. I’ve found someone who can meet my needs and we’re always partying together. He supplies me with whatever I ask him and I love it.
You probably hate me for choosing drink and drugs over you and your daughter but this is the life I’ve chosen. It takes away all the pain of letting you go.
Give her a kiss from me.
Love always,
Melissa
-x-x-x-‘
I threw the letter onto the floor and buried my face in my hands. This was all too much for me to handle.
I had thrown myself into looking after Michaela so I could forget about the hurt Melissa had caused me. Now, on my daughter’s first Christmas, Melissa had shoved a butcher’s knife into the old wounds and sliced me open.