Goth Kids Posing
Panic
Hunter-boyish, hyper, loud, brawly-was a fierce feminist. She says us girls need men like a fish needs a bicycle. She had always promised to leave boys until she was sure, and even then she may not be straight, so what's the point of wasting time?
Franklin-ironic, quiet, romantic, artistic-was a boy who promised me he would never leave my side. He said he would love me forever, and there was no point of worrying, because he would be loyal, so what was the point of getting het-up?
Ha, friggin', ha.
They're both liars. They didn't care when they both totally broke me. They made my other friends leave me, broke my heart. The two people I thought would stick by me, through whatever.
Turns out, Hunter did like Franklin. She loved him like mad. I'm sorry I didn't see that sooner, but I guess I knew it, really. Franklin started acting weird. He started spending more and more time with his friends, saying he was' gonna shoot some hoops with the guys.' I was so caught-up in the love scene, I didn't stop to think ' what friends?'I didn't notice that whenever Franklin was out, Hunter was, too. Sad, eh?
I was alright with it all, but then Franklin started spending more and more time away from me. One day, he was supposed to come round. I got dressed up in slashed fishnets and red eye-shadow, and waited. And waited. And waited. Three whole hours and seven voice mail messages later, my mum gently suggested that Franklin wasn't coming. That was horrid. I'd bought cinema tickets specially, and I ripped them up and wet them with my tears. Next day, I woke up with sore eyes and a stiff throat and a sour mood. I was still weepy and waily. At two, Franklin turned up at the door, came in and went into my room.
" I was at a game with my mates," he said. " I didn't get in until late, and I reckoned you'd be asleep."
" We were gonna go watch a movie," I sniffed. " I saved my money for weeks. Why didn't you phone?"
" I forgot. Seriously. The guys dragged me out the house."
" I waited for ages."
" I'm sorry, Okay?" Franklin sighed. " Really sorry. I'll make it up to you."
" You've been spending loads of time with your friends. What about me?Don't you love me anymore?"
" For God's sake, Fliss, don't be so dramatic. Of course I do. You're getting too insecure about this. I went out with the guys. Big deal. Just slow down. I'm sorry, alright? Don't be all possessive."
" You're supposed to be my boyfriend," I sobbed. Franklin rolled his eyes.
" I am! Flissity, don't be a baby. I went out, I forgot about you and I'm sorry."
He kissed me then but it was quick and hard and meaningless. It didn't feel right, but I wanted to keep him happy. I kissed him again, and he relaxed and acted like nothing ever happened. When he left, I looked in my mirror and saw my swollen lips, smudged cherry gloss and blooming cheeks. I felt used. I felt cheated.
It was never the same after that. I never felt the way I used to. Franklin twigged on, and got angry. He yelled at me and I cried and then he kissed me and said he was sorry. It didn't make it better. I told the guys, and Belle hugged me and said that all men were pigs. Trixie quietly said that it was a bad patch, we'd get through it. Stocker just smiled sympatheticly, and Hunter just told me he was a muppet. Sweet, but not really helpful.
Little things started happening, and I was fed-up. It wasn't working, but I still loved him. My heart ached with it, even if I didn't feel that spark when we kissed anymore.
One day, Franklin phoned me and asked to come round to talk. He wouldn't tell me what about, so I just hung up and went to get changed out of my black silk PJ's. I was very immature then-I didn't realise that ' need to talk' meant something completly different. I phoned my friends, but they were all out. So I pulled on my fishnet gloves and stockings, my zip vest and net skirt with studded belt. I waited, and then Franklin turned up. His blonde hair was swept into a fin and he was wearing his tightest clothes. He took me into my room and sat me down on my bed. He took my hands with his own and didn't look me in the eye.
" Flissy," he said awkwardly, using my old nickname. " Things haven't been working out lately between us."
" What?"
" I want us to still be friends..."
Any normal girl here would realise what this meant, but I was clinging on to the last shreds of hope.
