Never Knew This Could Exist

So, I'm sitting here, at Starbucks, drinking a coffee and eating a muffin, four hours before school starts. Why am I in Starbucks at five in the morning(means school starts at nine)? Because my school is remodeling some stairs and we have a late day. So, there's like nobody in here except for a bored 12 year-old, me, and the two workers. Why would a twelve year-old be up at this time? Why would a fifteen year-old be up at this time? Both questions I had no answer. I was sitting for maybe 30 more minutes before Melanie came.

"Hey, Ryan." She said and kissed my head.

"Hey, Hun. Why are you up so early?"

"I.....don't know. When you didn't call last night I got lonely. I guess I couldn't sleep." She shrugged. She saw my worried face, and shrugged again. "I don't know that one either. Right before I went to bed I had this strange feeling that I'm going to loose you soon; then my dreams were that you didn't want me anymore and you just left me. So I finally came down here." I went to hug her.

"Awe! I'm not going to leave you!" I kissed her lips. "You know what?"

"What?" She looked confused.

"I love you" I said through kisses. She blushed. Of course, of all the times she has to guess something this time I feel like she's right. Why.....? Why do I have to actually have those feelings? Like I don't want her anymore. I mean, I love her and everything but my feelings are starting to....dim. I don't feel the need to call her every other hour, or the need to hold her wait/hand when we walked the halls. I actually felt the same thing as she did last night. But I don't even like anyone else! It's weird. I feel like something very is going to happen to me very, very soon. I don't really want to know what it is though. I feel like something is coming and something big.

I wanna get back
To the old days
When the phone
Would ring
And I knew it
Was you

I wanna talk back
And get yelled at
Fight for nothing
Like we used to

Her ring tone went off. Gosh, I hate that song. It's so.....preppy. Did I just call my girlfriend preppy?

"Hello-yeah, why?-Nowaynowaynowaynoway!" I indeed called my girlfriend a prep"ThankyousomuchIoweyouforlife!!!IknowIknowIknowIknow...oh, okay. BYE!"

"What was that?" I asked still very, very confused.

"Oh, just my freaking agent Ryan! I'M GOING TO HOLLYWOOD!!!!!!!!" She screamed and stood up, then started bouncing.

"Holy shit, really?" Fake enthusiasm. She is going to Hollywood for acting. The only reason she going to Hollywood is because she's fucking gorgeous. She can't even act. I've seen her in the schools plays and she's terrible. Don't take this a wrong way, I really do love her it's just that...sometimes I feel like I can't stand her. Whatever.

"Ryan, I have to go pack. I'm leaving tomorrow!" She said and hugged me.

"Okay, baby. I'll call you."

"Bye, Ryan!" She yelled running out.

Okay, good. Alone time. Except everyone's staring now. I sighed. Sometimes I wish my father wasn't rich and I wasn't his protégé. I don't think my dad knows I don't want to be a...whatever he does. I want to be a musician. My best friend Spencer, he plays drums. And we have this little band, I don't know if you could call it a band though. We have no bass and no singer, so right now I do vocals. It truly sucks that we don't have a singer or anything because my dad wouldn't even take us seriously one bit. Sigh. He wouldn't take us seriously even if we did have a singer. I'm not an emo kid it's just that I sometimes wish that my dad wasn't so rich. Sighsighsigh.
"Hey, Ry"

"GO AWAY!" I yelled. Oops. Didn't mean to say that out loud.

"What?"

"Oh, hi, Spin"

"Hi...what was that about?"

"Uh, nothing. So what's up?"

"You filthy, stinking liar" He hissed.

I bent my head the side "What are you talking about?" That's right, Ryan, play innocent.

"Something's up, I know it. I can read your eyes very well, Ryan. You should know this by now." I sighed, Spencer had a triumphant smile smeared across his face. Of course he was right.

"Fine, I give up." I let my back out of it's usual erect position. "It's Melanie. I love her and all it's just that I don't love her. Ugh. It's complicated. Like when we went up to Washington last moth she wanted to have...yeah and I had no want, Spencer. And then a few weeks ago she tried again and still nothing! And the other day when I kissed her, I felt nothing. Nothing, Spencer!! Nothing! And I mean, I love her still but I don't love, love her. What's wrong with me? Why don't I like her anymore?" I put my head in my hands.

"Seriously, dude, people fall out of love. Seems like your out, man. And you can still have feelings for her even if they are as strong as they were before, more like a sisterly love instead of soul love. And nothing is wrong with you. Nothing at all." The claming words of Spencer. He patted my back.

"Thanks, Spence. That helped. But I have this...other feeling too." I confessed.

"Come on, fess up."

"Okay, well. I feel like something is going to change. Something big. I don't want to know what it is. But I do know that it will change all of our lives...."

"That's harsh. I wi--"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
I walk this empty street
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone

My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
'Til then I walk alone His ring tone. 'Course.

He conversed with whoever was on the other line for a minute till he said "Okay, bye"

"Sorry, dud. Sister calls, she's sick. Gotta go pick her up."

"Okay, see you later."

"Bye." He walked out.

Now, sweet serenity. I'm left to let my mind wander.

Focus on the good side, Ryan. It can't be all gone. You still have some left. It can't be all gone. No, it simply can't! I kept saying these things to myself. To comfort myself. To tell my self nothing was wrong, when, indeed, something was wrong.