A Thousand Colors in Your Eyes

(Kacie’s Perspective.)

“God, I miss you so much,” I sighed, looking up to the sky. I knew she wasn’t here with me and that’s what hurt the most. She was gone, not dead, but just left me. She left me without a word. I woke up one morning and she wasn’t beside me anymore. I was holding nothing, my arms just out stretched where she once lay.

I couldn’t feel much anymore. I was a self mutilating introvert. I had a problem with cutting and it pushed people away from me to see me self destructing but I couldn’t help it. I just missed her so damn much. And most of the time, it was too much to bear. I couldn’t take the ache in my chest, the emptiness I felt without her here with me. I couldn’t take the way I would see all the other couples happy, loving every moment of their time together while I was sitting alone, wishing she was here with me, but knowing she would never be. Certain things committed to my memory more than others, such as the way she looked when she first woke, her hair a mess and her face so refreshed. I loved that look; it was so raw and natural. It was her, and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

I could play the scene out in my mind a hundred times over. The confusion, then the realization, then the break down. I was still breaking down, months after it had happened. I had not heard from her, and had no tried to contact her. The only times I heard of her were when I’d see her places and I’d have to leave. I couldn’t take being around her and I couldn’t take seeing her. She had this sickening smile on her face when she noticed we were in the same room and it was enough to kill me.

My legs felt heavy as I trudged along the beach. My arms were swinging at my sides without thought, just of habit. I could’ve sworn I was alone on the beach until I felt arms around my waist. My whole body was tensed and I was in self defense mode as I turned around, slipping out of their grasp.

“Get the hell off me,” I snapped viciously. Their hands were in front of them, holding them up as to say they meant no harm.

My whole body was shaking, my adrenaline pumping. I could see them becoming nervous at my defensive reaction, but that soon changed.

I looked up to their eyes, seeing the eye liner down their cheeks, their hazel-yellow eyes were burning into mine. I should’ve known who it would be; no one would hold me quite so gently, but so protectively as she would.

I stared at her exhausted face, wondering what brought her here and how she found me. She was so torn and broken, so fragile. Her strength had evaporated and now she was weak and vulnerable. I should hate her right now, for hurting me so badly, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t turn her away in this state.

She was in my arms again before I could ask her what had happened to make her so fragile. She held me tighter than she ever had before, so wholly that nothing could pull me away from her. My entire body was against hers and it felt just like old times, all my pain and hurt vanishing at her tears.

“What happened?” I whispered, my head buried in her hair. I inhaled the scent of her ocean breeze conditioner and grasped the familiarity of it.

“Stupidity. Hurt. Realization,” she murmured, her head nuzzling my shoulder. I could easily tell she was taking in what she’d given up all those months ago.

“I’m so sorry,” she pulled away from me, sniffling quietly, “I shouldn’t expect you to take me back. Not after what I did.”

“But I will,” I was trying to prevent saying it, but my heart wanted to. My heart wanted her to stop hurting so badly and just to be happy again, even if it wasn’t with me.

“Really?” the shine in her eyes seemed to return as the corners of her mouth started to turn up in a smile.

“Yeah, really,” I smiled as she found herself in my arms again. I was holding her close to me, for fear if I let go she’d be gone again. It felt amazing to feel her small body molded against mine. I loved how comfortable she seemed when I’d hold her. Nothing seemed as complete as when I had her in my arms, in complete silence but knowing the silence was really us screaming “I love you” to each other with our minds.

“I’m so sorry I left,” she whispered, pulling out of my arms.

“I forgive you.”

One night on the beach was all it took for us to realize, no matter the fights, the screaming, the heart breaking; the reality was we loved each other.