Never Knew This Could Exist

Today's the day, Ryan, today's the day she leaves, I thought. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this; I kept repeating this all morning while wearing a fake smile. A fake smile hides the pain. But, of course, someone has to see through it, and usually it's someone you don't want to know the truth.

~*~

"Ryan!! I'm going to miss you sooo much!!!" Melanie said throwing her arms around my neck.

"I'll miss you too, baby." Empty. My voice sounds empty. She didn't notice. Good. She kissed me full on the lips, begging for entrance, I granted it. Nothing. I feel nothing. Just like before, only worse.

It's coming, I told myself, coming soon. She broke the kiss, looking unsatisfied. Ah, she noticed.

"Okay, rules" She pointed her index finger at me "You have to call me everyday and e-mail me every day too. And after a week or so you need to come and visit; or the other way around. God, I love you." Pain, pain, pain. Not pain for me, pain for her. I doubted she could see it in my eyes. She didn't know I didn't feel the same way anymore.

I nodded. She frowned. I guessed she was disappointed that I didn't say it back. I shrugged mentally.

"Ryry, I know you're sad because you'll miss me" Let her think it's true, Ryan. "Just know that I'll miss you more"

I faked a smile. A smile hides the pain. "Doubt it" Lie.

"Awe!!" She wrapped her arms around me again. I did the same.

Flight 239 to Hollywood, California will be taking off in 20 minutes. Someone spoke over the intercom. I barley heard it.

"Fuck," she muttered, still in my grasp." I have to go now Ryan" She said.

She squeezed me tight, I did the same.

Fake it, I thought, fake it well.

She stepped back and I grabbed her face and smashed my lips to hers. She seemed shocked at first but then loosened up. The kiss became more and more heated(fake heat from me) till I stopped "for air".

"You should leave now. You'll miss the flight. And you know if you missed it you'd be so sad." I said, fake, happily. Fake, fake, fake, fake. All I was saying and everything I was doing was all fake. All an act.

"You're right" She gasped. What, short-term memory? "I love you" She said running off.

I did not reply.
I walked away.

~*~

"Oh c'mon, dude. You so know the answer." My lab partner, Jerry, said.

He was currently begging me to give him the answer instead of letting him do the experiment. Seriously, I'm not that kind of person. We're in biology. Stupid class. It's not like I'll be a biologist someday so why should I be forced into taking this course? Because it's required; stupid, stupid, stupid school system not letting kids to decide what courses the want to take to become what they want. I know we get to choose some things in collage but who ever said I was going to collage? Not me, for sure.

"I do, but I'm not telling you. I never tell you so what's the point of asking anymore?" I said coolly. He just flicked me off. Immature for a seventeen-year-old. I bet my thirteen-year-old sister is more mature. Ha!

So, it's been about a week since Melanie left and I'm so happy now. I still feel like something is coming but it's better not having to pretend anymore. Not having to pretend I'm completely in love with a preppy girl who's a fake actor and is only in Hollywood because she's gorgeous. I still have to e-mail everyday but I got out of calling everyday. I told her I was doing a program for kids in high school who want to become a VIP in politics and/or banking. Such a lie. I think she could see through it too. But to her, believing the lie is safer. Knowing the lie was dangerous. I knew because I was the same way.

Ring ring ring ring

The bell went off signaling the end of school. I head many "finally"s and "Fuck yes"s and "want to meet up later"s. That's the end of everyday. Everyone, well not everyone but almost everyone, hated going to this school. It was just that their parents are rich and they think that the middle class and lower class people are "disease infected" and "retarded" and don't want to go to a public school. I didn't think like that because I used to be middle class. No one knew that though, we kept it a secret because me and my father both knew if the kids at school found out I would be made a laughing stalk and become "the outsider", just because of my past. I swear, if those kids got a taste of the real world they would never, ever, talk like that. I mean, it's not so bad. It's just that I never really got anything I wanted then and now I get everything. Now I'm upper class. Which I could live without but it is a nice thing, to get whatever you wanted.

