Playing House

Breathe. Just, breathe, I told myself.

Too bad it felt like a two ton elephant just sat on my chest.

I wanted to slap myself in the face. I mean, forgetting my birth control is one thing, but not using a condom with Ben? That was just stupid.

I stood in my bathroom, staring at my birth control container. As if somehow that would help.

Ugh, what was I thinking?

“Mal?” I heard, right outside my bathroom door. It was Ben.

I jumped slightly and slammed my birth control container shut, and then shoved it in my makeup bag just as Ben creaked the door open.

“Hey,” I greeted nervously.

“Hey…you disappeared. I was just wondering where you went off to,” he said, fully opening the door and walking in. “Oh, now you’ve decided to get dressed.” He wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck.

“Did they all leave?” I asked.

“Nah, they’re all still downstairs. Listen, I’m sorry about that. I had no idea they were coming over,” he stated, pulling back.

“It’s okay,” I assured. He looked down at me for a second, like he was studying me.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

Oh God. What should I do? Should I tell him?

Or just wait it out?

What if I’m pregnant?

What if I’m not?? No sense in worrying him, right?

But what if I’m pregnant????

“Mal?”

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied.

I knew he didn’t believe it, but he nodded nonetheless.

“Are you coming back down?” He inquired.

“Yeah. I’ll be there in a sec,” I told him. He nodded again and walked out, and I leaned against the bathroom counter.

What was I going to do?

I pushed myself off the counter and out of my bedroom. I went downstairs and put on a fake smile, hoping I would be able to figure everything out soon.

A few hours later, everyone was in the living room just goofing off or watching TV or playing with Beau and Maddie. Ben came out of the kitchen with some snacks, and also the telephone.

“It’s for you,” he said, handing the phone to me. I hadn’t even heard it ring. To be honest, I wasn’t really paying attention to much of anything around me with all these thoughts plaguing my brain.

“Hello?” I said into the receiver, standing up and walking to a quieter area.

“Hey lady! How’s it going?” Tina greeted.

“Oh God, Tina, I’m so glad you called. I need to talk to you, right away,” I told her, glancing at Ben, who was oblivious.

“Okay, so talk,” she chuckled.

“Can I come over?” I requested.

“Amalia, are you okay?”

“Tina, please?” I insisted.

“Of course you can. You’re just worrying me, that’s all,” she answered.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll be there within an hour, okay?” I said. She agreed and we hung up, and I walked over to Ben and handed the phone back to him.

“Everything alright?” He asked, seeing my expression.

“Yeah,” I lied again. “Is it okay if I go to Tina’s for a bit?”

“You don’t have to ask my permission, Mal,” Ben chuckled.

“Right, sorry. You’ll watch the kids?”

“Sure thing,” he nodded. “My keys are on the table by the door.”

“Okay, see you later,” I said, kissing his cheek. He tried kissing my lips but I dodged it. He furrowed his eyebrows at me, confused. “You guys want me to bring you back dinner? Pizza or something?” I said, trying to avoid whatever he was going to say.

“Yes! Pizza!!” Brent Seabrook nodded. Everyone laughed and they figured out their order as I collected my things. Cam Barker wrote down the order and handed it to me, and I walked towards the door.

Ben grabbed my hand, halting me, and spun me around.

“Amalia, is everything okay?” He said more quietly. “If I did something or said something that upset you, I’m sorry, I-”

“No, Ben, you didn’t do anything. Trust me,” I said, forcing a smile. I pecked him on the lips to try and convince him, and when I pulled away he looked a lot less worried. “I’ll see you later.” He nodded and I left, making my way to Tina’s.

When I got there she let me in, and almost immediately started barraging me with questions.

“Tina!” I scolded. “Calm down.” She huffed dramatically and motioned for me to sit down. We both took a seat on her couch, and she looked up at me expectantly.

“Well?” She prompted.

“Ben told me he loved me, and he wants to adopt Beau and Maddie,” I started. Her eyes got wide and she sighed, putting a hand over her chest.

“You fucking scared me! I thought something bad happened. That’s amazing!! Why did you sound like Mrs. Doom on the phone?” She asked.

“Ben and I had sex,” I told her. She squealed excitedly and jumped around. I kept her up to date on all my Ben drama, so she already knew we were…involved.

“Oh my god, how was it? Ugh, I bet it was amazing, he looks like the intense kind of lover. How big-”

“Tina!” I screeched, my cheeks getting red.

“You have twins,” she pointed out. “Don’t act like you’re a prude.”

I rolled my eyes, but smiled.

“Anyway,” I said pointedly, giving her a stare. “There’s a bit of a problem.”

She motioned for me to continue.

“I haven’t taken my pill in a few days,” I mumbled.

“You have got to be joking,” Tina announced. I just looked up at her sheepishly. “Amalia! Are you crazy?”

“No!! Just…absentminded, that’s all,” I shrugged innocently.

“Yeah well your absentmindedness just got you pregnant, so how do you feel about that?” She scolded.

“Okay, first of all, you don’t know for sure I’m pregnant. It just happened last night. A few times, though. And this morning, I guess…”

Tina slapped my arm, jolting me out of my thoughts.

