Playing House

Ben and I never really had a chance to be alone after that, and then his schedule got really hectic. He was away for road trips a lot of the time, and when he was home it was only for like a day or so. And, when he was home for those random days he was always sleeping, because he would be so worn out.

I understood, but the kids were less aware of the situation. They knew he wasn’t mad at them, but they also couldn’t figure out why he was never around. I tried to explain it was for his job, but even when they saw him on TV they couldn’t understand why he couldn’t be watching him with them.

The dogs and I had surprisingly warmed up to each other, and I found them to be a welcome source of comfort and safety. Even when Tina would come visit, they got really protective of us. All in all, I had a big soft spot for them.

Ben and I hadn’t talked about what happened, or where it put us. But he had a really long stretch of home games so I figured we’d sort it all out then. He’d been gone for over a week, so when he walked through the door today my kids nearly pissed their pants. They charged right at him, startling him a bit. He immediately dropped his bags so he could catch them in time.

They both jumped up simultaneously and he grabbed them, then started spinning around in circles. I walked up casually, just watching him greet my children. He knelt down and pulled two plastic bags out of his duffel bag, and handed one to each child. They tore into them, finding little trinkets and gifts from the places he had traveled.

They ran off into the living room with their bags, giggling. Ben looked at me and we shared small smiles.

“Hi,” I offered.

“Hey,” he replied. Suddenly, it got kind of awkward. Were we supposed to hug? Kiss? Just stand here?

He didn’t make a move, so I figured that ‘just standing here’ was the best option.

“How was your trip?”

“Good. We only lost once, so it was good,” he stated.

“Good,” I sounded, not knowing what else to say. We stood there uncomfortably, so I just turned and walked away into the living room.

What else was I supposed to do?

It was almost time for bed anyways, so maybe what everyone needed was a good rest to start fresh in the morning. The kids had finally gotten in the habit of sleeping in their room, but with Ben back I didn’t know if they were going to stick with it. I cleaned up the living room a little bit before leading the kids upstairs, where Ben had gone a while ago. His door was shut, which kind of aggravated me.

He wasn’t even going to say goodnight to them?

Almost as soon as this thought crossed my mind however, his door opened, revealing Ben. He was in his normal sleeping attire, which consisted solely of a pair of basketball shorts. He walked into the room and helped me tuck them in.

“Goodnight,” I said to each of them, kissing them on forehead.

“Goodnight mommy,” Beau replied. Maddie smiled at me.

“Goodnight Beau, night Maddie,” Ben said, kissing them each on the forehead after me. Ben and I both turned toward their door to leave.

“Goodnight daddy,” they both said.

Ben and I both froze, turning slowly toward their beds.

First of all, I was shocked that Maddie had spoken.

Second of all, they had just called Ben daddy.

Third of all, I was kind of upset that Maddie’s first words in forever weren’t even directed to me. Selfish, I know. But I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt.

Ben was looking at me with wide eyes, and then he started shaking his head.

“I, uh, I’m not…” He stumbled. They just looked at him with wide, blank stares, but he couldn’t form any words. Instead he just walked out, leaving me to just reassure the kids that everything was okay.

He fidgeted around as I walked out into the hall way with him, shutting the door and facing him.

“Ben, listen-”

“Goodnight,” he mumbled, walking away.

“Um. Yeah. Goodnight,” I replied. He walked into his room and shut the door, leaving me dumbfounded.

I went into my own room and shut the door, feeling as confused as ever.

The next morning, I was awoken by incessant jumping on my bed. I cracked my eyes open and saw Maddie smiling up at me.

“Morning princess,” I greeted, hoping she’d say something. She just smiled at me and tugged on my hand, indicating she wanted my to get up. “Alright, alright. I’m coming.” I walked out with her, not bothering to change out of my tank top and shorts. If Ben could parade around half naked so could I.

She led me to the top of the stairs and then stopped, motioning for me to carry her down.

“Lazy,” I teased. She just grinned as I swooped her up and went downstairs. I took her into the kitchen and made breakfast, and soon enough Beau meandered in to join us. I kissed him good morning and he and Maddie sat at the table and goofed off.

After I had finished making breakfast, I made the three of us plates and sat down at the table so we could eat. Ben came in a few minutes later, in a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.

“Good morning,” I greeted. He turned and waved before busying himself with the refrigerator. “Want some breakfast?” I asked, getting up to make him a plate.

“Nope,” he said, closing the fridge and holding up the water bottle he grabbed from it. “I’m going out.”

