Never Knew This Could Exist

{{Brendon's P.O.V.}}

Melanie walked in and my heart broke into a million pieces. I mean, now he's going to spend all his time with her. I bet he forgot all about me. He started walking away with his arm around her waist, holding up the sweater. I didn't mean to follow I just, did. Like gravity was pulling me alone.

I always knew I was bisexual, from when I was like...seven. But with Ryan....It's like no one else matters. Like he's my sun(or moon). I need him. It's hard to explain; have you ever had a dream were everything is nothing and nothing is just black, but then something amazing and bright and brilliant walks in and all you wanted to do- over eating and sleeping- was be by that thing? Yeah, it's kind of like that, only more powerful since it's real.

I know he doesn't feel the same way about me that I feel about him but at least he was some type of feeling for me. At my old school no one liked me. One up is good enough for me.

He put Melanie in the front seat and I just kind of stood there, waiting.

"Uh, Ry?" It looked like my voice startled him- he jumped.

"Oh, uh...Do you still want a ride?"

I debated the pros and cons for a minute. "Yeah, 'cause my house is all far and stuff" I mumbled. I feel terrible.

"'Kay." He said quietly. I got into the backseat and buckled in. Bah. My bag is so giant. Good thing it's one of those shoulder ones. [Ha-ha, murse].

The car ride was very awkward. Ryan kept a straight face while Melanie was all over him, literally. She was like on top of him, as much as she could since he was driving and we're in a car, and was sucking on Ryan's neck. He looked so uncomfortable, I wanted to pull her hair and make her sit in her seat but that was to...mean.

Ryan pulled up to his driveway and parked. I got out of the car and started walking over to my house. What is the point of asking if I can come if Melanie was there? She could entertain him. The pro. GOD I hate her!!

"Wait! Brendon. Still want to go shopping?" Ryan asked.

No, not really, I thought. "Nah, you can hang out with Melanie, I know you missed her." I mumbled. He didn't reply so I kept on walking. So, my life has officially ended. The boy I think I might be in love with -yeah, I know, so fast- has-

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I amNOT in love with Ryan and he has ALWAYS had a girlfriend. Period.

"AH!!!!!!" I screamed at my front door.

Why is this so confusing!? I mean I lo-like Ryan but HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. A girlfriend, which means he doesn't like boys, maybe. I mean..... Sigh. It's so confusing. I wish someone would just lay it out for me to just see.

I walked into my house and put my bag on the table.

"CRACKERS!!" No, I wasn't calling my dog. I was calling my sister. Her nick name is crackers because when she was very little she could stuff like ten crackers in her mouth and chew them.

"What?" She snapped.

"I need help." Wow, this is pathetic. I'm getting help from a thirteen year-old about love.....

"With what, Brendon?" She asked. I never ask her for help. I always ask mom.

"Um, love. I know like a thirteen year-old doesn't know anything about love but maybe your point of view would help me.... I'm desperate." I admitted. I am desperate.

"Okay, shoot."

"So, you know that guy that I hang out with all the time?" She bobbed her head once. "Okay, well see I kind of.....like him a lot....but he has a girlfriend and I'm pretty sure that he doesn't like me that way which is cool but I can't shake the feeling that I do l-l-love him..."

"Hm, well. Tell me what you guys do together."

"Well, we pretty much do everything together and stuff and then we talk on the phone all the time, and on myspace. And we text a lot...... We walk or drive to school together always. I sit by him in every class, and in those we pass notes. He's my best friend and my crush" If that was the right word. Crush.

I thought about it for a minute. "Does he ever say he wants to be alone?"

"No"

"He loves you." She said and walked away. I grabbed her arm.

"What?" I snapped. It's good I guess but not true.

"He. Loves. You. Now let go of my arm."

"No, explain." I commanded.

She sighed. "First, let go of my arm." I, of course, let go. "Okay, when you're younger the boy or girl that likes you will usually tease you. When you're seven or eight they send you cute little notes and stuff. When you're my age...uh...people start going out and stuff. When you're your age people always want to be by you and/or want you. But you, Brendon, have never bee normal. No offense. You're way to...mature for you age, well, in the love department." I started to shake my head. I've never done that.

"Not what I meant. Let me finish" She hissed. Jeez. "I meant that your...abilities, for lack of better words, to find and love is amazing. Remember Brittney for like two years ago?" I nodded. "You wouldn't leave her side. And when you did you were on the phone or text or talking on myspace! You are the most lovey person I've ever met. Now, Ryan, he isn't normal either. I've seen him around you. It's weird. Whenever you move he moves. Like the other day you two were sitting on the couch and you decided to prop yourself up on your elbow, guess what Ryan did. Wait, no, never mind. Ryan moved so that he would be closer to you. I don't even think he's conscious of it either. Which brings me to; HE LOVES YOU!!"

Head rush. I feel paralyzed. What she said was true, I knew it. But Ryan loving me? That doesn't seem true. But I know it is. So then....he loves me. Ryan loves me!!

"Ekkkkk!!!" I yelled out in complete and udder happiness. Oh crap. Sigh. If Ryan loved me then wouldn't he have done something about it? No, because of that hobnocker called Melanie. She can go fuck a whale.