" But....I just don't think we're suited. I still love you-"
" Then stay."
I guess I did know what he meant, and when I said that, he looked as though his heart was breaking. He moaned slightly.
" Oh, Fliss, I can't. We want different things. I'm sorry...I don't know what to say."
" You're breaking up with me?"
I started to cry then. He grabbed hold of me by my shoulders and shook me and told me not to cry, it was breaking him. I cried more and said I was broken. I tried everything, but at last, he kissed my cheek and left.
I went out onto the deck of the empty boat, sat on the edge and cried, startling passers by. I sobbed and sobbed, and then I went in and ate sweets and watched Star Wars videos and cuddled my bat teddy, Vamp. I washed my eyes in cool water, tried to smile, ready for my parents. I didn't tell them, but I told the gang at school. They hugged me and said they were sorry. It didn't make me feel better.
Around a week later, I got a phone call from Hunter. It was after school, and I was just sitting down to dinner. The phone rang, and Mum went to answer it.
" Hello? Oh, yes, dear, she's here."
Mum took the phone away and mouthed ' It's Kirsten-Anne, sweetie.'
I sighed and heaved myself from the table.
" Honey, perk up a bit," Mum said to me and turned to the phone. " Her boyfriend dumped her, you know, and she's very depressed."
Way to go, Ma.I snatched the phone from her and mumbled into it.
" Yeah?"
" Hey, Fliss, it's me. I just wanted to hear it from you."
" What?"
Hunter sounded meak and nervous.Strange*yeah, right*.
" Well....me and Franklin are dating."
I almost dropped the phone. Something inside me shattered into tiny pieces.
" Why?"
" We've been talking a lot, but we didn't do anything until you split up, I swear."
" You planned it?"
" No, it just happened. It's fate, Fliss. We were meant to be together."
" But you're nothing like each other!"
" It's fate, Fliss, I promise."
I put the phone down and sat at the table. I ate my dinner with a seized-up throat. Dad went to work on his flowers and Mum went to get a shower, and I put my head on the table and that's when I had my first panic attack.
Nobody noticed.
I guess nobody cared.
Franklin-ironic, quiet, romantic, artistic-was a boy who promised me he would never leave my side. He said he would love me forever, and there was no point of worrying, because he would be loyal, so what was the point of getting het-up?
Ha, friggin', ha.
They're both liars. They didn't care when they both totally broke me. They made my other friends leave me, broke my heart. The two people I thought would stick by me, through whatever.
Turns out, Hunter did like Franklin. She loved him like mad. I'm sorry I didn't see that sooner, but I guess I knew it, really. Franklin started acting weird. He started spending more and more time with his friends, saying he was' gonna shoot some hoops with the guys.' I was so caught-up in the love scene, I didn't stop to think ' what friends?'I didn't notice that whenever Franklin was out, Hunter was, too. Sad, eh?
I was alright with it all, but then Franklin started spending more and more time away from me. One day, he was supposed to come round. I got dressed up in slashed fishnets and red eye-shadow, and waited. And waited. And waited. Three whole hours and seven voice mail messages later, my mum gently suggested that Franklin wasn't coming. That was horrid. I'd bought cinema tickets specially, and I ripped them up and wet them with my tears. Next day, I woke up with sore eyes and a stiff throat and a sour mood. I was still weepy and waily. At two, Franklin turned up at the door, came in and went into my room.
" I was at a game with my mates," he said. " I didn't get in until late, and I reckoned you'd be asleep."
" We were gonna go watch a movie," I sniffed. " I saved my money for weeks. Why didn't you phone?"
" I forgot. Seriously. The guys dragged me out the house."
" I waited for ages."
" I'm sorry, Okay?" Franklin sighed. " Really sorry. I'll make it up to you."
" You've been spending loads of time with your friends. What about me?Don't you love me anymore?"
" For God's sake, Fliss, don't be so dramatic. Of course I do. You're getting too insecure about this. I went out with the guys. Big deal. Just slow down. I'm sorry, alright? Don't be all possessive."
