Playing House

Three days and countless visitors later, I was ready to rip my hair out. Sure, the visitors helped, but I was bored out of my fucking skull.

At first the idea of bed rest was appealing, what with everyone waiting on me hand and foot and stuff. But now I felt bad, and tried to keep my asking for help to a minimum. I was barely through the first week, and I could barely stand to think about the fact I had months to go.

And if bed rest at a comfortable house was making me lose my mind, I could only imagine how my assisted bed rest at the hospital was going to be soon.

I was not looking forward to that.

Ben hadn’t spent much time with me, but then again he hadn’t really had much time to begin with. He was always taking care of Beau and Maddie or hockey related things, plus we were a little angry at each other right now.

Alright, so we weren’t angry, but we were a little put off. We had been arguing about a lot of stuff, like what would happen once the babies were born and where I would live and work and all that. We both had ideas, and of course they were clashing ideas at that.

As I laid in bed at three in the morning, unable to sleep, I heard my door creak open slowly.

“Come on in, babe,” I muttered, assuming it was Beau or Maddie coming in after a nightmare or something.

“Now I’m your babe, eh?” Ben’s deep voice sounded. I lifted my head up to look at the doorway where he stood.

“I thought you were one of the twins,” I said softly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he answered. “Can I, uh, come in?”

“Sure,” I nodded. He walked inside my room, shutting the door behind him. He walked over to my bed, and I adjusted myself to sit up as he sat on the edge next to me.

“You know what I was thinking about?” He asked, looking straight ahead at the wall.

“Hm?”

“Baby names,” he said, grinning over at me. I returned a smile.

“We don’t even know what sex they’re going to be,” I pointed out.

“I know. But I figure if we come up with three names for each we’ll be good." Wow. What a natural born genius. "By the way, when are we finding out? An ultra-sound? Or birth?”

“I was thinking birth, but if you want to know before-”

“Birth sounds good to me,” he smiled. After a few moments of silence, he looked over at me again. “How’d you come up with the names Beau and Madeline for the twins?”

“Beau was Jake’s grandfather’s name. He was the nicest man. He really cared for me, and he hated that Jake was so ignorant. He died just after they were born. None of my friends or family were around for the birth of the twins, since it happened so suddenly. Not to mention the fact that my parents were not amused that I had gotten knocked up. Madeline was the name of the nurse who was there with me during my bed rest and labor. It just felt right, naming Maddie after her,” I explained.

Ben nodded, smiling softly to himself.

“So, do you want these other names to mean things like that, or can they just be names?”

“Why? What were you thinking?” I asked him.

“Well, for a girl, my number one pick is Eleanor.”

My eyes widened at his serious face, but then the corners of his mouth began to turn up. I smacked his arm, causing him to chuckle.

“No, but seriously, I wasn’t really thinking anything. I don’t even know where to start when picking names,” he sighed.

“You came into my room at three in the morning to wake me up and talk about baby names, but not talk about baby names?”

“I wasn’t going to wake you up, I was just going to poke my head in and make sure you were alright. And you happened to be awake, and I happened to have things on my mind,” Ben rambled.

“Things? So, there’s more you wanted to talk about?”

“Well, considering the situation between you and me, Mal, I think there’s always more to talk about,” Ben pointed out.

“Touché,” I smiled. Silence consumed the room as I waited for him to bring something up, but he remained silent. “So…how’re things between you and Leah?”

“Platonic,” he said pointedly. “We were never together before, we’re not together now, and we’re never going to be together, Amalia.”

I shrugged innocently, and he smirked.

“Also, thanks a lot for warning me she was all ‘Team Ben and Amalia’.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.

“I told her all those things about Eleanor, like you asked, and then she went and talked to you apparently, and then the next time I saw her and tried to be charming she was all ‘Ben, I know the sweetest thing you can do for Amalia…Ben, tell me about the day you met Amalia…Ben, how could you be so stupid to let Amalia go?…Ben, blah Amalia blah,” he said, raising the pitch of his voice to a girly level.

“You tried to be charming?” I laughed.

“Well yeah. But she wouldn’t have any of that.”

“I thought you didn’t want her like that?” I grinned.

“I don’t. I had just got done telling her what assholes we have both been, and I was trying to not look like such a total douche,” Ben remarked. “But she paid no attention anyways.”

It was silent once again, so I nudged him with my leg. He tore his gaze off the wall in front of him to look at me, confusion in his eyes. Not confusion as to why I nudged him, but confusion as to our whole relationship. I knew, because I was confused too.

“What else did you have on your mind, Ben?” I asked softly.

“I went looking for houses today,” he said.

“Houses? Ben, I thought we talked about this-”

“Yeah, houses. Around here. I want you to be close,” he stated, ignoring my protest.