Now I'm staring at my locker. It read;

Ryan Ross: the faggot

What in the world? Who would write such a thing? I am no faggot! Is this seriously happening, again? I sighed. Then huffed. I put the back of my pencil to the writing, smearing it with every move, and then it was gone. I sighed again, who could have written this? I grabbed my across-the-shoulder bag, stuffed my books into it and took off.

~*~

Knock knock knock

"I'll get it" I said to my father who was reading his novel and walked over to my giant door.

A boy stood there. He couldn't be much younger than me. I scanned him. The boy had bed-head-looking hair that was a brilliant deep shade of brown/black. He had big, red brimmed glasses that fit his face perfectly. His eyes a deep, He had pink, soft-looking, full lips. His body shape was....hard to describe. For lack of better words, his body shape was amazingly beautiful. I was only scanning him for a brief second before he spoke.

"Hi, I'm Brendon. I just moved in next door, well across the street, ad my mom said she saw a kid around my age come in here and she made me come over....." He trailed off. I sensed he could feel my gaze just burning into his eyes. He blushed a brilliant shade of crimson. The color made my heart beat stop then jump up faster. Why is this happening? It's just a boy!

"Hello, I'm Ryan." I said and stuck out my hand. He stuck his out and shook my hand. His hand was very soft, as soft as a woman's who put lotion on every day. I wondered if he used lotion or not.

"Nice to meet you......." He said. His voice is velvety smooth. I loved the way it just snaked sound my head and made me dizzy. I loved it. Too much. I shouldn't be feeling this, I thought, this is wrong.

"Same here" He obviously didn't know the absolute truth in my words.

"She sent me over for something else too...but I'm sure you wouldn't want to." He said while eying the inside of my house.

"Ryan, who is it?" My father said, a bit loud.

I turned my head and said, "It's a neighbor; it's for me." I turned back to the golden God who is called Brendon.

"Wouldn't want to, what?" I said.

Please, please, please, please, I thought, please let this be real and not a dream.

He was rubbing his arm, from embarrassment I guessed. "She asked me if you would like to come over for dinner. We're having her amazing dish; I don't know what to call it." He smiled, he hoped I would go.

"Of course!" I said so hyper. I feel like a schoolgirl when her first crush tells her he likes her too. "I'm not mean or anything." But now I realized what he meant when he said "you probably won't want to" while eyeing my house; he thought I would say no because I thought (not really) that I was "too good" to eat at his apartment complex. Yes, a giant, Victorian, $400,000 house and an apartment complex are across the street from each other.

"I haven't had a meal cooked b an actually mother in...Wow. It seems like forever! I miss my old home." I added. I don't want him, Brendon, thinking I was one of those kids. Because I'm not. He perked up. He had just realized I had said yes. His smile was blinding. I couldn't help but smile back.

"Of, um, when do you want to come over? Oh, I probably should tell you that my little sister is a total snob and will say mean stuff, but remember that she really means the opposite; she's a little keeper! And I should probably tell you my number and all, my apartment number I mean. Yeah, it's 37A and the buzzer name is under Urie, Fenciotti......" He was rambling off, gitty. That either means he is as excited as I am to go over or that he's faking. If he's acting; damn, he should go to Hollywood and not my "girlfriend". Brendon was still talking.

"Shhhh. Shhhh. I guess, could I come over now? I mean, I have nothing else to do and I'm sure my dad won't mine. I'm sure he'll be happy to get me out of the house, in fact." I started to ramble so I cut it off at my sentence. I'm too hyper.

"Er, um, sure I guess. My mom will be happy I have a friend over since I just moved here and all.....though maybe you should ask your dad. I'll wait outside." He said. Ah, I couldn't say no! Dammit!

