We're Trouble Bound

Jaime Caldwell, the damsel of deathcore, talks about 2010.

What do your parents think of you being in a band?
J: My mom was really confused when she came to one of our shows for the first time. She’s really into stuff like Joni Mitchell and Carly Simon and stuff like that… And she didn’t really know what kind of music I was into. After our set, she came up to me and said ‘Please go back to college’. Not even kidding. She got used to the idea eventually but she still wants me to be in school studying law or something like that. But honestly, it’s hard to imagine doing that.

What’s in store for Keep Your Composure in 2010?
J: We’re going into the studio in February. We’re really excited about that because we’ve got a lot of songs written; we’re looking forward to putting them out. We’re hoping for a late summer release of the album. Maybe early fall at the latest. We’re not really doing much major touring until May after Bamboozle. And this summer, we’re doing Warped, which is gonna be fucking awesome. We didn’t get to do Warped last summer because we were overseas for the most part. It’ll be cool.

As a girl, do you ever feel that your lyrics are too explicit or too dark?
J: As a girl? I’m not sure what that means. I think that even some guys think our lyrics are too fucked up. I mean, I wrote a lot of the lyrics… I don’t think they’re sick or anything. Maybe that’s because I can see cannibalism as funny or because I know it’s just a song… Whatever.

Do you think you subscribe to the rockstar mentality? Parties, drugs, whatever.
J: Uh, if that’s the rockstar mentality, then yes. Sure. I love a good party. I like that partying is practically part of my job. I like having fun. If that means drinking or doing drugs or whatever, alright cool.

Is there anything that you miss about home when you’re on tour?
J: Sometimes, I guess. My friends at home and my mom. But basically all my favorite things involve being on the road.

What’s your favorite part of being on tour?
J: Being in a new place every night. It’s exhilarating.

Do you have big plans for the holiday?
J: Eating a lot of fattening food. After Christmas, I'm going to the UK to visit one of my friends. That's about it though.

January

Oliver checked the time on his phone, groaned and looked at the gate grudgingly. He tapped his foot, cracked his knuckles then checked the time again. Angry that only a minute had elapsed, he stuffed the phone back in his pocket. This waiting thing was making him mental. He had been waiting for this for nearly a month and now that it was minutes from happening, he was pretty convinced he would die of anticipation before it even happened.

In addition to his own craziness, he’d also been driving everyone he knew a little mad with all his talk of Jaime’s arrival. His mother was all but convinced that Jaime was his girlfriend. (“Why else would she fly ‘ere ta see yeh?”) His band mates were definitely not surprised by this turn of events; they could already attest to the fact that Jaime and Oliver were beyond close. His mates at home had laughed at the idea of Oliver being so wound up about a girl but there was no good explanation he could give them as to why.
And truthfully, Jaime had given no real reason for her visit, just to see him. But how did Jaime want to see him? Was it because she wanted to see him or wanted to see him without his clothes? Either was fine with Oliver.

Oliver sighed. He never expected this. To be so fucked up over Jaime. He remembered hearing about her before they’d met. Everyone had told him “You just have to meet her to understand.” That made sense; there really was no good way to explain her. You could say that she liked to drink but that made it sound like a bad thing; which it wasn’t. You could say that she was a flirt but then that sounded like she was a slut; which she wasn’t. When it came to Jaime, words just didn’t do her justice.

When he looked up again, Jaime was coming towards him, carry-on bags slumped over her shoulders and a fairly large suitcase dragging behind her. She waved slightly, careful not to let her bags slip. When she was closer, Oliver saw that her eyes were dropping, tired. She was rubbing her right eye with the back of her hand and yawning. “Hey,” she said, sitting her bags down at his feet.

“O’reight?” Oliver let her step into him, his arms open. “Yeh tired?”

“I can’t sleep on planes,” she stated. “It makes me nervous.” She walked right into his chest, locking her fingers behind his back. “I promise I’ll be more fun after I have a little nap…” She mumbled against his neck. Honestly, Oliver didn’t care whether she was up and ready to party, only that she was there. However sappy that sounded.

