Can't Stay Away

For a while, we both stood by our windows looking at each other. Brendon was making funny faces, and I was laughing hysterically. I'm sure my mom was wondering what I was up to, but I didn't care. I didn't even care that what I was laughing at was ridiculously dumb. Because Brendon was just so incredibly ador--. NO.

Brendon stopped making the funny faces and looked towards his bedroom door quickly. Brendon opened his bedroom window, and I did the same.

"My parents are home," he said quietly. He smiled. "Can I come over later?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, smiling.

"Ok," he said, "I'll see you later."

He closed his window and then I closed mine. I sighed before sitting down on my desk chair. I ran a hand through my hair, closing my eyes. I was not going to allow myself to have thoughts that could change our growing friendship into something more than friendship. I didn't want anything more unless I knew for sure that I would not end up hurting me. It sucked living in fear like I did, but I felt it was necessary and their was nothing I could do about it. Maybe in the future, I'd learn to live without the fear of pain, but right now, that wasn't happening.

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I was laying on my bed, reading a book when I heard my bedroom window opening. I looked over the top of my book to see Brendon climbing into my room. I closed my book and sat up.

"You couldn't use the front door?" I asked. Brendon waited until he was safely in my room to answer me.

"No," he said grinning. "I asked my parents if I could come over here for a little bit, and they said no. Apparently they aren't aware of how close our windows are to each other."

"Apparently," I said. Brendon laughed. "You can sit down you know."

"Oh, yeah," he said, smiling. Instead of sitting in the chair that was closer to him, he came over to my bed and sat down. We were silent for a few minutes. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," I said. Brendon didn't look at me, but instead focused on a hole in his jeans that he was picking at.

"Well, I know we've just started to become friends," Brendon said. "But I was wondering if you thought that that could ever evolve into something more at some point."

Brendon looked up at me. I wasn't sure what to say. I knew my answer, but I just couldn't believe we were talking about this. I opened my mouth to speak, but Brendon stopped me by talking instead.

"Sorry," he said. "I should have known the answer to that. It's just my own foolish hopes. I mean, when we first met, I only liked you based on your appearance. But now that I've gotten to know you a lot better, I'm starting to like you in a whole different level. And...I hate to do this, but I don't think we should hang out anymore. You understand right? It'll hurt me, knowing that I can't have the thing I want the most. And I know that the more we hang out the more that I'm going to want you."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything. The one person who was starting to become a friend to me, had decided that he didn't want to be around me anymore. I would have been mad. But his reason was because it would hurt him. And that I could understand.

"Yeah," I said finally. "I understand."