“Oh,” I sounded, watching him throw on a hoodie. “When are you coming back?”

“I dunno. We’re all going over to Burish’s to hang out, so yeah. Why does it matter?” He replied.

“Well, I mean, are you going to be around for lunch or dinner or anything?”

“Probably not,” he shrugged, heading towards the door. I frowned at his retreating form, because that’s exactly what he was doing.

Retreating.

I had seen this pattern before. Guys are all fun and dandy with kids until they think they might actually have to be held accountable for them.

He walked out the door, not even sparing a ‘goodbye,’ so I went back into the kitchen.

It was really upsetting, because I thought Ben was going to be different. Different from all the guys that have walked out on me and my kids before. I guess in the end though, all men are the same.

After we had finished breakfast, I put the kids in the living room to play while I went upstairs to get Ben’s road trip bags. I knew they’d be full of dirty laundry, and when I sifted through them I was right. I took it all down to the laundry room where I sorted it.

One shirt, which smelled like cheap perfume, halted my motion. It had lipstick all on the collar too. I got angry for a second, but then I realized I really couldn’t be.

It’s not like Ben and I were official, or anything.

I tossed the shirt into the washing machine, not caring if it was white and going in with the darks.

I tried doing other tidying things around the house, but nothing really had to be done. Ariel started following me around, which I knew meant I had to feed them. Thankful for the distraction, I put some dog food and water out for them and then went back into the living room.

Hours later, I was on the couch watching TV, unable to sleep. I think it was because Ben wasn’t home yet. I mean, I was used to him not being around, but the fact that he was actually in Chicago and not home yet worried me. The kids had long since went to bed, and the dogs were both curled up on the couch with me. It was a tight fit, because those things were seriously like the size of horses.

Ben stumbled in a few minutes later, clearly drunk. I got up to help him, but then he pulled a busty blonde in after him, and their lips connected. I stood there flabbergasted, but I decided I would just let them get upstairs and into his room before I went and brought my kids down here.

Like I wanted them to walk in on that.

The dogs ruined my stealthy-ness, however, because they started barking up a storm.

“Hush!” Ben yelled, silencing them. He locked eyes with me before leading the woman upstairs. I waited silently until I heard him shut his door, and then I trudged upstairs to the kids’ room. I reached for Beau first, but once I touched his skin I recoiled my hand. I felt his forehead, and he was burning up bad. I knew he needed to get to the hospital, ASAP. I felt Maddie’s head too, but she was fine.

I didn’t want to bother Ben, but I didn’t have a car. I rushed over to his door, knocking swiftly. I head cursing from inside, a long with a few loud bangs. Finally Ben’s door opened, revealing him wrapped in a sheet.

“What?” He whispered harshly.

“I need you to take me-”

“Can’t you see I’m busy??” He interrupted.

“But I need-”

He shut the door in my face, just like that. I didn’t know what to do. I mean, I could knock again, but I didn’t think that was going to go over well. I could always just take his car, though.

I rushed back to the kids rooms and got them ready quickly, before running downstairs and grabbing the extra keys off the hook. My whole plan was halted however, when I didn’t see his car in the driveway.

“What the fuck,” I muttered, not caring if the kids heard me. They were both too out of it to care though. Then I realized that Ben had come home drunk, which meant his car was probably still at Adam’s and he had taken a cab home.

I felt foolish tears come to my eyes, because I felt utterly helpless. I opened my phone and started to call 911, but then I saw Patrick Sharp pull into the driveway with Ben’s truck. Marty Havlat was in the car behind him.

“Hey Amalia,” he greeted. “I was just dropping off Ben’s truck. He was kinda wasted so he had to leave it…what’s wrong?” He asked, noticing my tears and rushing over to me. I saw Marty put his car in park and make his way over to us too.

“Beau, he’s got a really bad fever and I have to take him to the hospital,” I choked out.

“Where’s Ben?” Marty asked.

“Inside, with some girl. He couldn’t be bothered,” I explained. I saw Patrick turn towards the house but I caught his arm. “Can you guys take me?”

“Of course,” they assured. Marty sped to the hospital and we went to the Emergency Room. Beau and Maddie had woken up on the way over and started crying, scared about what was happening.

The screaming and crying got even worse when they took Beau. He refused to let go of me and Madeline, and he was begging me not to let them take him.

I wanted to punch the nurses so bad, but then I remembered that he needed to be taken in.

I broke down crying with Maddie as Beau was taken in, reaching out to me the whole time. Patrick grabbed Madeline and Marty held me to his chest, whispering that it was going to be alright.