Can't Stay Away

I felt lucky when I found out that night that my mom would be going with my father on one of his business trips next weekend. Things couldn’t have been working out so perfectly. And I was more excited about that weekend than I actually let on. Though I’m pretty sure Brendon was picking up on my hidden excitement.

My mom was concerned though. I knew that she wasn’t sure if it was the best thing to leave Brendon and me alone in the house. It wasn’t the fact that we were still in high school, or the fact that Brendon and I were together; it was the fact that she still secretly thought that Brendon was abusing me.

As the week went by, she kept cornering me when I was by myself and tried to get me to tell her the truth about how I got this bruise or that bruise. She kept badgering me no matter how many times I told her that it was an accident and that I was just a klutz. I felt bad for lying to her, but even if I did tell her the truth I knew that she wouldn’t believe me if I told her that I enjoyed it when Brendon hit me. She just wouldn’t—and doesn’t—understand.

I almost thought that she wasn’t going to go, but she ended up going despite her reluctance.

“So,” I said, turning to Brendon. We were out on my front porch; my mom had just left.

“Tonight,” Brendon said, smirking. He knew what I wanted. I smiled sheepishly.

“Ok,” I said. We went back inside. “So, what do you want to do until then?”

“I have no idea,” Brendon said. “Maybe we shouldn’t wait until tonight. Cause then we’d have something to do.”

“I think I like that idea,” I said.

“I don’t know,” Brendon said. “It might be better to wait.”

“Brendon,” I said. “It doesn’t matter when we do this. But, and I’m just saying, sooner would be better. I have had to wait all week.”

“True,” he said. He came towards me, placing his hands on my hips. “And you’ve been very patient.”

“Yeah,” I said. Brendon’s face was close to mine, so I moved my face closer until I felt our lips touching. It was a soft kiss, rather than our usual rough kisses. I pulled away.

“So,” I said. “What’s it going to be?”

“Ugh,” Brendon said. “Why do you have to be so damn cute?”

I smiled at him, and Brendon kissed me again.

“Go up to your room and get ready,” Brendon said. “I have to grab a few things.”

“Ok,” I said. “Get ready how?”

“Um, just take your clothes off,” Brendon said. “Well, leave your boxer s on…for now.”

I smirked at Brendon, who smirked back, before going upstairs. Once I was in my room I took off my shirt and my jeans and waited for Brendon. A few minutes later, I heard my bedroom door open and Brendon walked in. He was holding something behind his back.

“I just want you to know that this is going to be a lot more brutal,” Brendon said. “If you want to stop at any time, just let me know.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m not going to want to stop.”

He pulled out what he was holding behind his back—a knife. I remembered that first time he had cut me, how I had freaked out. But this time would be different. I would enjoy this.

Brendon came towards me until he was only inches away and ran the cold blade of the knife gently down my bare flesh. I moaned in anticipation, feeling goosebumps rising on my skin. Brendon smirked before very suddenly cutting my arm. And oh god, it felt so good. I could feel the pain, but just knowing that Brendon had caused it made it feel wonderful. My eyes fluttered shut for a moment, and when I opened them again, I saw Brendon setting the knife down on the bed behind me. Brendon leaned forward for a moment to kiss me, and when he pulled away, he shoved me to the floor. My head hit the bed frame and I felt a sharp pain. Brendon hesitated for a moment, looking down at me, before I saw him pull his foot back. I prepared myself as best I could, but I couldn’t prepare myself for the pain. As his foot made contact with my body, I heard something crack. I had feeling he had broken one of my ribs. I let out a gasp from the pain. Brendon kneeled next to me.

“Are you ok?” he asked. Before I could answer, he kissed me softly. The pain was replaced by lots of pleasure. Pleasure so intense, I was gasping again. I felt light-headed. Brendon pulled away and punched me swiftly. First in the eye, and then in the nose. I heard another crack and I knew that my nose was broken.

“Brendon,” I said, looking up at him. “I told you not to hit me in face.”

“I’m sorry,” Brendon said. “Anyways, how do you feel?”

“I’ll feel better if you’d kiss me,” I said. Brendon kissed me again for a moment before pulling away. I looked down at my arm that he had cut and saw that it was still bleeding. It was getting on my floor. I stood up as quickly as I could, feeling my rib area throbbing. “I’ll be right back.”

I left the room quickly, and went down to the bathroom. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my arm. I was on my way back out when my reflection caught my eye. I moved closer to the mirror to get a better look at myself. I looked like shit. And I didn’t know how I was going to explain all of these injuries to my mother. I wasn’t that clumsy.

Before I could leave, Brendon was in the door way. He had the knife again.

“Ryan?” he said. “Why’d you leave me?”

“Sorry,” I said. I raised my arm. “Needed a towel.”

“It’s ok,” Brendon said. He stepped into the bathroom, wrapping his arms around me. I could feel the blade touching my skin. It felt colder than it had just a little while ago, if that was possible. Brendon leaned in and kissed me. I felt the blade moving gently over my back. Even though I had been anticipating it, I was still surprised when I felt the blade cut into my flesh. I gasped slightly as I pulled away. The cut stung, and I could feel blood leaking from the wound. I had no doubt that this one was bad. But Brendon kissed me again, and the pain went away.

I still felt light-headed though. And that feeling wasn’t going away. It had even increased. Brendon pulled away. I felt dizzy as I took in air.

“I love you Brendon,” I said, smiling slightly. My eyelids felt so heavy.

“I know,” Brendon said. “I love you too.”

I smiled before kissing him again. I felt the knife cut me again. But I didn’t gasp or pull away. I moaned into Brendon’s mouth and I felt the blade cut me again. I pressed myself against Brendon. I leaned on him. I was finding it hard to stand. We pulled away and I took deep breaths.

I could see Brendon looking at me with concern.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said smiling. “Just a little dizzy.”

The edges of my vision seemed to be getting darker, but I couldn’t help but notice Brendon’s face grow pale. I tried to step away from him, but I swayed, and Brendon held onto me.

“You’re not ok,” Brendon said. “Shit. Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling?”

“I feel wonderful,” I said. My voice sounded so far away. And I could barely hear Brendon. My eyes fluttered shut. Someone was shaking me. But I didn’t want to open my eyes. I felt so…peaceful.