Playing House

I woke up the next morning in my bed, but Ben’s arms were wrapped around me. He was out cold, probably from staying up so late last night. I slipped out of Ben’s grasp and got ready for the day, getting my children up and ready as well.

A few hours later, Beau, Maddie and I were in the living room when Ben rushed downstairs, running around haphazardly.

“Ben?” I called out, halting him. He looked at me for a second before darting around again.

“Have you seen my skates? I can’t find them anywhere,” he muttered tossing shoes all over the place. He had his bag slung over his shoulder and his coat on, like he was about to leave.

“I thought you didn’t have practice today…?” I asked him going to the closet. I opened it up and took out his skates. He immediately rushed over to me and grabbed them, and a honk was heard outside.

“We don’t, I have to get to the airport,” he said kissing my cheek. “Beau, Mads, come give me a hug!”

Beau and Maddie rushed over, and he engulfed them in a hug and kissed their heads.

“Airport?” I asked as he stood back up.

“Yeah, we’ve got a road trip,” Ben told me.

“Oh…”

“Didn’t I tell you?” He asked as another honk was heard from outside. Ben opened the door and signaled to whoever was out there that he was coming.

“No…you didn’t. Listen Ben, I really need to talk to-”

Another loud horn cut me off and Ben turned toward the car.

“I’m coming!!!” He told them. He turned back toward me and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. “I’m sorry babe, I’ll call you when the plane lands.”

“When the plane lands where?”

But it was too late, by now he had jogged away towards the taxi that already housed Adam Burish and Dave Bolland. I shut the door and rubbed my face, accepting the fact that I was totally screwed.

Every time Ben called me while he was on that road trip, I got so close to telling him. But I would chicken out, convincing myself that it should be in person. I wanted him home so badly, and yet I was dreading the day he’d be back.

“Alright, here’s what you do,” Tina said as we sat in Ben’s kitchen. “You tell him about the possibility of you being pregnant after he signs those adoption papers.”

“What?”

“Well I mean think about it,” she continued. “If he hasn’t signed the papers and you tell him and he freaks, you’re out on your ass with two and possibly three children. But if he’s already signed the papers, it’s not like he can just kick you out.”

“That seems kind of...”

“Sneaky? Yes. Backhanded? Yes. Completely necessary? Yes,” Tina stated.

Her words rang in my head throughout the next few days, and I weighed the pros and cons of each. A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts, and I opened it to reveal Ben’s lawyer.

“Hello Ms. Williams,” he greeted.

“Oh, hello,” I replied, ushering him inside.

“I’m here with the adoption papers,” he said, making my blood run cold.

“Oh, uh….well Ben’s not here, so-”

“Yes, he called me and said he was on his way. He told me to inform him as soon as I got the papers together and he’d meet me as soon as possible. He’s very excited about adopting your kids,” the lawyer smiled. Instead of making me feel elated, I felt sick to my stomach.

“Er…yeah. Can I get you something to drink? Coffee maybe?” I asked.

“Sure, that’d be great,” he said, following me into the house. “Those are them then?” He asked, motioning to my children.

“Yes, Beau and Maddie,” I told him. He waved at them, and they smiled before turning back to the television. I went into the kitchen and made him a cup of coffee, and I told him to have a seat at the table. The phone rang just then, and I got up to answer it.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Mal, hey,” Ben greeted. “Is the lawyer there?”

“Um yeah. Listen Ben, about that-”

“I know, I’m sorry it was short notice and I’m not even there. But I wanted to get it taken care of and I’m on my way, I promise,” he explained.

“No, Ben that’s not it, I just-”

“I’m almost home, we’ll talk then, okay?” He interrupted.

“Um…yeah okay,” I had barely gotten it out when he hung up. I turned back to the lawyer, who was looking at me expectantly. “He’ll be here soon,” I told him. He nodded and took out a folder.

“You and I can start,” he told me, clicking open a pen. “Get ready for a lot of signing,” he chuckled.

About ten minutes later, Ben came in through the front door. Beau and Maddie rushed at him, like they always did, and he greeted them before joining me and the lawyer in the kitchen.

“Hi,” Ben said, kissing my cheek. He and the lawyer shook hands, and Ben got all settled down. “Alright, what’s the deal?”

Ben and the lawyer started talking, but I was zoned out. I was trying to think of something, anything to get out of this unhurt. I wasn’t seeing any options. When I snapped back to reality, Ben was about to sign one of the papers.

I told myself to bite my tongue, to just do what Tina advised. At least my children would have a father then, right?

Ben put his pen to the paper, and I shut my eyes.

“Ben,” I heard myself choke out.

He looked over at me, eyebrow raised.

“Can I talk to you?” I requested, glancing at the lawyer.

“Right now?” Ben remarked. I nodded, and he sighed. “Excuse us,” he said to the lawyer. Ben and I went out into the side hallway, away from the kitchen and the children. “Listen Mal, if this is you having second thoughts about me being their dad, I swear to you, I’m in this one hundred percent, no matter what.”