" You're supposed to be my boyfriend," I sobbed. Franklin rolled his eyes.
" I am! Flissity, don't be a baby. I went out, I forgot about you and I'm sorry."
He kissed me then but it was quick and hard and meaningless. It didn't feel right, but I wanted to keep him happy. I kissed him again, and he relaxed and acted like nothing ever happened. When he left, I looked in my mirror and saw my swollen lips, smudged cherry gloss and blooming cheeks. I felt used. I felt cheated.
It was never the same after that. I never felt the way I used to. Franklin twigged on, and got angry. He yelled at me and I cried and then he kissed me and said he was sorry. It didn't make it better. I told the guys, and Belle hugged me and said that all men were pigs. Trixie quietly said that it was a bad patch, we'd get through it. Stocker just smiled sympatheticly, and Hunter just told me he was a muppet. Sweet, but not really helpful.
Little things started happening, and I was fed-up. It wasn't working, but I still loved him. My heart ached with it, even if I didn't feel that spark when we kissed anymore.
One day, Franklin phoned me and asked to come round to talk. He wouldn't tell me what about, so I just hung up and went to get changed out of my black silk PJ's. I was very immature then-I didn't realise that ' need to talk' meant something completly different. I phoned my friends, but they were all out. So I pulled on my fishnet gloves and stockings, my zip vest and net skirt with studded belt. I waited, and then Franklin turned up. His blonde hair was swept into a fin and he was wearing his tightest clothes. He took me into my room and sat me down on my bed. He took my hands with his own and didn't look me in the eye.
" Flissy," he said awkwardly, using my old nickname. " Things haven't been working out lately between us."
" What?"
" I want us to still be friends..."
Any normal girl here would realise what this meant, but I was clinging on to the last shreds of hope.
" But....I just don't think we're suited. I still love you-"
" Then stay."
I guess I did know what he meant, and when I said that, he looked as though his heart was breaking. He moaned slightly.
" Oh, Fliss, I can't. We want different things. I'm sorry...I don't know what to say."
" You're breaking up with me?"
I started to cry then. He grabbed hold of me by my shoulders and shook me and told me not to cry, it was breaking him. I cried more and said I was broken. I tried everything, but at last, he kissed my cheek and left.
I went out onto the deck of the empty boat, sat on the edge and cried, startling passers by. I sobbed and sobbed, and then I went in and ate sweets and watched Star Wars videos and cuddled my bat teddy, Vamp. I washed my eyes in cool water, tried to smile, ready for my parents. I didn't tell them, but I told the gang at school. They hugged me and said they were sorry. It didn't make me feel better.
Around a week later, I got a phone call from Hunter. It was after school, and I was just sitting down to dinner. The phone rang, and Mum went to answer it.
" Hello? Oh, yes, dear, she's here."
Mum took the phone away and mouthed ' It's Kirsten-Anne, sweetie.'
I sighed and heaved myself from the table.
" Honey, perk up a bit," Mum said to me and turned to the phone. " Her boyfriend dumped her, you know, and she's very depressed."
Way to go, Ma.I snatched the phone from her and mumbled into it.
" Yeah?"
" Hey, Fliss, it's me. I just wanted to hear it from you."
" What?"
Hunter sounded meak and nervous.Strange*yeah, right*.
" Well....me and Franklin are dating."
I almost dropped the phone. Something inside me shattered into tiny pieces.
" Why?"
" We've been talking a lot, but we didn't do anything until you split up, I swear."
" You planned it?"
" No, it just happened. It's fate, Fliss. We were meant to be together."
" But you're nothing like each other!"
" It's fate, Fliss, I promise."
I put the phone down and sat at the table. I ate my dinner with a seized-up throat. Dad went to work on his flowers and Mum went to get a shower, and I put my head on the table and that's when I had my first panic attack.
Nobody noticed.
I guess nobody cared.