Playing House

“Amalia, I can get it,” Leah assured me as I picked up after the twins who were down for their afternoon nap. The triplets were also sleeping, but I couldn’t bring myself to nap.

“No, it’s fine,” I waved off. “I need the distraction.”

“I’ve noticed,” she pointed out. “Is everything alright?” I paused my work and turned to face her, unsure what to say.

“No,” I sighed. “It’s not.”

“What’s the problem?” Leah asked as we continued to pick up the living room.

“Benjamin Eager is the problem,” I muttered.

“Lovers quarrel?” she asked, smiling.

“More like relationship ending quarrel,” I corrected. Leah’s smile dropped immediately.

“What?!”

“Maybe I’m being dramatic. But in any case, I almost left this morning.”

“Left, as in…left?”

I looked over at Leah, who’s eyes were wide and her eyebrows were furrowed.

“Yes, left as in left,” I told her, putting some toys into their bins. It seemed like everywhere I turned there would be more toys that I hadn’t bought for the twins, and I was starting to get worried that they were getting spoiled.

“But…I thought you guys were okay? I mean…I thought you had worked everything out like, months ago,” Leah rambled.

“So did I,” I snorted. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I closed my eyes. “I think he was just tired, and he said some things he hopefully didn’t mean. He knew I was feeling insecure, and he was just irritated so he used that insecurity against me.”

“What did he say?”

I paused for a moment, wondering where to begin. I decided to begin from the car ride home from the hospital, where I told Ben how I was feeling.

“…And then he made me promise not to leave. He kissed me and the kids goodbye, so I don’t think he’s mad anymore,” I finished.

“Who care’s if he’s mad, Mal. You should be furious,” Leah pointed out.

“I was,” I nodded, remembering the satisfying sound the wet towel made as it slapped against Ben’s face after I threw it. “But I don’t know anymore. He’s just draining, you know? Like he assures me everything is okay and that we’re okay, but then he has these little outbursts and I just don’t know.”

Leah opened her mouth to say something, but that’s when Ben walked through the door.

“Please don’t say anything,” I whispered. “He and I need to figure this out.” Leah nodded and Ben came into the room, setting his bag down.

“Hey Leah,” he greeted. She smiled and nodded at him, going into the kitchen. I turned to him as he plopped onto the couch, crossing his feet on the table and turning on the television.

“Ben,” I called out. He tilted his head toward me, not taking his eyes off the TV, which was supposed to symbolize he was listening.

Fuck. That.

“Ben,” I said again. He finally tore his gaze off the TV and looked at me. “I thought we were going to talk.”

“Now?” He remarked. “I just got home. Can I rest a little bit? Seeing as that is the problem and everything. My lack of sleep before going to work.”

I stood there staring at him with narrowed eyes, my hands on my hips. The longer I stood there however, the less angry I became and the more hurt I felt.

"Don't you think I'm tired too? I had the same amount of sleep that you did Ben," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but you didn't have to go to work," he mumbled, eyes closed.

"I'd hardly call skating around and shooting pucks into a net and goofing off with your teammates work."

"I wouldn't exactly call skating and shooting conditioning drills easy, either. It's fucking tiring, Amalia."

No more was said as he turned his head back toward the televsion.

I backed up and sat on the recliner next to the couch, curling my legs under me. I studied Ben, watching his eyelids droop closed before trying to open again. He eventually gave up, falling asleep quickly.

I sighed and got up, draping a blanket over him and turning down the volume on the TV. After grabbing the baby monitor, I walked upstairs and checked on Beau and Madeline before walking into my room.

I glanced at the babies, making sure they were okay before picking up my clothes that Ben had dumped on the floor. I set them all on the bed and began folding them, trying to keep myself busy. I heard the floor creak, and I turned to see Ben watching me from the door frame.

I didn’t say anything as I continued folding the clothes, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Ben strip off his shirt. He threw it in the hamper, along with his pants, and just slipped on a pair of sweatpants.

“You’re not still thinking of leaving, are you?” He asked sarcastically. I glared at him, but didn’t respond. “Now you’re giving me the silent treatment eh?”

“Maybe you’ll get more rest that way,” I bit back.

“Amalia, you can’t be mad at me for getting crabby,” Ben sighed.

“I wouldn’t, if that’s all it was,” I shrugged.

“Well, that is all it was,” he asserted.