"Yeah, you're probably right. Okay, be back really quick." He smiled at my words of "really quick" like I would miss him; because I do already. Wait, this is a guy!! I shouldn't be thinking these things!! I shouldn't be feeling these...feelings! But...I can't deny them. Like they're already too strong. Like the bond has been made. I walked into the house, and over to my dad.

"Dad, there's a friend here and asked if I could go over to his house to eat. Is it okay if I go now?" I asked, really hoping he would say yes. I mentally slapped myself. He shrugged. And my mind was happy dancing.

"Sure, don't care when you come home either. You haven't done anything since Mel left, it'd be good."

"Okay, thanks. Bye." I said and skipped off to my room, which is like fifty feet away. I just skipped fifty feet. I immediately picked up my phone and dialed Spencer's number. I have to tell him that I have to talk to him.

I told him what I needed, later, and then hung up. I skipped back to the door. My dad seemed to notice my happy-go-lucky mood and looked up from his book.

"Hey, Brendon." I scared him; I knew because he jumped. "My dad said it was cool, he also said that I could stay out as late as I wanted, even though it's a school night" He was texting...someone about something and when I started to peek he stuffed his cell phone into his pocket.

"Um, okay. Let's go." He murmured. I giggled, wait what? Anyways....
I giggled because of the face he was making. It was too perfect. He was too perfect!

Ahh!

~*~

"Oh my God! Mrs.Urie!! This is amazing!!" I said with a mouth-full of food. Everyone laughed except for Brendon's sister, Emily. She was glaring at me. Bah. That's creepy.

"Why thank you, Ryan. And please call me by my first name." She said with a genuine smile.

"Okay, Elizabeth[.i], this is simply amazing!" I giggled. "Ah, I'm so full. You sure know how to cook."

She just smiled in reply. Brendon was staring at me from the other end/corner of the table. I looked down and blushed. He can't feel the same way I feel. I think I'm letting my ego run wild. I probably have something on my face. I wiped my mouth with the napkin and I saw Brendon's chest moving up and down fast, as if laughing silently. The jerk.

"So, Ryan do you go to Restwood?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes, I do." I said. Brendon's smile became even larger. Was that even possible?

"Well, that's just fantastic! On Brendon's first day here he makes a new friend and he evens goes to the same school!" She mused. "Oh, Ryan. Thank you so much for having dinner with us." Awww. She is so sweet. And wait what?! He goes to my school! Happy dance in my head again.

~*~

Dinner is now over, it's been over. Me and Bren, as I call him now(after three hours), are in his room. We keep asking each other questions. Just random ones, like "what's your favorite plant?" and stuff like that. And there was a while where we were just... not talking. And just looking.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" He asked...randomly. I sighed. I has truly forgotten about her.

"Yes. Well, I don't know, really. She is in Hollywood right now so yeah..." I shrugged "Do you?" He shook his head from side to side.

"Nope" He said with a 'pop' on the p. Well, that's good. I guess.

"Maybe we can find you one at school. There's a lot of fish in the ocean over there" I said, a little bit down. I hate that idea. I loath it.

"Maybe, I doubt anyone will actually like me. I'm so....ugh" Yes you are so "ugh". You're the most... I have no words! So...ugh works!

"I highly doubt that. I mean...some girls there. They are like...into guys like you. And since there isn't many guys like you at school they will be all.over.you" I felt even more down. That was so true.

"Uh... what does that mean?" He said wide eyed. I wasn't about to tell him, in his face at least. I shrugged in response. I looked at my watch. And decided I should go.

"I should probably go now, seeing as it is like ten and I still have to go to school tomorrow." I frowned, he did too. I grabbed a pen. "Piece of paper?"

He looked around and found one. He handed it to me. I wrote on it my number, myspace url, and a little heart.

I folded it and put it on his desk with a smile smeared on my face.

"See you tomorrow," I said....a bit bitter. I hate the thought that I have to wait till tomorrow to see him again.

"Yeah, see you," He said.

I walked out of his house and back to mine.