“We got a bit of a drive back. You can close yer eyes fer then.”

“Sounds like a plan… hmm.” She didn’t let go of him, staying attached to him instead. “Ugh, sorry…” She pulled herself away from him. “Don’t mean to be all grabby… I’m just so tired.”

“Yeh know I don’ mind yeh grabbin’… Yeh could be grabbing more ef yeh like.” Oliver suggestively said.

“Can you save the innuendo for when I’m rested? It’s not fair to you for me not to be on top of my game.”

“I know wha’ other fings yeh should be on top of…”

Jaime rolled her eyes and went to pick up her bags. But Oliver swatted her hand away from the heavier bag, picking it up. “Have you been saving up all your lines the past weeks, waiting for me before you say them?”

“Ef I did tha, I’d ‘ave way more chat up lines fer yeh.”

“That’s probably true,” Jaime shrugged.

They collected her things and began walking, side by side and very slowly. Jaime’s steps were staggering; she’d run out of steam somewhere halfway across the Atlantic. Oliver saw this and grabbed the other bag out of her hands.

“You don’t have—“ Jaime cut herself off with another yawn.

“Yer dead on yer feet, lass.”

“Uh huh.” She nodded and pressed her shoulder to his as they walked through the airport maze. People that saw them would think they were a fitting pair, Oliver carrying her bags and letting her rest on him slightly. It was a sweet sort of sight to strangers. You would never know that these two were the King and Queen of Chaos; aside from the tattoos creeping up his neck and her cherry red hair, they seemed so normal, like any other couple reuniting at an airport. There was a unspoken calm between them, a weird serenity.
Outside, Oliver tossed her bags in the trunk and unlocked the doors. Jaime lazily pulled open the passenger side door and threw herself in, immediately kicking her shoes off and curling into a ball. Oliver climbed in the driver’s side, turning to Jaime. Her hair was in her eyes and her hands were resting by her face.

She smiled weakly and said “It’s good to see you, Oliver.”

“He reached over to push wispy red hair out of her eyes. “S’good ta see yeh too, Jaime.”

“It’s been… weird without you always around.” She rubbed her eyes again.

“Weird?” He turned on the car, checking his mirrors and such accordingly.

“Uh huh,” she murmured. “I’ve been all out of sorts without you around.” She sighed and closed her eyes.

“Aye?”

“Mmmhmm…”

Oliver thought about it for a second. Things had been strange for him. He’d been anxious just like he’d been the months on tour but Jaime hadn’t been around to balance him out. And why was it that she made him feel so centered? Maybe because Jaime was so abrupt and bold, it negated his own abrasion. He wasn’t sure.

He went to tell her that things hadn’t been the same without her either. But when he looked, she seemed to already be asleep. So he didn’t say anything.

--

“Alright, the party can begin.” Jaime was stretching her arms over her head while exiting the bathroom after her shower. She felt well rested and sufficiently clean. Oliver was on his bed with his laptop. He looked up at her and smiled.

“’Oo says there’s a party?” He asked. “Maybe I’d planned on stayin’ in wiff yeh…”

She climbed on the bed, sitting on her knees in front of him. “Stay in? And what would we do if we stayed here?”

“I can fink of a few fings…” Oliver pushed his laptop aside so that there was nothing standing between them.

“Yeah? And what would those things involve?”

“I know wha’ they don’ involve…”

“What’s that?”

“Clothes.” He smirked.

“It doesn’t involve clothes?” She coyly questions. “So this shirt I’m wearing… I shouldn’t be wearing it?” She toyed with the hem of her t-shirt.

“No… not ef yeh wanna do it righ’.”

“Huh, well, alright.” She tugged the bottom of her shirt up and over her head, exposing a pink bra. She tossed the t-shirt into Oliver’s lap. “Is that better?”