“Then why haven’t you apologized?” I asked, turning toward him fully.

“I’m sorry,” he said tonelessly.

“Why do you have to be such an asshole sometimes?” I snapped.

“I am fucking tired, Amalia. I got like, no sleep last night, and then I had to wake up this morning and go through hockey drills. It’s not like I’m less tired.”

“You weren’t so concerned about getting any sleep last night when you were all ‘Hey, let’s go another round.’ So when it comes to sex, it’s okay to not get any sleep but when it comes to taking care of your babies you’re going to throw a fit?” I challenged. Ben ran a hand over his shaved head, and one of the babies started crying.

Ben looked at me and then glanced at the baby, wondering why I wasn’t moving. I raised an eyebrow at him daringly, and he finally walked over and picked Mason up.

“When’s the last time they ate?”

“I don’t know, sometime after you told me to pop a tit in their mouth to shut them up,” I mumbled.

“Heh, I said that?”

I whirled around and glared at him, and he immediately wiped the amusement off his face.

“His diaper needs to be changed,” I said through clenched teeth.

“Alright, alright. I got it.”

After he had finished changing him, Ben cradled Mason in his arms so that he’d go back to sleep. Ben looked up at me, but I was too busy looking at Mason.

“Do you think I can catch a twenty minute nap your majesty?” He asked. My eyes traveled up to his sadly, wondering why he was taking this as far as he was.

“Sure,” I answered, walking over and taking the sleeping Mason from him. I set Mason in his crib and started walking out, but Ben grabbed my wrist.

“Amalia,” he sighed. “I’m sorry, okay? I am.”

“They were sitting right there,” I stated. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, unaware of what I was talking about.

“Beau and Maddie. They were right there when you said the last thing you needed was to be a dad.”

Ben looked at the ground, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I understand you’ve got hockey, but today was just practice. I’m worried about how you’re going to get when you’ve got a game the next day and you don’t get enough sleep. And you know, I really shouldn’t worry because they’re your goddamn children too and you have a responsibility-”

“I know,” Ben interrupted softly. “I know. I was out of line, and I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t expecting it to be this hard.”

“We have triplets, Ben. What did you expect?”

“Sleep. Not a lot, but at least some. Jesus, it was like every time we’d be about to fall back asleep one of them would wake up and then we’d settle them back down and be about to fall asleep again and then bam! They alternate turns crying. Like they fucking knew,” he muttered.

“Yes, I’m sure they were conspiring in their cribs against you.”

“Obviously they weren’t, Amalia. I said it was like they knew. I understand that they’re newborns, and I understand that that’s what newborns do, I’m just coping with the fact that there’s three of them. I’m sorry I’m not as experienced in the parent of multiples department as you are.”

“I don’t have any sympathy for you, Ben. Sorry,” I shrugged. He hardened his gaze at me. “Maybe if you had acted differently about the situation, I could have felt bad for you. But you know how I feel about you and our relationship, and you used those insecurities as an advantage to make me feel bad. Like it was my fault.”

“Well you are the one who forgot her birth control,” he sang. He didn’t say it angrily, to trump my statement or anything, but it didn’t stop it from stinging.

“Do you want these babies or not?”

“Excuse me?” He blurted.

“You heard me. Do you want them or not? Because if you’re just going to complain about them being a burden, I will walk out with them right now and not look back. I’m not kidding, Ben. You might think I’m being dramatic about this or still hormonal or whatever, but I am not going to sit here and let you belittle me and them. I’m not going to let you talk down to me or make comments about how you’re such a victim. Either me and them leave or you stop being a pussy and start acting like a father.”

I pulled my wrist out of his grasp roughly, grabbing the baby monitor and walking out of the room. I wasn’t sure what I was trying to accomplish.

Yes, I wanted to prove a point to him, but I was scared out of my mind that he’d tell me to leave.

When I reached the bottom step, Leah quickly approached me.

“We have company,” she said quickly, trying to warn me of something with her eyes. I immediately cringed, thinking it was going to be Eleanor.

Just then two people walked out of the foyer and approached me.

“Amalia,” Ben called, descending the stairs. “You can’t just say something like that and then walk…oh. Uh, hello,” he greeted upon seeing the new people.

The couple nodded and forced out polite smiles, causing me to speak.

“Maria and Joseph, this is Ben,” I started. “Ben, these are…my parents.”