“One hundred percent?” I echoed.

“Yes.”

“No matter what?” I repeated again.

“No matter what,” he assured, kissing my forehead. He went to walk back into the kitchen but I grabbed his arm. “Amalia, what’s up with you? You’ve been acting so…weird lately.”

“I might be pregnant,” I said quickly, like I was ripping off a band aid. I didn’t look up at him, rather I looked at his hand that I was still holding. I felt him pull it away from me harshly, and I ventured a glance up at him.

“What?”

“I forgot to take my pill,” I just looked up at him sadly, knowing what was coming.

“One unplanned pregnancy wasn’t enough for you? You didn’t learn the first time?!” He exclaimed.

“It’s not like I did it on purpose,” I defended, feeling tears come to my eyes.

“Didn’t you?”

I snapped my head up to look at him completely in the eyes.

“No, Ben, I-”

“One more signature and I would have been stuck with you. Why stop me?” He asked.

“Because I didn’t want you to have to be stuck with me,” I whispered. “I didn’t plan this, I swear.”

“No? Because I vaguely remember having a conversation similar to this a while ago. Something about you being a gold-digger?” He pointed out. “I don’t see why this would come up again unless it had some merit.”

I tried not to let his words effect me, but it didn’t matter. They hurt, and they hurt bad.

“Never mind it then,” I told him, brushing past him toward the stairs. I climbed the steps and stumbled into my bedroom in a daze. I grabbed all my bags and started packing, having to stop every once in a while because my tears were blinding me.

When I came back downstairs, Ben was on the couch staring blankly at the television while my kids played at his feet. He must have sent the lawyer away by now.

“Beau, Maddie,” I called softly. They looked up at me confused, wondering why I had so many bags. “Get your shoes and coats on.” Ben looked over at me curiously, but then turned back toward the television. I saw him heave a sigh and get up, walking over to me.

“What are you doing?” He asked as if I were some naïve child.

“Leaving,” I stated. “I’ll get the rest of my stuff some other time I guess.”

“Yeah? And if you’re pregnant? Then what?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve been a single mother before,” I picked up the bags and headed toward Beau and Maddie, who were waiting for me by the front door. I turned back to Ben, who was still rooted in his spot. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to gain anything-” I choked out, feeling the tears well up again. “I just want you to know, that I really do love you. It wasn’t an act or anything…”

I turned around again, not wanting him to see me cry for the umpteenth time. I felt his hand on my arm turn me around.

“And them?” He asked, motioning to Beau and Maddie. “What happens to them? Because now all of a sudden you’ve got no job, no car, no place to live, and no man. You might as well hand them over to Jake now.”

Beau and Maddie looked up at us confused, and I started to cry even harder.

“Maybe I should,” I shrugged, laughing bitterly. “At least then they’ll be provided for, right?”

Ben looked at me sympathetically before cupping my face in his hands and wiping my cheeks with his thumbs. He then pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me in a hug as I cried. He relieved me of my bags and then held me close again.

“Take off your stuff and go watch TV,” he told Beau and Maddie. Before I could protest he put a finger to my lips and we watched them scamper off.

Once they were out of earshot he looked down at me still in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he stated. My eyes went wide and I shook my head.

“No, Ben I-”

He silenced me again with his finger on my lips.

“I dealt some low blows,” he recalled. “Untrue low blows. I know you’re not a gold-digger and I know you didn’t mean to forget your pills, I just, freaked. I mean, it took me so long to get used to the idea of being a dad to your kids and now I might have one of my own? I’m not sure I can handle all of that.”

I nodded, biting my lip.

“So…do you still want us gone?” I asked. He looked down at me sharply.

“No! Of course not,” he assured, walking with me toward the living room. “What kind of father would I be then, eh?”

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him with wide eyes. He wore a sly grin, and he had a twinkle in his eyes.

“You…you still signed the papers?” I asked incredulously.

He nodded.

He freakin nodded.

“Ben!” I exclaimed, running at him and throwing my arms around his neck, kissing him hard on the lips. He lifted me up and folded his hands across my back, so I wrapped my legs around him. I pulled away and leaned my forehead against his, “So, you’re their dad?”

“The paperwork still has to clear but once it does, yeah I am,” he smiled, kissing me again. Guess you're stuck with me forever."

“I love you, Ben.”

“I love you too, Mal. And Beau, and Maddie. And whatever bun you’ve possibly got in the oven,” he said, squeezing me tight. “But about that last one…”

“Yeah?”

“Well…what about it? Is it, even an it?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” I told him truthfully. "I will soon though.” He nodded and set me down, kissing me again.

“I uh…I’m going to go get some rest. It’s been a long week,” he muttered, heading upstairs. I sighed, comforted knowing that while he was still upset, he wasn’t about to abandon us.