“Yer trousers would ‘ave ta go too…” This was one reason he liked Jaime so much. The game. They were always playing.

“Yeah?” Jaime got off her knees and began standing up on the bed. “I guess they’re gone too then.” She unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans very slowly. She was staring directly at him while she did it. She pushed her pants below her hips and down her legs until she could step right out of them. She stood over him; her body was gentle curves and smooth seeming skin. She was biting her lip while her hands rested on her hips. “Better?”

“Much.” Oliver nodded, staring dumbly up at her. He didn’t even know where to begin. He decided a compliment worked best. “Yeh look good from this angle.”

“Good? How good?”

“Good enough to make me want yeh pre’y badly.”

“I thought you wanted me already… That’s why you wanted to stay in.”

“I ne’er said the thing without clothes was sex.”

“Oh,” Jaime shrugged and sat back on the bed. “I shouldn’t have assumed, I guess.”

Oliver was disappointed that he could no longer see almost all of her. He certainly liked seeing her in just her knickers. He knew she had a wild streak when it came to sex; she’d said so herself. He wanted to see this wild streak. He wanted to see it all. “It were a fair assumption.” He reached out and took a hold of her hands. He pulled her into him. She crawled over him, her legs on either side of his waist.

“Then is it fair to assume you’ve figured out your reason?” Jaime was slightly stubborn; this was, now more than ever, very clear. She could resist him so much that even when she was nearly naked, she could stop him.

“Yer still on about a reason?” His hands rested on her neck.

“Of course… Generally, there isn’t anything that’s really important to me. I usually don’t care. But this is one thing that’s important…” Jaime pushed her lips to his briefly, trying to let him know her intentions were not to confuse him.

“I don’ know ef I can say the reason.” He frowned and Jaime placed one of her hands over his, linking her fingers and then holding their hands against her chest while running the fingers of her other hand over his lips.

“Because you don’t know what it is?”

“Because I don’ fink I can tell the truth…” He responded, looking more serious than Jaime had ever seen him.

She forced herself closer to him, pressing her body to his. Her hands were at his collarbone then and his arms wrapped around her tightly. She said “So lie to me.”

“Lie ta yeh?” Oliver’s face contorted in confusion.

“You want to fuck me, don’t you?”

“Yeh know I do…”

“You want to fuck me but can’t tell me why… So lie.” She pressed her forehead to his. “You have a reason but can’t say it. That’s good enough for me. Just lie. Lie and tell me it’ll mean something—“

“But—“

“Lie to me, Oliver.” She sucked his bottom lip softly and bit it slightly too. He responded quickly by catching her lips and sliding his tongue past them. She pushed her hands into his hair, tugging on it. He twisted and turned until he had her laid against the bed, hovering over her. Not happy with their lack of contact, Jaime pulled him down to her, immediately going for his neck, aggressively kissing along his jaw line and saying “Goddamnit, make something up, you asshole.” She yanked at his t-shirt, dragging it over his head. “Tell me why you want this—like for fuck’s safe, I know you can lie.” She racked her nails across his now exposed skin.

He groaned at the pleasing pain. “I-I want you because you’re f-fit,” he stammered. It wasn’t a lie. That was a reason. But not THE reason.

“That’s the only thing?” She briefly looked in his eyes.

“Uh huh…” He nodded and leaned down to nip at her throat.

She looked her legs around his waist, her eyes rolling in to the back of her head. “Good one.”

--

He traced his fingers down her shoulder blades, past her ribcage and circling up after dancing over the curves between the small of her back and her round bottom. He recalled wondering where she had other tattoos hidden, just out of his sight. He’d found several while conquering her curves. There were the identical sparrows at the very top of her thighs. Then there was the set of lyrics running along her spine. “When in Rome we shall do as the Romans, when in Hell we do shots at the bar.” The final hidden ink was behind her ears; she wore her hair down so frequently that you would never tell. Resting just at her hairline were two rods, one behind each ear; ‘never again’ it collectively read. He hadn’t asked her in the moment he found the tattoos; the time had clearly not been right. But he intended to ask what she was never going to do again.