“Ben, please tell me you didn’t buy me a house,” I said.

“No, not yet. Obviously I’d want you to pick one you like too,” he asserted. “But I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been looking, and there’s a lot of nice places around here.”

“I can’t afford anything around here,” I pointed out.

“You won’t have to.”

“Ben, you aren’t going to buy me a house!”

“Why not?”

“I feel like ever since I met you I’ve done nothing but accept your free gifts and I feel like a total leech! You have given me everything I could ever need, and I refuse to let you buy me a house on top of all that,” I told him.

“Well I refuse to let you live somewhere far away where I wouldn’t be able to see you or the kids,” he argued.

I closed my eyes and sighed, not wanting to fight with him any more.

“Listen, we’ll work something out, okay? Let me buy you a place around here, and you can pay me back slowly if you want. Please?” He requested. I hesitated for a moment, thinking it over.

“Okay,” I agreed, nodding. He smiled at me, relieved, and I couldn’t help but smile back softly. “Anything else you want to talk about?”

“I think you should stay here for a while,” he blurted. “For a few months after the triplets are born.”

“Um. Why?”

“Because newborns are always fussy and cry in the middle of the night and usually parents switch off when it comes to checking on them but if we’re in separate houses then you’re going to be the only one to do it and I’d feel bad that you had to take care of all three-”

“Ben!” I interrupted, causing him to stop and take a deep breath. Boy, that man could ramble.

“Sorry. But anyways, yeah. I think you should stay here for a while.”

“I took care of Beau and Maddie by myself,” I stated.

“Yeah, but now you’re got triplets,” Ben said. “And Beau and Maddie.”

I shook my head and chuckled at his logic.

“Plus, it’s not like you can help me house hunt until after they’re born anyhow, so it looks like you’re stuck here regardless,” he pointed out smugly.

“Fine, fine,” I waved off. “Anything else? Or were you not planning on sleeping tonight?”

Before he could answer I felt the babies kick, causing me to gasp in surprise.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked worriedly. I quickly grabbed his hands and put them on my belly under my shirt. He crawled over me and repositioned himself so that he was on the empty side of the bed, kneeling over me. He was looking at my belly expectantly, his brow knit in concentration. Suddenly they kicked again, and the biggest grin I had ever seen spread across Ben’s face.

He looked up at me excitedly, this being the first time he’s ever felt them kick. Sure, I had felt it numerous times, but this was really the first time Ben had been around when it happened. Ben leaned over and kissed my temple before leaning his forehead against it.

“I’m scared, Mal,” he whispered.

“Why?”

“I’ve read up on triplets, you know, and there’s a lot of stuff that could go wrong,” he said. I turned my head to look at him, and he once again brought his forehead to rest against mine. “I’m so excited, but I’ve never been more terrified in my entire life.”

I closed my eyes and felt him link our hands together, giving mine a light squeeze.

“I don’t mean to make you worry,” he apologized. I shook my head, telling him it was okay.

I dropped my head to his shoulder, nestling my face into the crook of his neck. He brought his cheek to rest against mine, and we sat there like that for the longest time.

“If anything were to happen, I don’t know what I’d do,” he stammered. “The babies would be one thing, but if I lost you…” he stopped himself, choking back his emotion. I brought my arms up to wrap around him, and he hugged me tightly.

He pulled back and used his thumbs to softly wipe away the tears I let out.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “Don’t cry, please.” He kissed my cheek, and then the other, before letting his lips hover over mine. He looked into my eyes, waiting for a protest, but I gave none. He leaned in the rest of the way, kissing me softly. One hand rested on my cheek while the other weaved into my hair.

I honestly couldn’t breathe. Besides the fact that my lips were attached to Ben’s and I couldn’t really breathe anyways, I was inwardly freaking out.

It had been months since Ben and I had been this intimate, and it was making my insides go haywire. I had missed him so much, and now that we were kissing again I wondered how I had gone on without it as long as I did. I felt fire in my heart again, and I had to tell myself that crying would just ruin the moment. Even though I desperately wanted to cry. Happy tears, of course. Although being pregnant does screw up your emotions quite a bit.

I felt him tug at my lower lip, and I immediately allowed him to deepen the kiss. He leaned me backwards so I was laying down, and he pulled away slowly.

Here came the part I was dreading.

What on earth do we say now?

Was he just caught up in the moment?

Did he regret it?

Was that just a ‘goodbye’ kiss?

“I love you,” he stated, catching me off guard.

“I love you too,” I smiled softly. He kissed me once again before settling down and bringing the covers over us. He pulled my body close to his and kissed my neck softly.

Nothing more was said; nothing more was done. The babies stopped kicking once Ben had wrapped an arm around me, and I fell asleep almost immediately.

I finally felt calm, I finally felt happy.

I finally felt whole.