“And second of all,” I continued, regaining my composure. “A lot has been going on, okay? You can’t blame me for forgetting a few fucking pills because I was freaking out over my son being in the hospital and my ex showing up and the potential losing custody of my children and-”

“What are you going to do?” She interrupted.

“What do you mean?”

“What are you going to do, if you’re pregnant?” She clarified.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

“Well…when are you going to tell Ben?”

“I was going to try and wait until I knew for sure,” I told her. “Do you think I should tell him sooner? I mean, I don’t want him stressing out over nothing, you know?”

“Yeah, but what if it ends up being something?” She pointed out. “How do you think he’ll react?”

I thought about it for a moment, unable to settle on an answer.

“I don’t know,” I said softly. “I mean, he likes kids, so I know he wouldn’t be totally against it. But it’s a lot to ask of him. He’s already done so much for me, how could I spring this on him like that?”

“Hey, he’s the one who didn’t use a condom,” she shrugged. “It’s just as much his fault.”

I groaned, setting my face in my hands.

“Fuck my life, man,” I muttered.

Tina patted my back soothingly, and I stayed and talked to her for a couple more hours before calling and ordering the pizza.

I picked it up on my way home, and the guys all ambushed me to get the boxes. Once I had been relieved of the pizza and the guys had scurried off into the kitchen, Ben was left standing there.

“Hey there,” he greeted, pulling me in by my waist and kissing me. I sighed into the kiss and savored it, because I wasn’t sure about the future of things.

“Hey,” I replied, pulling away.

“So I found out something interesting today,” he announced. My eyes widened and I looked at him worriedly.

“Oh…really?” I asked nervously.

“Mhmm,” he nodded. “I was talking to Beau and Maddie, and it seems as though they’ve got a birthday coming up soon.”

I racked my brain, trying to remember their birthday and the current date.

“Oh gosh, you’re right,” I announced, cursing myself for being so damn absentminded.

“The guys are already planning a party,” Ben chuckled.

“Oh, they don’t have to-”

He put a finger to my lips, silencing me.

“They want to,” he told me. “Just let them figure it all out, okay?”

I nodded and he kissed me quickly on the lips before leading me to the kitchen.

“How long are they all staying?” I asked. I wanted to get him alone so I could talk to him about this whole…birth control issue.

“I think some of the guys are staying pretty late, is that okay?” He asked on our way.

“It’s your house Ben,” I laughed, mimicking him from earlier. “You don’t need my permission.” His cheeks turned slightly pink and he smiled sheepishly.

“I just wanted to make sure it was okay,” he said. “I might stay down here with them, we’re gonna be up late.”

“Doing..?”

“I dunno. Poker, probably. You’re welcome to stay,” he offered. I just nodded as we entered the kitchen. So much for getting him alone tonight.

Beau was sitting on Matt Walker’s lap and Maddie was on Andrew Ladd’s, and they were both being taken care of very nicely. The guys all waved at me and Ben as we entered the kitchen, and we found a spot to eat our pizza.

A few hours later, I put the kids to bed and went back downstairs. Only a few guys were left, but I still didn’t want to say anything to Ben just yet.

“Hey Amalia, you gonna play some poker with us?” Colin Fraser asked.

“We’ll make it strip poker if you join,” Troy Brouwer asserted, earning a glare from Ben. I chuckled but shook my head.

“Nah, I think I’m going to go to bed,” I announced. Ben glanced at the clock and then looked at me funny.

“This early? Are you okay?” He asked, standing up and coming towards me.

“Yeah, I’m just tired,” I told him.

“You wore her out last night man,” Adam Burish snickered. I felt my face get hot and I shot Ben an accusing look.

“I didn’t tell him anything!’ Ben defended automatically.

“He didn’t,” Burish stated. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out though. First of all, you came down in that…robe,” he started, causing all the men to look dazed momentarily. “And then, Ben was looking at you nonstop, and you could just tell his thoughts were inappropriate. Plus,” Adam said, taking a swig of his beer. “You were walking bowlegged all morning.”

My jaw dropped and I spun on my heel, heading toward the stairs.

“Goodnight,” I stated quickly, deciding to leave while I could.

"Night," they all sang.

“Mal,” Ben called, jogging up to me as I climbed the stairs. Once he saw the smile on my face he visibly relaxed. “You’re not mad?”

“Mad? Of course not,” I told him. “Insanely embarrassed, yes. But mad, no,” I laughed. He stepped up a few stairs so he was level with me, and pulled me in for a kiss.

“He’s right though. I have been having inappropriate thoughts about you all day,” he murmured, kissing my neck. I groaned, partly because I was enjoying this too much and partly because I knew I shouldn’t be.

I think Ben mistook my groan for me wanting more, (which really wasn’t a mistake because I did want more), because he leaned up to my ear and kissed the lobe before whispering to me.

“I can kick them all out, they won’t care,” he breathed, kissing down my jaw.

“No…go hang out with them,” I forced out, pushing him slightly.

“You sure?”

“Absolutely,” I assured.

“You’re amazing,” he said, kissing me one more time. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I replied softly.

“Go get some rest, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he stated. I nodded and we went out separate ways.

I watched him walk down the few steps he had climbed and join his friends, and I wondered how the Hell I was going to deal with all of this.