She was sleeping quite soundly. After nearly four hours of non-stop action, Jaime had cuddled next to Oliver and fallen asleep. Oliver tried to shut his eyes, only very briefly nodding off once, but really unable to stop from staring at her. There was something about watching her sleep that Oliver found fascinating. Her mouth twitched into a smile and she made soft humming sound. It was remarkable and surprisingly adorable. He’d seen her sleep before but this was different. Now she was softer, changed.

Not that he wanted to be concerned with change; it didn’t matter what came next, he’d had her; that was that. There was nothing to it. She wanted him to lie and he was continuing to do it.

Another thing he wanted to know was why had she accepted the lie when it had been important enough to postpone for a month? She was stubborn, she was trouble but could be easily loop-holed; that didn’t make sense. This was Jaime; the most independent lass he knew. Did she really give up so easily?

He bent down and kissed her hair. She stirred, turning over onto her side, exposing her front to him. His hand ran across her stomach and she shivered, eyes opening. Gold and brown flecked green with a ripe curiosity. She rolled onto her back, her cheeks tugging her mouth into a smile. “Hi…”

Oliver just sort of nodded in acknowledgment. He was unsure of what to say. What did you say to your best-friend-dream-girl-now-hook-up-was-it-really-even-a-hook-up—

“What time is it?” She asked.

“Dunno.” Oliver shrugged. “Yeh been asleep a few hours, prob’ly.”

“Guess you were right about staying in… Very good idea.”

“Uh huh, told yeh.” Oliver had stopped running his hand over her in attempt to remain neutral.

“I’m still tired… good job on that one…”

Normally, Oliver reveled in compliments regarding his amazing stamina but he didn’t much feel like gloating. He instead pulled her chin up and kissed her lips. She slipped her fingers onto his cheek, deepening the kiss.

But she pulled away abruptly, eyebrows knit. “Did I suddenly become breakable or something?”

“Eh?”

“The way you’re touching me, you’d think you might be afraid of breaking me. You’re being weirdly gentle.” Her eyes were narrow, questioning.

“I don’ know wha’ yer talkin’ about. I’m not bein’ anymore gentle than before.”

“Uh huh, I’ve got some bruises on my wrists that say otherwise.”

Oliver diverted his eyes from hers. He didn’t want her getting the idea that he was treating her any different than he’d treat any other girl. Even though he WAS definitely treating her different. If this was any other girl, he would have been out of the bed the minute she fell asleep. He did not stick around to watch girls sleep. That wasn’t his style.

“Oh, so that’s how we’re going to play it… Ignore the subject.” She was smirking as she took one of his hands. She placed it to her mouth, biting his knuckles playfully before pushing his hand down along her chest, finally resting it below her belly button. “Go on acting like this is normal for you.”

How was it that she knew everything? “I don’ know wha’ yer on about.”

“Mmhmm.” She closed her eyes again and stretched a bit. “Were you sleeping this whole time? I figured you would have got up by now.”

“Aye, was sleepin’,” he lied.

“You know, just because I told you to lie before doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it.”
It was official, Jaime was the most perceptive bird in the world. Or he was a really terrible liar. He figured it was probably best to continue deflecting the subject. “Don’ know why yeh wanted me to lie anyway…”

“Because I wanted to have sex with you.” Her eyes opened; she was amused by this. “Really really bad. But I couldn’t just go and break my rules because you’re scared tell the truth.”

“I’m not scared,” he quickly defended.

“Fine… I couldn’t break my rules because you didn’t want to tell me the truth,” she corrected with an exaggerated eye roll and he couldn’t argue with this statement. “Not that I could tell whether you were lying or telling the truth.”

“Does it matter?” Oliver didn’t think it did. Nothing really mattered to Jaime. He’d learned that early on. It wasn’t until now that it bothered him. When he actually wanted to matter to her.