Can't Stay Away

Brendon had closed his curtains. He didn't even want to risk catching a glimpse of me. It hurt. I didn't like it.

I was starting to wonder too, if maybe I was wrong. Sure, if I stayed out of a relationship I wouldn't have a risk for pain. But I was now finding out, that not being in a relationship also brought pain. Now I had a new reason to not think things about Brendon that had nothing to do with friendship. It hurt. Because Brendon didn't want to see me. Could it be possible that I did want to be with Brendon? While there would be a fear of pain, there would also be happiness. Urgh. Why was it so hard to figure out what I want.

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A few days after Brendon had told me he didn't want to see me any more, my mom came up to my room.

"I haven't seen Brendon in a few days," she said.

"Yeah," I said.

"Well?" she said.

"Well what?" I asked, looking at her.

"What happened?" she asked. I sighed.

"We weren't working as friends," I said simply. It was mostly true.

"Oh," my mom said quietly. "Well, don't worry. You'll be starting school in about a month and you'll make new friends."

"Yeah," I said. I didn't want new friends.

"Well," she said. "I'm going to bed. Good night."

"Good night," I said, staring out my window at Brendon's curtains. My mom left, closing my bedroom door.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks later, and all I could do was stare at Brendon's curtains. I'd sit in my computer chair near my window and stare. I couldn't get him off my mind. I just...I don't know. I needed to see him. Just a quick glimpse.

It was late at night and I knew Brendon was still awake. The curtains glowed from the light in his room. I sighed and rested my head on my hand, my elbow pressing into my thight uncomfortably. But I didn't care. I also knew that what I was doing was pathetic, but again, I didn't care. I became alert, sitting up straight, when I saw Brendon's curtains flutter slightly. But nothing else happened.

About an hour later, Brendon's light went out. I looked at my clock. He was probably going to bed. I stood up and headed towards my own bed, thinking it was probably a good idea. As I pulled back my blankets, staring down at my bed, I sighed. I couldn't keep going on like this. I needed to do something. I looked at the window again, remember how Brendon had come through my window a few times.

I went back over to my window and carefully opened it. I took deep slow breaths as I leaned out of my window and tried opening Brendon's window. It slid up easily and I smiled. Very carefully, I pulled myself out of my room and through Brendon's window, pushing the curtains out of the way. I would have preferred to rip those curtains off. How I hated them. When I was standing in Brendon's room, I looked at Brendon's bed and saw him sitting up at me, looking at me with surprise.

"Oh," I said, feeling myself blush.

"Ryan?" Brendon asked. I nodded my head and walked over to Brendon's bed. "What are you doing here?"

"I--I don't know how to say this," I said. Brendon opened his mouth to say something, but I held up my hand. "Hold on. Give me a minute."

I got up on Brendon's bed, sitting on my knees. Brendon didn't move so I crawled forward a bit until Brendon and I were nose to nose, staring into the other's eyes. I could feel Brendon's shaky breath on my face, as I'm sure mine was hitting his. I knew this was what we both wanted. Why not risk some pain?

I tilted my head to the side, leaving my eyes open as I pressed my lips softly to Brendon's. Brendon's eyes closed instantly as he savoured the kiss. I pulled away after a moment, and even though it was only a moment, both of our breathing seemed a bit heavier.

"Brendon--" I started. But Brendon's lips were pressed to mine yet again, more hungry this time. More passionate. I opened my mouth allowing Brendon's tongue to enter.

When we pulled apart for a second time, I didn't have anything to say. But Brendon did.

"I couldn't stand not seeing you," Brendon said, breathlessly. I smiled and kissed him again. This was totally worth risking pain.